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Small People.
Mar. 14th, 2007 01:36 amI did some research on warts last night, for Ananda, and found that they don't really require a doctor's care at all - that they're very common, go away on their own within a couple of years, or you can do one of several home care things that will get rid of them within about 2 months. We ended up picking salicylic acid (sp) and started it tonight. I also found out that one of the things that makes warts pesky enough that people go through 2+ months of daily treatment to get rid of them when they'll go away on their own, is that they bleed like that when they get bumped. Who knew.
I've been doing a lot of deep soul searching about how I relate to each of my children. Seeing Ananda suddenly lose all color and the ability to stand effected me rather a lot. First of all, just that your child can be totally fine, goofing around in the store one minute, and literally THE NEXT MINUTE have blood running down their leg and be making gasping fish faces and acting as if they can't hear you, is just frightening. I spent about 10 minutes in bed last night crying over the mortality of my whole precious family. Even with our money worries, even with Isaac throwing his fits, even with Grant coming home from work with a migraine yesterday or me feeling hip pain or whatever...things are just so perfect. I get 2 dozen hugs a day, Grant and I are googly eyed in love with each other and happy as heck, Jake seriously makes me laugh out loud or point him out to someone, being adorable, countless times per day. I'm passionate about PATH, excited about birth and traveling, connected to this new baby, SO proud of each of my born children...I genuinely LOVE my life, and it's hard for me to not interpret that as the beginning of a movie where you can just tell there's about to be a BAD car accident, or something. I'm trying to have faith. Not that everything will be as I want it, but that however things ever turn out is how they're meant to. Trying.
Aside from the mortality deal...her sudden near fainting made me feel so guilty. I'd been laughing in spite of myself, at her, and rolling my eyes with Grant - I mean really, to be moaning and wide eyed with panic over a trickle of blood from a knee scrape just seemed so unbearably ridiculous to me. Both of us were being very "Come ON, Ananda, it is not a big deal" with her, as we went to get bandaids. But to her, it obviously was a big deal. My paramedic brother in law explained that the kind of reaction she had (face and lips totally white, falling down, inability to speak) is what happens when you perceive yourself to be in mortal danger and your body shuts down blood flow to all non-essential parts of your body. Her feelings, however little I could relate at the time, were valid and sincere to her, and I don't want to be one of those parents that won't validate their kids' feelings and acts like everything is a phase to be gotten over. We get like that - dismissive and a bit condescending - when she stiffens up and freaks out about heights, too (like in parking garages or on the metrorail) or elevators. And we shouldn't. Just because the rest of us are fine with something, doesn't automatically mean she will be, too. I DO believe she does kind of have to "get over" these things at some point - parking garages and elevators are a bit of a fact of life, and she will be getting a period monthly at some point - but we can surely guide her towards that in a more supportive and caring way.
And then I started thinking about Isaac. And his fits. It gets old, you know - whether it's a stubbed toe, a stumble (and he's really clumsy), that he woke up, that he can't do something or have something or that someone took something from him or what the hell ever. Just the sound of him screaming and whining words through the screams is so freaking COMMON around here that I seriously shake my head and start talking over him to calm down before I even bother to care what the problem is or look in his direction. I mean, he does this...5-6 times a day, probably. There are days when it's more like 10-12, but I think at this point it is usually 5-6. He's 3, you know, fully weaned and potty trained and speaks in paragraphs. I just think it's ridiculous and unnecessary and REALLY ANNOYING. The fits are anywhere from 2-10 minutes apiece. He's red and wet faced the entire time and generally escalates volume in response to anything you say. I was watching Grant with him last night, gently coaxing him through a bath and hair washing with all this soft patient talk, and explanations, and pulling back when it overwhelmed him to the point that he actually only started to tantrum twice,a nd each time it was quelled within 30 seconds. And it made me think, is there a way for me to go through our entire day that way? Should I try to? At the very least, should I let him see that I do CARE that he is upset (which would probably ideally start with me actually caring rather than just being frustrated at the nonstop hysteria)? I think so. I mean, what to us seems like some sort of willfull, self absorbed bs is his own internal inability to cope...right? So we help him cope, and he finds himself better able to deal. In theory. Thoughts to ponder. Kids change so fast; they are complex individuals. It's hard to keep up with, and I catch myself, I think, still treating them like who they were 6 months or a year ago when that is really no longer reality for them at all.
