altarflame: (Default)
I've had a very full week.

Today, Grant and I took Aaron and Elise out. We dropped him at dance, and took her with us to the Apple store to look at a laptop Grant dropped that's having some kind of problems which he made worse trying to open up and fix himself. The four of us had lunch at Panera and walked around the Falls (where the Apple store is) as we waited for our appointment.

Whenever I'm in the Apple store, I'm struck by how wildly aesthetically pleasing it is. So monochromatic and sleek, without being cold. So spacious, even when packed. It seems very significant that all the employees walking around are normal people. You can get a 19 year old girl, or someone middle aged, or anyone, to help you at the Apple store - the standard weird IT guy vibe is just not present. They have a whole table surrounded by bean bag chairs where kids can sit and play on iPads. The funniest part of this is that nearby, employees are patiently teaching middle aged people to use their new iPads - but nobody has to teach the toddlers or preschoolers. They just hop on and start playing games while someone explains the things to their parents. It makes me think adults should consider handing their own mystifying iPads to their four year olds at home - "Can you please show Mommy how to get on the internet?"

It's been a pretty calm day. Grant and I took a nap. He mowed the grass and fixed the library table and washed some dishes. I went through some bags of clothes someone gave us, with the kids, and cleaned up the library and reorganized the shelves, with Ananda, and made dinner - chicken with mushrooms, mac n cheese, steamed broccoli and our new favorite side dish, sliced cold cucumbers with soy sauce and sesame seeds.

Elise fell asleep in my lap a little while ago, as we talked quietly, and then Grant came and carried her off to bed.

The week, though, I don't even know where to begin.


Florence and the Machine was AMAZING Wednesday night. I mean. There just are not words. Grant and I took Ananda. Izzy babysat my other kids. She got here at around 4, and then Annie and I went and met Grant at his job, grabbed some food and headed over to the show.

It was Annie's first concert, and my first non-Tori Amos big concert (I've seen Tori 3 times, and a bunch of small shows and outdoor events and things for no-name and local acts). Grant had been to see Radiohead previously. She used saved allowance money to get a necklace before it started, and I got the Lungs record to hang on the wall because the cover is beautiful. In case you don't know, records are now widely available for this, and since nobody has a record player they all come with free downloads of the album on MP3, which is somewhere between clever and ridiculous. Like, Urban Outfitters now has a whole big vinyl section, with a freakin' display of "album frames," it's kind of silly.

Our seats were pretty good. 10th row, but down a bit from the stage (which was at one end of an oval arena that is sometimes for NHL hockey games - the central floor area was general admission). We had some cool talking and new facebook liking before the show started, because the row behind was filled with an entire roller derby team. I shared how Grant and I both got separate speeding tickets the same day last year while listening to Florence's Drumming Song, and how she really owes us over $400. The woman who runs Elise's old preschool was there, too, with her husband, and we met up a bit and were texting.

Their opening act was ok. Bass laden ambient alternative rock, I guess - The Maccabees. Overall I was impatient for them to stop because, come on, I was really excited for the main event. I drank a double rum and coke while they played in the hopes that I could manage to stand for the entirety of Florence's set, and jump around and dance like a fool, without any weird back/hip/foot pain (that worked really well, incidentally, combined with the adrenaline from being there and how much it rocked - but I was paying for it bigtime later, I couldn't let anything at all touch my foot the whole way home in the van O_o).

So yeah. Giant swish of fabric uncovering the huge golden harp, and lights off dark, and wow. The set changed in so many ways for each different song, just brilliant. HER ENERGY is infectious and astounding and seriously entertaining. She sang the first song (Only If For A Night, my latest new favorite) standing there at the mic stand, and then Drumming Song came on (I turned to the roller derby girl like THIS SONG and she laughed) and as the music went wild Florence broke away from the stand and started running jumping leaping laughing all over the stage as she wailed like she does. Lungs is right :p

She was wearing this gorgeous black and red floor length gown that had ripped up the side backstage. Between songs at one point she explained that she'd safety pinned it but one of them came out as she danced, and went in her foot, so she had to take a minute to fix it. Have I mentioned I love this woman? I may be in love with this woman.

Rabbit Heart was next, and that is a song I have some deep personal history with on several levels. She talked beforehand about raising up people you were there with who you loved - your friend, or spouse, or lover, or someone you gave birth to.

The looking glass, so shiny and new
How quickly the glamor fades
I start spinning slipping out of time
Was that the wrong pill to take?
You made a deal and now it seems you have to offer up
But will it ever be enough?
It's not enough
Raise it up, raise it up -
Here I am, a rabbit hearted girl
Frozen in the headlights
It seems I've made the final sacrifice


It sounded great live, and it was making me cry at that volume, this song was right in with my worst moments and the time that inspired me changing a lot of things in my life - and then she ran down off the stage, into the general admission crowd, right past us and was dancing barefoot and wild with her floor length ripped dress hiked up to her knees, at the other end of the floor, before racing back to the stage, somehow without getting mobbed.

