altarflame: (GaGa)

Shaun shaved, and now I think he really screams "filmmaker"


This is Grant, intensifying his hatred for and resentment of our cats (it's his mom's new puppy).


And this is us, pretty frequently.


Isaac turned 6, as previously documented only through text.


Brian, Darrien, Jake and Naja wanted to help.




And that is my feet by the faucet.


Oh yes. I think I need at least three hours watching the steam rise off the water every week lately.


Aaron being Aaron.



Also Aaron (hip hop class):

My video editing program is crashing, so the first minute and 20 seconds of this video is just them standing there. Sorry about that. Feel free to skip ahead to the good part :) I actually think the previous run through was superior, because he didn't know he had a camera trained on him.

Elise watching him.


And Ananda doing schoolwork during her free hour at Dance Empire.


Goofing around in the van.


Jake is wearing his little Cubbies vest back there. He LOVES AWANA so much.


Flash does funny things to Elise and I both.


All five of my kids at the zoo.


There are a lot of parts of my life right now. I'm stretched thinly over a lot of area, mostly in a good way. Obviously not always. Some of it:

I'm getting really close to Kristin, and love it, like we're real friends - the kind you can ask for favors or call up at 10 pm just to talk.

Nancy and I talk and email everyday. She'll be here to spend the day with us on Tuesday. This is wonderful in and of itself and then, also, I emailed her the first 10,000 words of this book I'm writing (!). So I'm waiting to hear back on tenderhooks (...so to speak? wth? tenderhooks, really?) and hoping she will be brutally honest but also REALLY LOVE IT :p

Robby spent the night again last weekend, and was here two days ago. He hugged me and helped with the dishes. Then yesterday he took like 20 Zolofts and now he's back at Miami Children's. My mother in law called me crying her eyes out tonight because none of us feel capable of helping him...they're talking about residential treatment and it kind of breaks my heart. His sister Nadia (11, bipolar, schizophrenic) has been in and out of residential for years; her twin Patrice has never had any mental health issues. Robby is so smart, and he's so...dangling on some precipice...it really gets me.

And I feel like somebody needs to do something for Patrice because holy shit this is too much for her. She spent the night with Robby last weekend. We were all eating dinner and going around asking "What was the best part of the day for you?" and when we got to her, she said "I don't know how to choose! It's all so wonderful!!" with this giddy excuberance like my messy house is some sort of wonderland, and it breaks me heart man! I do not know what to do. Robby specifically requested I be put on his list and given his password so I imagine I will be at Miami Children's this weekend at least once.

I've been listening to a lot of music, downloading a lot of music. I got a beautiful special edition red iPod nano in the mail and I'm kind of in love with it, and then again sort of considering sending it back because, well, that would be a lot of Lush products I could get and I can always burn cds for the van and plug earbuds into my laptop. Lily Allen, Kate Nash, Frou Frou, Cat Power, Regina Spektor (Consequence of Sounds and That Time, this week), Emiliana Torrini, The Blow's "True Affection", Hurts to Purr, A Particularly Vicious Rumor.

I'm having a very hard time with Aaron - as far as getting him to do schoolwork or chores or act "normal" around people. He is incredible at communicating with me one on one and at participating in group activities and at anything musical or physical, but sometimes lately he really seems like a true autistic savant...I haven't felt so stumped and frustrated by his obvious sensory issues since he was 3.

We had tea today, outside, for the first time in what felt like forever. We went around and the questions were, first, what are you looking forward to, and second, what are you dreading.

Ananda is looking forward to Nancy's visit and dreading her period.
Aaron is looking forward to his dance competition next month and dreading his chores tomorrow.
Isaac is looking forward to Easter (because it's a "finding constest" and he's so exceptional at finding things) and dreading his next belly ache (he gets them a lot...he has a really sensitive gut).
Jake and Elise didn't really understand the questions well enough to say things that made sense.

My kids and I joke around almost constantly. They always try to get me to say "What?" when we pull up at the house, so they can answer, "We're home". I refuse if I'm on to them. But they get me kind of a lot, often in hilarious ways. Once in a blue moon I get one of them, but mostly they ban together and warn each other.

Aaron has gotten so good at making me laugh uncontrollably that I have to threaten him through it, when I can breathe, that I can stand him in the corner while I'm laughing, and just because he's funny doesn't mean he's not in trouble.

I frequently call them horrible names like putzes and oozing warts and threaten them with consequences like ripping their arms off and beating them with it. "If you don't get out of that bath, I will go outside, dig a hole under this house, light a fire in it, and make soup out of you".

Me: Don't make me eat you.
Ananda: *rolling her eyes* You can't eat me.
Me: Watch me.
A: It would be gross, and I'm way too big.
Me: Why do you think we have a blender?
A: I know you hate purees.
Aaron: She does have a point about that.
Me: Well, I could use it to thicken soup.
Aaron: she does do that with bean puree.
Ananda: If you eat me, you're gonna have to explain it to Dad.
Aaron: And the police.
Isaac: I would help her keep it a secret.
Jake: GET THE BLENDER!!!!!

I've been in insane hypersexual mode. Not eating especially well and not especially caring. And never ready to get out of bed when it's time. Always grabbing more music off the computer and a bag of snacks as we head out the door, always reading and reading and reading out loud in the dark to someone(s).

I feel very alive and like I can dig this life.

My brother is pushing it, though.
altarflame: (Epic Shit)
EPIC MULTIMEDIA EXTRAVAGANZA!!!

First off, we spent last weekend camping with PATH. This was an epic PITA that involved jumping hurdles ranging from my brother killing our van's battery by playing music in it while we weren't home to thunderstorms when we were supposed to be setting up our tent. BUT WE PERSEVERED. And in the end, Aaron got to play Capture the Flag in the dark, in the wilderness, with teams color coded by their glowstick necklaces, so I suppose it all came out in the wash. I also got to see a lot of homeschooling moms drunk - and apparently they bring, like, steaks and brie with crackers and bake cakes in dutch ovens over the fires? And Ananda had some time with her friends down by the river by themselves, so whatevs. It is good that we were already outfitted for cold camping with electric blankets, heating pads and "hot hands" packs.

Also: there was a raccoon who sat around the fire with us. The kids toasted him marshmallows and he ate them with his little raccoon hands. It was kind of awesome, until we went to the bathroom and he went in our cooler, stole our bacon and opened the pack and ate it. This raccoon ate our unpreserved, free ranging ethical bacon! Let me tell you how we found this out.

*we go to the bathroom en masse, get back, an hour passes, Grant goes in the cooler for something random*
Grant: Where is the bacon?
Ananda: Oh, by the road.
Me: WHAT?!
Ananda: I don't care for bacon.
Me: O_O Are you serious?

I assure you, if our snide little vegetarian had spotted the fucking s'mores chocolate by the road, she would have alerted us immediately. ANYWAY. I found out the next day that the raccoons had went in some other campers tents, gotten soda cans and punctured them open with their claws. W. T. F.

Pictures:

(breakfast over the camp stove)




(Annie and Christina)









Johnathan Dickinson State Park in Jupiter, Fl is the ugliest camping experience I've ever had. But not the worst. Overall I am glad we went.




Last night, as Shaun left our house, he said to me "Make sure you lock the door, so I can't sneak back in". I don't know why but I laughed about this off and on for the rest of the night.




Tonight I took off my pants. To change pants. But I couldn't find the pants I wanted in my room. Then I spotted them under my desk, like they fell behind it after I had draped them over. So I crawled under the desk wearing only a tshirt, and Elise dove down and started sucking on the side of my butt and then jumped off laughing and said "No milk, butt!"

I banged my head so hard on the underside of the desk, jumping. These types of things are withering away what is left of my dignity.




Grant took this video of Elise last night, and it is awesome.





