Life's been good to me so far

Yesterday was terrible, and lasted 24 (conscious) hours. Highlights:

-I went to the college FOUR TIMES, speaking to multiple people each time, and STILL don't have everything I need to sorted out. I went to advisement twice, testing once, financial aid three times and registration twice. I took them our tax returns from 2010 and 2009, Grant's W2 and 1099 from this year, and so many forms printed off their website. I was told that I did, didn't, did and didn't have to take the CPT, that the emails I'd received actually said the wrong things, I mean - WTF?!

-As I was running back and forth in and out of my house, my sister was good enough to be here hanging around with my kids. I really appreciate this, as I live only about a mile from the college and so it was quick to keep coming back to print/dig through the fire safe/etc but would have been ridiculous to tote all the kids in and out of the van for each time. BUT, she noticed right away that my hernia was sticking out way more than usual, and was way more noticeable in general, and kept saying I need to get it checked out, need to go to the doctor, etc. I of course realize this is nothing wrong on her part. It's just hard for me to hear, and I knew she was right.

-One of our chickens randomly died of unknown causes. It was Belina, the buff orpington and my favorite. Ananda found her and was grossed out but ok, Aaron and Isaac were fine with it, but Jake (the owner) was very sad for a few minutes and Elise was HYSTERICAL when Grant was removing the body because, we found, she just had no idea what death really meant :/ Her brothers and sisters "die" in video games. So we had to have this horrible talk about the permanency of death, and how it happens to everyone, that made her cry hard. And made me cry. FYI, I have been reading that apparently buff orpingtons sometimes have trouble with heat? It's not summer here yet and she made it through last year but Belina was always noticeably warmer to the touch than all the other chickens, so, who knows...makes me think we shouldn't get more orps like I was kind of planning to, to replace her with.

-I went to the hospital with Grant. We spent about 10 hours there, re-hashing our thoroughly hashed marital strife when we weren't playing hangman, trying not to fall asleep in front of the tv, or worried sick. I had a CT scan and they do think I need to get this business fixed asap, and it is worse, but that it is not an emergency thus far and there is no current blockage or tissue necrosis. Great, but terrible, basically. Also, I got a lovely lecture from the doctor about how I could lose weight by eating smaller portion sizes, or eating more often so I don't feel hungry. Wow, thank you doctor. O_O

Basically it was not fun, or even ok. We got home at like 6 am and I had to take a shower to get all the hospital tape glue and potential MRSA off of me, whilst trying to forget the lovely way my mouth fills with a metallic taste everytime I have an IV flushed (3 times, last night) and the way it makes my previous epidural site go crazy and trigger me into a tightly tense, cold, withdrawn mess.

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Today, I woke up at 2 in the afternoon, feeling way more relaxed than I consciously had in what felt like forever.

The weather was perfect. My children were happy to see me. I took just Ananda and Aaron and we returned Annie's library books, ordered a new one she wants from Spellbound Books, and went out to Knaus Berry where Aaron bought cinnamon rolls for the family. Then we went in the back to investigate their U-Pic, since it's something we've never done. I think I'll be taking the little kids, soon. Lots of good conversation while driving :)

Back at the ranch, I escorted the little kids around the block on their various wheels (trike, bike, scooter) and cuddled Elise and explained why she can't nurse today ("Mommy's blood is fully of radioactive contrast fluid today, sweetie"...that's not really what I said). Talked phonics with Isaac.

Grant was miserably depressed and had a headache. I felt guilty for feeling happy. He encouraged me not to, blah blah blah...

Later in the evening, after some grocery shopping just-us-and-Elise, the two of us went and saw "Limitless" and it was pretty good. ALSO, we went on the way and got chinese takeout and drinks and snacks from a CVS, and my (homemade, sugar skull, bottomless pit of a) purse is so big that we put ALL of that in there, and consumed it during the movie.

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I am kind of freaking about how my emotional eating might actually kill me sometime soon and how I don't know how to stop it and how it's a downward spiral that makes me want to eat a lot. Grant and my problems also make me want to eat.

On the plus side, Memo...I am tired of taking the time to call him "my old artist friend, the one who does tattoos now"...Memo has sketches done already, for illustrations for my childrens' book, and is telling me I have to wait to see the cover for last, and in general his interest and enthusiasm are contagious and make me feel really excited about the whole thing :)

I'm also hopeful about school, and income a few years down the line, and supplemental income we'll have in the meantime just from financial aid while I'm attending...but I am also seriously bitterly suspicious that just when I get my stuff all worked out and settled in so I can start in good standing...I will be re-hospitalized for who knows how long and screw up my whole record and attendance again and go from "getting off academic probation from the last time the shit hit the fan" to "seriously even more complicated to ever try to go back".

I'm very up in the air about school for the kids, too. I know Elise is going to be going to preschool in the mornings in the fall, because she's insanely excited and got in and can go free and it's super close and well recommended and I think it will be good for her speech. It's just 9-12 am and is mostly playing with other kids, i.e. her favorite activity on earth. Ananda and Aaron will be taking a writing and a science class, respectively, offered via PATH enrichment over a 6 week period, starting in May. Other than that? BAH.

Let me tell you a couple of things that have happened:
A and A conquered their biggest worry-me hurdles on their own. She writes willingly now, and he socializes constantly. They really reassured me that homeschoolers allowed to do their own thing generally progress just fine, and that if you don't turn everything into a battle or force it, kids will move forward because they want to, which is so much better. I am scared to lose that with school. I was thinking of how if Annie had been in school all day, busy with school things, and being forced to write a lot of stuff she didn't want to, she (likely) never would have come up with a whole big long story in her head, or had the (time/energy)resources or desire to painstakingly record it all...likewise if Aaron had been surrounded by other kids, possibly getting picked on, at his most awkward, I am not sure he would have found his way so happily into a crowd by now.

Also, Ananda is pouring over astronomy books and websites constantly lately, anytime she isn't reading pretty advanced fiction (like the Lord of the Rings trilogy). She tells me things I didn't know constantly. She searches out constellations and is asking for a telescope. She's saying she wants to be a chef and/or an astronomer. I just love it. This is another one of those things, those "child-led learning" things that come from kids not having their natural love of learning destroyed by a lot of worksheets, waiting and moving onto the next subject when they're really into something they aren't anywhere near done with yet.

