altarflame: (deluge)
I decided while we were working on breakfast that maybe I would do something like a ditl. It didn't end up being complete, but it mostly worked for a few hours and hey, this means I'm actually posting pictures (a couple of hours after...) the day I took them!

many many pics, from today )
altarflame: (deluge)
I've got a whole month's worth of pictures, maybe more, and plan to work through at least most of them in batches in the coming days. Early November, here...

Under $12 total for both, at the new Trader Joe's:



A completely gluten free afternoon tea - cream cheese and cucumber sandwiches, chocolate chip cookies, chocolate almond biscotti. And some random remnants of cantaloupe and tomatoes that my children were eating, for good measure.

Ananda, Jacob and I worked for more than half an hour putting that together and it was all gone in less than 5 minutes. It makes everyone happy, though, and we linger around the table talking for half the afternoon afterward, so it ends up feeling worth it.

My 4 homeschooled children, for the "Scientifically Speaking" event PATH did...here's Annie, as Hank Green:


Aaron, as Carl Sagan:


Jake as Albert Einstein:

and Haha, he looks more like Juan Valdez, but the gray we'd sprayed on his hair and mustache just would not stay vibrant, and the mustache re-flattened everytime we tried to mess it up.

And Elise, as Mary Treat:



Budding Scientists, in the meeting room of the library :)

The product of a delirious late night laugh-fest with A&A, while Grant was in Maryland:



Every single time I go shopping I have to put my Tetris skills to work.


Isaac, nervous before the Veteran's Day parade (his cheerleading squad was in it).


Pre-parade traffic jam.


Waiting


Jake and Elise had a lot of fun.


Clearly, I forgot something, though :/


Waiting with me, at my dentist.


BJ's.


The aversion to sunlight must be hereditary; Grant and Elise, taking a nap.


I was like, "What are you guys DOING?" when I found them in there. "Bobbing for apples," they said.

Last: a )
altarflame: (Default)
Today, so far, I:

-got Isaac and Elise up, fed, packed, dressed, etc and delivered to school on time

-ate cold leftover grilled chicken and peppers for breakfast, on the library couch, by myself

-rescheduled my pap, IUD check and thyroid blood test for next week, because I'm on my period

-gave a glowing reference for our former nanny turned good friend Gloria, when someone called

-traded a series of calm but emotional emails back and forth, with my husband, about the future of our relationship. This involved having my head down on the desk for a bit, and staring at the wall for awhile.

-pushed Aaron towards Civics and Jacob towards phonics a half dozen times each, and reminded them each about their chores twice

-found an in-network therapist that specializes in all my particular issues (PTSD, dissociating, etc) in ways that I want (non faith-based, cognitive-behavioral therapy, etc)

-helped Ananda with a marine science assignment (sea turtle protection experiment writing; involves demonstrating knowledge of the scientific method)

-walked with Jake to pick up Elise from Kindergarten at 2; talked about her day

-diced up avocado, sliced black olives, shredded the rest of the chicken, poured salsa all over it all, and ate it on corn chips, for lunch

-RSVP'd to my friend Kathy's baby shower and replied to her fb message

-walked with Aaron, to go pick up Isaac at 3; talked about his day

-texted with my sister, about Halloween and Thanksgiving

-had tea and (Extremely Fabulous) gingerbread biscotti on the deck, with my five children and all four cats, during which we talked about our possible impending move to Maryland, and travelling by train in the upcoming weeks to look around the area (IT IS NOT THE HOGWARTS EXPRESS)

My mission objectives for this evening include washing dishes and making some kind of dinner that involves a lot of vegetables (we have a surplus of ripe things), making sure Isaac's homework gets done, helping Aaron learn to navigate his earth science class properly, studying for MY earth science test in the morning, and watching more episodes of Strange Sex (which I discovered through a clip on balloon fetishism shown in my Abnormal Psych class last week) with Grant, via Netflix.
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I've had a very full week.

Today, Grant and I took Aaron and Elise out. We dropped him at dance, and took her with us to the Apple store to look at a laptop Grant dropped that's having some kind of problems which he made worse trying to open up and fix himself. The four of us had lunch at Panera and walked around the Falls (where the Apple store is) as we waited for our appointment.

Whenever I'm in the Apple store, I'm struck by how wildly aesthetically pleasing it is. So monochromatic and sleek, without being cold. So spacious, even when packed. It seems very significant that all the employees walking around are normal people. You can get a 19 year old girl, or someone middle aged, or anyone, to help you at the Apple store - the standard weird IT guy vibe is just not present. They have a whole table surrounded by bean bag chairs where kids can sit and play on iPads. The funniest part of this is that nearby, employees are patiently teaching middle aged people to use their new iPads - but nobody has to teach the toddlers or preschoolers. They just hop on and start playing games while someone explains the things to their parents. It makes me think adults should consider handing their own mystifying iPads to their four year olds at home - "Can you please show Mommy how to get on the internet?"

It's been a pretty calm day. Grant and I took a nap. He mowed the grass and fixed the library table and washed some dishes. I went through some bags of clothes someone gave us, with the kids, and cleaned up the library and reorganized the shelves, with Ananda, and made dinner - chicken with mushrooms, mac n cheese, steamed broccoli and our new favorite side dish, sliced cold cucumbers with soy sauce and sesame seeds.

Elise fell asleep in my lap a little while ago, as we talked quietly, and then Grant came and carried her off to bed.

The week, though, I don't even know where to begin.


