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altarflameWell, I've got several half done LJ entries that have been sitting around open for various periods of time, a lot of it the kind of thing I often just delete rather than finish. I'm going to cut some of it below.
Life is pretty good :) I'm listening to a ton of Vampire Weekend pretty reglularly - this week's favorites are Horchata and Step, last week it was Walcott all the time, the week before that I was focused on White Sky and Oxford Comma. My Vampire Weekend Pandora station is a thing of beauty and joy, and has temporarily displaced NPR in our kitchen.
It's probably strange how relevant various iPhone apps are to my daily life. There is Pandora and NPR, and I use the Weight Watchers app anytime I eat or exercise, the C25K app 3 times a week at the Y, my camera very often. Texting throughout the day with Laura and Kristin, and Grant when he's at work, is pretty ongoing. I watch Khan Academy math videos and do Duolingo french lessons basically anytime I'm somewhere waiting. This of course does not count the goofing off that is Tumblr and Facebook.
I realized this weekend that I'm probably going to hit 500 tumblr followers anyday now. I suppose a lot of people like plants, and food, and my random pictures/bizarre sense of humor.
I'm also going to be down in the 230s this week. I started this ~*~weight loss journey~*~ in the 260s.
Elise had a neurological evaluation up at Miami Children's Hospital yesterday. The PA that worked with us was very nice, she interviewed me for a long time and then examined Elise. Next she had Elise write her name, draw a person, identify various letters and their sounds, and then try repeatedly and without success to sound out a simple word (sit) whose letters and sounds she obviously is very familiar with. She's 7 and going into 2nd grade, and this is her first formal evaluation since mid-year during preschool, fyi. She actually had three evals during preschool, that went "barely behind in a couple of areas, ahead in others" then "pretty behind in speech and writing and patterns, but ok otherwise," and then "average to above average across the board." Then in Kindergarten it was clear she couldn't move at a standard academic pace, and I took her out mid-year. Throughout the last year+, for first grade, it's been very obvious that she has some short term memory issues, but they manifest in this maddeningly inconsistent way that's very hard to pin down.
I know from working with Ananda and Isaac that Elise definitely has some kind of reading disability - it is just a whole different world than teaching neurotypical kids. Aaron and Jake practically seemed to teach THEMSELVES compared to Annie and Isaac, and Elise is very much like they were - doesn't recognize a word we just did repeated exercises with a minute before, can't even string the sounds together mentally when I say them out loud one after the other, and even start to blend them out loud - and makes wild guesses that come out of absolutely NOWHERE ("igloo" for sit, since there's an i in the middle). There is this frustrating disparity that happens in these learning disability situations, where you have a kid who seems brilliant in conversation and who you watch figure out all sorts of complex concepts, who then cannot do this seemingly simple task.
Anyway, the PA also had her walk a straight line, hop a lot of each foot, follow her finger with eye but not head movement, and some other things. She seems confident that Elise no longer has any real neurological problems, but does have some kind or kinds of learning disability. Our next steps are an "N-met" test back at this same office, on a computer in a couple of weeks, to test her attention and focus, and then a psycho-ed eval at a university department. Hopefully that will be sooner than the N-Met, but I keep getting a voicemail and leaving messages so we'll see.
We've been waiting since late March for the appt she had yesterday, so I'm glad the other appointments are seeming soon. My goal here is to get her some concrete diagnoses to enter school with on August 18, so that she can get an IEP asap. The school she's going to is the one that did wonders for Isaac - he was in a class with 2 fulltime teachers and an aid for 22 kids, and he was getting before and after school tutoring in addition to having lot of "Reading Plus" work to do online at home, via their subscription.
Really what I've seen with Annie at home and Isaac at school is that, with a smart kid with a reading disorder, you keep trying new things until eventually something just clicks in a way that leaves you wondering whether it was the actual last method, or just them getting old enough. Annie and Isaac both read chapter books for pleasure regularly now, but I still feel nervous about Elise because of her history making it all seem like new territory.
And, it is still on the table whether or not Elise will be staying in school at all. But I want to give it a chance, and she is excited. I think the main variable is honestly whose class she ends up in.
She was excited to do the evaluation yesterday morning, and loved it, so that's helpful. There were stickers and a trip to Starbucks involved, too.
Old partial nonsense rambling entries!
Biking
One of my best friends recently switched to a car free lifestyle, and she's REALLY excited about it. She blogs bike stuff constantly, just got her expensive and shiny commuter bike, and does little BUT bike around and invite people to bike around with her, while awake. I love it for her, and I love it as an idea for society, but I keep thinking of more and more reasons why I'm just not into biking around much, myself. I LOVE walking places rather than taking a car when things are close. I love using transit when we're up in the city and/or on vacation somewhere with transit. And, to be fair, I have depended on my bike to get to and from college classes and to drop Elise off/pick her up from preschool, as well as quick grocery store runs for a thing or two, when we were a one car family. But...I hated it for some of the same reasons I'm not eager to get back to it. Which kind of sucks, because my town just got with the program and painted some bike lanes on some of the bigger roads, which is a move I strongly support. So, why am I such a baby about biking more often, then?
-Biking often - with various seats and in various positions - gives me some serious "loss of vulva sensation" issues. It's something I've researched and apparently a lot of people have this problem. There are some mixed-review products on Amazon that claim to offer relief, but I have yet to invest in one.
-Half or more of my wardrobe is completely impossible on a bike. I've almost died while peddling more than once when a baggy pants-leg got caught in my chain, and that's to say nothing of my maxi dresses. I do more short dresses with tights these days, but still. I am basically someone who would straight up rather not go somewhere, than wear shorts. It just isn't going to happen. I used to have to change clothes literally anytime I needed to hop on my bike for an errand, and then come home and change again immediately.
-On that same note - I don't own a helmet, and have never used one. I make my kids use them, even though I honestly think it's sort of silly and unnecessary (unless they're doing stunts or something). I have a hard time dealing with anything on my face or head. I'm the only person I know who can't sit through a 3D movie because of the glasses touching my face, and who has never managed to wear sunglasses for more than 15 minutes no matter how much I've paid for them. This is related to my loathing of cowl necks, turtle necks, chokers, etc. So that's one part of the helmet trouble - I mean I stopped enjoying go cart racing when the local go cart place made helmets necessary.