The various crises in Japan have really sparked Aaron's interest. We spent almost 2 hours straight the other night watching videos, drawing diagrams and pouring over articles together, until my brain was nearly dripping out of my ears - but he kept pace with me every step of the way, and now both of us understand atomic structure, molecular structure, fusion, fission, how a nuclear bomb detonates and what happens afterward, how nuclear power is generated, half lives, radioactive decay, radiation sickness, and so much more. This has continued to be built on every day, and has led into study of things like Chernobyl, Turkey Point (our local nuclear power plant), coal burning plants, alternative energy - it just never ends. I love learning like this.

I really believe that in one evening he learned more than most kids do in all of elementary school science, and that it will stick better because he was really into it, having a one on one conversation and struggling to understand with his whole focus the entire time.

I don't want to lose, or limit this. Grant and I are talking a lot about him supporting and helping with me going to school while keeping them home (something he is fully on board for - Grant REALLY wants them homeschooled, I am the one who wanted to send them because I wanted to have that huge chunk of independence in my own life...which I still kind of do. Grappling, like I said). I'm still waiting to see whether they got into the charter school, but more and more I am just grossed out by the whole issue and kind of amazed by how well they do just as they are. even when we "aren't doing much" they are CONSTANTLY learning.

I am also tossing around "just giving it a semester", "just giving it a year", and sending the little kids but keeping the big ones home. I still think the cultural experience of attending school is valuable. Just not sure if it's any more so than the greatness that is never having been to school. Still think structure and schedules can be important. *shrug* I found out if they got in at the end of next month, it could all be a moot point I suppose.

Slightly off-topic: Ananda and Aaron had another epic sleepover up at Cybele's, and LOVED IT and came home ultra-excited and can't wait to go back next weekend. Cybele has a house on a big canal (full of manatees) up in the Gables, with a pool and canoes docked there, and a dog and cat, and a vegetarian daughter for Annie and a juggling son for Aaron. They went and met like 10 other PATH kids to see Rango the first day, and did some charitable ice cream event on Sunday, and generally just have a blast.

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We decided, at the end of a neverendingly long decision process, to re-home Chrysanthemum and keep 2 kittens in her stead. We just don't have the resources to own so many cats, at least not with any level of responsibility, and 1. we are much more emotionally attached to the kittens, as well as 2. a pure bread, $500 maine coon is much easier to find a home for than a mixed breed, "run of the mill" cat. I submitted her case to a maine coon rescue organization and sure enough, she was wanted by someone within 2 days.

I felt way more sad than I expected to when I dropped her off. And now I am unduly irritated by how the new owner (in emails I keep getting copied on) has already re-named her "Isabella" and is calling her Bella. Grumblegrumble...

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We are tentatively planning for me to get my stomach fixed in 5-ish months. That's when Grant's new job will be offering him health insurance. There's no guarantee we can get all or even some of my junk covered, but we can't try until we have coverage in place. I'm also going to be looking at the college schedule and all that. We can get a loan or something if we have to...but I think having a date in mind for when go-time is will help me to lose weight. As it's been not knowing has made it seem so open ended and like I can get around to buckling down in a vague and hazy future that'll eventually arrive.

...or having a date will cause me to raid the fridge late at night out of terror of going back into major surgery. We'll see, won't we?

I have counseling again on Friday. I think Grant is going back Thursday.

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Aaron: Mom, if we knew the things to make little firecrackers, would you make them with me?
Me: Sure.
Aaron: First I thought about tiny nuclear bombs but then I realized, no way, that's just too powerful.

Also: Ananda recently made these Nutella Cheesecake Gooey Cakebars. They are something to behold.

And, I never got around to posting this here, but man I love it. We all piled in this little photobooth at the bowling alley :D


In total contrast, look at these two beautiful children totally peaceful:


And in total contrast to how identical they look, look at this old shot...6 years ago, I suppose:

Crazy stuff. I will never quite grasp how that happened :p

Anyway, back to recent shots - when we were in Lakeland Elise picked out a "princess kit" she wanted, and she REALLY, REALLY LOVED IT.






Somebody traded some arcade tickets for this. It's like this concept was designed with Jake in mind, I think...

He was in his carseat and Grant was pretending to not know who he was or where Jake actually went, and Jake said, "Dad, it's just me in a disguise!" It was really funny.

TOO TIRED TO CONTINUE ENTRY.

Tonight I made one of my Signature Recipes (mmmhmm, with an emphasis on the "mmm") as we had Laura and her two kids, as well as Shaun over.

Elise said, "My Brian, and Liz-beth, my Ora, and Shaun?!?! ALL PEOPLE, my house?!?! No BELIEVE!!!"

She was excited.

If you would like people to come from far and wide (or...close and nothing else to do...) to eat at your house, here is the recipe:

"sauce"

1. sautee a diced yellow onion and some minced garlic in olive oil and butter/your preferred butter alternative

2. throw in a billion (10 roma or 6 full sized) chopped tomatoes - I leave it in pretty big pieces; simmer for a couple of minutes

3. squeeze in juice of half a lemon, sprinkle on a teaspoon of sugar, salt rather heavily, and then throw in a bunch of chopped fresh basil; stir and leave alone for a few minutes

4. add 1-3 (your choice...I veer towards 3) crates of mushrooms and, once they're cooked in, a couple of big handfuls of spinach or arugula (just until wilted)

"chicken" ...it doesn't make sense to have chicken in quotes like that. Oh well.

1. put boneless skinless tenderloins (or whatever you like better) on the George Foreman with a lot of seasoned salt rubbed in, and then lemon juice and season salt it more as you rip it up after it's cooked

"pasta" (again, this system was not thought through well)

1. boil it. I prefer linguini

Pasta, then sauce, then chicken on your plate, followed by mozzarella. It's so good.