Florence and the Machine was AMAZING Wednesday night. I mean. There just are not words. Grant and I took Ananda. Izzy babysat my other kids. She got here at around 4, and then Annie and I went and met Grant at his job, grabbed some food and headed over to the show.

It was Annie's first concert, and my first non-Tori Amos big concert (I've seen Tori 3 times, and a bunch of small shows and outdoor events and things for no-name and local acts). Grant had been to see Radiohead previously. She used saved allowance money to get a necklace before it started, and I got the Lungs record to hang on the wall because the cover is beautiful. In case you don't know, records are now widely available for this, and since nobody has a record player they all come with free downloads of the album on MP3, which is somewhere between clever and ridiculous. Like, Urban Outfitters now has a whole big vinyl section, with a freakin' display of "album frames," it's kind of silly.

Our seats were pretty good. 10th row, but down a bit from the stage (which was at one end of an oval arena that is sometimes for NHL hockey games - the central floor area was general admission). We had some cool talking and new facebook liking before the show started, because the row behind was filled with an entire roller derby team. I shared how Grant and I both got separate speeding tickets the same day last year while listening to Florence's Drumming Song, and how she really owes us over $400. The woman who runs Elise's old preschool was there, too, with her husband, and we met up a bit and were texting.

Their opening act was ok. Bass laden ambient alternative rock, I guess - The Maccabees. Overall I was impatient for them to stop because, come on, I was really excited for the main event. I drank a double rum and coke while they played in the hopes that I could manage to stand for the entirety of Florence's set, and jump around and dance like a fool, without any weird back/hip/foot pain (that worked really well, incidentally, combined with the adrenaline from being there and how much it rocked - but I was paying for it bigtime later, I couldn't let anything at all touch my foot the whole way home in the van O_o).

So yeah. Giant swish of fabric uncovering the huge golden harp, and lights off dark, and wow. The set changed in so many ways for each different song, just brilliant. HER ENERGY is infectious and astounding and seriously entertaining. She sang the first song (Only If For A Night, my latest new favorite) standing there at the mic stand, and then Drumming Song came on (I turned to the roller derby girl like THIS SONG and she laughed) and as the music went wild Florence broke away from the stand and started running jumping leaping laughing all over the stage as she wailed like she does. Lungs is right :p

She was wearing this gorgeous black and red floor length gown that had ripped up the side backstage. Between songs at one point she explained that she'd safety pinned it but one of them came out as she danced, and went in her foot, so she had to take a minute to fix it. Have I mentioned I love this woman? I may be in love with this woman.

Rabbit Heart was next, and that is a song I have some deep personal history with on several levels. She talked beforehand about raising up people you were there with who you loved - your friend, or spouse, or lover, or someone you gave birth to.

The looking glass, so shiny and new
How quickly the glamor fades
I start spinning slipping out of time
Was that the wrong pill to take?
You made a deal and now it seems you have to offer up
But will it ever be enough?
It's not enough
Raise it up, raise it up -
Here I am, a rabbit hearted girl
Frozen in the headlights
It seems I've made the final sacrifice


It sounded great live, and it was making me cry at that volume, this song was right in with my worst moments and the time that inspired me changing a lot of things in my life - and then she ran down off the stage, into the general admission crowd, right past us and was dancing barefoot and wild with her floor length ripped dress hiked up to her knees, at the other end of the floor, before racing back to the stage, somehow without getting mobbed.

This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife
When Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight

I must become a lion hearted girl
Ready for a fight
Before I make the final sacrifice


It was just great. Cosmic Love was after that - I could die happy.

She did Between Two Lungs, and No Light, No Light - which is my current speeding ticket endangerment song - and so many great songs. Everything I really wanted to hear. There were two slower songs everyone sat down for and they were good, but then the single organ note at the beginning of Shake it Out started and the entire place (over 10,000 people) leaped to their feet at once screaming and she drew it out, that one note as she talked to us forever about Florida and going out that night and regretting it in the morning and so on with her lovely british accent.

I don't even normally really like Shake it Out but I was there screaming the lyrics with Annie everytime she turned the mic towards the crowd, thinking YES what is this I can never leave the past behind, I can see no way, I can see no way and now everytime it comes on Pandora I tear up. I swear I'm turning into one of those Michael Jackson fangirls you'd see tearing their hair out and getting wheeled out unconscious by paramedics in the front rows in the 80s :p Not quite, but really she puts on a great show. It gave Grant this whole existential crisis just to see a human being fully realizing their potential that way - that she's unleashing all this passion and nobody can get enough of it. That she's travelling the world jumping and dancing and singing her heart out and 10,000 people at a shot pay money to come be a part of it.

It was really good stuff. They made us shriek and howl for awhile before they pranced back out for the encore, which started as What The Water Gave Me. The gates to the floor were opened and people streamed down and out into the main area in front of the stage, and Ananda and I raced down for that. Then she (Flo) did this big you guys are gonna jump up and down for me thing and started Dog Days Are Over and everyone lost their minds, we jumped laughing hysterically with our hair in each others' faces the whole song and then stumbled out arm and arm with Annie raving that it was the most awesome thing that's ever happened in all of history.

So yes, that was fabulous. I'm extremely glad I went, and happy everytime I look at the album on my wall, and enjoying the music even more than I did before. And my school kids were sleeping when I got home, and Ananda and Aaron stayed up half the night with Izzy (she slept here).

