Days.

[altarflame]

The kids and I spent the entire day out today, going from store to store with stops to have lunch on our front porch, to address and send mail, and to eat dinner, and now we are set to start gardening. We really wanted to get a raised-bed system or parts to make one ourselves, but there is just...nothing...at any place we went to. And we were being very inventive, more than ready to use an old-school plastic baby pool even, once we saw that outdoor ponds were too unevenly deep at their centers, (but nobody sells those anymore, now that the giant inflatable pools have taken over...) So Grant is going to bust out the Big Man Tools (TM) and make one, at some point in the next couple of weeks when he's off, and in the meantime we got containers to put seeds and seedlings in for now. They'll probably be reused for flowers or put on freecycle once our permanent setup is in place. There are lots of places online to get raised bed systems or pieces to be assembled, but they're all hundreds of dollars plus shipping, which seems kind of ridiculous to me O_o The sandbox may be delegated as a garden, too, now that the sand is gone (AND GOOD RIDDANCE I WAS SO TIRED OF SAND!).

We're growing red and green bell peppers, and poblano and jalapeno peppers; grape, cherry, roma, heirloom and beefsteak tomatoes; and various herbs, namely mint, oregano, basil and cilantro. These are all things we use in great enough abundance, and that are pricey enough in stores, that I think they make sense to devote some effort and maintenance to. They're also crops that do well in our blazing, incessant sun and heat. Oh, I forgot broccoli! Ananda and Aaron got some strawberries and lavender as their own side project, and are going to research ways to use the lavender (like making satchels or soap or something). She already wants her own etsy store, ever since Gloria taught her how to finger knit she's been a scarf-making fool.

When I consider that we'll be able to go into our backyard for not just vegetables and herbs, as we have at various points in the past, but also EGGS...I eat it up, no pun intended :p How awesome is this? We will have a suburban farm, bwahahaha.

I can imagine myself getting a sheep sometime in the future. To sheer and make yarn from. I mean "10 years from now" future, though...a golden retriever in a couple of years will probably be the only animal addition over the next decade, because while I love having pets around, I really dislike a lot of constant maintenance and the way they complicate road trips...Everything we have now is perfectly fine if we set them up with self-feeders and dissapear for the weekend, and none of them intimidate potential animal-sitters for longer time periods.

Yesterday was also a good day, I got a lot of writing I'm very happy about done while Grant took the kids to the park, and before that they and I just had another good day...and tomorrow we're all set to spend the whole day transplanting seedlings and planting seeds, and researching their "historical characters" - Ananda and Aaron are participating in an event called "Historically Speaking" wherein they learn all about, and then dress up as and get up and talk as though they ARE, some historical character of their choosing. Annie picked Amelia Earhart, and Aaron Harry Houdini.

We also got a mini, cushy toilet seat to fit on a big toilet, for Elise, and a step stool, and she is excitedly making every member of the house go in with her to look at it, in turn, so she can point excitedly and yell, "PEE!" and then point towards where her pee comes out. She has not actually peed on a toilet, ever, but asks me to sit her on one and tries to fairly regularly, so this seemed better than me holding her there while she looks nervous about falling in.

So this is all great, right? Except...

My house is a giant disaster. Every single room is completely trashed. The library table is PILED with books that are slipping off onto the floor as new ones are added, the tv room has megablocks and the contents of a sock basket strewn all over it, the kitchen sink and counters have been swallowed by dishes, the laundry room is an absolute avalanche...etc. Every single room.

And honestly? I don't care that much. We're all happy, it's not a gross mess, we do have clean clothes to wear and the table clean for each meal and furniture available to sit on, and it's not as though ANYONE other than me seems to notice the grit on the tile or smudges on the walls...

But. My Aunt Deana is supposed to be dropping by tomorrow. I see her in the "every couple of years" range, and she's never been to our new house before. *sigh*

I imagine that if I get Isaac to clean out the big closet, Aaron the kids' bathroom, Annie the tv room and library clutter, and Jake and Elise random things I hand them to take to their right places, I could manage to sweep, swiffer, vaccum, do a million dishes, scrub counters, organize shelves and tackle our bedroom in...a couple of hours? :x

I know it has to be done. And I even have some added motivation now because babyslime is demanding a video tour. But uuuuuugggh.

---

I'm ordering multi-disk sets of Reading Rainbow and Postcards From Buster from PBS.com tonight, to keep in the van, where we have a dvd player that I've decided is conveniently ok for educational purposes. Both of those shows are beyond words, by the way, and just priceless.