I have been really stressed out about this BirthGirlz event happening tomorrow, for a variety of reasons, but now that it's upon me I'm just mostly relieved. Nancy will be there and I am happy to be seeing her, Laura is probably coming with me, and then I WON'T EVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT AGAIN. Also the food is likely to be good. More info at vbacsummit.org, if you are so inclined. People like Sarah Dotson should consider going. I am sorry I suck to have not invited people sooner. Partial day attendance is fine, and all I am doing. There will be reporters from Miami Herald there so that is cool.




I am still flying high from my time writing at Starbucks earlier. IT HAS BEEN SO LONG. I had so much cooped up, pent up creative energy, it's been driving me CRAZY. I am thrilled with what I accomplished and can't wait to get back to it, now :D Everything is a process but every baby step further I get in this one just makes me feel like I could explode with happiness.




The songs for this week are Jem's They, and Regina Spektor's Samson and On The Radio - all 3 videos embedded behind the cut )

This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe,
Until their dying breath
This is how it works -
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And you took the love you made
And stick it into some -
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood

...And on the radio
You hear "November Rain"
That solo's really long
But it's a good refrain
And you'll listen to it twice
Cuz the DJ was asleep
On the radio
On the radio





Grant is filling out Ananda and Aaron's books of things to do for tomorrow, second day in a row. Today his included clearing the table, silent reading and building a small rocket ship to fly to the moon in before dinner was ready. Ananda's was getting the tv room ready for vaccuming, putting away the dishes and digging a hole to China. Tomorrow the first thing on Aaron's list is to immediately poke Annie 10 times in a row. The last thing on hers is to make sure she doesn't let Aaron poke her. It's all good.
altarflame: (Default)
My hair makes sense up in a clip and piled on top of my head, with the curly bangs pushed to the sides, in a way that is kind of relieving. A girl cannot live in a headband indefinitely and I was getting tired of my family members bursting into uncontrollable laughter as I came around corners.

I feel accomplished because tonight is the first night this week that I've managed to get the little kids to sleep without any of them screaming, injuring each other or running out 50 million times. It's really very simple...if I take the time to read to them all in there, they go to sleep like decent children. If I skimp out on them and just yell "Get back in bed!" down the hall when I hear giggling, I'll be yelling for hours. The not-so-simple simple part of this comes into play when Grant is working night shifts and I'm sick with a messed up hand and DON'T WANT TO READ TO ANYONE. It is one of those things that is always great and easy once I get in there. I just don't always want to go in.

I feel like a failure because my bathrooms are disgusting. Deplorable. Awful. Like, wow, I think I'd rather go pee at a gas station. All this from one evening with them running amok. Aaron did stupid things like leave an empty AND A FULL toilet paper roll and MY BOOK on the edge of the tub as he took a bath, getting everything soaked and shreddable, so that Isaac and Jake went in next, and the pulp was EVERYWHERE by the time I came in to check their water level and bring towels. You may or may not know this, but wet paper is my ultimate weakness. I can deal with puke, snot, poop, headlice, giant palmetto bugs, but I seriously gag about wet, mushy paper. *shudders* I made Aaron get everything out of the actual tub, since we couldn't pull the plug otherwise, but the rest is waiting for me.

The other bathroom suffered some kind of Isaac poop fiasco coupled with an Elise pouring cups of water disaster.

Yeah. I'll be in there working on all that...in a minute. *sigh*

Ananda is on her first solo sleepover tonight. Her and Aaron have went together and spent the night with their friends Grace and Kai (sister and brother, 2 of my friend Michelle's 6 kids) a couple of times...but that's different. On the way there she was sitting in the front with me, which is a new thing. She was sitting with her (also-new) thinness folded into casual indian style, perfect posture, and I said, "You look like you feel tall". "I do!" she told me, surprised. With her bag that she packed herself and I didn't even influence beyond "You got clothes for tomorrow and pjs and something to do in case you end up awake later than Christina, right? And a toothbrush?" It's also different because unlike most of the playdates and friends they have, Christina's mom is just someone I kind of know. I mean I've kind of known her for years and trust her, but we only really talk to coordinate their get-togethers or finalize details for PATH activities. She's really nice, we just don't "click". Which means I stand in the doorway for a minute and she's very polite, and then I leave, if Annie is spending the night. Whereas I hang out until 9 when they stay at Michelle's, and we were all just there for dinner the evening before anyway.

When we drive places now, we listen to Y-100 on mute, watching the display to say "Bad Romance" is playing. Which usually takes under 10 minutes. Aaron and I both do the cat-scratch motion 3 times as we sing, "lahv, lahv, lahv". He is really, really interested in Lady GaGa as a person. He wants to know WHY she wears crazy outfits and what these songs are supposed to mean. We've done a lot of side-by-side, somewhat screened viewing of interviews and appearances together. What I find is that her song Speechless is about her Dad refusing to undergo heart surgery that would save his life, and how she wrote it to change his mind (it worked). That she and all the other dancers stand in a circle and pray before each show. That all her proceeds from her upcoming appearance in NYC are going to Haiti, along with her "HaitiLadyGaGa" shirt sales. That she was a total nerd in school and never felt like she could be herself and totally can't do relationships or men and her fans are everything to her to probably an unhealthy degree, but many many "different" people who are her fans are ravenous and passionate about her, the devotion is insane. She's also got a lot of songs nobody in this house is gonna be listening to anytime soon, as I don't need Isaac asking me what she means "take a ride on his disco stick". We're sticking to the radio edits of singles at this point. And my 8 year old son, who has one black temporary tattoo that says "Rock n Roll" surrounding his eye and another strip one across his neck (both done without consulting us, from a pack Annie got for Christmas, I assure you) says he is a Little Monster, too. That's what she calls her fans (after her Fame Monster album and Monster Ball concerts). He says he's been inducted into the Haus of GaGa. We watch as she breaks the glass case surrounding her piano, which is then on fire as she begins to play, and he shakes his head - "She's fearless." Marilyn Manson has a crush on her and says she's brought Andy Warhol and Salvador Dali to the mainstream pop world. I watched her swinging a spikey ball on a chain into a taxi windshield on Oprah earlier.

I REALLY LOVE THIS:


Speaking of fearless, and Aaron:


Also, here he is working his magic on baby Elizabeth like I mentioned a few posts back:


WHILE I'M STEALING MY SISTER'S PICTURES...

That's really...really...REALLY FREAKING CUTE. Do you SEE that LITTLE BABY? *explodes* Brian says the marker on his face spells out his name, so consider it a label. I think it would make more sense for him to be named random scribbles, honestly, knowing him as I do.

I've been reading a book of Mother Angelica's writing that Paige/[livejournal.com profile] likeinabook left here for me. I really, really love it and am getting a LOT out of it. Some of the talk about living with God in the moment and praying in the present seriously got me through my follow up ER-trip, which was in a room almost exactly like the one I was in, in the ICU, down to the freaky dentist style chair and surrounding noises.

I want to read so much fiction right now. The Thirteenth Tale on [livejournal.com profile] custard_kisses's reccomendations, Jane Austen because, well...I've never read any Jane Austen, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn as I never understood what that book was about and now that I do, I'm really intrigued...alas, there is no time for leisurely reading of fiction anywhere I can detect in my life. I suppose I could use the 30 minutes every couple of days that I take to write a journal update but I do not have the kind of discipline to come up for air from a book I like. Books swallow my whole life. The Mother Angelica book is short bits that I read in the bathroom.


Today is my fourth day back on (my adapted) strict Eat To Live. So far I've lost a pound a day, again. It is nuts. Today I had one of my frou frou Liberte yoghourt's, full of grains and pear, for breakfast, and then very soon after half an avocado and a tomato diced up and salted and eaten on sesame terragon Back to Nature crackers. Note that both of those are things I ADORE and would eat all the time anyway. Laaaate lunch was my now-adapted white chicken chili, which no longer contains any oil, butter or other off limits things but is still awesome - I make it with coconut milk and cumin and and it is freaking delicious, loaded with onions, garlic, and 3-4 colors of bell peppers.... Dinner was a whole romaine heart ripped up with a sprinkle of almonds, dried cranberries and bleu cheese tossed throughout, and 4 bay scallops roasted up in the toaster oven alongside. I snacked on baby carrots and blueberries throughout the day. Antibiotics and probiotics. Voila.