Thursday started horrifically early and was anticlimactically busy - Grant had arranged to be off, but it was just. Ugh. 7am came awfully early, getting Isaac and Elise up and ready and to school and then heading off to college and back again to get everyone for dance and PATH, and I had a mandatory dance company meeting, and we had to retrieve the car from the train station since I'd driven Grant home the evening before, and deliver Izzy to her mother, and Isaac's homework and Miralax and Elise lost a tooth and so we needed cash, just a million things nonstop. A lot of it good - I got a serendipitous extension on a lot of Spanish work I had blown off and some relieving financial news. But so much time in traffic, and my sister came to the park during PATH with her kids and I barely even got to talk to her.

Friday was mostly a huge drag. My bike was stolen right off my front porch (lock cut and thrown to the side in the grass) - which is my second bike stolen off our porch, though the first one was not secured and so I blamed myself that time. My kids were all being as tedious and moody as possible - Annie PMS'ing x100, she and Aaron needing guidance and clarification on every single possible small point with Virtual School, such that I spent three hours with Jake waiting to go to the library as I just went back and forth between the two of them beating my head against a wall. Then, when I took him, the library was closed. Just one of those days. By evening I managed to reclaim it somewhat, I pulled Annie out of her frustration to bake pumpkin bread with me after I'd retrieved everyone from school and karate, and we had tea with it out on the deck. Then I read them Shel Silverstein poems in the tv room for half an hour, and by the end of it everyone was acting decently...

And that's about all I've got time for this evening. Planning some pictures tomorrow :)
altarflame: (Default)
So I switched from antibiotics to tons and tons of probiotics and my heavy miserable lazy meh phase abruptly ended, leaving me feeling SO GOOD comparatively...and then Grant was doing dishes and listening to Radiolab about how probiotics really are being looked into as a prozac-level mood and energy booster. The episode is here - http://www.radiolab.org/2012/apr/02/

This is similar to how I became a vegan and then experienced something like pre menstrual psychosis, a month or two or whenever ago, and then read about how that is treated with big doses of B vitamins (of which one is only found in animal products and others mostly in animal products), and then read this article about a study saying women who don't eat red meat are way more depressed: http://gizmodo.com/5895227/scientific-proof-that-red-meat-makes-you-happy

Which is all VERY similar to how, years ago, every cold I got turned into tonsilitis and I woke each morning sneezing and sniffling for an hour or so - until I quit having a lot of runny dairy all the time. Annie is anemic if she eats too much dairy (which makes you not just low on hemoglobin but, thusly, low on energy and happiness - dairy blocks iron absorption, for what it's worth).

The point is, it can be very hard to figure out, and it can be very hard to stick to your new guidelines if you do figure it out - but what we put in our bodies has a massive effect on us. Not just our physical body but our brains, our immune system, our feelings and mental function. It's worth digging deeper about and paying attention to your body for. It's annoying to think about, and there's a lot of contradictory stuff to wade through, but I know someone who's husband is permanently brain injured and unable to ever work again from (previously) undiagnosed gluten intolerance (and eating lots of gluten, clearly). My OWN husband is SO DIFFERENT on or off CORN of all things...

Crazy stuff.




Isaac, at dinner: I'm really really full...ugh I can't eat any more of this food...can I have some cantaloupe now?
Me: Of course not, you just said you're really really full.
Grant: Classic parenting trap.
Isaac: What? Cantaloupe is good for me!
Me: Yeah, but you just said you can't eat any more, and you didn't eat any at all.
Isaac: You mean I have to eat all of this if I want to have any cantaloupe?
Me: No, but you can't just not eat any and then say you're full to get cantaloupe.
Grant: That's a beginner's mistake.
Isaac: So I have to eat all of it if I want to have any cantaloupe?
Grant: That's not what she said.
Me: I just answered that question.
Isaac: No you didn't!
Me: It's not that you have to eat every little bit of it, I'm just saying you can't skip all of dinner and then have cantaloupe instead. If you say you're full it means you're done eating.
Isaac: What?
Grant: If you said, "I don't like this dinner, can I eat something else instead" that would be different.
Me: Yes, that would be respectable.
Isaac: So do I have to eat it all?
Grant: You need to eat a lot of it, we didn't give you that much.
Isaac: I don't understand.
Me: This is a concept you have to figure out for yourself, we can't hold your hand and guide you through.
Isaac: To cantaloupe?




Sometimes early mornings snuggling with this beast are the best part of the day.


She has several new dresses but has to wear a preschool tshirt to preschool. Simple solutions:


Loot from the Easter party.


This is what happens when I try to take a picture of Ananda and I in the grocery store...


And so I go in for a retake and get...

WTF iPhone? We laughed.

Style for days.


Tea.


10 year old heartthrob.




We saw this on the 836 the other day. Seems legit.


Oliver.


I took an afternoon nap in the hammock today: napping goes, this guy on my lap acting all cute and ridiculous.


He climbs away and I'm gettin all cozy and dozing off


And Elise appears, and wants to talk and talk and talk about why the moon comes out during the day and when Dad is gonna fix the trampoline and how Oliver is always nice to HER and then I blacked out and didn't hear the rest.


And then he was sad about something, but cute enough to make up for waking me for like the 15 time in 5 minutes.


