Parenting Pac-Man
Jul. 19th, 2013 10:15 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
altarflameI've been complaining/in shock about Jake's eating pretty much since he started solids (he's 7.5 now, and eats far more than Grant or I do in a given day). I've taken him to the doctor for it twice over the years. Basically, he's always hungry and never gets full. You can't take Jake anywhere for any period of time without considering this (even if all 6 of the rest of us will be fine, because we just had a meal or it's a short trip). He eats ALL DAY LONG, EVERY DAY.
He doesn't have a tape worm or even a blood sugar issue. He's totally healthy, and HUGE for his age (as has always been the case) - he's never been overweight for his height. He was born at one ounce under 10 pounds and has been off the growth charts ever since - I actually had problems with strangers thinking he was mentally handicapped as a baby and toddler because he appeared so much older than he actually was that he seemed to be "behind."
I charted him the week he turned 7, and he was the average height and weight of a 9.5 year old. Isaac, who is a 9.5 year old, is used to being exactly his height but slightly lighter (Isaac is a little skinny, and Jake has an unusual amount of muscle and is REALLY strong - I can't hold him down to tickle him anymore...).
I am (again? still?) at a loss, because this food issue seems so unmanageable, with him...and unreasonable.
If we're driving to drop off or pick up Ananda or Aaron 30 minutes away, he has to have a snack for that hour in the car or else he feels terribly sick, often crying and sometimes even throwing up. Part of that is a motion sickness issue. Eating settles his stomach while driving. But still! It's part of this whole larger thing, that we say, "everybody find your shoes! Jake, grab some food!" anytime we're leaving the house O_o It was a running theme at PATH meetings last year that it wasn't possible for me to bring a big enough food bag that he wasn't miserable by the time we were leaving.
I've had to talk to his music camp directors every year (this is the third summer running) because he can't eat breakfast and then wait until lunch, like EVERYBODY ELSE, or else he totally melts down every single day. So, he's basically carrying his lunchbox around day camp all day, instead, eating nonstop. It doesn't seem to interfere with his ability to practice and learn his instrument, write out time lines and staffs, and do singalongs. He's eating as they transition between activities and during recess and things like that, which the adults seem ok with - but I pack him between 2-3 times what Isaac and Elise take. Then, he literally walks in the front door and heads straight to the kitchen when I bring them home in the afternoon, and happily tells me about his day. While eating.
This is the situation:
-He eats really, really well. Like raw bell peppers and other vegetables, pitas and hummus, fresh fruit, nuts, etc - he's not at all picky about things we cook, and only drinks water most of the time.
-He's very independent and doesn't bother anyone about it, when home - I'm always seeing that he's heating leftovers in the toaster oven or making himself a sandwich/salad, or mixing honey and granola into yogurt. Point being, it's not like him eating nonstop is any "bother," or infringement on my time when it gets crazy.
-He doesn't make himself sick, or act sluggish or overfull, and this doesn't interfere with him eating at mealtimes. He goes to the bathroom normally and his belly is flat.
-He doesn't obsess about food when it's there - he just eats a lot. He still builds with legos and K'Nex, writes and draws, plays outside, watches movies, etc all day everyday. He only seems preoccupied with food when it's limited or unavailable.
-He's a REALLY chill, calm, good kid...that turns into a complete angry crying nutcase when hungry. There's almost never a reason to intervene with what Jake is doing when he's regulating his own food, but if he's been unable to eat for a couple of hours he's an inconsolable nightmare. It is irrational and out of bounds.
-We can afford this. Mostly. I mean, sometimes it gets stressful, but it doesn't cause us the stress or urgency it might other people. We've long accepted the grocery bill as our biggest expense around here. I guess the point is, money is not the issue here for me, with this.
I'm worried that he has a total emotional dependence on food! Or, a health issue we aren't picking up on. Or, is totally fine FOR NOW but will grow to be one of those 500 pound adults that has to be lifted out of their house by a crane (obesity and diabetes run up and down both sides of his family tree, and he's definitely got two overweight parents - although all four of his grandparents are normal weight).
I mean, no joke guys, this is what Jake ate yesterday:
-BIG (what most people would call double or triple sized) bowl of oatmeal for breakfast...this is steel cut oats with fruit and milk, it's really filling stuff I can't eat that much of. And 3-4 pieces of "healthy" bacon (haha, I mean that no sulfite/sulfate stuff that's preserved in celery juice, and we cook it on the george foreman).