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Last night I had an Usborne show down is Islamorada. The house turned out to be a mansion by the sea; an entire wall was made of glass. The sun set over the gulf through it as we ate really good appetizers the host (also named Tina Marie) prepared. I saw four living rooms while I was there. Multiple balconies. Finger paint smeared on every wall. It was a whole gathering of women who had waited for education, travel and affluence before having kids, and now they stand around sipping wine and laughing as the toddlers paint on the doors and tiles and expensive furniture. Lots of broad gesturing - they all run a cooperative Montessori school together (where I now have a book fair scheduled in early December).
People were really nice and I made about $100 profit off of 4 hours of work (including the drive there and back). In the bathroom hung a sampler that read, "I dreamed of mermaids, motorcycles and a man who can dance". Other Tina said that was what made her move to Florida, and told us all to go check out the artist's website. Even though I know that most people in the Keys chose to move there at some point in their adult lives, it's still strange to me to really meet and know the transplants, as everyone I've ever been close with or gone to see is native.

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Intense Feelings. That is the story of this week. Grant having a sugar deprivation meltdown. Me having random financial stress/PMS/bizarre-side-effects-of-yeast-die-off following-the-end-of-my-antibiotics meltdowns. Total joy and happiness over kittens, driving with loud music and rolled down windows with the ocean outside, and little people love. I'm either crawling through a maze of forts with Gloria, Isaac and Jake, or feeling like I'm about to throw up because the electric bill is too backed up and I really, really am not sure how to fix this...situation...I'm having with some dance studio people and our financed JUMP fees.

Worst:
-leak from hurricane shutter bolts coming through exterior wall and messing up floor in the officeBob's room, is back...it pours every day this time of year
-a couple of checks bounced and now we have to fix things before that escalates into a nightmare
-major sleep disturbances are making me wonder if it's even possible that I could still be feeling the effects of two days of prednisone from a couple of weeks ago, OR WHAT. I haven't dreaded going to bed like this since the worst of my pre-therapy PTSD junk in 2008
-a situation at the dance studio got out of control and now even though I have not defaulted or done wrong in any way, someone else trying to help us has it coming back on them in a terrible way and I feel SO BADLY and am really, really stressed about it...I can't give details because it's too possible for someone connected to read this but it's just awful the way this has happened
-horrible multi-day allergy attack that's had my eyes swollen and been really irritating
-Aaron's cast depression coupled with a serious rebellious, mischevious phase for Elise are making bedtime a 3 hour ordeal that feels like spinning in circles...so over it
-my laptop is broken and I'm worried I've lost some of my most recent, not-yet-backed up writing work as well as MY LAPTOP :/

Best:
-Isaac and Jake are both drawing the most clever, hilarious stuff everyday - I'm going to be posting some of it soon, they are amazing and I am loving their explanations as much as their work
-I'm really excited about my new registered and self-hosted wordpress blog, which is almost ready to be unveiled...Grant managed to get my whole 7+ years of LJ onto it, with ALL COMMENTS and pictures and formatting and EVERYTHING, and all my freaking icons and the ability to use them when I post, and tags, and I'm impressed. I'm even happy with how it looks, from our own pictures...super soon.
-our school days are going very well - that is another thing I'll be posting more details about soon. We're going one entry per day through a LIFE "100 People Who Changed the World" book, that always leads to tons of discussion, and doing an anatomy unit that is really fun and I have a lot of great resources here for, and I FINALLY found my Story of the World Teacher's Guide, and Ananda has completed most of the stuff she was most behind in...I'm feeling very good about it all. Jake is writing his name and all letters and numbers, Isaac is copying whole sentences and reading simple books. Aaron has gone beyond one sentence entries in his nature journal and is even trying to be funny.
-the kittens are freaking adorable and doing so well...Chrysanthemum was from what the breeder called "a charmed litter" as all eight of them thrived so much from day 1 and there was never a single complication - that is how this is looking :) We have pretty solid homes lined up for 2 and a maybe for a third, so far, which I think is pretty good considering they're only about 2 1/2 weeks old. I'm way too taken with one little boy that just reminds me a little too much of a cat I used to love...we'll see how that goes. Watching Chrysanthemum carry them back to the nest when they wander off and clean them and things is great. She's earned a new level of respect from my sister, who watches her wearily try to get them all settled with hard earned empathy.
-the house has been pretty consistently cleaner than usual and it's starting to feel like I can keep it that way

Stupid 4am and I'm going to mass in the morning AFTER Cybele comes and picks up her guinea pigs grumblegrumble...

For stock, all roughly chopped up some:

-2 or 3 onions
-10 or 15 garlic cloves, by size
-largish chunk of mostly skinned ginger
-tablespoon or so of whole peppercorns
-whole chicken

Boil for an hour; drain through mesh strainer.

For soup, all cut up as you desire:

-half a stick of butter*
-3 large carrots*
-2 large parsnips*
-3 big ribs of celery*
-2-3 potatoes
-couple of big tomatoes, or a large can of them diced
-cup or so of corn
-salt*
-little oregano, lot of basil

*put these things in the pot to cook alone for about 10 minutes, then add the stock and potatoes, and towards the end of cooking (about 20 minutes later), everything else.


I've made chicken soup before but I was really surprised what a different taste I got with the parsnips and ginger (which only add more immune-boosting om nom). Also, if you wait for it to cool and kind of thicken a bit, it tastes WAY better than it does as soon as it's ready.

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ETA: Additional Soup, since I'm heating some up for lunch and thought about it

Butternut sqash soup is something I heard about all the time but never appealed to me. I don't really like soup that doesn't have something to chew in it. But then I got a ton of MASSIVE squash from my co-op and we had a potluck coming up, so I said whatever and tried it out, kind of making it up and also asking a friend what she does to hers. It ended up REALLY different and interesting and...good. I was dipping pita crackers and bites of chicken into it one afternoon, but I've also just eaten a bowl of it by itself 3 times now. Once with walnuts drizzled in.

-Cut the squash lengthwise and lay on baking sheets and roast at 375 until they're a different color and the skin is shrivelling...almost an hour for us.