Grant made this fabulous pasta bake for dinner (this is pre-baking). It involves chopping up/shredding/slicing onions, garlic, squash, zucchini, broccoli, carrots, mushrooms and tomatoes, and also several types of cheese, and geez dude. Just geez. The man can throw down.
altarflame: (Default)
This big dork personifies pubescent awkwardness, and I love her for it ♥ That's the caution tape we had blocking the redone driveway (some guys came knocking that they'd done other peoples' and had leftover materials so they'd do ours ultracheap) and a shirt she bought with her own money.

When she spotted that one in the pile at Hot Topic she was like, "Is that Lucius Malfoy?!" at first glance. Grant said, "That's Lucius Malfoy 1.0" and I laughed, remembering this:


The King (Elvis) has been making Isaac really happy keeping him company at night. The sling makes it harder for him to get to sleep so he ends up feeling alone after the other kids are down.

He's also had a lot of hunting to do...last week he brought me two dead palmetto bugs, and then woke us in the night...he'd knocked over a chair and was apparently playing with a SCREAMING mouse...I shook Grant awake telling him it sounded like someone had broken in and was robbing us with a rubber duckie, and he ran out to see what was going on.

Beautiful girl.


Our new ultrablack driveway is really awesome for my super fancy mail ordered ultra vibrant chalk. That is oily and messier than normal chalk. We came out and found them this way today.
















She was making iced tea to go with dinner, from some loose leaf blood orange tea, and kept finding bits of real peel that seemed to impress her.


I was making the rest of dinner. And having cinnamon cardamon tea with almond milk and lychee honey in it. It was SO YUMMY.


And Grant made this little table for Elise's Princess Palace. I had my doubts about where in the hell he was going to fit a TABLE, but he obviously had the concept well developed. She's getting a little chair to slide in under it tomorrow. The (sewn by Kristin) cat family is living under it for now.



I leave you with two AMAZING Florence and the Machine songs that Grant and I had left undiscovered on the CD for months because we didn't understand they have to be played LOUD. Seriously, if you are in a position to play something LOUD, try these :D

(Grant and I BOTH got speeding tickets in the van, separately, the other day, while blaring this damned song...so maybe listening to it up loud while driving it TOO good...)


And then this one was part of our "magical night" and just...I love this woman :D


I really cannot emphasize the LOUD part enough, though. There are Florence songs that sound great low but these aren't them.
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We've been trying to decide on small pets for the little kids for the last couple of weeks - hamsters vs gerbils vs guineas vs rats, etc. The cages were priced higher than we wanted to deal with in stores, so I was scouring Craigslist for cheap, used cage options.

In the process, I found an ad for three ferrets with a large cage, all for $100.

I've always wanted to have ferrets, and the kids have always begged for ferrets whenever we go to pet stores, but I've never actually considered it because, 1. They stink, and 2. They're way too expensive. PetCo charges $115 for a ferret. The large cages they need can run up to $200 as well.

I kind of went "Huh" the first time I saw the ad. Then I kept seeing it popping up, and ended up talking with Grant about it, reading about ferrets, and texting the seller back and forth.

We ended up getting these 3 ferrets - 2 females, one male - for $75 with their giant tri-level cage that includes big ferret tubing and a hammock for them to lay in and she even threw in a vented carrier bag for transport.

This is awesome because:

-ferrets get along very well with cats, unlike most of those other options listed above that are prey for cats
-they have a longer life span than most small pets (6-10 years; these are just over one year now)
-they came to us spayed and neutered, which is a big expense and also cuts the smell down
-they're INCREDIBLY sweet and friendly and playful...Elise can sling one over her shoulder and it's happy as can be
-so far, they really don't smell almost at all - there's a faint animal smell if you put your nose in their fur but I can't even detect it on my hands after holding them.

Nevertheless I am armed and ready to combat ferret stink. I have:

-ferret shampoo to bathe them in
-conditioning, scent neurtralizing spray for between baths
-food that is known for neutralizing their smells
-water drops you add to minimize smells

So, hopefully this won't become an issue. The lady at PetCo told me hers doesn't smell, you just have to change the litter weekly. Thus far I feel thrilled that we made out like bandits. The little kids are thrilled. The big kids are jealous but they get to play with them, too, and they each have a cat.




I am as usual a study in extremes. The good is mostly focused on how emotionally present and productive I'm being with all of the kids, and how happy they make me. We got letter and word beads today to make bracelets and necklaces for everyone. We all laughed forever in that homemade tent about the hilarious idea of Ananda making one that says Lord of the Rings, and Elise making one that says Tinkerbell, and Isaac making one that says cawbohydwates (his favorite thing). The bad is concentrated around surgery and medical terror, which manifests in ALL KINDS OF WAYS, like bad downward spiral overeating, all-day vice-like tension in my neck and shoulders, an inability to sleep at night...all kinds of fun stuff. A well meaning anonymous commenter left a pretty terrifying story in a previous entry. I am still planning to get this done at the end of the summer...

But...I really am super happy and excited about kid stuff. And my own stuff. I'm working on page layouts for my childrens' book, now that Memo sent me initial sketches, and it's so awesome to even think about.

*shrug* I drop things down the well internalize pretty well.
altarflame: (Lost)
The one when I realize I'll be watching Lost later in the evening. It's the little things, you know? And no, I do not by any stretch of the imagination think I'm going to get any ANSWERS out of the few remaining episodes. They're going to keep introducing new characters and throwing in plot twists and alternate dimensions right up until the very last moment of the very last one, at which point the camera will pan way, way back, and the island will go up in a giant mushroom cloud that resembles the head of John Locke. Then, from the burning wreckage, we'll see that huge statue foot thing walking off on the water...and the credits will roll.