I'm still reading, and reading about, Edna St Vincent Millay in my spare time, i.e., while on the toilet and/or when nursing Elise to sleep in the afternoon. I have enough to read about and by her that I imagine I'll be doing it for awhile. Elise loves it when I get to verse in one of the books, and read it out loud. All of my kids have had such a love for listening to poetry, and yet it still always surprises me when I see it.

It's Lent, and I am aware of that, and I have a devotional book to read one day at a time - Show Me the Way by Orthodox writer Henri J. M. Nouwen - but I am not really giving anything up, this year. And was taken woefully by surprise, by Ash Wednesday. If nothing else comes of this season, this year, at least I am thinking about my faith that much more often, from the awareness that it's happening...

I found an old friend on Facebook and it made me really happy.

I bought this dress while we were at Target on garden detail, and am wearing it now:

I'm using the hangy things in front to tie around my neck, and it works out.

---

Food. Hmm.

I have serious emotional eating problems that go way, way back into childhood. Weight Watchers has been surpringly doable for me, because of the way you can work the points system, but. Well. Honesty.

I've been between 223-229 lbs ever since I got out of the hospital last. 2007 totally ballooned my weight, the multiple 6 week recovery periods from surgeries just turned me into some sort of blob...and left me with a lot more emotion to eat over.

When I started WW, I listed my activity level as "mostly standing" and my breastfeeding status as "exclusively nursing", because Grant really didn't think "nursing with supplementation" covered what my 3 year old and 21 month old were sucking down on-demand, daily. That gave me 40 points per day, that I was allowed to consume (a big banana, or slice of turkey bacon, or girl scout cookie, would be 2 points, for reference).

I realized very quickly when I started calculating, that I have been in the habit of consuming over a HUNDRED points per day. And I am admitting on the internet to Anonymous and everyone that my binge eating plays into my intermittent blockage in a big, scary way and my ER trip for the pain was a humiliating turning point.

So. My first month on WW I was allowed 40 points per day, plus 35 weekly flex points to be used at any time throughout the week (but not rolled over). And I cheated a little somewhat frequently. I stayed between 222 and 224 the whole time, which I guess is technically a noticeable improvement. 222-224 for a month after a year of 223-229. Still REEEALLY frustrating when you've more than halved the amount you eat each day, and keep waiting a whole week to weigh in again, just to see the same damned thing. I've been way more active than usual lately, too, to the point that some suggested I could be accumulating muscle (from canoeing for hours, bike riding semi-regularly, more walks, snorkeling for almost an hour, etc)

All of this is totally disgusting to me. Before Elise, I had never even reached 220 when PREGNANT. I was actually 217 the day each of my first 4 children were born, oddly enough. And my jutting, herniated diastasis totally ruins my proportions.

Anyway...I made a decision based on their ages, my energy and time constraints, when my next surgery will be, etc, to scale way back on nursing. Jake is having milk about every other morning at this point, only. Elise is basically nursing when she first wakes up, before her afternoon nap, and before bed, only. Nursing sessions are not exceeding 10 minutes. He is none the worse for wear; she is a little clingier. I changed my ww status to "nursing with supplementation". I also "got real" about how much time I spend driving the van, folding laundry on the tv room floor, sitting on the computer, reading someone a book on the couch, etc, and changed my activity level from "mostly standing" to "mostly sitting". Especially seeings how you can count everything from cleaning to shopping towards more activity points, this is really fair.

My points allowance went from 40, to 33 per day, based on those two changes. I still get the 35 weekly flex points (everyone does) and still earn activity points for activity. I don't think I could have handled it when I first started WW and 40 was so constricting...but after over a month in, it's doable. I just have to think about things. A handful of raw mushrooms or some baby carrots are totally free. Or like if I make roasted cauliflower, steamed broccoli and sliced tomatoes with dinner, those are all free (although the olive oil and smart balance involved add a menial couple of points). And I love all that sort of stuff. I mean, a tall frappuccino with whipped cream and everything is only 7, which I can totally plan ahead for and work in without even dipping into flex points.

So this is my first week "doing it right", I guess, with the lowered point number and really staying within my point allowance. This is only day 4 of the first week of that. But I got on the scale this morning. I'm not "supposed" to get on the scale unless it's my scheduled weigh-in day (monday) but I did, because I am a masochist? Because I like feeling hopelessly frustrated and like even if my life is on the line I will still just eat myself literally to death?

It said 219. TWO NINETEEN.

I never thought I'd be psyched about 219. But wtf, I haven't been under 220 in a year and a half or more.