I've been doing a lot of deep soul searching about how I relate to each of my children. Seeing Ananda suddenly lose all color and the ability to stand effected me rather a lot. First of all, just that your child can be totally fine, goofing around in the store one minute, and literally THE NEXT MINUTE have blood running down their leg and be making gasping fish faces and acting as if they can't hear you, is just frightening. I spent about 10 minutes in bed last night crying over the mortality of my whole precious family. Even with our money worries, even with Isaac throwing his fits, even with Grant coming home from work with a migraine yesterday or me feeling hip pain or whatever...things are just so perfect. I get 2 dozen hugs a day, Grant and I are googly eyed in love with each other and happy as heck, Jake seriously makes me laugh out loud or point him out to someone, being adorable, countless times per day. I'm passionate about PATH, excited about birth and traveling, connected to this new baby, SO proud of each of my born children...I genuinely LOVE my life, and it's hard for me to not interpret that as the beginning of a movie where you can just tell there's about to be a BAD car accident, or something. I'm trying to have faith. Not that everything will be as I want it, but that however things ever turn out is how they're meant to. Trying.
Aside from the mortality deal...her sudden near fainting made me feel so guilty. I'd been laughing in spite of myself, at her, and rolling my eyes with Grant - I mean really, to be moaning and wide eyed with panic over a trickle of blood from a knee scrape just seemed so unbearably ridiculous to me. Both of us were being very "Come ON, Ananda, it is not a big deal" with her, as we went to get bandaids. But to her, it obviously was a big deal. My paramedic brother in law explained that the kind of reaction she had (face and lips totally white, falling down, inability to speak) is what happens when you perceive yourself to be in mortal danger and your body shuts down blood flow to all non-essential parts of your body. Her feelings, however little I could relate at the time, were valid and sincere to her, and I don't want to be one of those parents that won't validate their kids' feelings and acts like everything is a phase to be gotten over. We get like that - dismissive and a bit condescending - when she stiffens up and freaks out about heights, too (like in parking garages or on the metrorail) or elevators. And we shouldn't. Just because the rest of us are fine with something, doesn't automatically mean she will be, too. I DO believe she does kind of have to "get over" these things at some point - parking garages and elevators are a bit of a fact of life, and she will be getting a period monthly at some point - but we can surely guide her towards that in a more supportive and caring way.
And then I started thinking about Isaac. And his fits. It gets old, you know - whether it's a stubbed toe, a stumble (and he's really clumsy), that he woke up, that he can't do something or have something or that someone took something from him or what the hell ever. Just the sound of him screaming and whining words through the screams is so freaking COMMON around here that I seriously shake my head and start talking over him to calm down before I even bother to care what the problem is or look in his direction. I mean, he does this...5-6 times a day, probably. There are days when it's more like 10-12, but I think at this point it is usually 5-6. He's 3, you know, fully weaned and potty trained and speaks in paragraphs. I just think it's ridiculous and unnecessary and REALLY ANNOYING. The fits are anywhere from 2-10 minutes apiece. He's red and wet faced the entire time and generally escalates volume in response to anything you say. I was watching Grant with him last night, gently coaxing him through a bath and hair washing with all this soft patient talk, and explanations, and pulling back when it overwhelmed him to the point that he actually only started to tantrum twice,a nd each time it was quelled within 30 seconds. And it made me think, is there a way for me to go through our entire day that way? Should I try to? At the very least, should I let him see that I do CARE that he is upset (which would probably ideally start with me actually caring rather than just being frustrated at the nonstop hysteria)? I think so. I mean, what to us seems like some sort of willfull, self absorbed bs is his own internal inability to cope...right? So we help him cope, and he finds himself better able to deal. In theory. Thoughts to ponder. Kids change so fast; they are complex individuals. It's hard to keep up with, and I catch myself, I think, still treating them like who they were 6 months or a year ago when that is really no longer reality for them at all.
