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Paying Out of Pocket
Jul. 30th, 2010 08:21 pmI am so over everything right now, SO READY for it to be like several months from now already :/
I've spent so much time in (3 ER trips at 2 different) hospitals this week, for Aaron's foot and Aaron's arm, and I spent 4 hours at the dentist yesterday with everyone and we found out Elise and Jake both need extensive dental work. I'm talking about EXTENSIVE, like knock Elise out in a hospital setting and extract several teeth and apply crowns to a few more and then get a couple of fillings. There's no brown or black, but there's a lot of aggressive irregular SHRINKING of her teeth that is obviously decay that is going to get into her gums and cause major problems eventually. Jake is not that bad but needs a couple of in-office extractions of back teeth and is on antibiotics right now for an infected cavity that was keeping him up at night :/
Grant feels insanely crushed about this as he has some ptsd-like trauma related to HORRIBLE BAD dentistry that's been practiced on him, and he has just also always had major dental problems and so he's blaming himself for passing it on and also dealing with the idea that it's going to be a part of their lives the way it's been a part of his. I'm trying to tell him it will be somewhat different and significantly better; they're not going to psycho dentist. They walked out of the office yesterday holding stickers and new little toys, excited about how brave they were. Jake likes taking "the pink stuff". We'll take care of it and not allow them to go on with terrible rotting teeth for ten years of (pre and) adolescence, which he did.
I've spent two hours arguing with insurance companies, in one go, it was HORRIBlE and so many phone calls and logic loops (our provider assigned our kids to a dentist who doesn't see children; the only way to get the coverage to a pediatric dentist is to get a referral; but this dentist can only refer someone they've seen, and they DON'T SEE CHILDREN; etc).
I've made a trip to the Office of Vital Statistics and filled out at least 30 pages of paperwork and had 2 Usborne shows and you know what I'm not doing? SLEEPING. Seeing my husband. Eating right.
I also keep getting back to my house and being like O_O and kind of tottering on my feet about the mess and then spending brief periods in hyper cleaning mode.
I have another hellacious ear infection, in the same one that just went wild a couple of months ago - I think probably the fluid never drained and so it was just waiting for more bacteria. The whole side of my face hurts, it hurts to chew, I can't hear on that side.
I'm on my period, too, and as I have really heavy, anemia-inducing periods I'm always extra tired this time of the month even when I'm loading up on supplements and things.
I have really been devoting a lot of mental energy to NOT THINKING about lumbar punctures, NICUs, how it feels to be in a hospital bed, and many other things that are triggering me like crazy the past few days just from signs on doors and things nurses are saying in hallways.
And then again in an interconnected way, Elise not having her front teeth, her smile, Elise's unforseeable reaction to something like general anesthesia....I feel like I could really freak out if I wasn't checking out, mentally.
And let me tell you...this shit is expensive. Everything is so expensive. Just filling two prescriptions and getting more children's motrin and tylenol and the calcium paste the dentist wants us to use every night and having to eat on the fly because we're stranded at Miami Children's Hospital for 6 hours is expensive, without actual medical bills factored in :/ We really needed to kind of lay low financially for awhile post-NY, not have a massive blowout of sudden huge expenses. (Jake's next office visit will be $100 even with insurance covering like 90%, and they're talking about 18 month financing for Elise...as though we had credit).
I am really getting to a point today where I just want to be like YOU KNOW WHAT? You guys make brownies all day and have them for breakfast lunch and dinner while I stare at the wall, KAY?! I tried to take a nap after I got back from the book fair with Isaac (who did have a good time)and it was a nonstop stream of questions and requests until I just gave up and got out of bed.
There are just too many things right now. Aaron is depressed and I can't tell how much is the cast limiting his mobility and his ability to get wet and just being annoying, and how much is SO MANY PEOPLE calling him "Jones" for the first time in years when he (apparently) didn't even understand that was still his legal last name anymore, as we use Walker in the community.
SO.
END RANT.
The good news is supportive people who love us, and the love we have for each other.