I've developed this crazy goal that I don't think could ever be healthy or normal by regular dieting standards but is almost...modest...by Eat to Live standards, that I will try to be my pre-pregnancy weight by Annie's 10th birthday. I'm talking my OG pre-pregnancy weight, like when I was not yet a mother and got pregnant for the first time. I haven't been there in a decade. Heck, slightly more.

I'm so gonna do it.

For the record, that would be 168. I started Eat to Live at 233, was on it for 6 weeks and lost 26 pounds. So I was 207. Over the course of 2.5 months of free-for-all'ing I gained back 6 of those pounds. That I only gained back 6 having whole bags of Riesen on the first day of my period and pigging out on holiday food and things kind of blows my mind. Anyway, so I started this time at 213.8. So far my 3 morning weights have been 212.8, 211.8, and 210.8 -
Here I go, baby.

Sunday is my cheating day, which will slow things up a bit, but I can handle it. Ananda's birthday is June 1.

THIS Sunday, I have big plans involving lasagna, and another fire-gathering with s'mores ;) But I am not going to go CRAZY on Sundays, just do what I want in something like moderation. We're burning our Christmas trees for this fire, and I've sent out a facebook invite to a bunch of people. The weekend will be largely devoted to cleaning.



LAST THING! The cold weather that you all love to make fun of me for complaining about. My aunt sent me email pictures that I thought made a statement about WHY I get to bitch when it's record lows here. It was a picture of a green tree covered in ice, and I though - Exactly. THAT is the problem.

We don't have a season of getting cooler and easing into winter. We have 90 degree days aplenty in December.

When we actually HAVE a freeze:
-homeless people get sick and/or die, because they don't have the gear for it, and we don't have the shelters in place
-farmers' lose all of their crops - I live in an agricultural community
-peoples' homes (like my friend Kristin, and my sister!) aren't even equipped with working heat, and everyone's floors are tile, and you seriously shiver yourself silly inside
-you see the damage around for weeks afterwards - all the grass in my backyard is suddenly brown and crispy, and my banana trees look like they might not recover
-the reptiles actually FREEZE, like iguanas and small lizards and snakes and everything FALL, solid, from the trees, and lay there vulnerable until it warms up again

I really think it is different than what people experience when they're used to, acclimatized, and outfitted for "real" winters. My PATH friend Michelle walked out of her house this past weekend, slipped in ice that had literally NEVER BEEN THERE BEFORE, and busted out her kneecap...she spent most of the week in hospital after surgery and I'm taking her dinners because she can't even get around the house with crutches. It snowed in places this week that they don't even have snow tires available for sale, let alone do people know how to drive on roads with ice.

Anyway. I'm just saying. People are always like, stfu that's not even REAL cold, but I think if those people experienced a sudden drop down into the low 30s in the middle of summer they'd freak out and take to their blogs. THAT IS WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE when that happens.
altarflame: (Aaron'sface)
I just pulled two rectangular chocolate cakes out of my top oven. I can't eat any, but they are for our flag cake and they. smell. GOOD. I'm keeping that one hot for oatmeal raisin cookies (that I CAN eat, by golly). My bottom oven has cauliflower roasting in olive oil and salt on the top rack and butternut squash cut in half and covered in butter, turbinado sugar, salt and pepper, on the bottom rack.




We had two things to e-search, today.

One - there is some kind of fluorescent, highlighter yellow growth that looks like bits of styrofoam, in a plant we keep on the front porch. The first day Aaron pointed it out, I thought someone had actually thrown tiny bits of radioactive foam into the soil. But it just keeps getting bigger and so based on our Sesame Street criteria it is apparently alive. Today we found out they are mushrooms, more specifically leucocoprinus birnbaumii.

This is about where ours are:


But they will apparently be here soon:

Which is kind of awesome...in a poisonous sort of way.

Also they are known as "the houseplant mushroom" and are apparently so resilient and unstoppable that even if you empty a planter they've been in of dirt and put all new in, they will still come right back.

Two - "pachyderm", which I found the correct spelling of through a painful process of phonetic failures. Ananda has been asking me what this word means because in Horton Hears a Who, Horton has to do something "ASAP" and he says, "What does a-s-a-p mean? Maybe it's 'Act Swiftly Awesome Pachyderm'!" Anyway, yeah, "pachy" is related to a latin word for "thick" and derm is obviously skin related like the DERMatologist who froze her warts off, so technically pachyderm means thick skinned animal, but it's actually an outdated class of animals including rhinos, hippos, elephants and sometimes warthogs/pigs. Scientists don't group animals that way anymore but the word lives on unofficially.




Since starting this we've polished off all the cauliflower, all the squash and a dozen of the cookies, with a box of almond milk - along with an entire JUG of salsa, and a whole bag of multigrain chips. I suppose this is because we just had nuts and canteloupe for breakfast. Geez Louise it's already 6, I have to start roasting a chicken soon! It is countdown to me wearing a hair net and serving people with an ice cream scoop, I am telling you.




So, it has been 6 days since Aaron got a unicycle.

Day 1 - he could get on with help from people, then figured out how to get on leaning on things.
Day 2 - he set a goal to get from the library table to the edge of the rug in there, which is about 4 feet. It was somewhat easier on the rug. By the end of the day he could do about 2 feet.
Day 3 - he made it to the edge of the rug probably 4 times.
Day 4 - he was going past the edge every time, and onto the tile and continuing the next 4 feet to the bookshelf/wall.
Day 5 - he started taking off on tile, from the front door, with a goal of the bar - about 12 feet. Halfway through the day he made it, and then last night Grant took this video:

By the end of the evening, he was going 10 and 15 feet further down the hall, turning around while holding the wall no problem, and practicing turns.
Day 6 - today - he can go the entire length of the house including the turn and surface change (tile to wood) into my room, and all the way to my french doors. Then turn around and come back like it's nothing. He rides all over the house now. We were just outside and he can go three houses up, MAKE A U-TURN, and then come back to the van with a fair amount of ease. He also passed some bicyclists who were staring to beat all which pleased him greatly.

This is his favorite unicycle video so far. The first 3.5 minutes are outtakes which I just noticed with the sound on are set to ska music with some explicit-ish lyrics. After that is the main event. It is pretty nuts.





Ok, we apparently have a third thing to e-search. "Can bubbles freeze?"

Wikipedia tells us that in temperatures below 5 degrees (-15C), they will freeze when they hit a surface but then the air diffuses out and they crumple in on themselves. At below -13 (-25C) they will actually shatter when they touch stuff. But you can't blow them with warm breath in that kind of atmosphere or else they will collapse as they leave the wand, because of the changein volume as your breath cools. Huh.

Wikipedia has so much more in it that Funk & Wagnall's ever did when I was a kid, it's free, and it takes up SO MUCH LESS SPACE!

Apparently you can use dry ice to freeze bubbles that can then be picked up and examined. I think this may be in our near future.




Ok, so...I'ma finish baking all these cookies, and get a chicken roasting, and then figure out side dishes and read my kids a bunch of American history stuff re: the 4th of July until Grant gets home. And probably we will go see fireworks tonight at 9 at the stadium. WAIT! I have to make A and A have their quiet time. Annie does 30 minutes writing a book report and he does 30 minutes reading, everyday, and we didn't do that yet today. AAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaalrighty.