The other part of the helmet hate is, I REALLY love my big wild curly hair. Any sort of money or time I spend on my hair (which, granted, ain't much), is designed to put volume on top. Flat hair will honestly send me running for the shower way faster than BO. Having some kind of semi-permanent helmet hair everywhere I go is an absolute deal breaker for me. Just no. In this heat? It's over 95 at some point every freakin' day. Over 95 IN A HELMET?!?! Buuuut...clearly I'm not going to make the switch to frequent and regular biking, on busier streets, without wearing a helmet. This is actually a pretty dangerous area for cyclists, once you get out of the suburban neighborhoods. *sigh* I read some wonderful stuff about how Dutch people never wear helmets, hate helmets, and bike everywhere, all the time - but they have safe bike lanes far from the moving cars, like, everywhere. It's very different than going without one in Florida. There is some multi-hundred-dollar "invisible helmet" product that inflates on impact like an airbag?
So I guess if I am willing to shell out a couple hundred dollars for a special seat that may or may not work, and a couple more hundred dollars for an "invisible helmet," and just deal with a radical alteration in my wardrobe that makes me sad, theeeeen I just have to contend with trying to get 2 doublewide cartloads of groceries home every 10 days. Or keeping 5-6 other people who are with me from dying/falling behind. Blarg.
This pointless rambling brought to you by the increasing cognitive dissonance of driving a minivan on the highway so often.
Introversion, Family Dynamics, Fall, Etc
I'm aware of what an introverted cave dweller I have to be at times, lately. At least a couple of Real Life people who may be reading this have noticed. It's a constant pulse of loneliness vs a never ending need to get away from everybody, with the moments of peace generally consisting of sweet one on one time with one of my kids, or times when it's just Grant and I.
Last week my mother in law, her mom, and her brother came down - which is pretty wonderful, I should mention, I love my mil and Grant's other assorted family. They came for a sad reason (health problems of another extended relative), but spent a nice afternoon with us, left for a little while for a hospital visit, and came back for a long (delicious, cooked by G) dinner. There were also a couple of phone calls with them. I had a friend over Friday, for most of the evening. Then my mom was in town all weekend. And really, counseling is amazing because I feel a lot better about my mom. There is a suspension of disbelief about her health issues that has to happen for me, but she gained a little bit of weight and looks WAY more like she used to, which is helpful. Anyway, she was at our house for a couple of hours Saturday afternoon, then along with driving A&A places, Grant and I talked with Cybele (who, again, I love) for about 30 minutes, before heading to my sister's apartment to pick up our little kids and talk to my mother more, Saturday evening.
Sunday G&I were out literally all day long, doing some things we love (Farmer's Market, Pinecrest Gardens) and some things that we had to (taking the little kids to spend their money, driving Ananda and Aaron around to activities and gatherings) - but they were all done with 3-8 (when the cousins were underfoot) kids in tow, and it was REALLY REALLY HOT the whole time. All day long, sweating. Then I went to dinner with my mom, and Laura and Frank and their kids. And came home. Dinner was good, drinks were fun, I took a lot of pictures that I put on facebook.
But I really feel like I'm in RECOVERY today, from the past week. Ananda's still up at Izzy's, Grant's at work, and I've really just spent pretty much the whole day reading in my bed, taking a nap, and using the internet at the desk in my room while the kids build with legos and make themselves sandwiches. Rereading hours later, I did run out for more almond milk and Aaron made everyone a stock pot of mac n cheese. I put a couple of chickens in the ovens. Now I'm in here again and they're on the trampoline :p
Some stress and introversion vs extroversion points...
1.) Isaac being home for the summer has radically altered our home environment. He has never really known how to amuse himself, which Jake and Elise usually do frequently while he's at school - they play together a lot, too, but they also pass hours at a time on their own, drawing pictures or "writing books" or doing their own pretend games or computer games. Isaac is visibly restless and bugging people within like a minute of not being involved in something WITH someone else, though, like to the point that he stands next to whatever they're doing trying to tempt them away constantly - "Hey Jake when you're done playing Chess with Aaron can we play legos? Maybe if you move that there, it will go faster. Can you just promise we'll play legos for a long time and you won't go do something with Elise or start reading again?" He's the one kid who never knows how to take a step back when he (or the others) need it. Even when people are getting grumpy, or want space, or everyone is sick of the game they're playing. And he likes to control every game, whereas Jake and Elise like to do this sort of creative parallel play a lot of the time. SO...we have had a radical uptick in bickering and telling on each other. To say the least.
That normally happens when Isaac gets home from school in the afternoons, and on weekends - one friend/sitter once texted me, alarmed, to say that Isaac coming home from school at my house was "like dropping Mentos into a glass of Coke." Since my house was very calm during the school days, with the other 4 home. But now, with school out, it's only calm when they're all asleep. *sigh*
Several times since summer began, Grant has taken Isaac out of the house for a couple of one on one hours or I've consciously engaged him in something behind a closed door, because Jake is so stressed out and exhausted by having to ALWAYS be doing something together with him everyfreakingminute, being followed around and baited and begged and pestered and even bullied, and never being allowed to do ANYTHING with Elise that doesn't include Isaac, too. The parental-removal-with-decoy is really like the ONLY way to keep Isaac from him without Isaac getting upset about being FORCED to stay away from him, asking how many more minutes he has to wait, if he can set a timer, just O_O If I do put my foot down and tell them they just have to separate for awhile, Jake feels bad and just says he'll play with Isaac because otherwise Isaac is obviously upset.
I've tried to talk to him about it several times, because Isaac is really smart and pretty self aware, and he kinda gets what I'm talking about but just cries like he can't stand the whole subject and then - though he says he'll try to do more things by himself here and there throughout the day - absolutely nothing changes. Reminding him throughout the day invariably leads to a meltdown :/ Then I worry about Jake and Elise doing so much less creative stuff and being so agitated constantly, and I worry about sending them to school come fall, too, because then they'll never HAVE the free unstructured time without Isaac around, and then I feel conflicted and guilty about even having to worry about that because I love Isaac, he's just a kid, and I worry about his future happiness, escalating unsolvable nonsense, wash rinse and repeat.
The point of this explanation is that I am reffing arguments and listening to various sides of tedious, convoluted stories ALL DAY EVERY DAY for about a month and a half now, during which Grant has done a lot of work-travelling and had more of his own social life after work, two hours north of here, through the week. So, I increasingly look forward to the weekends, when the two of us get in a car alone and speed away from the house for a big chunk of one of the days. When we have to do a lot of kid-intensive stuff all weekend long and don't have that, I generally experience some transient despair right around Sunday afternoon, as I realize I'm about to start a new week over without any real break in between.
2.) Going places as a family no longer works quite the way it used to. This makes me sad on a regular basis, and frustrates me ENORMOUSLY in the moment. It's almost impossible to get Ananda AND Aaron excited by the same things that will excite Elise - many, many things I tell them all we're going to do are met with cheers by the little kids and eye rolls or groaning by the big kids. "NOT SWIMMING MOM I'M ON MY PERIOD" is a drag, but I get it. "NOT SWIMMING MOM YOU MADE US DO THAT LAST WEEK UGH" or "I have to take a shower before I can go anywhere and none of my socks are clean" irritate me. Especially from people who would not see sunshine or fresh air in any form if I didn't drag them from the house and push them out into the world, some days.