-dice an onion and mince two cloves of garlic...sautee in a small amount of butter and olive oil until soft

-scoop the edible part out of the roasted squash and stick it in in a food processor, then add it to a pot

-I used two squash that were ENORMOUS, like two baking sheets were completely covered by these four halves. And so for that, I added about 8 cups of chicken broth. You can adjust your amounts however you want to.

-let it homogenize and get all hot and simmer for awhile. Season with a tiny bit of salt, a lot of black pepper, and sizable amounts of curry, cumin and cinnamon.

It's really complex and awesome. And mine has the softened garlic and onion in it. I think it's pretty surprisingly great.

Today is my Nana's 61st birthday. She's moving her left arm well and consistently, and learning to sit balanced on the edge of her bed. So far she can do about 20 seconds before she starts to tip one way or the other. The kids and I sent her a birthday card that says something about her deserving a wonderful birthday on the front, and when you open it, it plays that oldie that goes, Do you believe in magic? This made me cry, because that was the theme song of the oldies station that was always playing in her house and car as I grew up - Magic 102.7 - but also because we are all hoping for miracles with her.

I am not even thinking it's weird anymore to do things like email petitions to the International Shrine of St. Jude in Chicago so they can dedicate Masses to her and light candles in her name.

My mother almost died laughing on the phone with me today, because this whole left arm usage is brand new still and things are still connecting. So my Nana had a twizzler in her right hand, eating it, and reached up and pulled it out of that hand with the left hand, and then looked around confused because her twizzler was gone and said, "What in the hell just happened?" The amazing part of this is, my Nana can laugh about it with her and knows it's ridiculous. She was yelling through the phone from the other side of the room, chuckling herself - "This damn thing has a mind of it's own!"

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We have been sick. Off and on, one at a time and sometimes in pairs, sick. I was lucky in that when I got it, Grant was off and so I was able to sleep in, take naps and have tea delivered to me. Somehow, through who knows what kind of rare serendipity, everyone seemed all better yesterday afternoon and so Grant and I were able to drop all the kids off with the sitter and go see Tori Amos live last night without incident. Then we got home, put everyone to bed, and a few hours later...Elise had it. And so that has been the main theme of my day today - holding, carrying, laying under, nursing, giving juice to and sometime passing off to Annie, Elise. She seems to be doing better now - sleeping soundly for a couple of hours and her fever has finally broken. <3

The Tori Amos concert - I don't know. Pros:

-We were really close, and it's just awesome to be standing like 40 feet from Tori Amos while she plays and sings
-when we walked in, she was starting "Cornflake Girl".
-she kicked it old school a lot, including Spacedog and Winter, which made me cry. Winter ALWAYS MAKES ME CRY, but this time I got to cry right along with a flamboyantly gay and exceedingly drunk guy next to me who then applauded so enthusiastically through his sobbing that he spilled beer all over my foot/shoe. This could also be a con :p
-I got to hear Carbon live. Then she ended on Bouncing Off Clouds, which was great, we were standing right up front at that point because it was an encore and security had only eyed us suspiciously when we approached. I walked out feeling high energy.

Cons:

-Grant wasn't like "Woo HOO let's go see Tori Amos!!" he was like, "Yeah sure I'll go see her with you. I guess." So it was really different than being there with, say, Jess and squealing and jumping around and being all enthusiastic together.
-she didn't talk. This is the 3rd time I've seen her live and she just, like, does not talk anymore. WTH.
-we were in a pretty ridiculous section of people, just in that they were getting up and down and going and coming and posing for group photos and dancing/clapping as though they were listening to a completely different song than what the rest of us were. I can mostly ignore this, I think it effected G more than me.
-it's irritating how you can be that close and still not get anything like a decent picture. Grant took this and posted it during - http://twitpic.com/c2wvi

*shrug*

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These produce boxes we're picking up, from our organic co-op, are awesome.

1. We save a lot of money buying it this way.
2. We save even more money because we aren't making the extra trips to the grocery store that would lead to buying unnecessary other stuff while we were there, and
3. We're getting all kinds of stuff that we would never have tried otherwise.
FOR INSTANCE -
-fingerling potatoes are, apparently, awesome and don't even require milk for creamy goodness when mashed
-champagne grapes are both tinier than blueberries by about half, and literally sweet as candy. Unbelievably good. I had never heard of such a thing.
-fresh peas both lead to an afternoon shelling peas with the kids, and are SOOOO incredibly much better when cooked up!
-my kids all adore pluots. Who knew?
-kale and chard can lead to some delicious and hearty soups that the entire family actually eats

Also we've been having salad 1-3 times per week because we tend to get at least one big head of romaine every time, and other than Isaac all the kids will tear up salad. Elise will eat 3 bowls of salad and fill up on just that. As someone who is not so into salad myself, I never would have started trying this without the boxes (we don't get to choose what is in them, we just pay our money and then get a guarantee of a ton of fresh organic variety that has to be worth x amount retail).

So - the kale soup was just a kale and bean soup I found online, you can google and there are tons of recipes. This involved an olive oil and chicken broth base with some italian seasonings, and pureeing some of the beans towards the end to thicken it with.

But this crazy scandalous one I came up with today!

1. Cook a package of turkey bacon on the George Foreman. Crumble it all up on a plate, big pieces are fine.
2. Pour the grease catcher in a stockpot with 2 sticks of butter and heat on medium (I did say scandalous. I was not kidding around.)
3. Add a couple of diced celery stalks, a bunch of chopped spring onions and some diced yellow onion. Cook it while you mince like 6 cloves of garlic, then throw that in, too.
4. THINLY slice about 5-6 yellow potatoes, yukon gold ideally, Throw in, salt and pepper it like crazy, stir often.
5. Next is all the chard - we had a huge bundle of it and I just ripped it all off the stalks and into the biggest pieces I can deal with. Throw it in and stir til it's good and wilted.
6. about a dozen fresh basil leaves and a big handful of chopped italian parsley, both fresh in this case from our garden and the produce box, and all the crumbled turkey bacon.
7. 8 cups of water and cook it til the starch has done something obvious. OM NOM NOM.