So I am thankful for:
-the fact that my kids don't act like fucking maniacs in waiting rooms and behave through exams and so on, as that would be way too much compounded
-that we can all veg out in the van listening to soft music and feeling sleepy the whole way home together
-that I'm not having to PESTER Aaron about keeping his arm elevated overhead or sleeping with it on his chest or whatever; he's (WHO KNEW?) mature enough to just keep on it himself
-the fact that Usborne Books is starting to seem like it will be a real source of supplementary income. Not like if I was working at a full time job or something; but it's increasingly realistic that I'll make at least a few extra hundred dollars per month to cover school supplies and field trips and outgrown shoes this way without having to try overly hard
-that my husband DOES NOT stomp around angry or put us all on eggshells when he's stressed; I know he's cracking up when, rather than going to his part-time on the side gig, he's got part of a halloween costume tied around his head and is coloring with the kids at the dining table
-Gloria and Lj came to MCH last night and hung out with the non-Aaron kids for a couple of hours, took them to eat in the cafeteria, and made them laugh and have fun as we left, which was more than I was up for at that point ♥
-Ananda really can make (damn fine) brownies with no help or input whatsoever, and I am eating some right now
-my sister is on her way here, armed with treats, kids to distract my kids, the ability to talk all night, and her own set of rants
ETA
VERY FREAKING GOOD NEWS: My ENT's after-hours service agreed to call in prescriptions for me so I didn't have to go to the ER or try to wait this crap out. So I've already got the first dose or oral antibiotics and ear drops and hopefully will be feeling better sometime soon. Also I remembered that I'm allowed to alternate Tylenol, ibuprofen 2 hours later, then tylenol 2 hours after that, etc, when the pain is this bad so hopefully I'll be getting some relief tonight and maybe (PLEASE?!) be able to sleep. It really interferes with sleep at this level :/
Crappy News: WITH OUR INSURANCE I still paid about $130 for the prescriptions and right now? And for the past few hours? I'm gritting my teeth and tensing my shoulders and squinting to try to deal with how bad this hurts. I paid Ananda $2 to read to the little kids tonight at bedtime. Ugh.
I've spent so much time in (3 ER trips at 2 different) hospitals this week, for Aaron's foot and Aaron's arm, and I spent 4 hours at the dentist yesterday with everyone and we found out Elise and Jake both need extensive dental work. I'm talking about EXTENSIVE, like knock Elise out in a hospital setting and extract several teeth and apply crowns to a few more and then get a couple of fillings. There's no brown or black, but there's a lot of aggressive irregular SHRINKING of her teeth that is obviously decay that is going to get into her gums and cause major problems eventually. Jake is not that bad but needs a couple of in-office extractions of back teeth and is on antibiotics right now for an infected cavity that was keeping him up at night :/
Grant feels insanely crushed about this as he has some ptsd-like trauma related to HORRIBLE BAD dentistry that's been practiced on him, and he has just also always had major dental problems and so he's blaming himself for passing it on and also dealing with the idea that it's going to be a part of their lives the way it's been a part of his. I'm trying to tell him it will be somewhat different and significantly better; they're not going to psycho dentist. They walked out of the office yesterday holding stickers and new little toys, excited about how brave they were. Jake likes taking "the pink stuff". We'll take care of it and not allow them to go on with terrible rotting teeth for ten years of (pre and) adolescence, which he did.
I've spent two hours arguing with insurance companies, in one go, it was HORRIBlE and so many phone calls and logic loops (our provider assigned our kids to a dentist who doesn't see children; the only way to get the coverage to a pediatric dentist is to get a referral; but this dentist can only refer someone they've seen, and they DON'T SEE CHILDREN; etc).
I've made a trip to the Office of Vital Statistics and filled out at least 30 pages of paperwork and had 2 Usborne shows and you know what I'm not doing? SLEEPING. Seeing my husband. Eating right.
I also keep getting back to my house and being like O_O and kind of tottering on my feet about the mess and then spending brief periods in hyper cleaning mode.
