Small People.

[altarflame]

I did some research on warts last night, for Ananda, and found that they don't really require a doctor's care at all - that they're very common, go away on their own within a couple of years, or you can do one of several home care things that will get rid of them within about 2 months. We ended up picking salicylic acid (sp) and started it tonight. I also found out that one of the things that makes warts pesky enough that people go through 2+ months of daily treatment to get rid of them when they'll go away on their own, is that they bleed like that when they get bumped. Who knew.

I've been doing a lot of deep soul searching about how I relate to each of my children. Seeing Ananda suddenly lose all color and the ability to stand effected me rather a lot. First of all, just that your child can be totally fine, goofing around in the store one minute, and literally THE NEXT MINUTE have blood running down their leg and be making gasping fish faces and acting as if they can't hear you, is just frightening. I spent about 10 minutes in bed last night crying over the mortality of my whole precious family. Even with our money worries, even with Isaac throwing his fits, even with Grant coming home from work with a migraine yesterday or me feeling hip pain or whatever...things are just so perfect. I get 2 dozen hugs a day, Grant and I are googly eyed in love with each other and happy as heck, Jake seriously makes me laugh out loud or point him out to someone, being adorable, countless times per day. I'm passionate about PATH, excited about birth and traveling, connected to this new baby, SO proud of each of my born children...I genuinely LOVE my life, and it's hard for me to not interpret that as the beginning of a movie where you can just tell there's about to be a BAD car accident, or something. I'm trying to have faith. Not that everything will be as I want it, but that however things ever turn out is how they're meant to. Trying.

Aside from the mortality deal...her sudden near fainting made me feel so guilty. I'd been laughing in spite of myself, at her, and rolling my eyes with Grant - I mean really, to be moaning and wide eyed with panic over a trickle of blood from a knee scrape just seemed so unbearably ridiculous to me. Both of us were being very "Come ON, Ananda, it is not a big deal" with her, as we went to get bandaids. But to her, it obviously was a big deal. My paramedic brother in law explained that the kind of reaction she had (face and lips totally white, falling down, inability to speak) is what happens when you perceive yourself to be in mortal danger and your body shuts down blood flow to all non-essential parts of your body. Her feelings, however little I could relate at the time, were valid and sincere to her, and I don't want to be one of those parents that won't validate their kids' feelings and acts like everything is a phase to be gotten over. We get like that - dismissive and a bit condescending - when she stiffens up and freaks out about heights, too (like in parking garages or on the metrorail) or elevators. And we shouldn't. Just because the rest of us are fine with something, doesn't automatically mean she will be, too. I DO believe she does kind of have to "get over" these things at some point - parking garages and elevators are a bit of a fact of life, and she will be getting a period monthly at some point - but we can surely guide her towards that in a more supportive and caring way.

And then I started thinking about Isaac. And his fits. It gets old, you know - whether it's a stubbed toe, a stumble (and he's really clumsy), that he woke up, that he can't do something or have something or that someone took something from him or what the hell ever. Just the sound of him screaming and whining words through the screams is so freaking COMMON around here that I seriously shake my head and start talking over him to calm down before I even bother to care what the problem is or look in his direction. I mean, he does this...5-6 times a day, probably. There are days when it's more like 10-12, but I think at this point it is usually 5-6. He's 3, you know, fully weaned and potty trained and speaks in paragraphs. I just think it's ridiculous and unnecessary and REALLY ANNOYING. The fits are anywhere from 2-10 minutes apiece. He's red and wet faced the entire time and generally escalates volume in response to anything you say. I was watching Grant with him last night, gently coaxing him through a bath and hair washing with all this soft patient talk, and explanations, and pulling back when it overwhelmed him to the point that he actually only started to tantrum twice,a nd each time it was quelled within 30 seconds. And it made me think, is there a way for me to go through our entire day that way? Should I try to? At the very least, should I let him see that I do CARE that he is upset (which would probably ideally start with me actually caring rather than just being frustrated at the nonstop hysteria)? I think so. I mean, what to us seems like some sort of willfull, self absorbed bs is his own internal inability to cope...right? So we help him cope, and he finds himself better able to deal. In theory. Thoughts to ponder. Kids change so fast; they are complex individuals. It's hard to keep up with, and I catch myself, I think, still treating them like who they were 6 months or a year ago when that is really no longer reality for them at all.