All 7 of us in the van is also pretty crappy, for awhile now. Without intervention I worry that they might kill each other fighting for the second row captain's chairs, and Ananda and Jake both legitimately get seriously carsick in the third row...but they are also the ones who diffuse the insane, cramped, irritable fighting that happens in the third row when it's full. Aaron is significantly taller than I am, so I get why he doesn't want to be back there. SOMEONE always has to have the dreaded middle-of-the-3rd-row seat. God help us all if it's Isaac or Elise, and judging from the demographics I just explained, you guess who it generally is. Just stab me in the fucking eye, you know? When we're bringing Annie home from derby practice, she STINKS and her gear is so foul, there is really no way to describe the way the entire vehicle becomes unbearable unless you've had a teenager play an outdoor sport in the Florida summer than involves a lot of padding. The junior team parents have traded a lot of tips and brainstorming on this issue and none of us have figured out how to avoid lingering, deadly funk.
JUST ME and the 5 kids out works if we're at BJ's and I'm sending teams of people off on missions to bring things back to the cart, or if we go to a restaurant and are sitting around and eating. They are also great at attending events. Parks are ok, although again, Ananda and Aaron are pretty bored at parks now unless they have skate ramps.
I think what I hate more than anything about whole family outings is when Grant is getting all pissed off because, for instance, we're standing in the mosquito-laden dusk loading a lot of sandy stuff into the hatch, ARGUING ABOUT SEATING, and realizing we didn't park near the showers and Isaac is starting to cry. Or, G's starting to stomp around and refuse to participate because we're at some cramped stupid crowded place like Whole Foods as a giant group on a Sunday afternoon, and someone is always interrupting someone else but we can't hear any of what any of them are trying to say, and the people behind us are getting visibly agitated that we're in their way. In every aisle, the entire time. BTW, There is basically nothing that will make me feel confident in my own saintly patience faster than Grant getting really impatient ;) But you know, I have that stay at home mom feeling of "Really? Really, you can't deal with this for JUST A COUPLE OF HOURS? BECAUSE THIS IS MY LIFE." I've noticed that in general, Moms immediately become flawless martyrs in the presence of grumpy Dads. And vice versa.
Some of what I'm talking about here is normal stuff that just happens - when one parent works so often and is kinda out of the loop, or when kids are becoming adolescents. Obviously we weren't going to have everyone feeling spread out in their big plushy carseats forever. Singalongs are no longer solutions, now they're more like threats. But there are moments when I definitely pine for the times when I had Elise strapped to me, and 2 kids in a cart, if for no other reason than that we were so much more compact and easy to steer. You lose something in assembly line efficiency with sunblock and bug spray when everyone has preferences about how it goes on and 3 out of 5 look at you like you're insane if you think YOU'RE going to put it on them. THEY are going to put it on their own bodies. Very. Very. Slowly.
I suppose I should say - and appreciate - that we are still very good at doing "home as a family" (meaning, actual organized shit that isn't just the little kids bickering while I try to use facebook or make dinner). The kids all still come with enthusiasm, for tea. And I have a milk frother, now, which we've been having a lot of fun with. They all pay attention and enjoy it, when I read to them. Grant has got the older 3 playing D&D with him and the younger 3 doing all kinds of cool creative things with postal boxes and a giant spool he brought home from a data center. I should really update about that, specifically. And, maybe I should stop trying to go out "as a family." It's hard to shake the feeling that it's some kind of serious failing if it's sheer hell to go somewhere as a family, but...I'm not really sure WHY, you know? It isn't just me who seems to need to push the issue, either, because Grant is constantly planning a family ROAD TRIP (oh the van hell...) for the coming months. That we look forward to together, like masochists or fools or whatever it is we are.
I think the issue is that this is not a passing phase. They will all keep getting bigger and outgrowing our oversized transportation. Ananda will move out. The littles will become adolescents who lose their enthusiasm for "family outings." Basically...it's not some transitional rough patch, we are milking the beginning of the end of family outings, and will milk it for as long as we can. Van hell doesn't end, it disappears along with the need for the van.
Fuck all now that's way more sad. I just sort of realized that last paragraph as I typed it out. I almost want to shield my husband from this entry, now.
3.) I crave connecting with people a lot. Adult people, as I have tons of child interaction (which ranges from wonderful to irritating). I do many grown up things that make me happy and/or need to be done, but they are mostly very solitary things. I take care of all my plants, inside and out. I wash dishes constantly, and I cook a lot, both with either NPR or music and dancing. I go to the Y and exercise often, and then take showers afterward. I drive. I use Duolingo and watch math videos on Khan. I read. I go to counseling once a week, I suppose that is technically with someone. These are good things that I enjoy (usually), and that improve my life, but, yeah. By myself.
The thing is, *almost* anyone I hang around for extended periods, I'm drained by to some degree. I become overstimulated as the time passes, and feel like I was doing work, afterward. This is more or less intense depending on who it is. There are so few people who I feel filled up and energized by being around - but THAT is the kind of connection that I crave, when I'm craving connection.
Grant is really the only person who it usually feels as effortless as being alone, to be with. It makes me remember when Elise was in the NICU with a very grim prognosis and it just seemed so HARD to talk to people - doctors, relatives, friends who would call. Nancy. Exhausting work, a real struggle. Whereas talking to Grant was just like thinking inside my own head.
When other non-husband grown-up people want to do things on weekends, I kinda feel like, "thanks for the offer, but this is basically my only opportunity to engage in my actual marriage and I'm not giving up my opportunities for sex, for flirting, for cuddles, for just laughing with him." Then the weeks are a whirlwind.
4.) I live in alternating anticipation and dread of this fall. The anticipating is shrinking and the dread is growing, as it looms closer. I am still hoping the dread will be unfounded, but, we'll see, eh?
Basically, for me, I feel like if I'm sticking my kids in school, I have to really make the time with them, when they're home, COUNT or something. For instance, I've tried to really wake Isaac up in time to have some real conversation with me in the morning over breakfast before he leaves on school days, and I've consistently spent 30 minutes alone with him in his room each night before bed, since he's been in. It's usually about half reading and half talking to him about whatever he wants to talk about. Multiplying this business by 5 sounds very intimidating. Letting it go because that's just too much sounds terrible and unacceptable.
Just figuring out what to pack them all for lunch every day sounds very intimidating.