-Freeze and berry up flag cake, while cookies finish
-read American stuff
-quiet time, which is when I get chicken roasting
-Grant, fireworks




I don't know if I ever showed you guys the CRAZY ASS movie our friend Shaun did for film school, that has since been in a couple of film festivals, that Ananda and Aaron were in. They spent about a half a dozen days with the crew filming for their scenes. It is about 20 minutes long. They think they are pseudo-famous because it's been shown on the big screen and we have a professional looking dvd case for our copy with their pictures on the back. Anyway, it is a trippy lot of O_o, but very well done. If you'd like to watch it:

The Gifter from Shaun Wright on Vimeo.

altarflame: (DeathbyChores)
I'm so irritated with YouTube. They yanked the videos of Elise that I posted for nudity. Seriously. HUGGIES COMMERCIALS and COPPERTONE SUNSCREEN BOTTLES feature baby butts. Anne Geddes uses baby butts in posters they sell at school book fairs. People are so freaking uptight paranoid stupid - there was no genitalia in those videos. Or close-up shots. They weren't even really in focus! There are, unfortunately, actual child porn sites out there for perverts looking for them...I really doubt they're salivating as my baby crawls around laughing in the kitchen with her brother. Whatever.

Anyway, these two pictures of my baby happen to feature clothing :p
sleeping on Daddy, and showing off )

and this is my big girl showing off her new 'do )

On Isaac's birthday Bobby/[livejournal.com profile] tmfi sent me a couple of short, spliced video clips he took of Isaac from a visit a couple of years back...it's pretty adorable and silly.

(That's Frank, Laura's husband talking in the first one, and Bobby in the second...)

For contrast, I interviewed him today. What a difference...


I think this last bout of croup might have mellowed him for the long term O_o It's like he just never would have stopped talking for a second, if he hadn't had to due to pain, coughing, weakness and fever...as it was he was VERY unusually quiet for over a week, though, and I think it's left him more observant in general. Here's hoping, anyway ;)

Totally random things:

-People down here routinely eat in the grocery store, particularly they feed their kids in the grocery store. This is obviously taboo (i.e., stealing) if it's weighted produce, but nobody really seems to think twice about it with packaged or per quanitity items. You just pay at the checkout as per usual. I was telling Laura tonight as she passed out pre-cut canteloupe chunks from a container while we shopped that I tried that once in Jacksonville, and got stopped by security, who called in a police officer...it was just ridiculous, they really acted like I ought to have been ashamed and they couldn't believe I was "trying to lie" and "claiming I was going to pay all along". I was like, uh, if I was going to steal I wouldn't be being completely open about it as I walk down the aisles handing out crackers, people! When I was growing up my mom would often get some bakery items for us to eat while we shopped, and then present the wrapper for payment at the cash register, along with a half empty bottle of iced tea. Nobody ever questioned us about it here in Homestead. Just sayin', I think it's regional or something.

-Every time I comb Isaac's hair out, I get boogers in the comb. *sigh*

-I'm really aware of my long-acknowledged predisposition to weird circumstances right now...I don't have a lot of background for 9-5 work every day, and it's really horrible for me to try to get used to. Grant's unpredictable, wack hours as an entrepeneur really felt like home to me. This thing where he leaves in the morning and comes back in the evening every single day is...unfamiliar and surreal. I keep waiting for it to end, like, this can't just be "how it is" from now on. I know this is how most people live, but...blah. I don't even know why, but the whole situation makes me feel desperate and hopeless in this way I can't explain. Mom, stop reading if you have to, but I'm not trying to say anything bad here I just know you're sensitive...basically growing up we moved a LOT, like every few months most of the time, and my mom and stepdad changed jobs frequently. There were times when, say, x-stepdad was on a 3 month long international drug run and mom stayed home and go-betweens paid our bills. Or mom was single and worked weird graveyard swing shifts. I never went to school if I didn't feel like it, I usually missed between 80 and 100 days a year. So for Grant to work a 15 hour day starting at noon, and then an 8 hour day starting in the morning, and then four hours in the morning followed by an afternoon at home and then a couple hours in the office before dinner, with us going out at 10pm to look at the stars in the Everglades and get a frappuccino - it seemed very normal and right to me. Going to Boston for 2 months or being on the road for two weeks felt normal. My dream life would be for me to be writing whenever I feel like it, most likely mostly late at night, and going to college part time, and him to be doing photography or freelance web design or whatever other thing where we have to schedule everything around everything else because nobody knows what tomorrow will be like until it comes. It seems safe. I feel like life can stagnate or something, like you can lose yourself in the shuffle...I wonder if it will start to seem normal over time if I just calm my ass down?

-a while back I pulled a pot of oatmeal close to me from the back burner for a final stir, and after a couple seconds Ananda was like, "MOM! Doesn't that HURT?" because I was holding the lip right against my belly. A totally numb part of my belly. I was blistered. Two weeks later there's still a mark and something kind of weird is, I can feel there now, even though I never felt the burn. Like it woke up the nerves.

-My kids are FINALLY responding to "renewed consistency"...I'm always aware of how little consistency I had growing up and how challenging it makes a lot of things for me, so even though we have very variable times to our days, we also have a lot of routine...it was like skinning myself alive to get used to, but every single day the kids have morning chores and teeth brushing after breakfast, and whenever we're home at some point a few hours later we have what we always call "Afternoon chores", and when dinner is either about to start or just ended, evening chores...and they're always the same things, each kid has different ones. Likewise we sit down to dinner as a family and start with a prayer, even if it is 11 or something. And we read and have prayers before bedtime, often with some bedroom cleanup or a big-kids-and-I only time where we're talking...most days we do some kind of sit-down schoolwork in the late afternoon. Anyway, all consistency went out the window completely for the last week or two of illness. People just fell into bed whenever and got up and lazed around watching tv all day long and one person would have some soup for their dinner an hour before 2 other people had a grilled cheese, etc etc. It was just ridiculous. They seriously all watched movies all day and half the night for over a week. And I think they are more sensitive to this sort of shift, and quicker to go with it, because it was a similar situation when I was in the hospital last Fall and recovering, for about a month, and also last Spring was pretty rough when Elise was born. So, for the first couple of days after this illness my normally motivated and agreeable children were all whining "SCHOOL?! We just had school YESTERDAY" and "Moooo-ooom I'm too TIRED to move laundry, why can't I go out to PLAY" and other such crap. They were getting upset with me that I wasn't willing to start a second movie right after a first one ended and generally acting like I was a slave driver if I wanted a dirty plate walked from the table to the sink. Jake has also turned into some kind of feral child, he got sneaky while I was off my guard and his temper is INSANE. His first healthy day, which was my first sick day, we had a lot of conversations like this:
Mom: Jakey, that's not for you. Put it back on the counter.
Jake: NO!
Mom: Jake, calm down. You cannot yell at me or tell me no.
Jake: *pointing and scowling* YOU calm down, MOM!
Mom: It's not nice to say that. I'm being nice and calm. YOU need to calm down. Now hand me that, right now!
Jake: How bout no! How bout you calm down! How bout milk!
Mom: You're asking me for milk? You won't even listen and you're yelling at me. Give me that and then we'll talk about milk.
Jake: *runs up and kicks me in the shin*
Mom: THAT'S IT BUDDY! (snatches forbidden item and drags him off to a timeout)

*sigh* Quite a few timeouts and a lot of pre-emptive one on one time later, we are mostly out of this bs. At least the worst of it. Laura and I were talking, and although I don't love Jake anymore than any of my other kids, he and I definitely had the closest bond throughout pregnancy and infancy. And I really think that is behind a lot of this NUTTY ASS way that he acts sometimes...it's like he's a little scorned lover or something, and is just so betrayed by me no longer giving him everything he asks for - not to mention loving another baby, and then expecting him to be more independant...how dare I stand by as if everything is ok while he uses the toilet and eats with a spoon. Bah.