It just gives me a lot of new motivation and ease for sticking with it. Like, geez, if that is what 4 days on the plan can do, let's bring on some whole months and see what happens.

---

Everyone around here is growing so quickly. Isaac is FIVE. I found a picture of all of them together by the tree at Opa's house, the other day, and while Isaac and Jake look almost the same, Elise is a COMPLETELY different little girl, now, and Aaron is very noticeably different, too.

Our chicks already have real feathers on their wings! Instead of just fluff. And Isaac's seeds have turned into real seedlings of several inches, in under a week. A and A and I were just talking in their room about how Hoppy and Shadow (rabbits) were fluffly little round babies and how weird that seems now.

Time, I tell you what.

Comments

[evrydayjnglbtch.livejournal.com]

video tour ftw.
Have you tried wearing a faja/girdle daily? It helps A LOT!

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

Oh yes. You must have missed all the faja posts. I sometimes called it my sausage casing? My surgeon reccomended it and they cost $150 apiece.

I really, really hated it. The one I need and was using was one with full to-the-knee shorts and straps up over the shoulders, with like 30 hook and eyes up the center of my abdomen.

1. It's a huge pain in the ass to spend 10 minutes getting into in the morning, and inconvenient to pee carefully around (though it is crotchless)
2. It's very hard to dress around, with it's high back to avoid back fat bulge and wide straps, especially with the kind of stuff I usually wear and in the summer here
3. It is kind of miserable, to feel attractive and better looking, because of some thing, and then come bursting out of it like a freaking can of biscuit dough popping open, at the end of the evening, and be like oh yeah, this is how I really look.
4. At this point, I am so afraid of it trapping my blockage, uuuuughh...because my muscles are falling forward so badly, I need something EXTREMELY constricting or it doesn't work. The things I was using don't stretch, for instance.
5. It was really triggering for me to see a row of metal hook and eyes on flesh tone running the length of my whole abdomen all the time. And the whole contraption made me feel so much more, all day every day, as though I was damaged goods and messed up.

Did/does help my back pain a lot, which was nice, and make me feel a little more ready for action, since I wasn't all googly and jello like in the front. I don't know. I was even reading about how using them weakens your abs further because they do all the work for you...

[noelove.livejournal.com]

Damn. Crystal turned me on to a Faja. I stole hers actually. haha.

I loved wearing mine because it held me in all the right places. You can get a really thin tubetop and wear it under the faja so it doesnt leave the hook and eye marks on you. And yes, that glorious time of day when you bust out of it like biscuit dough. That was my favorite part of the day. ;)

When are you going to be able to work on your tummy muscles again? After surgery?

[evrydayjnglbtch.livejournal.com]

no you cant steal it! gah
now i look like an asshole. hahahaha

[noelove.livejournal.com]

I didnt do it on purpose man! The last time you let me barrow it I just stuffed it into my bag on accident. And YOU never came to visit me to give it back.

:P

[evrydayjnglbtch.livejournal.com]

as soon as im off bed rest im going. Matt is supposed to be getting me my car any day now.

[noelove.livejournal.com]

hollar at a car.

I'll be getting some pickles for you. And I'll be making some b rown rice with parm and lemon just for your ass too.

woot!

[evrydayjnglbtch.livejournal.com]

this pregnancy I only like pickles from Tjs. Like the ones you got me for my bday!!! MMMMMMMMMMMMM brown rice with CHEESE and LIMON!!!!

[noelove.livejournal.com]

Ohhh ok, good to know. You still need to try the pickles from the German Deli. They are the only pickles my grams puts in her potato salad. So baller.

wtfrick

[evrydayjnglbtch.livejournal.com]

ya those suck. You need a good Brazilian one. $150?!?!? I got both of mine(when I had lost weight I needed a size smaller, not so much now, HA) for $46 bones. It zips up in front, the straps are interchangeable, and the crotch unhooks for EASY restroom use. I would send you mine bc I obviously can't use it atm. ha, plus I like wearing my smaller one even though I can't breathe, it enables me to wear my size 11 pants. =((((((((((((( But its thong crotch and idk how you feel about that. lol This is how it looks http://fajaseccellenza.com/FAJA_LIPO_236.htm

Re: wtfrick

[noelove.livejournal.com]

That thong crotch hurts my ass after a while. OWIES.

Re: wtfrick

[evrydayjnglbtch.livejournal.com]

you dont have an industrial size/strength booty like I do. HAHAHAHAHA

Re: wtfrick

[noelove.livejournal.com]

aint that the damn truth. yours is like hte energizer bunny...just keeps going and going and going.....