My brother is doing SO WELL. I am really, truly proud of him for the first time in a long time. He is on week #3 of getting up early - on his own - every morning, taking the bus out to JobCorps, and participating. It is so much better than we could ever have hoped. He's writing essays about what he wants out of life, and taking placement tests, and having a physical (? whatever) and going on their fun trip to the movies on Friday and genuinely spurred on by the reward system...I am truly thrilled with it.

Three SHOCKING things have happened since he started, each more surreal than the last.

1. He wore colors. I mean, I almost wrecked as I spotted him walking home in khakis and a blue polo shirt. I don't think I've seen him in colors since he went through his camo phase at 10.
2. He stayed late one day to play pool with somebody in the rec hall. Someone who didn't even speak enough english to decide on rules together, but it was still fun. This is both voluntary socializing and racial tolerance.
3. Today. TODAY!! He brought a friend home! I was so shocked at first I was kind of gaping. It was a really nice seeming guy too, who I wasn't even nervous about having in my house. He gave Bob a ride home and they were going to play video games. WONDERS NEVER CEASE.

I am beginning to feel for the first time in these 6 months that maybe there is real good happening because he's come down here, and real hope for him one day approaching a point of independent adulthood. During the window of time he's home and not asleep yet, he does the dishes everyday, sometimes along with other menial one time chores. He also spends more of that window out of his room, even if it is just lounging on the couch to watch whatever movie my kids are watching or something.

Seriously something. I told him I was really proud of him today, and he turned away towards the dishes so I wouldn't see him grinning.




Random pictures. 11, from the other day )




-I am so tired of fighting with Elise for two hours after the bedtime routines are OVER

-I love leave in conditioner - why have I not been doing this all my life?

-after talking with Tawanna for awhile today, and at least one honorable benefactor who wishes to contribute to the cause this evening (Shaun), I feel like I really want to prioritize Aaron going to NYC with his group in July, but probably let go of the scholarship thing later in the year. We need balance between letting each of them realize their potential, but not going insane as a family.

-Shaun also knows someone who needs some voice work done and so I may be doing some reading aloud for pay

-along with sending in a bajillion stories, pitches, manuscript segments and so on to a bajillion agents, publishers, small presses and contests

-I really love the way A and A's dance classes afford us with these opportunities for me to take other kids places regularly and do other things with them...like on Monday, I take the three littles to the (really nice, too far to be justified if we weren't already up there) park for two hours while A and A dance. This past week they got to catch a lizard, watch a butterfly go from flower to flower sucking up nectar, observe an ant colony of the BIGGEST SCARIEST ANTS THIS SIDE OF AFRICA, and still play in the sand for awhile. Then on Tuesdays, I take Ananda and them to the library for the hour - again, it's a nicer branch than we have here in Homestead, and also because of his one solo hour dancing we have a set day/time we go reliably every week. Thus we do not lose track of time and end up with a bunch of fines, like we historically have. FYI, this nonfiction books for Aaron thing is really working out GREAT...he begs to be able to keep reading when we turn the lights off at night. Moving on, Wednesdays I drop A and A both off, then I drop Elise off at Oma's. This has become really, really special and eagerly anticipated for Elise and Oma(mil) both. Robby and Patrice (her older cousins) are usually also there to shower her in solo attention. And then I bring Jake and Isaac back here and it's just the three of us studying their AWANA verses and having a snack together until it's time for me to take them to AWANA.

-I also love the way Isaac, Jake and Elise have become an inseparable trio - it especially makes me happy for Isaac, who has traditionally been kind of left out amongst his siblings. Because he's the oldest, he's the one who makes up most of their games and decides most of their activities, and it evens things out a little with him being as...well, wimpy, as he is. They play games like one person holds the one in front of them, and a third holds the second person, and then the first starts running all over the trampoline like crazy while the other two try to hold on. And more elaborate, characterizes pretend stuff. They pack things up to go on journeys. It's just great.

-Just in the next 3 months we've got:

-cave exploring with PATH
-storytelling under the stars at the library at night
-science fair
-Elise's 3rd birthday (at the beach)
-beginning of science classes (taught by a middle school science teacher turned PATH mom with a great curriculum they're psyched about), which will be early Tuesday afternoons for 6 weeks
-"Historically Speaking", greek myth themed
-PATH field trip to BASS museum's ancient Egypt exhibit
-Annie at Christina's birthday slumber party
-Annie's 10th birthday (at Jacob's Aquatic Center)
-summer placement auditions at Dance Empire
-DE recital
-beginning of rehearsal for PATH-kid-written play Annie will be doing stagecraft and costume design for, and Aaron possibly playing the villain
-Aaron's 9th birthday
-girl scout day camp for one week, maybe two (for Annie)
-Grant going to the smoky mountains for a week with Shaun (his prearranged, from his whole family Christmas present for when it was warmer)
-Aaron's group going to NYC for a week

I am psyched.
altarflame: (GaGa)

Shaun shaved, and now I think he really screams "filmmaker"


This is Grant, intensifying his hatred for and resentment of our cats (it's his mom's new puppy).


And this is us, pretty frequently.


Isaac turned 6, as previously documented only through text.


Brian, Darrien, Jake and Naja wanted to help.




And that is my feet by the faucet.


Oh yes. I think I need at least three hours watching the steam rise off the water every week lately.


Aaron being Aaron.