I have another hellacious ear infection, in the same one that just went wild a couple of months ago - I think probably the fluid never drained and so it was just waiting for more bacteria. The whole side of my face hurts, it hurts to chew, I can't hear on that side.
I'm on my period, too, and as I have really heavy, anemia-inducing periods I'm always extra tired this time of the month even when I'm loading up on supplements and things.
I have really been devoting a lot of mental energy to NOT THINKING about lumbar punctures, NICUs, how it feels to be in a hospital bed, and many other things that are triggering me like crazy the past few days just from signs on doors and things nurses are saying in hallways.
And then again in an interconnected way, Elise not having her front teeth, her smile, Elise's unforseeable reaction to something like general anesthesia....I feel like I could really freak out if I wasn't checking out, mentally.
And let me tell you...this shit is expensive. Everything is so expensive. Just filling two prescriptions and getting more children's motrin and tylenol and the calcium paste the dentist wants us to use every night and having to eat on the fly because we're stranded at Miami Children's Hospital for 6 hours is expensive, without actual medical bills factored in :/ We really needed to kind of lay low financially for awhile post-NY, not have a massive blowout of sudden huge expenses. (Jake's next office visit will be $100 even with insurance covering like 90%, and they're talking about 18 month financing for Elise...as though we had credit).
I am really getting to a point today where I just want to be like YOU KNOW WHAT? You guys make brownies all day and have them for breakfast lunch and dinner while I stare at the wall, KAY?! I tried to take a nap after I got back from the book fair with Isaac (who did have a good time)and it was a nonstop stream of questions and requests until I just gave up and got out of bed.
There are just too many things right now. Aaron is depressed and I can't tell how much is the cast limiting his mobility and his ability to get wet and just being annoying, and how much is SO MANY PEOPLE calling him "Jones" for the first time in years when he (apparently) didn't even understand that was still his legal last name anymore, as we use Walker in the community.
SO.
END RANT.
The good news is supportive people who love us, and the love we have for each other.
So I am thankful for:
-the fact that my kids don't act like fucking maniacs in waiting rooms and behave through exams and so on, as that would be way too much compounded
-that we can all veg out in the van listening to soft music and feeling sleepy the whole way home together
-that I'm not having to PESTER Aaron about keeping his arm elevated overhead or sleeping with it on his chest or whatever; he's (WHO KNEW?) mature enough to just keep on it himself
-the fact that Usborne Books is starting to seem like it will be a real source of supplementary income. Not like if I was working at a full time job or something; but it's increasingly realistic that I'll make at least a few extra hundred dollars per month to cover school supplies and field trips and outgrown shoes this way without having to try overly hard
-that my husband DOES NOT stomp around angry or put us all on eggshells when he's stressed; I know he's cracking up when, rather than going to his part-time on the side gig, he's got part of a halloween costume tied around his head and is coloring with the kids at the dining table
-Gloria and Lj came to MCH last night and hung out with the non-Aaron kids for a couple of hours, took them to eat in the cafeteria, and made them laugh and have fun as we left, which was more than I was up for at that point ♥
-Ananda really can make (damn fine) brownies with no help or input whatsoever, and I am eating some right now
-my sister is on her way here, armed with treats, kids to distract my kids, the ability to talk all night, and her own set of rants
ETA
VERY FREAKING GOOD NEWS: My ENT's after-hours service agreed to call in prescriptions for me so I didn't have to go to the ER or try to wait this crap out. So I've already got the first dose or oral antibiotics and ear drops and hopefully will be feeling better sometime soon. Also I remembered that I'm allowed to alternate Tylenol, ibuprofen 2 hours later, then tylenol 2 hours after that, etc, when the pain is this bad so hopefully I'll be getting some relief tonight and maybe (PLEASE?!) be able to sleep. It really interferes with sleep at this level :/
Crappy News: WITH OUR INSURANCE I still paid about $130 for the prescriptions and right now? And for the past few hours? I'm gritting my teeth and tensing my shoulders and squinting to try to deal with how bad this hurts. I paid Ananda $2 to read to the little kids tonight at bedtime. Ugh.