It's just such a lot of work in general to keep up the consistency to a VERY heightened degree while everyone gets back into it. Sometimes I really, really don't want to handle ANOTHER "JAKE IS HITTING ME!!!" or "Isaac stole my toy!" But, as I started this tirade by saying, it is finally paying off as A and A and I had GREAT schooltime today and all three little ones took naps, and nobody flipped out like they were living in a concentration camp because I wanted their blanket put back on their bed. People generally got along. Hopefully we are on the right track again.

sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep now
altarflame: (wild things)
+10 )

I hope you are all prepared for (blurry, non-genital showing) fat naked baby goodness. She has a lot of fun with Aaron:




I am sick now, and it's crappy, but whatever. All five of my kids have been to sleep for the night at a decent hour two nights in a row and I'll glory in that, after the solid week of everyone up and down all night from illness.

Laura and I went out shopping at Marshall's and Publix earlier, just she and I and Brian. I found some great stuff - Isaac's birthday is Wednesday and we've gotten him:
-A Dora dish set (plate, cup, bowl)
-a froggy spoon and fork
-a set of foam type stuff that floats and sticks to tile, for the bath, that is all dragons and knights and pirates ships and whatnot.
-tinkertoys (the one kind of block I can even think of that isn't in this house already, and I found a great set so cheap)
-"My First Phonics Board Book"

Also, there are Dora and Diego cake decorations and candles ready for my baking. I really, really hope he feels all better by Wednesday so he can play in the blow up pool like he wanted to with the others today, but couldn't, and just generally enjoy himself.

I also found, while I was out, some things for Ananda and Aarons birthdays - which are not until June, but it helps to spread things out...some of Isaac's things were bought weeks ago.

Nancy is heading back to Boston in a few days and I REALLY REALLY want to see her again first - we were supposed to get together this past week but it just couldn't happen with everybody miserably sick. I hope it works out, but Grant's work schedule for the next few days is such that I'm not sure it can unless she can drive all the way down here again (we were supposed to meet in the middle for the second visit, as she's like 2 hours north of us and using a borrowed car).

I found out Radiohead is playing here on May 5 and reeeeeeeeeeally want to go to that now. I've only ever seen Tori Amos live. I'm trying to think of ways to arrange the sitting. I'm wondering how bad it would be to take Elise, or to leave her. I mean my mother in law would probably be willing to watch some of them so long as it's arranged in advance, and my sister is usually willing if it works with her and Frank's arrangements...we haven't asked anyone for childcare since I got out of the hospital so perhaps since we know already it could work. Elise will be over 1 (by 5 measly days) and Isaac has already went over to Teresa's by himself for a few hours and had a good time.

For now, I really need to get to bed. Funny how all my posts end that same way.
altarflame: (Default)
Ananda passed her evaluation yesterday, so now she's "legally" a second grader. We had to reschedule it before, when the evaluator had something come up. It was really awesome watching Annie talk so freely with her and read for her and all. She seemed happy with the samples of schoolwork that we brought along.

She also had her first new ballet class yesterday. It's "intermediate" and for 7-12 year olds. It's REALLY challenging compared to other classes she's taken, and we both love it. I had a blast just watching her - she was struggling a couple of times, but grinning ear to ear and giddy, the whole hour. They're really hands on at Dance Empire - this class only has 7 girls in it, and the teacher goes around and adjusts everyone's position and at the end she tells parents what each kid can do at home to help, individually. She was doing things like putting one heel at a height such that her foot was on the same level with her head, and bending the other knee/going up on the other toes. Different balancing and flexing stuff on the floor that Grant and I have a hard time managing, or just can't do. I'm really glad we put her back in, she is all about it.

Grant also took Aaron to get their karate uniforms. Aaron is SO EXCITED. I mean, whoa, it's bordering on "PLEASE CALM DOWN BEFORE I STAND YOU IN THE CORNER!", but I'm happy for him.


A and A talked for awhile and decided both are about balance, coordination and strength.

I have so many things I want to say! Argh.

Elise is basically crawling. Laura says it is crawling, I'm not so sure, but it is definitely some kind of mobility. She goes all over the place. She can "crawl" off my bed (mattress on the floor) and out into the hallway within a minute or so. She was chasing this purple ball all over the living room for about half an hour earlier today until finally Grant decided we had to film it.


Also, Dama wanted to hear her laugh. She was not in an especially laugh-y type mood, but we had the camera out so we went for it.


Lastly, I wanted to share a recipe. The only things I really do online anymore are check my comments, my email, my friends' page, and the blog of Anna Maria Horner, who is an Orthodox Christian, mother of 5, and designer of fabrics and crafts galore. She posted this recipe the other day and we tried it last night. With chicken and milk, not fish and wine. HIGHLY RECCOMENDED. Ananda had thirds (minus meat, plus mushrooms), and I polished off the leftovers this morning.
altarflame: (fiveheads)

Not the best quality pic ever, and not even "showing off her skills" to the fullest...but I love it.

I meant to update about Friday sooner, but I had to read HP7, after all, and couldn't be seeing any spoilers before I did. It's been a very Harry weekend.

That book was CRAZY. FREAKING CRAZY. From about page 50 on it was just impossible to put down. I obviously had to put it down plenty during waking hours so I read it by staying up most of the night two nights in a row. Now I'm dying for Laura and Grant to finish it so I can talk about it with them. I think they're both around page 350. The first thing I did after I read the end was go to the journals of [livejournal.com profile] azraelgeffen, [livejournal.com profile] julierocket and [livejournal.com profile] mommydama to see what they had thought, as I had...uh...a feeling they would probably have finished it already, as well ;) I don't see how they can make that movie without it being rated R, either.

We had a lot of fun at the local bookstore's midnight party. It's a small place, owned by this great woman who is a former LLL leader, homeschooled her 4 grown kids, and is Christian. She's really direct and honest and just great. She also looked an awful lot like McGonagall last Friday night. Aaron won their costume contest :) It was voting by applause, with a decent size crowd (50 people?). If I'm honest I totally voted for my men without regard to the woman who looked just. like. Trelawny. Aaron got a time turner that is so great I'm nearly jealous, and then we won another one that Ananda got, in their raffle.

Before we left, Grant got ready to go and appeared looking like this:


I was like...What the hell are you wearing? And he answered, in a confused British accent, "What, isn't this how Muggles dress?" Bloody brilliant, I say :) He won third place and got Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. I think there were...8 other people in the contest besides them. 4 of whom were teenage girls in British schoolgirl outfits that had nothing to do with HP.


This is all out of order, isn't it? The kids had their last morning at VBS, loved it, and came home all excited about "the big night". They slept the whole way to and from picking up Grant from Verifone, and I was glad, because we were going to the HP thing so late and they're finally getting on a somewhat earlier schedule. And they did great at their VBS show :D There was a great slideshow from the week, and they got to pick up all the crafts they'd made.



We signed them up for Awana at the church for the coming year, on Wednesday evenings. There's another VBS at the Methodist church that I'm considering for them, and they're reeeeeeeeeeaally hoping works out, that starts on the 29th.


So I had a completely giddy Friday, and then a booked up weekend, and now I've had a completely horrible Monday. I don't even know why. I took a shower today, I did other productive things around the house and school things with the kids and blah blah blah. I mean I could list a bunch of reasons - money problems, lack of sleep, constantly feeling like I need to clean something else - but that stuff doesn't normally really bother me, and is usually outshined by good things (Grant's working some very lucrative jobs this week, Shaun took some really amazing stylized pics of the kids, Elise is doing new things everyday, Isaac and I just started letter of the week and the kid blows my mind with things I didn't know he knew). Probably I'm going to start my stupid period. And probably PMS is contagious, because Ananda, Aaron and Jake are all acting like they have it, too.
altarflame: (Time is coming for me.)
BUSY. I've been busy.

And tired, excited, depressed, in love, thankful, angry, defensive, relieved, proud...tired. Did I say tired? You name it. That's been this past week.

Tina, for the 10 millionth time: I just wish I could KNOW one way or the other, if she has had any seizures and if she's going to.
Grant: Listen...I know you don't trust yourself anymore, since this happened -

I'm sure he said more, but I was too overwhelmed by the avalanche of realizing he was right to hear anything else. I felt, all of a sudden, as I haven't felt since she was in the hospital. Like it hurt to breathe. And I realized that this self-doubt has colored ALL of my mothering. I ask questions like, "Do you think it's wrong to let Annie believe in fairies?" and "What do you think about Isaac being out there with the sunblock, with it the middle of the day?" CONSTANTLY. Nervously.