Also Aaron (hip hop class):

My video editing program is crashing, so the first minute and 20 seconds of this video is just them standing there. Sorry about that. Feel free to skip ahead to the good part :) I actually think the previous run through was superior, because he didn't know he had a camera trained on him.

Elise watching him.


And Ananda doing schoolwork during her free hour at Dance Empire.


Goofing around in the van.


Jake is wearing his little Cubbies vest back there. He LOVES AWANA so much.


Flash does funny things to Elise and I both.


All five of my kids at the zoo.


There are a lot of parts of my life right now. I'm stretched thinly over a lot of area, mostly in a good way. Obviously not always. Some of it:

I'm getting really close to Kristin, and love it, like we're real friends - the kind you can ask for favors or call up at 10 pm just to talk.

Nancy and I talk and email everyday. She'll be here to spend the day with us on Tuesday. This is wonderful in and of itself and then, also, I emailed her the first 10,000 words of this book I'm writing (!). So I'm waiting to hear back on tenderhooks (...so to speak? wth? tenderhooks, really?) and hoping she will be brutally honest but also REALLY LOVE IT :p

Robby spent the night again last weekend, and was here two days ago. He hugged me and helped with the dishes. Then yesterday he took like 20 Zolofts and now he's back at Miami Children's. My mother in law called me crying her eyes out tonight because none of us feel capable of helping him...they're talking about residential treatment and it kind of breaks my heart. His sister Nadia (11, bipolar, schizophrenic) has been in and out of residential for years; her twin Patrice has never had any mental health issues. Robby is so smart, and he's so...dangling on some precipice...it really gets me.

And I feel like somebody needs to do something for Patrice because holy shit this is too much for her. She spent the night with Robby last weekend. We were all eating dinner and going around asking "What was the best part of the day for you?" and when we got to her, she said "I don't know how to choose! It's all so wonderful!!" with this giddy excuberance like my messy house is some sort of wonderland, and it breaks me heart man! I do not know what to do. Robby specifically requested I be put on his list and given his password so I imagine I will be at Miami Children's this weekend at least once.

I've been listening to a lot of music, downloading a lot of music. I got a beautiful special edition red iPod nano in the mail and I'm kind of in love with it, and then again sort of considering sending it back because, well, that would be a lot of Lush products I could get and I can always burn cds for the van and plug earbuds into my laptop. Lily Allen, Kate Nash, Frou Frou, Cat Power, Regina Spektor (Consequence of Sounds and That Time, this week), Emiliana Torrini, The Blow's "True Affection", Hurts to Purr, A Particularly Vicious Rumor.

I'm having a very hard time with Aaron - as far as getting him to do schoolwork or chores or act "normal" around people. He is incredible at communicating with me one on one and at participating in group activities and at anything musical or physical, but sometimes lately he really seems like a true autistic savant...I haven't felt so stumped and frustrated by his obvious sensory issues since he was 3.

We had tea today, outside, for the first time in what felt like forever. We went around and the questions were, first, what are you looking forward to, and second, what are you dreading.

Ananda is looking forward to Nancy's visit and dreading her period.
Aaron is looking forward to his dance competition next month and dreading his chores tomorrow.
Isaac is looking forward to Easter (because it's a "finding constest" and he's so exceptional at finding things) and dreading his next belly ache (he gets them a lot...he has a really sensitive gut).
Jake and Elise didn't really understand the questions well enough to say things that made sense.

My kids and I joke around almost constantly. They always try to get me to say "What?" when we pull up at the house, so they can answer, "We're home". I refuse if I'm on to them. But they get me kind of a lot, often in hilarious ways. Once in a blue moon I get one of them, but mostly they ban together and warn each other.

Aaron has gotten so good at making me laugh uncontrollably that I have to threaten him through it, when I can breathe, that I can stand him in the corner while I'm laughing, and just because he's funny doesn't mean he's not in trouble.

I frequently call them horrible names like putzes and oozing warts and threaten them with consequences like ripping their arms off and beating them with it. "If you don't get out of that bath, I will go outside, dig a hole under this house, light a fire in it, and make soup out of you".

Me: Don't make me eat you.
Ananda: *rolling her eyes* You can't eat me.
Me: Watch me.
A: It would be gross, and I'm way too big.
Me: Why do you think we have a blender?
A: I know you hate purees.
Aaron: She does have a point about that.
Me: Well, I could use it to thicken soup.
Aaron: she does do that with bean puree.
Ananda: If you eat me, you're gonna have to explain it to Dad.
Aaron: And the police.
Isaac: I would help her keep it a secret.
Jake: GET THE BLENDER!!!!!

I've been in insane hypersexual mode. Not eating especially well and not especially caring. And never ready to get out of bed when it's time. Always grabbing more music off the computer and a bag of snacks as we head out the door, always reading and reading and reading out loud in the dark to someone(s).

I feel very alive and like I can dig this life.

My brother is pushing it, though.
altarflame: (Default)
I had a good and productive day. I did just about everything I set out to do.

Got up early, took a shower, stuck to my eating plan. Did two math lessons with Ananda and Aaron - we're doing double math and little else for a short while because they have some holes in their math knowledge and I'm trying to get them up to speed there. I baked a couple of pumpkins and made pumpkin bread with the resulting puree, for tea. We went and got our produce in the morning, deposited checks in the bank, and Aaron got to his evening dance class on time. Also I finally remembered to get our toothpaste, which is only really at Whole Foods, while we were up there today.

