Life's been good to me so far

The kids and I spent the entire day out today, going from store to store with stops to have lunch on our front porch, to address and send mail, and to eat dinner, and now we are set to start gardening. We really wanted to get a raised-bed system or parts to make one ourselves, but there is just...nothing...at any place we went to. And we were being very inventive, more than ready to use an old-school plastic baby pool even, once we saw that outdoor ponds were too unevenly deep at their centers, (but nobody sells those anymore, now that the giant inflatable pools have taken over...) So Grant is going to bust out the Big Man Tools (TM) and make one, at some point in the next couple of weeks when he's off, and in the meantime we got containers to put seeds and seedlings in for now. They'll probably be reused for flowers or put on freecycle once our permanent setup is in place. There are lots of places online to get raised bed systems or pieces to be assembled, but they're all hundreds of dollars plus shipping, which seems kind of ridiculous to me O_o The sandbox may be delegated as a garden, too, now that the sand is gone (AND GOOD RIDDANCE I WAS SO TIRED OF SAND!).

We're growing red and green bell peppers, and poblano and jalapeno peppers; grape, cherry, roma, heirloom and beefsteak tomatoes; and various herbs, namely mint, oregano, basil and cilantro. These are all things we use in great enough abundance, and that are pricey enough in stores, that I think they make sense to devote some effort and maintenance to. They're also crops that do well in our blazing, incessant sun and heat. Oh, I forgot broccoli! Ananda and Aaron got some strawberries and lavender as their own side project, and are going to research ways to use the lavender (like making satchels or soap or something). She already wants her own etsy store, ever since Gloria taught her how to finger knit she's been a scarf-making fool.

When I consider that we'll be able to go into our backyard for not just vegetables and herbs, as we have at various points in the past, but also EGGS...I eat it up, no pun intended :p How awesome is this? We will have a suburban farm, bwahahaha.

I can imagine myself getting a sheep sometime in the future. To sheer and make yarn from. I mean "10 years from now" future, though...a golden retriever in a couple of years will probably be the only animal addition over the next decade, because while I love having pets around, I really dislike a lot of constant maintenance and the way they complicate road trips...Everything we have now is perfectly fine if we set them up with self-feeders and dissapear for the weekend, and none of them intimidate potential animal-sitters for longer time periods.

Yesterday was also a good day, I got a lot of writing I'm very happy about done while Grant took the kids to the park, and before that they and I just had another good day...and tomorrow we're all set to spend the whole day transplanting seedlings and planting seeds, and researching their "historical characters" - Ananda and Aaron are participating in an event called "Historically Speaking" wherein they learn all about, and then dress up as and get up and talk as though they ARE, some historical character of their choosing. Annie picked Amelia Earhart, and Aaron Harry Houdini.

We also got a mini, cushy toilet seat to fit on a big toilet, for Elise, and a step stool, and she is excitedly making every member of the house go in with her to look at it, in turn, so she can point excitedly and yell, "PEE!" and then point towards where her pee comes out. She has not actually peed on a toilet, ever, but asks me to sit her on one and tries to fairly regularly, so this seemed better than me holding her there while she looks nervous about falling in.

So this is all great, right? Except...

My house is a giant disaster. Every single room is completely trashed. The library table is PILED with books that are slipping off onto the floor as new ones are added, the tv room has megablocks and the contents of a sock basket strewn all over it, the kitchen sink and counters have been swallowed by dishes, the laundry room is an absolute avalanche...etc. Every single room.

And honestly? I don't care that much. We're all happy, it's not a gross mess, we do have clean clothes to wear and the table clean for each meal and furniture available to sit on, and it's not as though ANYONE other than me seems to notice the grit on the tile or smudges on the walls...

But. My Aunt Deana is supposed to be dropping by tomorrow. I see her in the "every couple of years" range, and she's never been to our new house before. *sigh*

I imagine that if I get Isaac to clean out the big closet, Aaron the kids' bathroom, Annie the tv room and library clutter, and Jake and Elise random things I hand them to take to their right places, I could manage to sweep, swiffer, vaccum, do a million dishes, scrub counters, organize shelves and tackle our bedroom in...a couple of hours? :x

I know it has to be done. And I even have some added motivation now because babyslime is demanding a video tour. But uuuuuugggh.

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I'm ordering multi-disk sets of Reading Rainbow and Postcards From Buster from PBS.com tonight, to keep in the van, where we have a dvd player that I've decided is conveniently ok for educational purposes. Both of those shows are beyond words, by the way, and just priceless.

