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I'm having a rough night.

Grant is still stuck at work at almost 2 am, babysitting some lady who has to finish loading a program or some such thing (he locks the door when he leaves). Earlier I thought that Elise had a concussion...I spent awhile on the phone with my paramedic brother in law trying to decide whether or not to take her to the hospital. Elise + hospital should never be in the same sentence on my lips, ever, period. She was very out of sorts for quite awhile, in a totally ambiguous way that had me so desperate.

I want to go to Liturgy at St George's Antiochian Cathedral tomorrow, before Mass at St Louis which my whole family is depending on and we told my sister she could have a ride to with us. If Grant gets no sleep at all he will not be at all capable of helping me pull off the two car, pick Laura and Brian up, meet me halfway thing we had planned.

LAST week I was supposed to go, and he got a flat tire on the way home from (ANOTHER SUPER LATE SATURDAY) work.

The concussion thing really had me wacked out.

A main thing that is getting to me, though, overall, is how NOT eating - either constantly or the wrong things - which is so completely necessary to my freaking SURVIVAL, with the health issues I have - is just so hard. I'm doing it; I really am. But "doing it" makes it so hard to do anything else. My house is a mess; dinner was served at 8:30; the chickens were fed for the first time after dark, today; the office is still in the same just-painted shambles it was a week ago, and WHY WHY WHY have I not already submitted my articles to Midwifery Today?!

It's because all of my energy, every bit of strength that I have - which is not much, let me tell you - is focused on staying close to and dependent on God, rather than falling back into this ridiculous food addiction. I've lost 15 pounds. I'm also feeling insanely effective and connected as I pray for a friend, I really think it is all connected...I'm having some degree of "success". It's hard to think it's all I'm accomplishing, though.

And it isn't, really...there have been some amazing homeschool times this week. There are just so many things I feel I should be doing, that I'm not.

And I have good times. I really do. I had a salad on the swing out on the deck today. I sat crocheting Isaac's blanket - it's almost done. We had tea outside yesterday afternoon and it was totally peaceful. Grant and I slip off to our room to talk and laugh and watch shows on my laptop and just love each other, after setting up a movie for the kids, during the scant hour we have of his free time.

I also get totally Spirit-filled and euphorically joyful at times, like I can do anything (through Christ who strengthens me...)


Right now I'm just a big massive tangle of knotted ARGH.

Also - tomorrow G has to be out at the winery's stupid guacamole festival thing taking pictures even though it's Jake's birthday and his one remaining day off and he'll be sleeping for half of it. We're basically postponing celebration for one day, which is not that big of a deal, I know, though Jake doesn't really understand it and has been counting down. Monday, though, Grant has already talked about a meeting in the morning, and Ananda and Aaron have dance classes Monday night. Jake wants to go down to Anne's Beach...so...?

My head is going to explode. I have to stop and pray and relax and read, or something. "Let it be".
altarflame: (Default)
Mondays are manic for us. In good ways for the most part, but they wipe me out. Today I got up and got the boys fed and dressed, and took them to LLL over at the Y. Aaron as usual had a great time playing with Darion (Eli wasn't there today) and I as usual had a great time talking to Kristen. There were a lot more people there than usual, and because the YMCA summer camp kids are using our normal big ol' room, we're crammed into this tiny office until school starts again. So it's a lot louder and a lot more crowded, but still basically works. It's wonderful to sit around with mamas who want to know what to do with a baby who won't quit switching sides all night long; just to get that perspective, you know, from chicks who AREN'T leaving the baby to cry it out alone...A few of them have a "field trip" planned Wednesday morning to the Fire Station, and Aaron is SO excited about that. The fire station! WITH Darion and Eli!

Came home, lunch, bought some stuff with money from things I've sold, online, and then at 2:30 we headed up to all kinds of stuff. Everyone but me needs a big briefcase/diaper bag/dance bag stocked and ready to go with them. I dropped Grant off at "Southland" (formerly Cutler Ridge) Mall, where he had a meeting with someone about a website, then took Aaron to dance class. Touched base with the sahm of 3 4 and under who wants to get together with me. Went back to get Grant, dropped him off at Starbucks (where they have a wireless network he can use to work), went back to get Aaron and drop off Annie. Found out he actually danced today! Not just for tap, either, ballet too. And he loved it, and was super excited and said he wants to keep going now :) I LOVE their teacher, she really takes the time to squat down and look at them in the eye to talk, take them by the hand individually and work on their rough spots, etc... So then I take the boys to Starbucks, we get stuff (fruit and pumpkin loaf for Isaac and I, cookie and OJ for Aaron), sit and hang out, run into the pastor from the church we're attending, talk about his new baby, get compliments on how well behaved and adorable the boys are :) Go back and pick up Annie, with Grant in tow, stopping for gas along the way. All 5.5 of us then go to BJ's, rejoin, and shop to the tune of $300 in stocking up. Their product selection has improved some, I can get Kashi crackers and better natural cheese and stuff like that there now. Incredible deals in the produce section, and it is the cat's lucky day. Back in the parking lot, once I've changed Isaac's diaper and Grant has got the van loaded and the kids' seatbelts are on...it's 8 pm! How the heck did that happen?!

So we take the highway home, and Grant and A and A unload the van while I clean out the fridge and then they all play outside (in the dark no less :P), while I break down giant packages of meat into freezable portions, and start cooking jambalaya for "dinner" (what do you call it when it's ready at like 10?) It came out awesome. And once I enforced the "You have to at least sit with us and try one bite" rule A and A actually ate some. Sara, I got a pot roast so I can make that recipe you sent me the other day, with the rosemary :)

So then we did Isaac's bedtime routine, I read Ananda a chapter and she and Aaron two picture books, Grant brushed a lot of teeth, we fed her fish, I comforted someone about a weird noise, and now...Wow. I need a freaking massage.

Things flow, though. Like Isaac napped during all that driving around in the afternoon, and although he was really loud in BJ's, that's a loud warehouse with a bajillion people inside who don't care, and he was happy. And I think Aaron was able to dance because he had been to LLL earlier in the day - he really opens up there, with the nice talking grown ups and friendly AP'd kids. Nothing like the park kids or whatever. Grant got this finished and approved - http://www.schneblywinery.com - I think it looks AWESOME btw, he took all of the pictures and designed their logo and bottle labels and everything. That's just a place holder but once they're approved for out of state sales he's building the big one, and he gets 15% of online sales, which is huge the way they're taking off :D...and he secured another deal, too. Plus our kitchen is beyond stocked.

My eyes were closing and I was yawning every paragraph, though, reading to Ananda tonight. I have dishes to wash and diapers to fold and put away. If we had a movie to sit together and watch, just the two of us, I would totally be dumb enough to do it.

I'll leave you all with two asinine lists.

Words Isaac says )
Things Annie's Fish Has Been Named So Far )

May 2017

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