Re: wtfrick

[evrydayjnglbtch.livejournal.com]

truth. its how I get the mens to put babies inside me. hahahahaha

[gracified.livejournal.com]

I've really liked this quote recently:

"At the worst, a house unkept cannot be so distressing as a life unlived." -Dame Rose Macaulay

:)

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Pretty much :p

It always amazes me when we are "going" a lot (like this month, we camped for 3 nights in a row, G and I went away together for a weekend, and we've just been having tons of activities like PATH, a birthday, a wedding, visiting with Nancy while she was in town, getting our chickens, etc)...

Anyway when we are going a lot, we are never here long to clean properly. But we always manage to make just as much freaking mess! Coming in with big old bags of dirty laundry from camping or stopping in for meals or whatever. Things get just as messy even though we aren't even present for sweeping and things!

[noelove.livejournal.com]

I have a sign in my house that says 'A clean house is a sign of a wasted life.'

:)

[gracified.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I even feel like there are magically MORE dishes to do when I've been gone all day...

I'm so excited for your chickens- we're fighting for our right to have chickens in my city, so I'm enjoying hearing about yours. There will be pictures, yes?

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

Yes!

We are actually not legally allowed to have chickens here. But EVERYONE has chickens. When I walk the four blocks to my father in law's house, I pass three different yards with chickens in them. And there is another house with them a block over, in another direction. They're just all over. Similarly, Key West technically disallows chickens, but there are literally wild chickens ALL OVER the island and stickers and tshirts about the Key West chickens...it's kind of crazy.

I asked all of my immediate neighbors permission as a courtesy, and got only hens who will be in a large coop a lot of the time. So I don't anticipate any problems. Most chickens I see around here are loose and roam about a lot and people don't seem to care, so. Eh. I am more worried about a stray rooster fertilizing our hens.

[armistice.livejournal.com]

It's interesting that you'd mention raised beds, because until yesterday, I didn't know what they were. Then Pioneer Woman wrote an entry about how to make your own. You could take a look at see whether it's something you and/or Grant could do. It really doesn't seem like it'd be that hard.

http://thepioneerwoman.com/homeandgarden/2009/02/build-your-own-raised-flowervegetable-bed/

[armistice.livejournal.com]

Wow, apparently I totally missed the line where you said Grant was going to build one. Whoops.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm sure people can and do do it everywhere for either aesthetics or just less labor than all the digging, but where we live the ground is basically solid coral rock. To put our fence posts in required these massive drilling machines on trucks. So it is basically the only way.

[julierocket.livejournal.com]

My Aunt Jane looks Edna St. Vincent Millay. I don't know who she is *shame* BUT there's a celebrities-dressed-up-as-other-famous-people photo shoot somewhere with Tori dressed as her :)

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

YOU MUST GO READ ABOUT EDNA SVM.

How could you, with so many years of college in such an upstanding educational town, not know who she is?!

She was a really amazing poet and a crazily different and wild woman for her time. She went to Vassar on full scholarships after growing up as the oldest of 3 sisters, poor, with a single mom. She was published constantly even then, though, before she left home. She had tons and tons of male and female lovers and didn't try to hide it. One little bit I heard off and on during high school in literature books that you might recognize is, my candle burns from both ends/it will not last the night/but oh my friends and ah my foes/it makes a lovely light.

[julierocket.livejournal.com]

Really? Oh.

I had a horribly choppy education from going back and forth between schools. Remember-- public school in grade 6, private 7-8, public 9-10, private 11-12. I never took pre-cal or physics either, because one school taught them a year before the other in high school so I skipped over them gradewise.

Most of what I learned in high school was SHakespeare, Dante's Inferno (an elective class I chose) and satire, and then some basic fare like Grapes of Wrath, that Holden Caulfield book (title escaping me?) and Great Gatsby, A Separate Peace, Lord of the Flies, Death of a Salesman. That's it.

I also never learned how to read poetry and I really don't like it much. I feel like I'm missing something :( I need to find a book group.

[mamablogess.blogspot.com (from livejournal.com)]

On Oprah they suggested eating eggs for breakfast, and so I started doing that and it has made a huge difference. I'm really not hungry again until lunch time, and it seems to help me throughout the whole day. Also, on Oprah they said that turkey bacon was no better then normal bacon calorie and fat wise. They said it was actually worse because it had more salt to make it taste like bacon. Oprah was shocked since she has been eating turkey bacon all this time. Not that I worship Oprah or anything, which this comment is starting to sound like, I was just interested in this particular epidsode since I want to try to lose weight.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

I actually love Oprah, and have for many years, so don't feel bad.