-in his lunch, he had/ate a tupperware with about another cup of that oatmeal in it, a PBJ, a clementine, a fruit leather, a granola bar and a chocolate pudding. He ate it all at camp.
-When he got home, I lost track. I know I heated him two full bowls of leftover kale and bean soup at different points, he got himself at least a couple of snacks like bell peppers and apples and chips with salsa, I saw some peanut butter toast, and he had a piece of spinach and feta pizza and some cereal before bed.
I mean...that's insane, right? It seems disturbing to me that I'm pretty sure this would present major problems if we tried to put him in school. We aren't planning to, and we're homeschooling for reasons that have nothing to do with eating, but - that's fucking weird, the idea that a school day would be unmanageable because he needs to eat near-constantly.
We put a lot of effort in, last year, to get him to STOP identifying as a "hungry boy," to make the other kids quit going on and on about how much he eats, and to not anticipate him taking down mass quantities of food at each meal in how we serve his (initial) plates, because we started to worry that maybe we had set up some kind of self-fulfilling prophecy by going on too much about his eating. Like he could internalize it as part of his identity? He wanted to be the Very Hungry Caterpillar for Halloween one year! I don't really know if that's a part of this or not - he definitely ate like a trash compactor for awhile before we all saw him that way - but we've definitely shifted the talk and the visible expectations around significantly, anyway. He still goes back for thirds and ends up having 5 or more huge tacos total, at dinner. Which, again...he is chowing down on a small amount of meat buried under greens, beans, avocado, tomatoes, and sharp cheddar. With multiple cups of water. Just. WTF?!
Here's a video from yesterday, of Jake carrying Isaac on his shoulders:
Their camp has a field trip to see a play today. A flyer was actually sent home asking to make sure all the kids had a big breakfast since lunch would be slightly delayed. Last year, the highway bus ride and length of the play they went and saw caused major meltdown problems for Jake, and he was talking about how horrible it had been and how he'd just cried and cried in his seat in the audience for like 2 weeks afterward. I made him change into cargo shorts and load his pockets with emergency snacks, this morning. I tried to at least make it non-crinkly-sounding, quiet, non-crumby things so that he wouldn't be a disturbance? I figure it's less of a disturbance for him to quietly eat something now and then, than it would be for him to cry and get up to find a teacher and explain how miserable he is :p But it underlies the ridiculousness of the whole situation!
What is the deal with him?!
He doesn't have a tape worm or even a blood sugar issue. He's totally healthy, and HUGE for his age (as has always been the case) - he's never been overweight for his height. He was born at one ounce under 10 pounds and has been off the growth charts ever since - I actually had problems with strangers thinking he was mentally handicapped as a baby and toddler because he appeared so much older than he actually was that he seemed to be "behind."
I charted him the week he turned 7, and he was the average height and weight of a 9.5 year old. Isaac, who is a 9.5 year old, is used to being exactly his height but slightly lighter (Isaac is a little skinny, and Jake has an unusual amount of muscle and is REALLY strong - I can't hold him down to tickle him anymore...).
I am (again? still?) at a loss, because this food issue seems so unmanageable, with him...and unreasonable.
If we're driving to drop off or pick up Ananda or Aaron 30 minutes away, he has to have a snack for that hour in the car or else he feels terribly sick, often crying and sometimes even throwing up. Part of that is a motion sickness issue. Eating settles his stomach while driving. But still! It's part of this whole larger thing, that we say, "everybody find your shoes! Jake, grab some food!" anytime we're leaving the house O_o It was a running theme at PATH meetings last year that it wasn't possible for me to bring a big enough food bag that he wasn't miserable by the time we were leaving.
I've had to talk to his music camp directors every year (this is the third summer running) because he can't eat breakfast and then wait until lunch, like EVERYBODY ELSE, or else he totally melts down every single day. So, he's basically carrying his lunchbox around day camp all day, instead, eating nonstop. It doesn't seem to interfere with his ability to practice and learn his instrument, write out time lines and staffs, and do singalongs. He's eating as they transition between activities and during recess and things like that, which the adults seem ok with - but I pack him between 2-3 times what Isaac and Elise take. Then, he literally walks in the front door and heads straight to the kitchen when I bring them home in the afternoon, and happily tells me about his day. While eating.
This is the situation:
-He eats really, really well. Like raw bell peppers and other vegetables, pitas and hummus, fresh fruit, nuts, etc - he's not at all picky about things we cook, and only drinks water most of the time.