This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife
When Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight

I must become a lion hearted girl
Ready for a fight
Before I make the final sacrifice


It was just great. Cosmic Love was after that - I could die happy.

She did Between Two Lungs, and No Light, No Light - which is my current speeding ticket endangerment song - and so many great songs. Everything I really wanted to hear. There were two slower songs everyone sat down for and they were good, but then the single organ note at the beginning of Shake it Out started and the entire place (over 10,000 people) leaped to their feet at once screaming and she drew it out, that one note as she talked to us forever about Florida and going out that night and regretting it in the morning and so on with her lovely british accent.

I don't even normally really like Shake it Out but I was there screaming the lyrics with Annie everytime she turned the mic towards the crowd, thinking YES what is this I can never leave the past behind, I can see no way, I can see no way and now everytime it comes on Pandora I tear up. I swear I'm turning into one of those Michael Jackson fangirls you'd see tearing their hair out and getting wheeled out unconscious by paramedics in the front rows in the 80s :p Not quite, but really she puts on a great show. It gave Grant this whole existential crisis just to see a human being fully realizing their potential that way - that she's unleashing all this passion and nobody can get enough of it. That she's travelling the world jumping and dancing and singing her heart out and 10,000 people at a shot pay money to come be a part of it.

It was really good stuff. They made us shriek and howl for awhile before they pranced back out for the encore, which started as What The Water Gave Me. The gates to the floor were opened and people streamed down and out into the main area in front of the stage, and Ananda and I raced down for that. Then she (Flo) did this big you guys are gonna jump up and down for me thing and started Dog Days Are Over and everyone lost their minds, we jumped laughing hysterically with our hair in each others' faces the whole song and then stumbled out arm and arm with Annie raving that it was the most awesome thing that's ever happened in all of history.

So yes, that was fabulous. I'm extremely glad I went, and happy everytime I look at the album on my wall, and enjoying the music even more than I did before. And my school kids were sleeping when I got home, and Ananda and Aaron stayed up half the night with Izzy (she slept here).

Thursday started horrifically early and was anticlimactically busy - Grant had arranged to be off, but it was just. Ugh. 7am came awfully early, getting Isaac and Elise up and ready and to school and then heading off to college and back again to get everyone for dance and PATH, and I had a mandatory dance company meeting, and we had to retrieve the car from the train station since I'd driven Grant home the evening before, and deliver Izzy to her mother, and Isaac's homework and Miralax and Elise lost a tooth and so we needed cash, just a million things nonstop. A lot of it good - I got a serendipitous extension on a lot of Spanish work I had blown off and some relieving financial news. But so much time in traffic, and my sister came to the park during PATH with her kids and I barely even got to talk to her.

Friday was mostly a huge drag. My bike was stolen right off my front porch (lock cut and thrown to the side in the grass) - which is my second bike stolen off our porch, though the first one was not secured and so I blamed myself that time. My kids were all being as tedious and moody as possible - Annie PMS'ing x100, she and Aaron needing guidance and clarification on every single possible small point with Virtual School, such that I spent three hours with Jake waiting to go to the library as I just went back and forth between the two of them beating my head against a wall. Then, when I took him, the library was closed. Just one of those days. By evening I managed to reclaim it somewhat, I pulled Annie out of her frustration to bake pumpkin bread with me after I'd retrieved everyone from school and karate, and we had tea with it out on the deck. Then I read them Shel Silverstein poems in the tv room for half an hour, and by the end of it everyone was acting decently...

And that's about all I've got time for this evening. Planning some pictures tomorrow :)
altarflame: (Time is coming for me.)
I am really, really busy. I have too much time to think because I'm often busy in idle ways - driving people to far flung locations, sweeping the floor, sitting in a boring class, etc. But as far as sitting down to make a big entry? Not so simple lately...

I got an actual ring for my nose piercing.

I really like writing papers and analyzing literature again, for english.

Grant went to his interview for the other job and got an official offer, that he's trying to leverage to get a fat raise at his current one...but he doesn't really think that'll happen.

I made my YouTube obsessed son this cake for his 10th birthday:



Tonight, when I went and picked the two of them up from the third extended, four hour long Lord of the Rings movie (they've been showing them in theaters...) I had to listen to the most absurd conversations ever the whole way home.