The other night I woke him up to ask if he thought we should put them in public school. Me. Yeah.

I think he stopped talking when he realized I was crying quietly. "I've been trying to come up with a gentle way to bring it up", he says. "I thought you knew that's what it was, Tina", Laura says. No. No, news to me. Here I thought I got off alright and was Recovering. Now I'm all like, "I think I need to talk to Mr. Nerenberg" for the first time since high school.

At some point I was ranting and raving, about how maybe my "mother's intuition" was just my imagination all along. I know, rationally, that it wasn't. Obviously Ananda did stop stuttering on her own. Obviously Aaron has improved tremendously with our home treatments. They can both read and do math and point things out on maps and it's just ridiculous, with the crap I went through drudging through the trenches with Isaac and how close Jake and I are, to even think that. I've known gender beyond any shadow of a doubt during pregnancies, I've known I was pregnant before missing a period. But - .

"I think God just didn't want you to know", he said.

.

Two days? "Holy cow, look at how wildly she's moving! What the heck is this nut doing, it looks like she's having a seizure in there."

"God just didn't want you to know."

I think he's right. And I sat on that for about 2 days of seemingly pointless misery and depression and hopelessness before we got to the real other secondary ________ point that I don't trust God anymore. Trusting God is a nice thing to fall back on. It's a way to fall asleep at night when you're having nightmares that your kids are in the oven, or visions of them snatched away by kidnappers.

"God didn't want you to know."

Yeah. Well. That made me put my tongue in my cheek and downcast my eyes. It made me clench my jaw and look through everything.

This all culminated in me praying out loud in my bathroom like a lunatic. I'm tired of you trusting me this much I can't help it that I'm human I feel guilty for being so angry but I wish you were here to slap across the face and I can't get this Baptist teaching that I'll burn in Hell for even thinking it out of the back of my mind so I need You to let me know otherwise, because I'm going through some big shit here and it pisses me off SO MUCH that you knew I could handle it, that I'd find a way, maybe I wouldn't eat and maybe I'd barely breathe and maybe I'd die a little inside but I'd come out the other side stronger and so many people could see my faith and see this miracle and I should just be grateful, I should just be so grateful like my plans don't matter, my dreams didn't matter, my gutwrenching night after night and day after day with the limp unconscious spaghetti limbs not even flinching during a diaper change I just want to sleep without jerking awake from the twitch of one hand and she's so beautiful and I love her so much that I AM mostly grateful, is the hell of it, I am so glad I had that book and You talking to me all along and crazy reassurance most people never get, You've always revealed Yourself to me in ways I think so many long for and I am grateful and just from saying this much, I feel better, but I'm going to pout about it like a proud toddler as if You were (ARE) my Father and knew what was best in the long run in ways I could never understand

And then I opened up my devotional book and found some business about how God will always forgive us and it's ok to rant to him and be mad at him and he loves us like children, and how you are not going to lose your salvation.

.

So that's part of where I've been.




I'm really usually too busy for deep digging like that. Last night I did something I haven't ever done before. I pumped a bottle of breastmilk and left a baby for a couple of hours. ! Can you imagine? Yes, people do this. What if I get in a car accident and can't get back to her before she's hungry again? She can't get substandard care just because she's #5...GRANT IS NOT SUBSTANDARD CARE, GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF. It was completely awesome. I took Ananda and Aaron, in full Gryffindor regalia, and we saw HP5/Order of the Phoenix. I know some people have hated it. I loved it. Really, really loved it. Perhaps this was slightly colored by my not holding or nursing any babies or toddlers or having any 3 year olds whining in the background, as I watched it. Perhaps it's because the whole movie takes place in a world very far removed from things like doing the dishes. Surely part of my joy was seeing it through the eyes of a 7 and 6 year old who were gasping, clutching my hands in fear, and laughing out loud, by turn. In any case, I thought it completely rocked for reasons too numerous (even for ME) to list.

I'm trying to get all the kids on an earlier schedule, mostly because we just need to be, but also because Ananda and Aaron are going to VBS (Vacation Bible School) all next week. Next week is going to be a lot. My brother will have arrived and be staying with us by then. Every day from 8:30-12pm A and A will be at VBS (I can take Elise with me to drop off and pick up, and my brother will stay with Jake and Isaac for that brief bit). Grant will be in California from Monday to Wednesday night. Monday afternoon Elise has a pediatrician appt. - I'm taking Isaac too because he has swollen glands on the back of his head that I want checked out. My sister and brother will stay with Ananda, Aaron and Jake. Tuesday is LLL, and I'll take them all to that. Friday night we'll all go as a family to the Midnight Madness Harry Potter book release party at Borders. And hopefully before that on Thursday Grant and I will get a (with baby) "date" in, with Jamie, the girl from PATH, babysitting the older four. She still has to check her schedule so we may make it another day.

He's working LIKE CRAZY. We do not sleep. We still laugh a lot and are eating really well. I'm pleasantly surprised at how well he's keeping up with this no sugar stuff. He's raking in serious money, as well, and soon we should be caught up on our backed up bills, as well as paying back the loans he asked for when Elise was in the ER. In the meantime, I'm happy to have had the opportunity to help another online family that could use it, via paypal, and also to donate all the diapers Elise has ALREADY OUTGROWN to Miracle Diapers, as they were mostly given to me and are still very nice.

My body is some sort of masochistic wackjob, btw. I'm ovulating already, gearing up for that 3 month postpartum period. What sort of glutton for punishment IS my uterus? Right about now I need fertility like I need a hole in the head. I feel guilty "pushing" Grant towards the vasectomy, even though by pushing I just mean mentioning it, just because I know he's going to go through this mourning period when it's done. He's sad everytime it comes up, even though he agrees it's the only thing to do at this point. It's just hard to imagine putting a lifelong stop to ever having another baby again. But I would have some sort of breakdown if I got pregnant again. Part of me wants to get a tubal IN ADDITION to the vas. Just because that's not 100%, and I know exactly who it is that is the .5, or 3-4, or any other percentage on any bc method. IT'S ME.

Three last things:

1. Ananda's tooth FINALLY came out, a few days back. She ran into my room yelling first thing in the AM, so excited. She's adorable and older looking at the same time, with the gap. The adult tooth is already poking through, I can't believe how she held out with yanking that thing as it hung by a thread of gum(s?). The next day she was waking me up uber excited because IT WORKED AND SHE HAD MONEY!!! And LOOK AT THIS STUFF ON THE BOTTOM OF HER PILLOW!!! It was definitely fairy dust, glitter is WAY bigger and comes off WAY easier, and this was clinging, and it just changed in the light in a way that was OBVIOUSLY magic, it was INSANE!!!

I had to change my clothes and take a shower to get that stuff off of me the night before.

This was coincidentally the same day [livejournal.com profile] babyslime posted a [livejournal.com profile] ditl that included pictures of fairy doors they spotted in the woods. She was stunned speechless, and then yelled for Aaron, who breathed a long, low "Whoa". Then she asked if we could go live in Canada (where the pictures were taken). Now they are running around under beds and in closets with flashlights, looking for some in our house. Aaron is begging to go in the attic to look for them. I have given Shaun his next carpenter project ;)

She was so excited that she called Aunt Laura in Jacksonville to gush about all this. Slightly back in my right mind, I am positive this is exactly what she needs right now, after the past few months we've had.