Ananda and Jake couldn't get enough of this, and I ate 3 bowls over the course of the night.

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( 14 pictures, unicycle stunts, chickens, there's a tiger and some stained glass and some pigtails... )

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I am eating, breathing, and dreaming Catholicism lately.

Since finishing that Anne Rice book Called Out of Darkness, I've burned through Born Fundamentalist, Born Again Catholic, which is a lot less of a personal account and a lot more of an in-depth theological defense of every Catholic thing that seems "weird" to Protestants - statues, Confession, saints, Mary, the Pope, approcryphal books in the Bible, and so on. It is unreal the number of things that are falling into place in my mind and making me run and explain things to Grant, that I have ignorantly spouted off against in the past. AT LENGTH. Without knowing anything about them except hearsay. Hearsay, heresy, hahaha.

Except it is not funny. My head is spinning with this stuff. I got "caught" on my way out of Mass this past Sunday (I take the 3 oldest to Mass before we all go to City Church) by the Priest for the first time. He is incredibly approachably nice and sincere-seeming. But it still made me all nervous and weirded out in some way I don't know how to explain, but I think is good? I also have my old Catholic friend Matt who some of you will remember as the one willing to stand up and righteously denounce abortion at length while remaining anti-war and pro-justice, etc, in comment threads here - he's messaging me on facebook about Catholicism and I am just. Waiting til I have the time and energy, I guess.

Meanwhile I have all these friends online who are Orthodox. I spent hours today, with Elise hot on my lap and semi-conscious, reading about the great Schism that split the ancient church and the different sides of every issue. It seems almost impossible to discern this much later in history who was "right" and what is facts. I think it made a lot of sense when JP II talked about the East and the West being like the two breathing lungs of the Body of Christ. I see a ton of Truth on both sides and don't feel at all qualified to deem one of them TruER than the other one! I read some things about moves towards reconciliation in recent years that made me think, hey. Maybe commonreader is right. Maybe that will happen in our lifetimes.

For now, I have to go to bed.

HOW IN THE WORLD DID IT GET THIS LATE? I've been writing this update for like 2.5 hours, counting the photo editing and uploading. Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez, no wonder my eyes are blurring.

OOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooh my gosh this has been the longest day in the WORLD I am so tired.

We had a long PATH afternoon at the park, and extended shopping trips for groceries and birthday supplies, today - that was all after a big old whole house cleanup and before coming home to make dinner and do bedtimes. It was a very good day, but...I'm done now. Except I'm not done yet.

Everyone else is asleep and I have to bake a cake and wrap presents before I go down. I am satisfied with everything I have planned for tomorrow - ISAAC TURNING FIVE! - but just. so. sleepy.

*dragging myself up*

He wants a pink, heart shaped cake with sugar and sprinkles on the frosting, and glitter to go on his lips, more than anything else O_o Yes, Sir, Isaac-Sir.

I got some child sized lawn furniture we'll reuse with a kiddy pool (his request) and a little pop tent, and bubbles and craft materials, to have "a party" tomorrow. He is not interested in waiting for Daddy to be off work or trying to invite other kids, he just wants "his birthday", asap. For the last three days he's woken up and had a crazy meltdown that it's not the day AGAIN. This morning he was going on and on, trying to reason with me that it isn't fair I'm just saying it can't be today when it could if I would just let it. I don't think he really grasps the calendar yet, honestly.

But he went to bed with a smile, tonight. And I will interview him, tomorrow, on camera, my five year old Isaac. Five. He was doing Physical Fitness Testing along with the other big kids at PATH today. When he wasn't whining and hanging on me or being contrary. Ah, Isaac.

I managed to do all his birthday shopping with him right there and he didn't even notice. I got one of those carts that has the big attached section for a couple of kids to sit in together, and he and Jake played and bickered while I walked around shopping and discussing ideas for him with Ananda and Aaron. When we got in line he panicked, asking if we weren't going to get him anything at all for his birthday (the entire cart, above and down below, was filled with birthday supplies).

I told him he'd just have to wait and see.

---

ETA: This is the recipe I'm going with for his cake and frosting, because I know the sort of thing he is after - http://www.recipezaar.com/Magnolia-Bakerys-Vanilla-Birthday-Cake-and-Frosting-139518

And I have to tell you, I am not usually much on any kind of cake but "chocolate" and "cheese"...but...well, I forgot all about weight watchers points AND salmonella very quickly once I sampled the batter, let's say that. YUM. It's got a totally smooth, inflated, whipped consistency, too...I have high hopes for the finished product.

For dinner tonight, I bought these chicken pinwheel things Whole Foods sells in the meat counter...the particular ones we got were filled with spinach and feta. I am iffy about feta cheese, really, but they were SO GOOD. Ananda ate all the filling out of Aaron's ;) We had them with red potatoes I quartered and roasted in the oven with a lot of olive oil and seasoned salt, and a bunch of green beans I sauteed in olive oil and sea salt with a ton of whole garlic cloves, on the stove, until they were browning just a little. Om nom nom.

I could talk about food forever...we had lentil soup last night, and lo and behold they all ate it! It's hit or miss. Basically it looks terrible but if I can get them to taste it, they're sold. Someone asked me for a recipe...

Lentil Soup

-small yellow onion, diced
-2-3 stalks of celery, sliced thin
-3-4 carrots, sliced thin
-4 garlic cloves, minced
-couple tablespoons of olive oil
-about 10 cups of chicken or veggie broth
-about 2 cups of either packaged tomato juice, fresh tomatoes run through the magic bullet, or diced tomatoes run through the magic bullet
-salt, pepper, seasoned salt, basil, oregano
-12-14 ounces of lentils (depending on the bag I buy)

Sautee the veggies in the oil until they're starting to look done, then pour in all the liquid, add lentils and seasonings, and boil for about 15 minutes. Then simmer for about 30 more, or until the lentils are soft and soup is thick. If it gets TOO thick, you can add more broth. If it's not coming along well enough, turn the heat back up. It's somewhat foolproof. This last time I used organic canned tomatoes with italian herbs, and skipped adding extra herbs in, and it boiled down on me by accident so I had to add extra broth, and it was soooo goooood.