Comments

[babyslime.livejournal.com]

I remember fainting like Ananda did when I went to the dentist after my dwarfism treatment. Five months earlier I had perfect teeth and I remember stanading at the counter when he pulled out the chart and starts counting, "one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten..." and all the blood rushed away from my face. I couldn't hear and I felt like I was going to throw up. I remember saying, "I'm going to throw up" to my mom but I couldn't hear myself talk. And then I woke up on the floor and my head hurt.
Everyone was kind of laughing at me, but I really didn't even notice and it didn't occur to me that was mean or anything. I was so incredibly disoriented that stuff like that didn't click.
I was a REALLY shy kid and going down like that in front of half a dozen people should have been mortifying but I barely remember it. After opening my eyes and noticing the reddish floor tiles I don't really remember much except for part of the car ride, and then being at home in bed.

I actually fainted a lot as a kid, the earliest that I remember just a teensy bit older than Ananda when a kid in class was telling me all these horrific things about leeches and how their teeth will come out and get into your heart and you'll die. Then he put his hand in a jar and a leech stuck to his finger, when he pulled it out he looked honestly scared. I fainted. Again, jeering really didn't occur to me - I Was just too disoriented... so in that sense I think Ananda may not have noticed the 'you're not taking me seriously' part. I think it's good that you want to be more aware of her fears, but don't worry too much about lack of understanding. Generally when you're that scared and about to go down, you seriously don't even notice anything except what you're thinking of that's freaking you out.

[forgetfulmuse.livejournal.com]

I try to just say something like, "It's annoying/ scary/ painful, isn't it..." and if the reaction to something 'small' goes on what seems too long, I'll just say, "OK then, it's done now, you're OK..." or something. A lot of times, just mirroring what they are feeling is enough to calm the reaction, at least in my experience.

Not to say sometimes I don't just say, "Oh Cerys, come ON..." as well, but I think a balance is good. They can't expect a huge load of sympathy for every little bump - it's just not realistic. Then again, I've also been dismissive and "give it a rest" only to find she's got an enormous raised bump on her head or has cut her lip open. Then I just apologize.

But when they're screaming bloody murder 20 times a day (on a good day) you just want to put ear plugs in and sit in a dark room for a while, and it gets hard to find sympathy sometimes.

[raina-layn.livejournal.com]

i remember salicylic acid... i had this huge plantar wart on the bottom of my foot when i was little and my parents removed it with that stuff. this is going to sound a little gross, but i remember the place where we put the stuff got really, really white and funny-looking and the bottle said to remove dead skin cells with a nail file to remove the wart slowly but actually it came off of my foot in big chunks, but it didn't bleed or hurt at all it just looked bizarre. anyway, sorry to be gross, i just wanted to tell you so you wouldn't worry if it happens that way for Ananda, too.

also, i think it's really touching and wonderful how you take your kids' feelings so seriously and really think about stuff like this. i often find myself reading your posts and hoping that if i'm lucky enough to have children someday that i'll be able to be a caring and thoughtful mom the way that you are :)

[erinmdmd.livejournal.com]

The one thing that is guaranteed to make me totally flipped out is the thought of dying. Its not a fear of death. ITs the knowledge of how devastating losing someone you love is. I don't want to leave my husband or my daughter grieving for me, nor do I want to go through it for them.

Laura

[(Anonymous)]

I think that Annie is so freakin' brilliant that it often creates this fine line for us to walk as adults where she is obviously mature enough for this thing but just to the right of it are moments like the wart thing when you realize "wow, she is just a little girl".

[your-highness.livejournal.com]

Both my kids had warts. Key word- HAD. I love oil of cinnamon. We just dabbed some on with a q-tip, everytime we thought of it and before we knew it, they were gone.

Tigerlily had about 20 on her fingers (and I am not exagerating), and my dad started putting the o of c on them. He did it about 4-6 times, and then a few weeks later she was at their house, and my dad suggested they put some on her warts and she held out her hands to find them, and they were all gone!

Xias only had one huge one on his finger that was really bothering him when we started the same treatment. It was really weird to watch it shrink. I pretty sure it took less than a month too.

I wold have probably let them go away on their own too, but Tigerlily just had too many of them, and Xias' was uncomfortable as it was on his knuckle.

My dad said that he had tons of warts when he was a kid (that's when he learned the o of c trick from his mom). He said that he had them on his hands and elbows and knees. He said that whenever he fell down and scraped something he would end up with a wart there.

Last thing- plantar's warts are different than regular childhood warts, so if you find a remedy that you want to try make sure that it specifies that they are for regular warts and no plantar's warts. I don't think it would hurt if you did you something that was indicated for the other kind, but it might not work.