The thing with turkey bacon is, I try not to eat pig. I'm really, really appalled by some of the worst factory farming cruelty in the whole industry happening to animals who in many cases are more intelligent than dogs, capable of becoming depressed, etc...I'm also grossed out on a personal level by the whole "They don't sweat and toxins build up" thing. Poultry is easier for me to deal with :p

As far as the eggs thing...my eating has literally almost nothing to do with hunger. I can and often do feel overwhelming urges to eat while already uncomfortably stuffed...I actually enjoy the sensation of hunger, probably partially because it was felt so very rarely...

[mamablogess.blogspot.com (from livejournal.com)]

Oh, okay, the pig thing makes sense. I just assumed it was a weight loss thing.

As for the eggs, yeah, I rarely eat for hunger either so I know how that goes. The eggs actually help me in that way, I don't know why, I just feel better and more energetic and less likely to overeat when I have them for breakfast. The reasons they gave for eating them were more that the protein in the morning starts the metabolism off right, and you actually burn a lot more calories by having a lean protein in the morning then you would otherwise. I've found that to be true, because we get our eggs from my SIL who has chickens, and when I ran out I lost no weight that week, but was eating and exercising the same. When I had the eggs for breakfast for a couples weeks I lost 5 pounds. Maybe it was a coincidence, but, I got my egg carton refilled yesterday just to see what happens ;-)

[freedom123.livejournal.com]

If you switch to a light frappucino, you can have a grande for 2 points, or if you get caramel, it is 3. After a while, you don't even miss the whip cream.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

Dude, NO WAY. People always suggest these things, I am just not interested in altering my fraps ;)

It's probably better that I'm limited to tall anyway, now that they're not doing decaf. It's pretty much the only time I get any caffeine and if I have a couple in a 2-3 day period and then nothing, I get a wicked headache. So it's more of a once a week thing.

[freedom123.livejournal.com]

I understand...every once in a while I get a real mocha frap and it is sooooo good, much creamier and stuff. I could seriously have Starbucks every day, but I am way too poor for that. I need to win the lottery.

[eternamariposa.livejournal.com]

Dude, I had no idea that Dee Dee was going to be coming in tomorrow!? I need specifics so that I don't miss her.

I actually like your dress for the record. I saw a black, halter dress that is kind of similar that I wanted but I am on retail therapy probation.

The gardening stuff is awesome, I love growing things a lot, and It seems like such a great opportunity for bonding/teaching with Brian. For those really cheap swimming pools have you checked family dollar or kmart? They must have them somewhere down here because my neighbors have one in their back yard that they fill during the summer for their dogs to play in.

I'm sorry that I haven't seen your chicks yet, things have been a little hectic with me preparing for my last test and all. I really am going to try to make it soon.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

Tomorrow? TODAY. She's supposed to call when she's leaving Big Pine? She wants to see you too. I'm sure I was going to tell you that at least one of the MILLION TIMES I CALLED YOU AND YOU DIDN'T ANSWER. :p

[mommydama.livejournal.com]

That dress is very you.

This post makes me tired. With two kids with the flu and feeling like I got run over by a truck last night because I was up so many times...I just can't even face the mess my house is today.

But I want hold a little chick so bad.

[noelove.livejournal.com]

you had me at heirloom...omg. Becky turned me onto them a few summers ago and I cannot get enough of them. I wish I had the money to really go all out and plant tomatoes this year. My mom plants them every year in the spring and I swear we're eating them well into the next January. She's got an amazing green thumb.

I read through your list and keep thinking SALSA. omg yum.

If annie wants her own shop, hit me up and I'll totally make a HC for her. :)

dress is cute, you must take pics.

And dude. 219? that is freaking wonderful. Just remember that feeling you got when you stepped on the scale next time you feel like emo eating. I totally do the same thing. I'm ravished when I come home from picking up aiden and I've been reaching for carrots and celery with a touch of ranch dressing for a snack. It totally tides me over til dinner time.

I'm really proud of you, keep it up!

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

:D

Tomatoes

[(Anonymous)]

My mom swears by the earthbox for tomatoes. http://www.earthbox.com/

Great job on the weight loss!

~ eBirdie

[sevenmicks.livejournal.com]

Hooray for 219!!! That will really spur you on, I think. I get a snowball effect when I start to see progress.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

Man. A snowball effect would be freaking awesome.

I feel so jaded and hesitant to hope though. It's weird, I really felt so sure I could lose weight easily BEFORE Elise. Like when I dropped 30 pounds before I got pregnant with Jake...somewhere in there my metabolism went to shit.