I'm still reading, and reading about, Edna St Vincent Millay in my spare time, i.e., while on the toilet and/or when nursing Elise to sleep in the afternoon. I have enough to read about and by her that I imagine I'll be doing it for awhile. Elise loves it when I get to verse in one of the books, and read it out loud. All of my kids have had such a love for listening to poetry, and yet it still always surprises me when I see it.

It's Lent, and I am aware of that, and I have a devotional book to read one day at a time - Show Me the Way by Orthodox writer Henri J. M. Nouwen - but I am not really giving anything up, this year. And was taken woefully by surprise, by Ash Wednesday. If nothing else comes of this season, this year, at least I am thinking about my faith that much more often, from the awareness that it's happening...

I found an old friend on Facebook and it made me really happy.

I bought this dress while we were at Target on garden detail, and am wearing it now:

I'm using the hangy things in front to tie around my neck, and it works out.

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Food. Hmm.

I have serious emotional eating problems that go way, way back into childhood. Weight Watchers has been surpringly doable for me, because of the way you can work the points system, but. Well. Honesty.

I've been between 223-229 lbs ever since I got out of the hospital last. 2007 totally ballooned my weight, the multiple 6 week recovery periods from surgeries just turned me into some sort of blob...and left me with a lot more emotion to eat over.

When I started WW, I listed my activity level as "mostly standing" and my breastfeeding status as "exclusively nursing", because Grant really didn't think "nursing with supplementation" covered what my 3 year old and 21 month old were sucking down on-demand, daily. That gave me 40 points per day, that I was allowed to consume (a big banana, or slice of turkey bacon, or girl scout cookie, would be 2 points, for reference).

I realized very quickly when I started calculating, that I have been in the habit of consuming over a HUNDRED points per day. And I am admitting on the internet to Anonymous and everyone that my binge eating plays into my intermittent blockage in a big, scary way and my ER trip for the pain was a humiliating turning point.

So. My first month on WW I was allowed 40 points per day, plus 35 weekly flex points to be used at any time throughout the week (but not rolled over). And I cheated a little somewhat frequently. I stayed between 222 and 224 the whole time, which I guess is technically a noticeable improvement. 222-224 for a month after a year of 223-229. Still REEEALLY frustrating when you've more than halved the amount you eat each day, and keep waiting a whole week to weigh in again, just to see the same damned thing. I've been way more active than usual lately, too, to the point that some suggested I could be accumulating muscle (from canoeing for hours, bike riding semi-regularly, more walks, snorkeling for almost an hour, etc)

All of this is totally disgusting to me. Before Elise, I had never even reached 220 when PREGNANT. I was actually 217 the day each of my first 4 children were born, oddly enough. And my jutting, herniated diastasis totally ruins my proportions.

Anyway...I made a decision based on their ages, my energy and time constraints, when my next surgery will be, etc, to scale way back on nursing. Jake is having milk about every other morning at this point, only. Elise is basically nursing when she first wakes up, before her afternoon nap, and before bed, only. Nursing sessions are not exceeding 10 minutes. He is none the worse for wear; she is a little clingier. I changed my ww status to "nursing with supplementation". I also "got real" about how much time I spend driving the van, folding laundry on the tv room floor, sitting on the computer, reading someone a book on the couch, etc, and changed my activity level from "mostly standing" to "mostly sitting". Especially seeings how you can count everything from cleaning to shopping towards more activity points, this is really fair.

My points allowance went from 40, to 33 per day, based on those two changes. I still get the 35 weekly flex points (everyone does) and still earn activity points for activity. I don't think I could have handled it when I first started WW and 40 was so constricting...but after over a month in, it's doable. I just have to think about things. A handful of raw mushrooms or some baby carrots are totally free. Or like if I make roasted cauliflower, steamed broccoli and sliced tomatoes with dinner, those are all free (although the olive oil and smart balance involved add a menial couple of points). And I love all that sort of stuff. I mean, a tall frappuccino with whipped cream and everything is only 7, which I can totally plan ahead for and work in without even dipping into flex points.

So this is my first week "doing it right", I guess, with the lowered point number and really staying within my point allowance. This is only day 4 of the first week of that. But I got on the scale this morning. I'm not "supposed" to get on the scale unless it's my scheduled weigh-in day (monday) but I did, because I am a masochist? Because I like feeling hopelessly frustrated and like even if my life is on the line I will still just eat myself literally to death?

It said 219. TWO NINETEEN.

I never thought I'd be psyched about 219. But wtf, I haven't been under 220 in a year and a half or more.

It just gives me a lot of new motivation and ease for sticking with it. Like, geez, if that is what 4 days on the plan can do, let's bring on some whole months and see what happens.