Robby came over for tea. He had planned it with me last night over AIM. He showed up, almost 15, with his big hair with it's growing-out-highlights, extremely skinny jeans, 2 layered tops, and what for all the world appeared to be Ugg boots. Yes, yes, it is in the upper 80s here again - ah to be young, gay, and going to the redneck highschool. He was texting me from school today.

(for background, the other day he updated his facebook to say he just heard a teacher tell a kid who had his phone under the desk messing with it, "Either you're playing with your penis, or you're texting - either way, put it away son")
Robby's text: Ugh, they're doing FCAT reviews and I'm stuck in the same class all day, craving your cooking.
Me: Aren't you worried your teacher is going to accuse you of something embarassing in class for texting right now?
Robby: I've got it out, it's ok with him.
Me: WHOA.
Robby: lol, wow.

Most of our conversations are not nearly so ridiculous.

I pulled out all the stops for tea, with sugar cubes and honey in our silly honeycomb and coconut milk to pour into ginger peach tea in the little creamer. And the pumpkin bread, a big fancy bundt cake. We had it all on a huge red quilt in the sideyard with the rabbits hopping around in a pen nearby and chickens pecking crumbs off our plates and drinking from our teacups. The kids made him watch them do a ton of tricks and stunts and view an assortment of lego creations, and he helped me hang a Fisher Price swing I got for Elise off of freecycle the other day (as in, he climbed the tree to hang knots). He told us he was telling everyone at school today, in a British accent, that he was "having afternoon tea with the chickens later" and nobody believed it.

I invited him back for Friday, to come to game night at the bookstore with us. It's really, REALLY weird how Ananda and Aaron are at the super annoying tween age he used to be when he irritated me half to death. THEY are irritating me like that now. I really don't care for this stage of false bravado and general distain for everything. Give me infant-to-preschoolers or teens any day.

I talked to my friend Michelle...one of my friends Michelle, I actually have 3 Michelles in my phone now counting my aunt...and she got me all excited about planning Nancy's Birthgirlz event and selling books of my own and things like that.

I talked to my Dad for awhile and he told me this INSANE theory he has about how the Catholic Church doesn't allow priests to marry because that way the church can have all their stuff when they die, since they don't have any heirs to inherit it all. "Think about it, multiplied over all the priests - that's a lot of money, Tina". SO CRAZY.

He also told me less crazy and much more intense things, like about how his dad - my Pa - called him up and said he was going to kick the bucket and he had to teach him to cook some things first, so he went down there and cooked things with Pa's directions and really, he is glad he knows how to now. Pa always took care of all of us with food. I'm doing my annual "Scramble to get my paternal family together for Thanksgiving" thing. It's worked 3 times in my adult life, but none of those were last year or the year before...I wish it was easier to get everyone HERE from Key West, because I have room to put people up and to serve a huge meal. Everyone is down there, though, where there's no room for anything.

Having a reeeeeeeeeeaaally hard time not buying stuff. My birthday is 4 days away and I keep putting things in my Amazon cart, searching eBay auctions...I had an original birthday budget I was looking forward to spending, but since then some changes have occured that make that budget not such a good idea :/ I think that because I'm not eating constantly like normal, and also because I'm giving up a lot lately (my office for Bob to move in, pretty much all my normal time and attention from Grant because of his work schedule), I want more STUFF.

Also because a lot of this stuff is either Catholic/Orthodox books, art, or prayer aids, it is hard to feel like it could really be so "wrong" to get them. Blah. And I find such good DEEEEEEEAAALLS!!




My last few days have been full of:

-Isaac's croup. This is awful. I'm trying to keep the humidifier filled and supplemented with Vicks liquid at night, and his chest smeared with Vicks, and we're letting him sleep in the tv room propped up nearly to a sitting position. Taking turns being out there with him. We were absolutely freaked a couple of nights ago, he was coughing himself purple, vomiting from coughing...the doctor thinks it's the weather. We had the first cold front of the season the other day and it was the first major drop in humidity in like 8 months, which is huge for kids predisposed to this kind of stuff. I'm trying to keep him full of liquids. He actually wants cuddles, which is rare for him - and is enjoying the ripple blanket I made him, that just got done last week.

-that weather was awesome...aside from the croup :/ Isaac enjoyed going out with hot cocoa, popcorn, and "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" on the projector, in the backyard. It was 58 that night, which is A Big Deal here. We've been spending a lot of time outside. A and A have been taking nighttime bike rides with me to see peoples' lit Halloween decorations.

-I'm just losing more and more weight. I'm down 19 pounds now, from 233 to 214. In ONE MONTH. And right now, at 214, I'm due to start my period tomorrow..so by all rights I should be bloated and up a few pounds by my normal patterns. I think it just appeared to slow my rate of loss, this time. This is great because, you know, it's just great. It's also starting to suck a lot though, because it's really messing up my belly bigtime to have all the fat melting away. Just...yuck. The hanging and sagging, the protruding and freakiness, also I have new and previously unexperienced sorts of back pain almost every day now. But none of the accute hernia pain I used to have semi-regularly? So...I dunno.