I like contrasting it with white grape peach juice so cold it's got little chunks of ice floating in it.

My Le Creuset dishes (cookware?) are the shit. They clean up so incredibly easy, even when stuff is dried on, they heat up so fast, they stay warm so long. I love them. The other night I made a cheese sauce before anything else for dinner, and when all of the rest of it was ready, the cheese sauce was still nice and warm like it had just finished cooking.

The only possible drawback is that I saw The Little Mermaid too many times as a kid, and anytime I see them I start singing, "Le...Creu...set, le-creu-set, how I LOVE LE CREUSET, Love to chop and to serve little fish! Ah, mas oui, ca c'est toujours delish - Le creuset, le creuset, heeheehee, HAHAHAW! With a cleaver I hack them in two..." You know. I probably don't need to go on. But it's caught in my head all the time now, because of these damn pans.

The cakes and cupcakes just came out of the oven. Definitely should not stay up very late to bake cakes while trying to lose weight. YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY USE THIS RECIPE, THOUGH. And make sure to drip some batter around the outside of your muffin depressions by accident, because that crispy buttery stuff right out of the oven is heaven.

*sigh*

Good stuff...

-Our dinner was so damn good. I made bite-sized chicken chunks and shittake mushrooms with ginger, garlic and terriyaki, along with steamed brocoli, sliced tomatoes and Amazing Rice. It's a wild rice and wehani blend that I cook up with garlic and onions, in mushroom broth, with a bunch of sliced baby bella mushrooms in it. And some salt, and I let some butter melt in at the end. Holy moly, it's so great.

-I got another piece of mail from the hospital down here again today. I was just going to chuck it into the trash unopened, to be honest, because hey, I have like a dozen of those already and they all say the same thing - You owe us $111,000+. I've been meaning to call them for payment arrangements and the number's on the other bills in my desk. But I opened it for the heck of it and - lo and behold - it was not a bill. It was a letter telling me my bill has been paid in full by some charitable organization.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's like I landed on Community Chest or something! "Charitable Organization"? I'll take it, by God!

-The quarantine has been lifted. Laura and Brian came over for the first time in a couple of weeks. During a walk, I may have even found them a house. A block from (what will be) mine! Bwahahaha. It's a "fixer upper" which means HUGE yard in very nice neighborhood for not much money at all. It has a new roof and comes with shutters, and those are what really counts down here.

Bad stuff...

-That walk was so hot I almost died. Isaac was about to need an ambulance when I realized what was happening, slathered him in sunblock, drizzled him with water and let him ride in the cargo bin under the double stroller. Laura and I were talking about friends I have coming in from the (extreme) North melting as soon as they get off the plane. I'm going to have to get them "Squeeze Breezes" - one each. For those who don't know, a Squeeze Breeze is a tiny battery powered fan hooked up to a bottle, that sprays water when you squeeze the handle. When Ananda was a baby we were always having to drive her places in this old crappy jeep with no AC, and one of us would always have to sit in the back with her and keep the Squeeze Breeze on her the whole time so she wouldn't overheat.

-I am a freaking NINNY. I was feeling like I had things all together, you know, I got Ananda, Aaron and Isaac all in their AWANA vests with their dues and their books and everyone had their shoes on, and I dropped the three big kids off on time. Then I took Jake and Elise to Publix to do some grocery shopping. Before we started we had to take a bathroom run, and clean some faces, but it all went very smoothly...I got back out to the van and was rummaging far too long through my purse for the keys. I was starting to think I'd need to go back in the store and find them or something. I realized I didn't remember locking the van, really, so I checked to see if it was unlocked - it was. So I put the groceries in the hatch and then realized something was weird.

The van was ON. It was unlocked, keys in ignition, running. I LEFT THE VAN RUNNING AND WENT AND DID GROCERY SHOPPING AND DIDN'T EVEN KNOW. Our brand new van, even.

I slapped myself in the forehead, screamed a little and then tried to play it off to surrounding peeps, like oh, nothing here is amiss. Definitely no fucking morons leaving their running vehicles unattended, no no, only sane, fit adults who definitely deserve to have these little children in their care.

*sigh*

-also my father called me, crying, which just breaks my heart, because this girl he's been unofficial stepfather to since she was born and her mother didn't want her, is turning on him and becoming a CRAZY nutcase of an adolescent....she's 11 and is just rebelling so hard, she even hid in a school dance she'd been restricted from going to and made up lies to teachers and the police that she was afraid to leave the dance because my dad would beat her like he always does. My dad never, ever hits kids - not me and Laura, not her either. More like, he gets visciously pissed whenever he finds out anyone else is hitting kids. Eventually, after my dad had been accused and questioned and the cops realized she had no marks at all and that my dad goes to like, every school funtion, she changed her story and admitted she just didn't want to face being on restriction. But now my dad is really disillutioned about the whole situation and wondering if everything he's ever done for her is for nothing. He found her myspace in her web history, and she's advertising herself as 28 and looking for dating. There are just a lot of things, that I don't want to go into. It's so suddenly glaring that even though he financially supports her and is responsible for her well being much of the time, he has no legal custody or blood relation or real say at all, in the end...it's a very crappy situation, and one I'm tired of watching, what with Mindy's kids getting passed around and making trouble all the time. It blows my mind for people to just NOT RAISE THEIR OWN DAMN KIDS.


Tomorrow, Elise will be a whole year old. I'm going to make her a cupcake, I think - a carrot cupcake with a candle in it. And take a lot of pictures. Grant works all day long. I'm planning a combination housewarming party and first birthday blowout for sometime in the middle of next month :D I've never had a party for a baby before, but man, I just have to celebrate this baby.

And we are scheduled to close on our new house on TUESDAY!

People ask me for meal plans and recipes a lot, and I never seem to get back to replying to the comments even though I mean to. I'm feeling inspired right now, so...