2. I keep having, of all things, long and sincere conversations with Grant Sr. It started because we were shaken by some of the things assholes were saying about us being leeches sucking the life from him. Grant approached him candidly, asking if he wants us to leave, wishes we would get our own place, or feels put upon. They talked for half an hour and Sr was very, "Those people are idiots. They don't know me. There are things that can be annoying, of course, like when I can't get to the laundry or I'm tripping on toys. But it's more than outweighed by having you guys here. I missed you guys like crazy while you were in Boston, I'd be sad as hell if you left. Everything is cost vs benefit in life, if I didn't want to deal with this I'd have sold the house a long time ago." It occured to me that people who think he's some inwardly bleeding doormat aren't giving him very much credit. This is after all the man who threw all the dishes away last year, when he thought they'd sat unwashed for too long. He can make his opinions known. And does, when he says things like he did yesterday - I was thinking of ways to turn the office into a bedroom if Grant moves it out of house again in the future, and Sr overheard and said, "We just need a bigger house."

Anyway, we talk all the time now. We talked in the backyard for about an hour the other evening while all the kids played, about neurology and Elise and what a great mother he thinks I am and how I should have no doubts because look at the kids. It's somehow very bolstering to hear from him, because we have very different general life philosophies (he's a smoker ((outside)) who eats a lot of fast food, doesn't go to church, works for the government, totally different taste in movies, no books, etc). So it's not like WELL OF COURSE *YOU* THINK THAT, as I sometimes feel when getting kid compliments from other AP'ers. We talk about what will become of Mindy's kids, and Chuck, and our mutual distrust of Robbie around Ananda (I was so reassured to hear he's talking to him about it too...he's just hanging all over her too much for being a 12 year old boy). And all kinds of stuff.

3. Elise is doing wonderfully. She laughed tonight for the first time. Yesterday she rolled back to belly, and now she's acting like she wants to do it all the time (but not quite usually managing). She's been smiling spontaneously, like when she sees me walk into the room or when she spots a ceiling fan, for a week or so now. Those "Tour of LJ" pink longies that have gotten around so much are capris on her now - they barely cover her knees. I should get a picture. I do have some other pictures, wink wink.

+some from the past week )

And a P.S. -


That's the onesie you bought, [livejournal.com profile] julierocket - I LOVE IT ON HER. You can't see the embroidery all over it in the video, but in person it's just to die for. ...I also have the dress on top of her drawers just so I can look at it every day. It's still too big, but oh, one day it will not be...

Hijacked

May. 16th, 2007 03:30 am
altarflame: (Default)
This is Grant.

Here is Elise Awake

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1r0Ev_n_tGs
Act I - Elise chewing on the blankie
Act II - Elise stares at Daddy and grins.
For some reason, LJ won't let me embed the video...


She had a 2nd MRI on Monday and we spoke to the docs about it today. It looks better now that the swelling has gone down. Closer to the brain stem is relatively intact, which looks good for her basic instinct type things, including swallowing, which we are hopeful about since she'll be trying out eating by mouth soon. There is more damage in the outer areas that control complex thought, language, but it is more to the left side of the brain than the right, and more in the front than the back. The back has good areas, including vision. There is unharmed tissue on the right hemisphere, even in the upper portion. The neurologist said that if this was an MRI from an adult, he'd say they probably wouldn't be able to talk, let alone write, etc, but being that she is a newborn, she has the ability to sort of "relocate" that type of thing to an undamaged part of the brain. It's actually really interesting. But, it's still a "wait and see" thing. It was a huge improvement over the first MRI meeting we had where we were basically told, "She will be a semi-conscious vegetable", to hear today, "She will most likely be disabled in some ways". She does have significant damage, and she might lose a lot of abilities. But, I believe in her.

+7 Pictures )
altarflame: (Default)
Kangaroo Care + Mirror + Daddy Taking Pictures


Elise's smile...



Tina is back at the apartment now, but out of sorts. It's tough to leave the hospital without your baby and even tougher when where you're going is not "home".

Thank you so much to everyone who is sending donations. We are going to have to give the landlord another $850 for the additional time we're staying and it's so relieving to be able to go grab a bite to eat or fill Tina's prescriptions or fill up the van with gas or help Tina's mom with the cost of the plane ticket transfer so she can stay or any of the other numerous things, without having to worry so much if there is money in the bank to cover it...

Everyone should take a look at these raffles people have set up to help us. Those people are so great. http://hyenacart.com/LittleBuddhaBellies

Please send prayers for [livejournal.com profile] erinmdmd who is having (minor) surgery this week. She has been awesome to us is so many ways. She is running www.tinaandelise.com

We'll update more tomorrow. Elise is getting milk via a feeding tube and seems to be doing well with it, so far!

-Grant

Whoo!

Aug. 26th, 2006 03:25 pm
altarflame: (Happybaby)
The air conditioner is fixed! I feel like I didn't sleep at all last night...mostly because *I didn't* - but at least I don't have to be hot while I try to stay awake now! Babies are napping, big kids are playing with clay, Grant Sr and Robbie went somewhere...and the AC is running.

To celebrate, this is a (two week old) video of Jake walking and generally being adorable. It won't take forever and a day to load like normal, as Shaun did it streaming style for us.

http://attackedbyalion.com/JakeWalkerWalking.mov

P.S. It would be SO EASY to go take a nap on the couch right now, and I honestly don't know whether that or "productive activities" (doll making, returning emails, finishing my book that is now over my personal deadline) are more worthwhile. But I sure am tired.
altarflame: (After the kiss)
The Illustrious Shaun cut a portion of our wedding dvd into a Quicktime file and put it on YouTube, so that you can watch a nice long video, like, quickly. Unlike my normal videos where you chill for 4 minutes for a 15 second clip.

This portion is from the reception, where he runs around asking people questions. I think it's hilarious and awesome. Some of you are even, like, on it and junk.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5ePUzs0Zfg
Cast of Characters )
altarflame: (laundry)
Geeeeeeeeeez.

I've "done things" today, you know, but I have so much more to do and I just want to knit, or take a nap. Maybe even both.

I made myself a bowl of "guacamole" (avocado and tomato diced up with salt and olive oil), I made the kids sandwiches and cut up grapes for Jake. I've changed several diapers and nursed both of them a couple of times and gotten them down for their naps. I've started a week of meal planning (2 1/2 days down so far). Grant really wants me to get that done so I can shop this evening so that I don't keep having to ask him to run to the store for this or that...and I need to FINALLY wash diaper covers since we finally got new wool wash, and I DESPERATELY need to fold a lot of laundry because it's piled into mountains, in the laundry room...I'm going to go crazy and SHOW YOU ALL my laundry room! Bwahahaha, between this and the post about my tyrant yesterday, all supermom myths should be dispelled.



On top of the dryer are the last of the clean diapers. On top of the dirty covers. Oh, wait, the last of the clean pocket diapers are on top of the stroller handle there. Those hanging clothes are Grant's, our bedroom closet is shared between our room and Grant Sr's, so he uses that bar and Grant Sr uses the closet. G made that folding table..."Folding table, hahahahaa".

Anyway yeah. Everything piled on the folding table and in those baskets is clean. Everything else needs to be washed. That empty basket laying askew there used to hold the dirty stuff before it got scattered earlier. Aaron, I think, did it O_o

I did wash a load of dishes today. I read to Isaac. And I took an adorable video of Jake. You should all go watch it, it shows him walking along behind Isaac's push cart.
http://www.liqwid.org/pictures/pict2957.mov

It takes a minute to load, you just kind of have to chill and wait until it switches to the new window.

You know I didn't even write last night. The babies are napping now and Ananda is asking me to play Lord of the Rings monopoly with her. I suppose I'll get some covers soaking and then play that with her and Aaron until they wake...maybe I could make something, I'm so off my game! We're never going to have tea at this rate...
altarflame: (MeandJakesleeping)
We've all been sick. We caught whatever Annie caught from PATH, once she recovered. So Friday night Grant and I took turns passing Isaac and Jake back and forth all night long...Isaac was so sweet and adorable, he was happy and calm as long as he was with us. In his sniffly, glassy eyed, slow-talking sick way. So cute. It was kind of amazing, on Saturday we were talking about how 2 years ago - or maybe even 1 - that night would have been sheer hell for us, and left us miserable and anxious the next day. But as it was, it was just something we would get through. I kept waiting for him to get stressed or impatient all night, with Jake fussing again right as he dozed off or whatever, but it never happened. And when we talked about it the next day, he pulled me close to say he loves me, and them, and he's happy.