Getting everyone's homework done in the evening sounds like absolute HELL, especially with a bedtime clock really ticking.
Isaac is really exceptional at both waking up early in the mornings, and doing his homework unprompted and quickly. I know those are going to be very different experiences with my other sons.
I basically have no idea what this experiment is going to be like, but I'm excited for them, and they're excited, and, again...we'll see.
I was telling Grant I might make great new friends in school this fall, but it will just sort of be too damn bad, because I absolutely HAVE to use my extra hours on campus to really GO to stats tutoring and to do all my homework. I'm taking 15 credits and I'm not going to want my schoolwork to take over our weekends or rob me of the ability to sleep.
I'm genuinely worried, trying to plan ahead about when and how to fit exercise in. I've been swimming laps and treading water and taking walks, on my non c25k days, and that is going to get much harder.
So, I'll revel in my long, rambling LJ entry and reading and tea summer days as much as I possibly can, in the meantime.
5.) I'm sure there are elements of my lifestyle changes that are making me more hermit like and stress-reactive, too. I am sleeping at night and getting up early every day, for months now. That also feeds my sense of not getting any breaks, since "up alone at night by myself" was my break for a lot of years. And I'm trying really fucking hard to be constantly "mindful," i.e., not off in my head making up stories basically ever. That is good because I do more things like play Jenga with Elise and scrubbing the toilets, and also good because if I'm not daydreaming constantly the creative pressure builds up until I actually write, which is a way better use of that energy. Buuuutt....it also definitely makes me restless and lonely to "just" have reality most of the time. In a good way, that motivates me to change things I don't like. But good restlessness and good loneliness are still what they are!
Birth Control
I've got a few Catholic and fundamentalist people on my fb page, this morning, sharing articles where women are stating reasons why they DON'T use birth control. It's clearly meant to be a lot of empowering affirmations, and it's obviously reactionary since the whole Hobby Lobby thing has led to liberal articles where women state reasons why they DO use birth control.
The "why I don't" list has a ton of health concerns:
“Because dying of a blood clot, stroke, or heart attack are not options. Neither is uterine atrophy and the chance of permanent infertility.”
“Because it lowers your sex drive. And causes weight gain. And I like having a sex drive.”
“For the same reasons I don’t expose myself to formaldehyde, asbestos, arsenic, radon, phosphorus and other such things…. because they are class 1 Carcinogens- poison.”
I understand these concerns. I shared these concerns, for a very long time. I still HAVE some concerns about birth control safety and side effects of methods, for myself and for my daughters one day off in the future.
Buuuuut...the really glaring part of the puzzle that seems to be missing for these people, and was definitely missing for me, personally, is that PREGNANCY AND CHILDBIRTH CARRY ENORMOUS HEALTH RISKS. I've always seen myself as such a naturalist in this way, so unwilling to put things in my body that could cause harm, you know? I really had to damn near die before it occurred to me that NOT using birth control could also change, harm, or even kill me. I mean, really - altered sex drive? Weight gain? Risks of blood clot? She could be reading right out of, "What to Expect When You're Expecting" - just the first paragraph :p Or "What to Expect the First Year," for that matter.
I just get genuinely worried when I see women having back to back kids year after year out of (at least partially), fear of or aversion to artificial birth control methods. Clearly some people do manage to practice NFP successfully, and some rare contingent out there is satisfied with a life of abstinence - I'm not trying to knock anyone's personal beliefs. Health concerns and mostly that fear of the unknown that can accompany medical intervention, though, seems like a whole other thing, perhaps on a venn diagram with the religious convictions.
Childbirth and especially cesarean - which is often practically unavoidable in the developed world - are pretty freakin' risk laden. I view my children as worth the health problems I've had, but, geez, those problems have really accumulated, you know? Pregnancy's given me things like tooth decalcification, decreasing platelets, temporary diabetes, nausea and vomiting, diastasis of my ab muscles - we'll not even go into my laundry list of c-section fallout. My IUD gave me some real bad cramps the month I got it put in, and BV until I figured out how to keep that at bay. It's been chilling in there for over 3 years. Food for thought.
Life is pretty good :) I'm listening to a ton of Vampire Weekend pretty reglularly - this week's favorites are Horchata and Step, last week it was Walcott all the time, the week before that I was focused on White Sky and Oxford Comma. My Vampire Weekend Pandora station is a thing of beauty and joy, and has temporarily displaced NPR in our kitchen.
It's probably strange how relevant various iPhone apps are to my daily life. There is Pandora and NPR, and I use the Weight Watchers app anytime I eat or exercise, the C25K app 3 times a week at the Y, my camera very often. Texting throughout the day with Laura and Kristin, and Grant when he's at work, is pretty ongoing. I watch Khan Academy math videos and do Duolingo french lessons basically anytime I'm somewhere waiting. This of course does not count the goofing off that is Tumblr and Facebook.
I realized this weekend that I'm probably going to hit 500 tumblr followers anyday now. I suppose a lot of people like plants, and food, and my random pictures/bizarre sense of humor.
I'm also going to be down in the 230s this week. I started this ~*~weight loss journey~*~ in the 260s.
Elise had a neurological evaluation up at Miami Children's Hospital yesterday. The PA that worked with us was very nice, she interviewed me for a long time and then examined Elise. Next she had Elise write her name, draw a person, identify various letters and their sounds, and then try repeatedly and without success to sound out a simple word (sit) whose letters and sounds she obviously is very familiar with. She's 7 and going into 2nd grade, and this is her first formal evaluation since mid-year during preschool, fyi. She actually had three evals during preschool, that went "barely behind in a couple of areas, ahead in others" then "pretty behind in speech and writing and patterns, but ok otherwise," and then "average to above average across the board." Then in Kindergarten it was clear she couldn't move at a standard academic pace, and I took her out mid-year. Throughout the last year+, for first grade, it's been very obvious that she has some short term memory issues, but they manifest in this maddeningly inconsistent way that's very hard to pin down.
I know from working with Ananda and Isaac that Elise definitely has some kind of reading disability - it is just a whole different world than teaching neurotypical kids. Aaron and Jake practically seemed to teach THEMSELVES compared to Annie and Isaac, and Elise is very much like they were - doesn't recognize a word we just did repeated exercises with a minute before, can't even string the sounds together mentally when I say them out loud one after the other, and even start to blend them out loud - and makes wild guesses that come out of absolutely NOWHERE ("igloo" for sit, since there's an i in the middle). There is this frustrating disparity that happens in these learning disability situations, where you have a kid who seems brilliant in conversation and who you watch figure out all sorts of complex concepts, who then cannot do this seemingly simple task.