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Everyone around here is growing so quickly. Isaac is FIVE. I found a picture of all of them together by the tree at Opa's house, the other day, and while Isaac and Jake look almost the same, Elise is a COMPLETELY different little girl, now, and Aaron is very noticeably different, too.

Our chicks already have real feathers on their wings! Instead of just fluff. And Isaac's seeds have turned into real seedlings of several inches, in under a week. A and A and I were just talking in their room about how Hoppy and Shadow (rabbits) were fluffly little round babies and how weird that seems now.

Time, I tell you what.

I am so hungry. SO HUNGRY! I had red beans and rice with cornbread for dinner, we all got full. But within a couple of hours I was having a hot dog (all beef, cooked on the George Forman and with a whole wheat bun...so sue me :p), and then I ate a kiwi while Grant and I watched Smallville, and just now wolfed down a big navel orange and peanut butter'd bread. I swear that at the bottom of my esophagus, I have a baby positioned on her back with her mouth wide open. Periodically the baby rolls over for a nap, and all nutrition gets re-routed directly to my breasts for Jake. Sheesh.

Related Sidenote: It's so gratifying and cool to make things like homemade cake and cornbread, and loaves of cinnamon raisin bread last week, in and amongst all the normal meal cooking. It's this whole other kind of thing.


Grant got a job offer today from this agency he's connected with online, that hooks him up with one time and temp jobs in our area - it's in Key West tomorrow (2.5-3 hours south of us, where I was born and most of my paternal family still is). So after his morning meetings we'll all go down there, he thought, and the kids and I can see my dad and he can make $250 with a (really) quick job, and we'll have some food somewhere and come home. I called my dad today, to tell him about this, and he was talking about how he might not be able to be awake at all to visit with us because he works 6 pm-6 am tomorrow evening AND this evening (he drives a cab) and he'll have to see, can I call him back in 10 minutes? I waited a bit longer as he was getting ready for work and eating and stuff, then called back but he didn't answer. I waited another hour or two, and called again (after 6 at this point) and he was still at home. Saying he had a flat he had to change out and couldn't make it in tonight. Ok, fine. He could help Grant tomorrow evening with moving this giant LCD screen that is part of the one-time job right before going in to work himself, as long as it would really be a quick thing. "Well, do you think you'll be able to see us before that, around sleeping?" I ask, and he responds, "Oh yeah, tomorrow is my day off." Wha - ? "I thought you said you had to work 6 to 6", I reply, and he counters, "No, Friday is 6-6. I'm off tomorrow." OFF YOUR ROCKER, I'm thinking, but I asked instead, "Are you ok, Dad?" and he said Yeah and acted normal but...does anyone else think that's kind of bizarre? Alzheimers runs in the family, but, well, he's 46. Whatever.


Today is the first day of Lent. Grant and my sister are giving up chocolate, and sweets, respectively, and I'm trying to think of an appropriate sacrifice, but coming up short. I eat pretty well already. It was good for me one year to ditch the computer for Lent, but I'm not addicted to it the way I was then, need to check email regularly for PATH and am taking courses online, now...Fasting is not really an option in the third trimester of pregnancy with a nursling. I think, the more I consider it honestly, that the best and most beneficial thing for me to do would be a sacrifice of time in carving out a morning period to read scripture every day. Before I do anything else that the kids don't immediately need (cleaning, friends' page, cooking myself something elaborate, calling my sister, etc). I rarely have the discipline to keep up with any sort of regular devotional time, but it makes a huge difference in my life when I do. And this Lent is a time when faith and a tangeable connection to God will really benefit me, as I prepare for birth. This baby is even due on Easter, so how is that for cool. I can't help but feel I blew it today - every Ash Wednesday that I don't mark my forehead, or go to a service somewhere, or already have my sacrifice in place, I feel so lax. At least the kids knew it was Ash Wednesday and what that means, and I've been thinking about it, I suppose.

We did so much schoolwork today. Two hours straight of sit-down work may not sound like a lot if you are thinking of public school schedules, but really, for a 5 and 6 year old who "do school" every day and all year around, it's quite a bit. Ananda was reading short stories that were all out of order, and then putting the sentences in the right sequence, working on vowel teams like "oi" and "ai", and doing some excercises in synonyms and antonyms. Aaron was reading simple sentences and picking 1 of 3 words to go in the blank - like, "He has a ___ hat", choices being the, big and is. And some review concepts like under/over, between, left and right, left TO right, and capital letters at the beginning of names.