It does not hurt that sleepless nights are no longer a regular occurence for us, either.

Before we got sick, I took a picture of Jake.


I love all of my kids dearly, but really, as babies go - he is an especially good one :) I took this video that day, too. It's just him crawling and sitting and smiling, but you know, that's enough for me. I'm glad he's doing better, I was getting worried about him for awhile when he started running a fever and really breathing hard and labored. He's much improved today, though.

Saturday evening I was totally stunned when Grant Sr brought home A DYSON! "Belated wedding present", he told us...a dyson! For those of you not in the know, I'm talking about a $550 vaccum cleaner that I have been madly lusting after for months now. Our old bag vaccum lost it's suction years ago, and I typically sweep the carpet with a broom lately. Which is hard on the arms, time consuming and not so effective to boot. I had read the amazon reviews for dysons wherein people claim that if anyone wants to take theirs away, they'll have to pry it from their cold, dead hands. Oh man, I couldn't believe it when I saw it. It is so awesome. Seriously. Like, we went over the living room and hallway with it and half-filled the big ol' cannister with dirt and dust. I can't believe the filth of allergens and nastiness that my baby has been crawling around in. The handle detaches and extends into this big light saber of a portable tool that I can magically erase cobwebs from corners and swill from ceiling fans with, too. It's so powerful that it's just ridiculous. This rug I have had for years hasn't looked so good since I bought it. I'm talking about HEPA filtration, cyclone technology, guarantees of NEVER losing suction...this is the crap it picked up out of our "clean" carpet on a first run through the living room and hallway - Eww! )


Mother's Day was alright. I was sick the whole time, my throat is still killing me. And the kids are all sick, and I did a lot of cleaning (so I could vaccum more, like a crackhead who just can't get enough...). My mother in law is so sweet, she got me a card with $40 in it, some sylicon 6-muffin pans, and...a pink Winnie the Pooh nightgown in size XL. *facepalm* Ah, well, it's the thought that counts and I was touched. My Aunt Michelle called to wish me a happy Mother's Day, too (she's my aunt, but childless, and looks up to me now..it's weird). I'm still not used to this idea that people who are not my children call or get me things for Mother's Day, I always used to think it was odd that my grandmother wanted me to call her since she wasn't actually my mom. *shrug* Ananda made me a card that features us as a pencil drawn stick family - Grant with a poneytail, me with long curls, her with colored in brown eyes, Aaron with bangs, and Isaac with a big orange smudge on top of his head.

With my $40 I rushed right on over to Amazon.com and bought lap tees for Jake and a 2 piece green dinosaur pajama set for Isaac. I can honestly say nothing else would make me happier. I never get to pick out and buy NEW clothes for the kids, it's always gifted or handed down. Besides, I just splurged and spent $35 we don't really have on craft supplies last week. And I ate an entire bag of Riesen today. I've had enough personal indulgence, and my (hahahaha...haha...ha...) abs agree.


Aside from all that, I would just like to mention again that being sick is no good :p I always wish I could be better, whenever it happens, all at once. Because you always get healthy again so gradually that you can't really appreciate it...I never really stop to just be thrilled that I don't have an ear infection or that my tonsils aren't infected, you know? If I could just snap back to perfect health all at once, it would be such an "I'm walking on sunshine, whoa-OH" kind of cool. As it is I'll just realize I don't feel as crappy, and then forget all about it until the next time I'm sick.
altarflame: (All Four)
Aaron quotes for today:

"I wish I was an earthworm, so I could go down and see the septic tank."
"That hammer is for smashing kids, because monsters like to have kids on toast."

We went into the details and specifics of just HOW a man's sperm fertilizes a woman's egg today, at tea. They were initially confused, asked a few clarifying questions and then got bored of the subject. I returned to it long enough to say some things I thought were important, about christian beliefs on joining souls and being "one flesh" and trusting someone and marriage, and then they started asking where the things we flush down the toilet go. *shrug*

I took some pictures after our tea talking was over.
+6 )

We got two awesome videos of Isaac tonight. This first one is for everybody. Grant says "you have to see it"; Click me for animal sounds

And this one is just for a special someone.

ETA: I don't know how I forgot this, but Isaac PEED ON THE POTTY tonight. It's the first time, and he did it on his own and then came and found us to show us :)
altarflame: (that nutball...)
So...I'm at that same point I was at last night again, post another long evening of off-and-on inconsolable Jake and Grant not home. But, there were a lot of good points today, like Ananda's awesome Girl Scout meeting. She really loved it, they earned the cooking badge today by making baked apples and fruit salad and fresh juice, and they planted seeds in little pots, and she's just real happy to be back. It's amazing how beautiful she was today, I wish I had had the camera out earlier to catch her seeming so old and radiant. That feels like 3 days ago, though. So, now I'm just gonna glory in my bed and try not to feel like I'm running in a hamster wheel o_O


Earlier tonight, when Grant was home, he at one point said "Isaac is too quiet" and ran off in search of him. He found this )

Also, this is a great example of some uses for carseats that you may not have thought of:
http://www.liqwid.org/pictures/pict9187.mov
And here is my happy baby on the changing table...he really loves diaper changing time.
http://www.liqwid.org/pictures/pict9192.mov
altarflame: (1day old)
Crystal and Noel, you crazy fools! I got the booties and they are TO DIE FOR. Seriously you have no idea how I love them. Crystal...when I asked you about a link for those back in the day and you refused to give it to me, I was so pissed. Really, you would have been laughing your head off knowing your evil schemes :p Everyone else...they got me lambskin outer, soft wool inner 0-6 month booties for Jake to wear all winter. They're the softest shoes I've ever felt. I was drooling over that link for weeks, a few months into my pregnancy. I can't wait to be able to post a pic of him in them for you.

And CRYSTAL - your PACKAGE! My big kids really needed something for THEM, and this was perfect. They were so happy. It was like a clown car, more and more and more kept coming out of that little box. The Spiderman costume at the bottom was definitely the grand finale - I think Aaron almost fainted. He wore it to bed that night and jumped on the trampoline in it all the next day. He is BEYOND thrilled, and I've been wanting to get him one of those forever. Ananda has already painted shaker eggs and decorated her crown. Very very cool, Mama.

I also got home to a wonderful, professional quality fleece sling made by [livejournal.com profile] rainingkisses and some very effective yeast killing, rash stomping salve that she reccomended to me. When I put it on Isaac he says "More more!"

The LJ love just doesn't quit.

Pictures From the Hospital, Taken Today - +6 )

And a very short and uneventful movie, for anyone who is interested :)
http://www.liqwid.org/pictures/pict8808.mov

I had my checkup at the birth center today. They gave me anica (I think that's the spelling?) to break up the hematoma on my back, and Discovery ended up filming my kids at play in the waiting room for about half an hour, for a show on siblings who are preparing for a new baby. Shari gave Isaac a book about a new baby coming home and talked to Ananda about helping me and me about tips, all semi-staged style, as well. I've lost my hostility towards the place, which was misbegotten anyway. They listened to my whole story and hugged me and told me that if I start running low on milk for Jake, there is screened donor milk there that I can have for free. And that if I have extra, when I get out, I can donate it to them and someone will use it. They also sent student midwives to the hospital to visit Grant and I, bring our sparkling grape juice from the fridge so we could still drink it, and deliver me vitamin e and zinc to help with my scar. In all these instances, btw, "They" are Shari and Angela.

:::sigh::: Ok. Time for bed. Grant and I have been trying to make sense of the house this evening, which sort of exploded since my mother and sister went home. It's late and I have pumping to do and he has work to hurry and do in the morning before my sister gets here so he can take me to the hospital and and and...

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