Anyway, the PA also had her walk a straight line, hop a lot of each foot, follow her finger with eye but not head movement, and some other things. She seems confident that Elise no longer has any real neurological problems, but does have some kind or kinds of learning disability. Our next steps are an "N-met" test back at this same office, on a computer in a couple of weeks, to test her attention and focus, and then a psycho-ed eval at a university department. Hopefully that will be sooner than the N-Met, but I keep getting a voicemail and leaving messages so we'll see.
We've been waiting since late March for the appt she had yesterday, so I'm glad the other appointments are seeming soon. My goal here is to get her some concrete diagnoses to enter school with on August 18, so that she can get an IEP asap. The school she's going to is the one that did wonders for Isaac - he was in a class with 2 fulltime teachers and an aid for 22 kids, and he was getting before and after school tutoring in addition to having lot of "Reading Plus" work to do online at home, via their subscription.
Really what I've seen with Annie at home and Isaac at school is that, with a smart kid with a reading disorder, you keep trying new things until eventually something just clicks in a way that leaves you wondering whether it was the actual last method, or just them getting old enough. Annie and Isaac both read chapter books for pleasure regularly now, but I still feel nervous about Elise because of her history making it all seem like new territory.
And, it is still on the table whether or not Elise will be staying in school at all. But I want to give it a chance, and she is excited. I think the main variable is honestly whose class she ends up in.
She was excited to do the evaluation yesterday morning, and loved it, so that's helpful. There were stickers and a trip to Starbucks involved, too.
Old partial nonsense rambling entries!
Biking
One of my best friends recently switched to a car free lifestyle, and she's REALLY excited about it. She blogs bike stuff constantly, just got her expensive and shiny commuter bike, and does little BUT bike around and invite people to bike around with her, while awake. I love it for her, and I love it as an idea for society, but I keep thinking of more and more reasons why I'm just not into biking around much, myself. I LOVE walking places rather than taking a car when things are close. I love using transit when we're up in the city and/or on vacation somewhere with transit. And, to be fair, I have depended on my bike to get to and from college classes and to drop Elise off/pick her up from preschool, as well as quick grocery store runs for a thing or two, when we were a one car family. But...I hated it for some of the same reasons I'm not eager to get back to it. Which kind of sucks, because my town just got with the program and painted some bike lanes on some of the bigger roads, which is a move I strongly support. So, why am I such a baby about biking more often, then?
-Biking often - with various seats and in various positions - gives me some serious "loss of vulva sensation" issues. It's something I've researched and apparently a lot of people have this problem. There are some mixed-review products on Amazon that claim to offer relief, but I have yet to invest in one.
-Half or more of my wardrobe is completely impossible on a bike. I've almost died while peddling more than once when a baggy pants-leg got caught in my chain, and that's to say nothing of my maxi dresses. I do more short dresses with tights these days, but still. I am basically someone who would straight up rather not go somewhere, than wear shorts. It just isn't going to happen. I used to have to change clothes literally anytime I needed to hop on my bike for an errand, and then come home and change again immediately.
-On that same note - I don't own a helmet, and have never used one. I make my kids use them, even though I honestly think it's sort of silly and unnecessary (unless they're doing stunts or something). I have a hard time dealing with anything on my face or head. I'm the only person I know who can't sit through a 3D movie because of the glasses touching my face, and who has never managed to wear sunglasses for more than 15 minutes no matter how much I've paid for them. This is related to my loathing of cowl necks, turtle necks, chokers, etc. So that's one part of the helmet trouble - I mean I stopped enjoying go cart racing when the local go cart place made helmets necessary.
The other part of the helmet hate is, I REALLY love my big wild curly hair. Any sort of money or time I spend on my hair (which, granted, ain't much), is designed to put volume on top. Flat hair will honestly send me running for the shower way faster than BO. Having some kind of semi-permanent helmet hair everywhere I go is an absolute deal breaker for me. Just no. In this heat? It's over 95 at some point every freakin' day. Over 95 IN A HELMET?!?! Buuuut...clearly I'm not going to make the switch to frequent and regular biking, on busier streets, without wearing a helmet. This is actually a pretty dangerous area for cyclists, once you get out of the suburban neighborhoods. *sigh* I read some wonderful stuff about how Dutch people never wear helmets, hate helmets, and bike everywhere, all the time - but they have safe bike lanes far from the moving cars, like, everywhere. It's very different than going without one in Florida. There is some multi-hundred-dollar "invisible helmet" product that inflates on impact like an airbag?
So I guess if I am willing to shell out a couple hundred dollars for a special seat that may or may not work, and a couple more hundred dollars for an "invisible helmet," and just deal with a radical alteration in my wardrobe that makes me sad, theeeeen I just have to contend with trying to get 2 doublewide cartloads of groceries home every 10 days. Or keeping 5-6 other people who are with me from dying/falling behind. Blarg.
This pointless rambling brought to you by the increasing cognitive dissonance of driving a minivan on the highway so often.
Introversion, Family Dynamics, Fall, Etc
I'm aware of what an introverted cave dweller I have to be at times, lately. At least a couple of Real Life people who may be reading this have noticed. It's a constant pulse of loneliness vs a never ending need to get away from everybody, with the moments of peace generally consisting of sweet one on one time with one of my kids, or times when it's just Grant and I.
Last week my mother in law, her mom, and her brother came down - which is pretty wonderful, I should mention, I love my mil and Grant's other assorted family. They came for a sad reason (health problems of another extended relative), but spent a nice afternoon with us, left for a little while for a hospital visit, and came back for a long (delicious, cooked by G) dinner. There were also a couple of phone calls with them. I had a friend over Friday, for most of the evening. Then my mom was in town all weekend. And really, counseling is amazing because I feel a lot better about my mom. There is a suspension of disbelief about her health issues that has to happen for me, but she gained a little bit of weight and looks WAY more like she used to, which is helpful. Anyway, she was at our house for a couple of hours Saturday afternoon, then along with driving A&A places, Grant and I talked with Cybele (who, again, I love) for about 30 minutes, before heading to my sister's apartment to pick up our little kids and talk to my mother more, Saturday evening.
Sunday G&I were out literally all day long, doing some things we love (Farmer's Market, Pinecrest Gardens) and some things that we had to (taking the little kids to spend their money, driving Ananda and Aaron around to activities and gatherings) - but they were all done with 3-8 (when the cousins were underfoot) kids in tow, and it was REALLY REALLY HOT the whole time. All day long, sweating. Then I went to dinner with my mom, and Laura and Frank and their kids. And came home. Dinner was good, drinks were fun, I took a lot of pictures that I put on facebook.