-This also makes my impending surgery seem more and more immediate and terrifyingly real. I'm having trouble sleeping again. Then today I saw this great article about how much more likely people with PTSD are to die after major surgery because of how the stress and triggers impede their healing and even blood flow. Really, it was so awesome. *this is me stabbing myself in the eye*


I miss Grant so much. Even when he's here, he's not usually here. On the way home from church, or laying in bed cuddling, ANYTIME I ask him my standard, "What are you thinking about?" ...it's something about work. Always. I can't tell to what degree he has to work as much as he is, and to what degree he is a workaholic. He can't either. It's kind of making me nuts, when he's here. When he's gone, I have a fair amount of peace about doing the best I can with my day to day life regardless. Sleeping separately to care for Isaac is not helping our strain any. We sat on the deck watching stuff on the laptop tonight, and layed together for just a few minutes after he had to go to bed. He is supposed to be meeting me around Dance Empire tomorrow afternoon to trade vehicles, take the little kids, and allow me to go write for the 3 hour block of A and A's classes. It's like a partnership between people with separate lives. I'll take my deeply entwined and codependent constant intimacy back now, please.

The thing is I can try to give him all the space he needs to try to get promoted and try to make more money for us. I really can, I was doing that for a couple of weeks. We talked about it just a little, though, and he adamantly doesn't want me to NOT tell him about my day or when he's being kind of an asshole or when I'm thinking something he's not equipped to deal with at the moment. He says we've been making this work really well for a long long time because we are completely open and share every tiniest detail. He's right. But - ? How do I maintain that when he gets home for the first time all day at nearly 9 pm, in a bad mood and needing to be in bed by 10:30, having not even had dinner yet? *sigh*


I am mostly content and grateful.

I am constantly reminded of others' around me who have much larger problems to deal with than I do. And grateful for my ability to give my kids this life and to reach out and help some extras, as well.
altarflame: (this is serious)
We're home! We got in at about 11 last night, after stopping at a Whole Foods in Boca Raton for dinner (thanks GPS!).

So far for today I've fed everyone half an Odwalla bar and a square of chocolate each for breakfast, because there is NO food here, and then we went and picked up our produce share (a day late), got our house key from my sister, and deposited a check that had come in the mail, at the bank. Ever since then I've been trying to reply to emails and read my friends' page and go back through facebook and so on while the kids run around and reacquaint themselves with all our "stuff". I think Aaron has played guitar or piano for the last two hours solid and Isaac has been locked in his bedroom with the legos that whole time. EVERYONE ONLINE HAD BABIES WHILE I WAS AWAY.

ARIELLE I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU GUYS!! I wish you would update 5 times a day, but of course you have that whole "newborn baby" thing taking up all your time and attention.

So my sister in on the way over here with a big pot of soup for lunch and cookies she baked us for tea, how awesome is that? And my email group is having meetups both tomorrow (at the zoo) and Saturday (at a museum). There's a BirthGirlz soap box derby Saturday night, at the bookstore, too. I love it.

Right around West Palm Beach, heading home from being away, I always get this niggling nervousness like, uh, we've been away for a week. In this case with my sister caring for our pets and bringing in our mail and things, and we have an alarm, but still. I start to think. What will we find when we get there, late in the night, kids sleeping in the back, assuming all is well? What if there was a fire/theft/animal death/massive bug infestation/etc? So it's a relief to come in and find it all just waiting for us as we left it. The chicks are bigger. And our house feels ENORMOUS after being in either a tiny cabin or our minivan the whole trip.

I have a million pictures and stories but that will probably have to wait until late tonight at the earliest. We shall see. Because I ALSO have a veritable mountain of laundry, a van to clean out, three boxes of produce to put away, a HOUSE TO CLEAN, and mostly I've got to go outside and sit in the grass with a bunch of small children and chickens and talk with Laura while we eat something yummy.
altarflame: (Default)
I think part of why they love tea is because I do not clean, or use the computer, or talk on the phone, or go to the bathroom or any other distracting thing - we all sit down together with full undivided attention, and talk. This goes on for an hour or more, sometimes with songs or pretend stories or, often, with a question everyone has to answer one at a time in their own way ("If you could be any animal/have any super power/be any age forever/etc, what would you choose?"). Today, we talked, and then it carried over to the computer.

We talked about;

-how the tea set we were using is from Nana and Pa, several Christmases ago, because they had heard we started having tea every afternoon under the trampoline at Opa's house - and how it's expensive and rimmed in real gold and isn't made anymore, and how awesome they are to have bought it for a bunch of little kids to use outside

-the 5 ancient shipwrecks that have been found off the coast of Italy - what that kind of depth is comparable to, how some of them are from before Jesus was born, how much of the glass objects and ceramic vases and things are INTACT and perfect, why ships don't sink so often as they used to...all kinds of stuff, down to all the amazing old things in Italy above sea level, and how Daddy is drawn to traveling to nature (canyons, mountains, waterfalls) and I've always been drawn to traveling to places relevant to people (cathedrals, landmarks in Rome, Venice floating, the middle eastern places that were part of the life of Christ)

-the Christ the Redeemer Statue in Rio de Janeiro...both of those pictures just blow my mind. Anne Rice, in that book I just read, recounts going to see it and the chest up being covered in clouds until the sun broke through.

-the song "Amazing Grace" - the lyrics; the author; what it means to me; the hour *I*, personally first believed; Ani DiFranco and Tori Amos' versions of the song. This is my current favorite:


I've decided that when Dama comes this Fall, we have to have tea everyday while she's here (assuming we aren't out in the afternoon). It's wonderful how much even Jake and Elise just adore doing something formal and ritualistic. Today we were just at our dining table. They look like they have something so special and secret and exciting to do, just picking up their spoon to stir.

May 2017

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