My Jacob is at that special "pain in the butt" phase that comes shortly after turning 1. He still sleeps like a dream, naps reliably and without much bother on my part, is still by far the most expressive and most affectionate baby I've ever had. He's still content on long car trips or stroller jaunts, as well as having a decent attention span for books, songs and even, unfortunately, PBSKids shows that the others watch. Eats anything without complaint, even raw red pepper slices or spinach leaves. Yet he's not exempt from THAT AGE. Digging in the trash 3-5 times a day, moving dining chairs to stand on and pull things off the craft shelves twice a day, getting a little art table chair to go reach something somewhere else in the house 1-2 times a day, grabbing things that have been left too close to the edge of the counters (knives, spillable cups, wallets that can then be emptied, cell phones that then call China) half a dozen times a day at least. He bolts for the front, back, bathroom, office, oven, dishwasher or fridge door anytime they're opened, at lightning speed (at least a dozen cumulative times per day). Then there is the nonstop "drag and drop", as I call it, that Isaac is just outgrowing - wherein toddlers just pick up anything of interest, carry it until the next thing catches their eye, and then drop it wherever they are to pick up said next thing. Two hours of a single toddler dragging and dropping can have your entire house strewn with clutter. And of course he blatantly refuses to stay dressed indoors, can get out of ANY diaper we own, and pees and poops on the floor regularly as a result. The kid can undo snapping covers, snapping pocket diapers, he can get through whatever double knotted tight drawstring longies I've put on him to the velcro fitted beneath...ISAAC can't even take off a shirt by himself, but Jake has mastered it. I'm grateful that he's for whatever reason accepting of having to be fully clothed while out, and he is cool in that he ALWAYS comes to me and tells me he's peed or pooped immediately and leads me to it...but I'm getting a little tired of scrubbing the carpet. And he's nowhere near toilet training. It's like having a puppy.


I want to write more, but I can't think of anything but how hungry I am and finding something else in the kitchen O_o

So this is my lil' farewell post. I don't have much time and I also don't even have the big kids in bed, as the babies have been so hard to get down tonight, so forgive me the following -

Heather! I'm thinking about you every day and have so many things I want to say to you. I also have a HUGE package here for you, of clothes and shoes for Tempest and freaking steel cut oats like you said you've never had and even new baby things. I really have to weigh the damned thing and get another box because it all doesn't fit in this one anymore, and get to you with postage. Expect the figure Sunday. My offer still stands "despite" the season; please know that I really mean that and don't hesitate if you need me. Even Jesus did miracles on "the day of rest" because it was "The spirit of the law" that mattered.

Dama, Thank you for your review, and it's fine that it took awhile :) I know it was kind of long to read and to read aloud. I would love to hear more thoughts on it, even if it will be a few days til I see them. I am itching for feedback and felt all giddy sending it to you because nobody but Grant and Ananda had previously been exposed. I think I'm only now realizing (because of that silly love languages book) just how much I search for "affirming words".

Sara, where the heck are you? Get your freakin' laptop back! I've posted pictures! I miss you!

And POPPY and JENNE - have the dang ol babies already!!! I'll be checking on Sunday for labor progress, I expect to see infant pictures. That's my final word on the subject.

If you've been emailing me about dolls, I am working on them. If you want to contact me about dolls, I'll be on on Sundays. And I will be making "blanks" (unaccessorized doll bodies) that I can quickly jazz up with hair, wings etc, as well as possibly doing some fully finished dolls and just posting them for sale.

NOW...

My plan is to fill up the time I'd normally be on the internet with
A. Constructive, productive activities like crocheting for money and homeschool activities and housecleaning, but mainly
B. Getting closer to God. I have a lenten daily devotional called "Show Me the Way" by Henri J. M. Nouwen and "The Theology of the Body", by the late Pope, here in addition to my normal bible study, that I'd like to get to every day instead of every third day, and my regular daily devotional, that I should really be doing more than every other day :p I'll still be alternating Sundays going to church with Grant but I'd also like to go to some other services like Maundy Thursday and Ash Wednesday stuff, morning masses through the week over at Sacred Heart, etc.

And as previously implied, I will be taking Sundays as "little Easters" and using the internet then. So I will be checking up on all my peeps and at least saying something to ya'll. Or y'all. Or however it's spelled.

P.S. Play nice in my previous thread. I haven't seen anything even mildly resembling it so far, but if anyone does start in with personal attacks it's gonna be a lot of deleting and banning when I see...some people are really laying themselves out bare and vulnerable and I'd like it to be safe for them. And fyi, I do not get my comments emailed to me, so anything left "leave and delete" style will go unseen. Feel free to actually email me, though. I do get those :p