-He's very independent and doesn't bother anyone about it, when home - I'm always seeing that he's heating leftovers in the toaster oven or making himself a sandwich/salad, or mixing honey and granola into yogurt. Point being, it's not like him eating nonstop is any "bother," or infringement on my time when it gets crazy.
-He doesn't make himself sick, or act sluggish or overfull, and this doesn't interfere with him eating at mealtimes. He goes to the bathroom normally and his belly is flat.
-He doesn't obsess about food when it's there - he just eats a lot. He still builds with legos and K'Nex, writes and draws, plays outside, watches movies, etc all day everyday. He only seems preoccupied with food when it's limited or unavailable.
-He's a REALLY chill, calm, good kid...that turns into a complete angry crying nutcase when hungry. There's almost never a reason to intervene with what Jake is doing when he's regulating his own food, but if he's been unable to eat for a couple of hours he's an inconsolable nightmare. It is irrational and out of bounds.
-We can afford this. Mostly. I mean, sometimes it gets stressful, but it doesn't cause us the stress or urgency it might other people. We've long accepted the grocery bill as our biggest expense around here. I guess the point is, money is not the issue here for me, with this.
I'm worried that he has a total emotional dependence on food! Or, a health issue we aren't picking up on. Or, is totally fine FOR NOW but will grow to be one of those 500 pound adults that has to be lifted out of their house by a crane (obesity and diabetes run up and down both sides of his family tree, and he's definitely got two overweight parents - although all four of his grandparents are normal weight).
I mean, no joke guys, this is what Jake ate yesterday:
-BIG (what most people would call double or triple sized) bowl of oatmeal for breakfast...this is steel cut oats with fruit and milk, it's really filling stuff I can't eat that much of. And 3-4 pieces of "healthy" bacon (haha, I mean that no sulfite/sulfate stuff that's preserved in celery juice, and we cook it on the george foreman).
-in his lunch, he had/ate a tupperware with about another cup of that oatmeal in it, a PBJ, a clementine, a fruit leather, a granola bar and a chocolate pudding. He ate it all at camp.
-When he got home, I lost track. I know I heated him two full bowls of leftover kale and bean soup at different points, he got himself at least a couple of snacks like bell peppers and apples and chips with salsa, I saw some peanut butter toast, and he had a piece of spinach and feta pizza and some cereal before bed.
I mean...that's insane, right? It seems disturbing to me that I'm pretty sure this would present major problems if we tried to put him in school. We aren't planning to, and we're homeschooling for reasons that have nothing to do with eating, but - that's fucking weird, the idea that a school day would be unmanageable because he needs to eat near-constantly.
We put a lot of effort in, last year, to get him to STOP identifying as a "hungry boy," to make the other kids quit going on and on about how much he eats, and to not anticipate him taking down mass quantities of food at each meal in how we serve his (initial) plates, because we started to worry that maybe we had set up some kind of self-fulfilling prophecy by going on too much about his eating. Like he could internalize it as part of his identity? He wanted to be the Very Hungry Caterpillar for Halloween one year! I don't really know if that's a part of this or not - he definitely ate like a trash compactor for awhile before we all saw him that way - but we've definitely shifted the talk and the visible expectations around significantly, anyway. He still goes back for thirds and ends up having 5 or more huge tacos total, at dinner. Which, again...he is chowing down on a small amount of meat buried under greens, beans, avocado, tomatoes, and sharp cheddar. With multiple cups of water. Just. WTF?!
Here's a video from yesterday, of Jake carrying Isaac on his shoulders:
Their camp has a field trip to see a play today. A flyer was actually sent home asking to make sure all the kids had a big breakfast since lunch would be slightly delayed. Last year, the highway bus ride and length of the play they went and saw caused major meltdown problems for Jake, and he was talking about how horrible it had been and how he'd just cried and cried in his seat in the audience for like 2 weeks afterward. I made him change into cargo shorts and load his pockets with emergency snacks, this morning. I tried to at least make it non-crinkly-sounding, quiet, non-crumby things so that he wouldn't be a disturbance? I figure it's less of a disturbance for him to quietly eat something now and then, than it would be for him to cry and get up to find a teacher and explain how miserable he is :p But it underlies the ridiculousness of the whole situation!
What is the deal with him?!
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Date: 2013-07-22 07:09 pm (UTC)To some degree, we're all already lower carb than we were just because I stopped eating gluten - it's normal at dinner now to have meat and two vegetables, or some beany thing and a salad, or whatever. Even treats are sugary, but not FLOUR AND sugary, anymore :p