But I really feel like I'm in RECOVERY today, from the past week. Ananda's still up at Izzy's, Grant's at work, and I've really just spent pretty much the whole day reading in my bed, taking a nap, and using the internet at the desk in my room while the kids build with legos and make themselves sandwiches. Rereading hours later, I did run out for more almond milk and Aaron made everyone a stock pot of mac n cheese. I put a couple of chickens in the ovens. Now I'm in here again and they're on the trampoline :p
Some stress and introversion vs extroversion points...
1.) Isaac being home for the summer has radically altered our home environment. He has never really known how to amuse himself, which Jake and Elise usually do frequently while he's at school - they play together a lot, too, but they also pass hours at a time on their own, drawing pictures or "writing books" or doing their own pretend games or computer games. Isaac is visibly restless and bugging people within like a minute of not being involved in something WITH someone else, though, like to the point that he stands next to whatever they're doing trying to tempt them away constantly - "Hey Jake when you're done playing Chess with Aaron can we play legos? Maybe if you move that there, it will go faster. Can you just promise we'll play legos for a long time and you won't go do something with Elise or start reading again?" He's the one kid who never knows how to take a step back when he (or the others) need it. Even when people are getting grumpy, or want space, or everyone is sick of the game they're playing. And he likes to control every game, whereas Jake and Elise like to do this sort of creative parallel play a lot of the time. SO...we have had a radical uptick in bickering and telling on each other. To say the least.
That normally happens when Isaac gets home from school in the afternoons, and on weekends - one friend/sitter once texted me, alarmed, to say that Isaac coming home from school at my house was "like dropping Mentos into a glass of Coke." Since my house was very calm during the school days, with the other 4 home. But now, with school out, it's only calm when they're all asleep. *sigh*
Several times since summer began, Grant has taken Isaac out of the house for a couple of one on one hours or I've consciously engaged him in something behind a closed door, because Jake is so stressed out and exhausted by having to ALWAYS be doing something together with him everyfreakingminute, being followed around and baited and begged and pestered and even bullied, and never being allowed to do ANYTHING with Elise that doesn't include Isaac, too. The parental-removal-with-decoy is really like the ONLY way to keep Isaac from him without Isaac getting upset about being FORCED to stay away from him, asking how many more minutes he has to wait, if he can set a timer, just O_O If I do put my foot down and tell them they just have to separate for awhile, Jake feels bad and just says he'll play with Isaac because otherwise Isaac is obviously upset.
I've tried to talk to him about it several times, because Isaac is really smart and pretty self aware, and he kinda gets what I'm talking about but just cries like he can't stand the whole subject and then - though he says he'll try to do more things by himself here and there throughout the day - absolutely nothing changes. Reminding him throughout the day invariably leads to a meltdown :/ Then I worry about Jake and Elise doing so much less creative stuff and being so agitated constantly, and I worry about sending them to school come fall, too, because then they'll never HAVE the free unstructured time without Isaac around, and then I feel conflicted and guilty about even having to worry about that because I love Isaac, he's just a kid, and I worry about his future happiness, escalating unsolvable nonsense, wash rinse and repeat.
The point of this explanation is that I am reffing arguments and listening to various sides of tedious, convoluted stories ALL DAY EVERY DAY for about a month and a half now, during which Grant has done a lot of work-travelling and had more of his own social life after work, two hours north of here, through the week. So, I increasingly look forward to the weekends, when the two of us get in a car alone and speed away from the house for a big chunk of one of the days. When we have to do a lot of kid-intensive stuff all weekend long and don't have that, I generally experience some transient despair right around Sunday afternoon, as I realize I'm about to start a new week over without any real break in between.
2.) Going places as a family no longer works quite the way it used to. This makes me sad on a regular basis, and frustrates me ENORMOUSLY in the moment. It's almost impossible to get Ananda AND Aaron excited by the same things that will excite Elise - many, many things I tell them all we're going to do are met with cheers by the little kids and eye rolls or groaning by the big kids. "NOT SWIMMING MOM I'M ON MY PERIOD" is a drag, but I get it. "NOT SWIMMING MOM YOU MADE US DO THAT LAST WEEK UGH" or "I have to take a shower before I can go anywhere and none of my socks are clean" irritate me. Especially from people who would not see sunshine or fresh air in any form if I didn't drag them from the house and push them out into the world, some days.
All 7 of us in the van is also pretty crappy, for awhile now. Without intervention I worry that they might kill each other fighting for the second row captain's chairs, and Ananda and Jake both legitimately get seriously carsick in the third row...but they are also the ones who diffuse the insane, cramped, irritable fighting that happens in the third row when it's full. Aaron is significantly taller than I am, so I get why he doesn't want to be back there. SOMEONE always has to have the dreaded middle-of-the-3rd-row seat. God help us all if it's Isaac or Elise, and judging from the demographics I just explained, you guess who it generally is. Just stab me in the fucking eye, you know? When we're bringing Annie home from derby practice, she STINKS and her gear is so foul, there is really no way to describe the way the entire vehicle becomes unbearable unless you've had a teenager play an outdoor sport in the Florida summer than involves a lot of padding. The junior team parents have traded a lot of tips and brainstorming on this issue and none of us have figured out how to avoid lingering, deadly funk.
JUST ME and the 5 kids out works if we're at BJ's and I'm sending teams of people off on missions to bring things back to the cart, or if we go to a restaurant and are sitting around and eating. They are also great at attending events. Parks are ok, although again, Ananda and Aaron are pretty bored at parks now unless they have skate ramps.
I think what I hate more than anything about whole family outings is when Grant is getting all pissed off because, for instance, we're standing in the mosquito-laden dusk loading a lot of sandy stuff into the hatch, ARGUING ABOUT SEATING, and realizing we didn't park near the showers and Isaac is starting to cry. Or, G's starting to stomp around and refuse to participate because we're at some cramped stupid crowded place like Whole Foods as a giant group on a Sunday afternoon, and someone is always interrupting someone else but we can't hear any of what any of them are trying to say, and the people behind us are getting visibly agitated that we're in their way. In every aisle, the entire time. BTW, There is basically nothing that will make me feel confident in my own saintly patience faster than Grant getting really impatient ;) But you know, I have that stay at home mom feeling of "Really? Really, you can't deal with this for JUST A COUPLE OF HOURS? BECAUSE THIS IS MY LIFE." I've noticed that in general, Moms immediately become flawless martyrs in the presence of grumpy Dads. And vice versa.
Some of what I'm talking about here is normal stuff that just happens - when one parent works so often and is kinda out of the loop, or when kids are becoming adolescents. Obviously we weren't going to have everyone feeling spread out in their big plushy carseats forever. Singalongs are no longer solutions, now they're more like threats. But there are moments when I definitely pine for the times when I had Elise strapped to me, and 2 kids in a cart, if for no other reason than that we were so much more compact and easy to steer. You lose something in assembly line efficiency with sunblock and bug spray when everyone has preferences about how it goes on and 3 out of 5 look at you like you're insane if you think YOU'RE going to put it on them. THEY are going to put it on their own bodies. Very. Very. Slowly.