Yesterday it was -

-strawberry oatmeal for breakfast
-scones for afternoon tea
-stuffed mushrooms in the evening - simple, just diced onion and minced garlic sauteed in some olive oil; threw in some spinach leaves and chopped tomato, added a ton of bread crumbs and parmesean, and put it all in mushroom caps that went in the toaster oven for a few minutes
-sweet iced english breakfast tea
-arroz con pollo, for dinner - chicken leg quarters boiled for an hour with diced green pepper and tomato, salt, pepper, basil and oregano, and then taken out and shredded while yellow rice cooks in the water from it, with some olive oil. Combine, yum.

Today has gone...

-leftovers
-strawberry and chocolate chip muffins - I make mine with all whole wheat flour, though, and added some cocoa powder to the topping today since there were chocolate chips in them
-this original stuff I don't know what to call but we all love for dinner

And tonight I'm making this banana bread for us to have for breakfast tomorrow morning.

This is all really very very cheap. I found a huge thing of really good strawberries on sale (the season has begun here) and that went in the oatmeal and muffins. One bag of chocolate chips for scones and muffins. The same flower for the scones and bread. The chicken and yellow rice is only about $10 or less for a huge pot we can all have for lunch the next day as well, and the dinner tonight is not too bad either, since we buy bulk salsa and rice and cheese. Mushrooms have also been on sale (used twice in this entry), tea bags are next to nothing and the bread will save our bananas from being wasted.

I can cook like this all the time and be happy as heck about it - I get a HUGE amount of gratification from everyone tearing into things I've made and loving it.

But the dishes are freaking killing me, especially with my brother back in Jacksonville and no longer helping with them. Just WAIT until Ananda and Aaron are a tiny bit taller...

Grant is using an old mop handle to play "Over and Under" with all of the kids. Well, Elise is laying on the rug nearby watching and squealing. But the bigger four are playing. He holds it with one end against a wall, at varying heights, and says "Over" and "Under" and they all have to manage to get over it or under it. Sometimes he moves it towards them or away and they have to work with it moving. Or he moves it higher and lower continuously so they have to time their stuff and then go for it. Sometimes he holds it upright and they climb it, or slide down it after stepping off our bench. When Ananda and Aaron were toddlers, he would do this with them for HOURS and they'd love it the whole time. Now we have a half hour or so session every couple of weeks.

I love it when nobody's got anything "turned on". Today A and A and Isaac spent about 15 minutes begging me for tv or computer games like they'd DIE without them, when they came in from a long afternoon jumping in the misters. After they finally gave up, it was no time flat until the three of them had this storage shelf thing turned on it's side, sitting in like it was a boat - they were all wearing helmets and had sacks of "supplies".

Things are good. I made curtains for the dining room and love them. I'm almost done with my first hemp and beads necklace and have started a tote bag for Ananda. My crochet bag is still coming along, too, but I think it'll take forever.

We've had two dinners that I was NUTS about recently - one was shrimp and chicken ettouffe with sweet iced tea. Ananda helped me cook that, and the whole time I explained "the South" to her. "That's where people talk like Paula Dean and cook with too much butter?" haha, yes...and a whole lot more. We talked for the first time about slavery, racism, discrimination. She'd heard of the Civil War and Abraham Lincoln on Reading Rainbow. She's baffled and freaked out that people wouldn't like Levar Burton - or Isobel and Sydney - because their skin is darker. And we talked about African food and French food mingling into Cajun and how Dama was from Kansas so she didn't like iced tea sweet -

Annie: I love Dama.
Aaron: Yeah.
Tina: Me too.
Annie: She's really cool.
Aaron: Especially her kids.
Annie: I had a lot of fun there.
Aaron: Especially Zoe.
Annie: We should go back there.
Aaron: Yeah, I want to see her again.

I don't think he meant "Dama" by "her" ;) Talking about being their made it easy to talk about hospitality and generosity and those other, nicer Southern stereotypes. They had the USA puzzle on the counter so we could define the area.

The other really good dinner was last night. Ananda, Elise and I went to the beauty supply store to get white nail polish, which is a grand idea I've recently been all excited about. Then we went over to Publix for dinner. They have this "Apron Strings" thing with a kiosk that has recipe cards, and a tv with someone cooking the "featured recipes" and a little refrigerated section with all the ingredients you need for all of it. We put it all in the cart and went home - it was this and I HIGHLY reccomend it :D I doubled it all for us, Shaun was over and Grant Sr and Robbie were eating and all. Everybody was nuts about it. I wanted to have it again tonight.

I found THE dining table, btw. Oh man I'm in love with the thing. It's at Bayleaf Peddler, this little store a few blocks from here. Jamie, the PATH babysitter we used to use, is coming over every Friday afternoon to give me a couple of hours with "help". This first Friday I used it to take just Elise, and Laura and Brian came along, and we walked over there and browsed around a lot. I took Grant to see it the next day, and he loves it too. We'll probably have to save up for awhile to get it, at least a month if not two, and then use our old chairs and get new ones one per month after or something. But...wow. I can't wait. It's dark hard wood, seats 8 with one leaf or 10 with both in, and has this whole "rustic" thing going on with dings and dips kind of built into it such that the kids can't make it look like crap. It'll look awesome with the new curtains I made :) I don't know how to describe it, obviously ;)


The only trouble I'm having, raelly, aside from occassional sleepless nights and periodic exasperation with AAAAALL the cleaning, is bouts with my brother...*sigh*. I love him. I'm glad he's here. But he's so much work. Seriously. Emotional work. He has a horrible temper. He doesn't take it out on the kids, ever, but he totally goes out in the yard and beats on something or hits the punching bag on the porch like 5 times a day. This has always been him and he doesn't see the problem with it - "I'm getting it out, not hurting anyone or anyone's stuff." And he's right. But...yeah. Counseling! Come on! I managed to get him to Youth Group at the church where A and A and Isaac are going to Awana, this past Wednesday, and he found it tolerable. They have some punked out kids and a rock band, and take trips to cool places. I so hope he makes some friends his own age.