Ananda: IT WAS SO EPIC, IT WAS THE MOST EPIC THING I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE, THERE WAS NO END TO THE EPICNESS, TOMORROW LOGAN IS GOING TO HEAR A WHOLE LECTURE ON ALL THE EPIC -
Me: Logan likes Lord of the Rings?
Ananda: NO! But I'm going to make him listen anyway! I made Aaron listen for half an hour!
Aaron: It's really weird how for this, she's the hyper crazy one and I'm the calm one.
Ananda: He's the only one who'll listen!
Aaron: Sometimes I just have to play along.
Ananda: You remember the Nazgul?
Aaron: The what?
Ananda: The nazgul, come on Aaron!
Aaron: The Nashew?
Ananda: *rolling her eyes* I forget you don't speak elvish.
Aaron: Not everyone SPEAKS ELVISH ANNIE.
Ananda: Ok, well, the NAZ-GUL -
Aaron: Nah-hooey?
Ananda: NAZ-GUL!!
Aaron: Naz*raspberry fart noise*fahoohoo?
Me: Bursting into hysterical laughter as I drive
Ananda: MOM you're encouraging him!
Me: nearly wrecking as tears start to fall
Aaron: I know what you're talking about. The leader of the ring wraiths.
Ananda: You KNEW?!?!

She's absconded the ring from our Lord of the Rings monopoly and is wearing it around her neck all the time on a chain, which causes Aaron to constantly talk in a horribly accurate Gollem voice about The Precious and randomly tackle her for it.

Jake has been walking around with a giant straw, sucking up air and then burping loudly.

My kids, I tell you.


I think everyone is mostly doing well, although I am periodically at a serious loss about my lack of downtime. Today I spent a lot of time on hold on the phone, I taught everyone and had them do tons of schoolwork, I read to A and A, I cooked lunch, I did my homework, I went to class, I picked them up from their movie. I'm starting an EARLY MORNING EXCERCISE ROUTINE that sounds like serving myself up a big plate of death for breakfast each day because I've gained weight and am at an all time high and really not happy about it.

I'm loving Florence and the Machine's live performances on KEXP (easily found on YouTube), and this enormous insane ring I got the other day, I mean, it's just ridiculous. I'm a giant piece of red glass that I texted a pic of to [livejournal.com profile] rainingkisses and she was just like, that is gaudy. I'm getting another God forsaken piece of shit ear infection (I'm not happy about this, can you tell?) and even though I've been CHUGGING emergen-C, raw garlic, probiotics and anti-inflammatories, and using the alcohol and vinegar spray my ENT had me whip up to keep in a spray bottle, I can tell I'm gonna have to go to in. I don't have TIME for the ENT. My next few days are like, sell my summer a course textbook back for gas money, get my new financial aid appeal filed, take the kids to this beach day we have scheduled with some other families, TLC at the Pinecrest Library, potluck at Kristin's house, homework, 3 online quizzes for social science, another english class, water all my plants, clean this pig sty again, teach everyone read to everyone love everyone cook a lot - this is all before the weekend. I do not have time for doctor's appointments.

But I can tell the pain is gonna go through the roof sometime in the next 3 days :/

I also need to go back to my gynecologist all post-period and have her check that my IUD is still positioned correctly and give me a green light to not think about it again until my next pap smear.

Tangent: I went to the orientation for Elise's preschool and really loved it. I'm super excited for her. Ananda, Aaron, Isaac and Jake are all gonna be in the Greater Miami Youth Symphony beginner's camp from 9am-3pm for 3 weeks this summer, which is a TON of time for just Elise and I. Then when the school year starts, she'll be in pre-k from 9am-noon and I imagine it'll give me a good opportunity to take advantage of doing school with the older four without her constant show stealing interruptions. I'm considering how many mornings per week I want this to be for; I'd just assumed it would be all five but as I was selecting options on paper the other day I realized it might be better in several ways to just make it M-T-W.

Ananda had her Girl Scout award ceremony for the end of the year. She's a cadette now. I sewed everything on her new vest for the event and she made brownies and lemonade herself to take. I also surprised her with an audaciously enormous owl ring from the same place I bought this absurd ring I'm wearing.

Grant and I keep doing this touch base on the phone or in the car or over email or as we drowsily lay in the bed thing that involves a lot of furrowed brow-ing and "we're making it all work, we can do this"ing. Sometimes we get kind of scared that we need more time together or are drifting apart, especially as we only just did some major relationship repair work - he is really freaked about taking this new job and committing to so much time apart and it having devastating irreparable effects :/ I feel like we're trying to accomplish massive, enormous amounts of things (me getting a degree and publishing books; us educating and raising our kids well, and paying all the bills we have; him climbing a corporate ladder) all at once and that we just have to sort of buckle down and deal for a year or two and then things will ease up a little on several levels. Hopefully o_O

May 2017

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