I suppose I should say - and appreciate - that we are still very good at doing "home as a family" (meaning, actual organized shit that isn't just the little kids bickering while I try to use facebook or make dinner). The kids all still come with enthusiasm, for tea. And I have a milk frother, now, which we've been having a lot of fun with. They all pay attention and enjoy it, when I read to them. Grant has got the older 3 playing D&D with him and the younger 3 doing all kinds of cool creative things with postal boxes and a giant spool he brought home from a data center. I should really update about that, specifically. And, maybe I should stop trying to go out "as a family." It's hard to shake the feeling that it's some kind of serious failing if it's sheer hell to go somewhere as a family, but...I'm not really sure WHY, you know? It isn't just me who seems to need to push the issue, either, because Grant is constantly planning a family ROAD TRIP (oh the van hell...) for the coming months. That we look forward to together, like masochists or fools or whatever it is we are.
I think the issue is that this is not a passing phase. They will all keep getting bigger and outgrowing our oversized transportation. Ananda will move out. The littles will become adolescents who lose their enthusiasm for "family outings." Basically...it's not some transitional rough patch, we are milking the beginning of the end of family outings, and will milk it for as long as we can. Van hell doesn't end, it disappears along with the need for the van.
Fuck all now that's way more sad. I just sort of realized that last paragraph as I typed it out. I almost want to shield my husband from this entry, now.
3.) I crave connecting with people a lot. Adult people, as I have tons of child interaction (which ranges from wonderful to irritating). I do many grown up things that make me happy and/or need to be done, but they are mostly very solitary things. I take care of all my plants, inside and out. I wash dishes constantly, and I cook a lot, both with either NPR or music and dancing. I go to the Y and exercise often, and then take showers afterward. I drive. I use Duolingo and watch math videos on Khan. I read. I go to counseling once a week, I suppose that is technically with someone. These are good things that I enjoy (usually), and that improve my life, but, yeah. By myself.
The thing is, *almost* anyone I hang around for extended periods, I'm drained by to some degree. I become overstimulated as the time passes, and feel like I was doing work, afterward. This is more or less intense depending on who it is. There are so few people who I feel filled up and energized by being around - but THAT is the kind of connection that I crave, when I'm craving connection.
Grant is really the only person who it usually feels as effortless as being alone, to be with. It makes me remember when Elise was in the NICU with a very grim prognosis and it just seemed so HARD to talk to people - doctors, relatives, friends who would call. Nancy. Exhausting work, a real struggle. Whereas talking to Grant was just like thinking inside my own head.
When other non-husband grown-up people want to do things on weekends, I kinda feel like, "thanks for the offer, but this is basically my only opportunity to engage in my actual marriage and I'm not giving up my opportunities for sex, for flirting, for cuddles, for just laughing with him." Then the weeks are a whirlwind.
4.) I live in alternating anticipation and dread of this fall. The anticipating is shrinking and the dread is growing, as it looms closer. I am still hoping the dread will be unfounded, but, we'll see, eh?
Basically, for me, I feel like if I'm sticking my kids in school, I have to really make the time with them, when they're home, COUNT or something. For instance, I've tried to really wake Isaac up in time to have some real conversation with me in the morning over breakfast before he leaves on school days, and I've consistently spent 30 minutes alone with him in his room each night before bed, since he's been in. It's usually about half reading and half talking to him about whatever he wants to talk about. Multiplying this business by 5 sounds very intimidating. Letting it go because that's just too much sounds terrible and unacceptable.
Just figuring out what to pack them all for lunch every day sounds very intimidating.
Getting everyone's homework done in the evening sounds like absolute HELL, especially with a bedtime clock really ticking.
Isaac is really exceptional at both waking up early in the mornings, and doing his homework unprompted and quickly. I know those are going to be very different experiences with my other sons.
I basically have no idea what this experiment is going to be like, but I'm excited for them, and they're excited, and, again...we'll see.
I was telling Grant I might make great new friends in school this fall, but it will just sort of be too damn bad, because I absolutely HAVE to use my extra hours on campus to really GO to stats tutoring and to do all my homework. I'm taking 15 credits and I'm not going to want my schoolwork to take over our weekends or rob me of the ability to sleep.
I'm genuinely worried, trying to plan ahead about when and how to fit exercise in. I've been swimming laps and treading water and taking walks, on my non c25k days, and that is going to get much harder.
So, I'll revel in my long, rambling LJ entry and reading and tea summer days as much as I possibly can, in the meantime.
5.) I'm sure there are elements of my lifestyle changes that are making me more hermit like and stress-reactive, too. I am sleeping at night and getting up early every day, for months now. That also feeds my sense of not getting any breaks, since "up alone at night by myself" was my break for a lot of years. And I'm trying really fucking hard to be constantly "mindful," i.e., not off in my head making up stories basically ever. That is good because I do more things like play Jenga with Elise and scrubbing the toilets, and also good because if I'm not daydreaming constantly the creative pressure builds up until I actually write, which is a way better use of that energy. Buuuutt....it also definitely makes me restless and lonely to "just" have reality most of the time. In a good way, that motivates me to change things I don't like. But good restlessness and good loneliness are still what they are!
Birth Control
I've got a few Catholic and fundamentalist people on my fb page, this morning, sharing articles where women are stating reasons why they DON'T use birth control. It's clearly meant to be a lot of empowering affirmations, and it's obviously reactionary since the whole Hobby Lobby thing has led to liberal articles where women state reasons why they DO use birth control.
The "why I don't" list has a ton of health concerns:
“Because dying of a blood clot, stroke, or heart attack are not options. Neither is uterine atrophy and the chance of permanent infertility.”
“Because it lowers your sex drive. And causes weight gain. And I like having a sex drive.”
“For the same reasons I don’t expose myself to formaldehyde, asbestos, arsenic, radon, phosphorus and other such things…. because they are class 1 Carcinogens- poison.”
I understand these concerns. I shared these concerns, for a very long time. I still HAVE some concerns about birth control safety and side effects of methods, for myself and for my daughters one day off in the future.
Buuuuut...the really glaring part of the puzzle that seems to be missing for these people, and was definitely missing for me, personally, is that PREGNANCY AND CHILDBIRTH CARRY ENORMOUS HEALTH RISKS. I've always seen myself as such a naturalist in this way, so unwilling to put things in my body that could cause harm, you know? I really had to damn near die before it occurred to me that NOT using birth control could also change, harm, or even kill me. I mean, really - altered sex drive? Weight gain? Risks of blood clot? She could be reading right out of, "What to Expect When You're Expecting" - just the first paragraph :p Or "What to Expect the First Year," for that matter.