It seems like I'm always trying to explain to him why, no, me hitting Jake would not get him to listen any better, he'd just be even harder to control and it would be totally inconsistent - all the kids went through a toddler phase of getting into things, and Elise will too, most likely. Or trying to get him to understand why personal hygiene is worthwhile or why he should NOT say this or that around my kids, without making him feel like I'm bossing him around (which does not get good results). There's this nonstop gentle coaxing and convincing to get him to eat healthy foods he's not used to and the constant frustration of us both knowing there's no way at all for me to MAKE him do anything. I want to MAKE him go to counseling, but I have to see if my old, AWESOME free counselor can see him. And if we can arrange the ride, because Nerenberg is up the road now.

I see him loosening up a little bit and being more candid. He also eats fruit regularly now. And he's begun to have a sense of humor about his temper and laugh at himself about it a little, largely due to Grant (though not in the moment that he's angry), and that is a Big Change. Laura and Frank took him to get an ID and the drivers' handbook, and let him practice driving with them. I've seen him pick up the GED study handbook and take it to the office with a pencil several times with no prompting. And he's doing household chores like putting away dishes and taking out garbage and his own laundry and so on, for the first time.

I guess I think we're doing him good, but I want to make sure he doesn't do my kids any harm, even minor, and I really wish I could do him WAY MORE good. I want to undo 17 years in one. And Laura keeps telling me I need to accept that that is not possible, and just do the best I can without stressing myself out.


Elise is almost 4 months old. She's scooting forward more efficiently and laughing more consistently. She's rolling like crazy. She's almost sitting independantly. She's beautiful and amazing and I am in love with her and terrified that some awful thing is still going to befall her or is already, and overwhelmed with gratitude and trying to have faith. She's wearing 6-9 month clothes. And having a growth spurt. Isaac is extremely good with her, probably best out of all the kids. Annie gets bored quickly, Aaron is spastic and silly with her and she doesn't like it, and I can't really trust Jake with her unsupervised (for even a minute). Isaac talks with her and "reads" to her and she loves him. Jake and her get along great when they're both nursing, and hold hands and pop off to smile at each other. But otherwise, he's one possessive little dude and not interested in sharing me.

I'm trying to kickstart my metabolism. Lack of sleep + realizing I haven't eaten all day and starting to glut myself in the evening = FAT TINA. I actually feel mostly ok about myself, mostly because Grant still thinks I'm beautiful and sexy, but horrible about my wardrobe, and I refuse to buy clothes in this size that I am and have plenty I could wear if I just lost a bit. And I would feel BETTER about myself, then. And maybe be less hot here in God's Frying Pan where we live. And more inclined to jump on the trampoline again with the kids.

The End

Or, if that's too vulgar for your dinner party invitations, you can always tell your guests you're serving "altarflame stew". My sister might get into a tizzy about that because really, I ripped her off bigtime with this, but hey - what she won't know won't hurt her. Let's face it, unless this is Frank reading, she doesn't live in your house ;)

Ingredients:
-2 splashes of olive oil
-half a stick of butter
-2 cloves of garlic
-2 boxes of chicken broth
-one cube of beef bouillion/better than bouillion/whatever you use
-6 vine ripe tomatoes...5 liquified, one diced
-a small crate of white mushrooms, sliced thick (they shrink!)
-a package of italian sausage - I used sweet turkey italian sausage, broken into bite sized pieces
-a large zuccini, diced
-2 handfuls of spinach leaves, stemmed
-4 carrots, sliced thin
-one can of kidney beans, drained
-one can of garbanzos/chickpeas, also drained
-about half a box of macaroni noodles, multigrain preferred for nutritional value and holding up in the soup without turning to paste
-salt, pepper, oregano, basil

Method:
-Put the liquified tomatoes, chicken broth, bouillion cube and one of the splashes of olive oil into a giant stock pot. Let them boil with a lid on while you...
-put the butter, mushrooms and zuccinni in one pot/pan, with salt, pepper and oregano, and
-the olive oil, onions, garlic, carrots, and sausage in another, in that order with a minute or two in between each (or 4 or 5 minutes, where carrots need to cook), with salt, pepper and basil
-Take the alternate pans off heat as things in them approach "almost done". Add both to large stock pot.
-Once it's cooked for 5-10 minutes, throw in the remaining tomato, spinach, pasta, and about 4 cups of extra water. Cover and boil for as long as the pasta takes

I promise you it's delicious, and great reheated, too.

Southwestern Chicken and Rice Casserole

-3/4 cup (before cooking) brown rice
-5-6 boneless chicken tenderloins, cubed
-half a green bell pepper, diced
-half a red bell pepper, diced (both toasted, I use the toaster oven, you could also bake them dry on a tray)
-1-2 roma tomatoes (or equivalent amount of other tomatoes)
-about a quarter cup of diced onion
-couple of cloves of minced garlic
-half a stick of butter
-olive oil
-seasoned salt
-chili powder
-regular salt
-about a handful of white flour
-cheddar and/or pepper jack cheese. I highly reccomend both.

I start working on this here and there throughout the day. Like you can put the rice on with a timer and cook it in the morning, or whenever, and likewise with dicing up the peppers and sticking them in the toaster oven (where they can sit until you're ready, as far as I'm concerned) or thawing out the chicken/sauteeing it up in the olive oil with seasoned salt all over it. In any case, in a casserole dish with a lid you will need to layer, from the bottom;

-the cooked rice, with chili powder stirred in to your taste
-the chicken, cooked in olive oil and slathered in seasoned salt
-the peppers
-a rou (sp?) which is the olive oil from cooking the chicken, with the butter melted into it, and the onion and garlic cooked together until they're done - then throw in the flour to thicken it, salt and pepper to season, and pour it somewhat evenly over what you have so far
-the tomatoes
-as much shredded cheddar and monterey/pepper jack cheese as you like

Bake it at 350, covered, for 45 minutes. I use lots of chili powder and a ton of pepper jack cheese, and do not find this at all spicy. Grant loads his bowl up with hot sauce since the rest of us don't want it spicy - Jake eats it with us, even. But I have been shocked by what other people think is "spicy" before, so who knows I guess.

Anyway...G and I both end up painfully full everytime I cook this. He curses me for it being so wonderful as he lays on the couch moaning. That has to count for something.