I just get genuinely worried when I see women having back to back kids year after year out of (at least partially), fear of or aversion to artificial birth control methods. Clearly some people do manage to practice NFP successfully, and some rare contingent out there is satisfied with a life of abstinence - I'm not trying to knock anyone's personal beliefs. Health concerns and mostly that fear of the unknown that can accompany medical intervention, though, seems like a whole other thing, perhaps on a venn diagram with the religious convictions.
Childbirth and especially cesarean - which is often practically unavoidable in the developed world - are pretty freakin' risk laden. I view my children as worth the health problems I've had, but, geez, those problems have really accumulated, you know? Pregnancy's given me things like tooth decalcification, decreasing platelets, temporary diabetes, nausea and vomiting, diastasis of my ab muscles - we'll not even go into my laundry list of c-section fallout. My IUD gave me some real bad cramps the month I got it put in, and BV until I figured out how to keep that at bay. It's been chilling in there for over 3 years. Food for thought.
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no subject
Date: 2014-07-27 01:45 am (UTC)I don't like birth control much, but I like it better than being pregnant again. And I like it better than the constant worry I *know* I would have if we practised natural methods. It's really choosing the better of the two evils for me.
I feel very much the same way about adult interaction as you do. We went away to visit my sister and her children for a few days recently, and I caught up with a really good friend during that time, too, and I was so knackered at the end of every day. I loved it but I was so glad to get home. I guess the 'problem' (if it is one) is that Adam and I have been together so long that it really is, like you say, just like having a conversation in my head. And I also feel a little... I guess sad isn't the word, but I don't know what is... sad? that that kind of connection is the result of years and years of time and experiences, which I neither have the time, nor the inclination, to expend on other friends now.
Two of my four at at school now. I do dread the years of finding one-on-one time as they get older. A lot of what you say about trips in the car is still in my future, but I can already see it with the older two when I take them to my parents'.
Anyway. Good to hear from you :) I hope all goes well with Elise's evals and that she gets a good class for the new term (and that they all settle in easily, too).
no subject
Date: 2014-07-27 04:04 am (UTC)I'm also starting to experience major fears about my older kids' vulnerabilities - I got sort of spoiled during latency, being past all the looming baby and toddler dangers, and now it's like bam - Annie looks like a woman and wants to spend the night places. She has friends with drivers licenses who want to take her out places. This isn't really what you were talking about, it's just another one of those things you don't REALLY understand, as you add babies and feel capable with your toddlers and preschoolers.
I loved your whole comment :)
no subject
Date: 2014-07-27 05:56 am (UTC)Thanks. I felt like I went on for a bit XD but, well. I am not succinct!
no subject
Date: 2014-07-28 02:39 pm (UTC)I went through that same thing with suddenly not having hand me downs. And then again when Ananda's clothes were suddenly woman-priced. EGADS.
about the going places thing...
Date: 2014-07-27 06:32 am (UTC)Re: about the going places thing...
Date: 2014-07-28 02:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-07-27 04:14 am (UTC)This fall terrifies and excites me too. Seems to be a lot of changes going on.
no subject
Date: 2014-07-28 02:44 pm (UTC)I have so many different overlapping logistical concerns, it's really sort of unreal. *sigh*
Date: 2014-07-27 06:36 am (UTC)1. As frustrating as Elise's reading/memory issues are (and I totally get how frustrating that is to just... not know where to begin with them), I'm forever amazed that *that's it* with her. You know what I mean. After everything she went through.
2. NO HELMETS?! I don't know man, you're nuts. :P Curtis bikes 45-60 minutes every day and he's a great biker but his helmet has literally saved him very serious injury (possibly his life) more than once... through no fault of his own. When I saw my kids slacking on helmets around the community when I wasn't looking, I told them honestly that without helmets they may not have a dad anymore, and they were pretty quick to stop pulling that shit. Then again, it's the law here and EVERYONE gets on your case about it. I've seen bikers pulled over and ticketed by cops multiple times. People are serious about it here.
3. Isaac = Xan. Hugely. Sometimes I'm amazed at how incredibly opposite my kids are, despite exactly the same parenting and environment. I mean how can they be so completely different in every. possible. way? But yeah, everything you've said here about Isaac. ALL OF IT.
4. "I've noticed that in general, Moms immediately become flawless martyrs in the presence of grumpy Dads. And vice versa." Fucking truth.
5. Your whole thing about adult interaction. Feeling all of that.
I don't comment much, but I'm still around.
4.
Re:
Date: 2014-07-28 02:43 pm (UTC)2. I grew up without knowing anyone ever wore helmets on bicycles. I see people ON THE HIGHWAY ON MOTORCYCLES without helmets literally every single day - and I think they're fucking insane, but I also think it's a commentary on the culture I'm a part of. All the grandparents act like I'm being weird by putting helmets on the kids, like it's "one of those weird things about Tina," like buying organic food, that they just grimace through since I do a lot of good things, too ;)
3. You don't think...I'm...just mocking him? To be mean? Because I hate Isaac? :p
4. !!!
5. <3
I wonder sometimes, if you are around here :)
Re:
Date: 2014-07-28 07:57 pm (UTC)3. Uh, right.... yes. That's exactly what I meant. Any venting of frustration is immediately a sign of your terrible level of hate for your child. You're bad and you should feel bad.
no subject
Date: 2014-07-28 03:33 pm (UTC)? And I'm on my phone and can't go back now - the exercise front) would it work to save some of your school reading for trips to the gym and do your reading on a stationary cycling thing or elliptical?( i used to do a lot of my reading that way). I don't know how hot it still is during the fall, but could you incorporate smaller "power walking" jaunts (15 minutes) around the campus ? There's also the practice of focusing on muscle exertion during housework and essentially turning housework into muscle toning activity - which sounded hokey until I tried it and was disturbed to find it works and you actually "feel the burn" picking up toys/laundry.
from eBirdie
Date: 2014-07-28 07:15 pm (UTC)Also, I feel you on the whole time with other people feeling like work (afterwards) and also on trying to figure out how to balance quality time with kids when they're in school. 'Cause...they have to do their homework when they're home, and get enough sleep, and practice their instruments, and you're still making dinner so they can eat...and there just isn't that much time between the end of a school day and a reasonable bed time to fit all that in and still have a good chunk of unstructured, quality time leftover. And even with only two kids, I find it is a really tricky thing to manage, so good luck! (And I mean that genuinely.)