(no subject)

[altarflame]

I have a lot of lists in my head, lately.

Academic things even unschooled elementary kids really need to learn whether they like it or not, in a somewhat repetetive, "featuring reviews" sort of structured way that sometimes involves sitting down with a pencil:

-basics of reading (alphabet, letter recognition, letter writing, sounds

letters make, phonics rules) and some handwriting practice

-multiplication tables

-mechanics of carrying over and borrowing for addition and subtraction

-definition of division

-grammar

-basical physical science principles, with an emphasis on the scientific method

---

Things random people from the internet have done for me that have radically effected my life:

-some random people on messageboards argued with me about how gross I thought cloth diapers were, until I became a cloth diaper evangelist

-Heather, there is nowhere to start, but I guess I could begin with how she GAVE ME NANCY WAINER'S NAME AND NUMBER, and organized a grocery delivery to our apt in Boston <3 But, wait, there was also that counseling session re: my marriage that literally turned Grant and my relationship around a few months back, I mean holy crap...

-Bicrim told me I had ptsd and needed emdr. THIS IS SO HUGE.

-someone, I'm sorry I forgot your name, led me down the road to fish oil as a supplement for Elise

-many strangers worked together to SEND US $9K in 2007 O_O

-I GOT DAMA, and her daughters, which probably include a spouse for my oldest son :p

That is really scraping the surface of obvious things.

I have a mental list of money/things that cost money that we've sent out to other (individual, not charity) people on the internet, people we've never met, obviously - and I THINK it's around $20,700.

---

Things I feel at odds about, of late, within the scope of Catholic belief:

-Seriously kinky bdsm sex has brought Grant and I super close and made us stronger, and made me happier and more fulfilled and him less repressed and insecure. I don't feel guilty about this, and even having been a Humanae Vitae afficionado I can't figure out why I would ever think it's wrong to do this with my husband.

-I have a lot of friends with deviant sorts of lifestyles that I don't just feel like "Well that's their business" - I feel like they're right on and awesome just the way they are and couldn't even say "well..." if they tried to ask me if I think they should change.

-I want my kids to have self esteem and ambition - girls and boys, both, here, people - and not suscribe to this modest humility dynamic....basic consideration for other people? OF COURSE! Generosity? YES!! There are times to sacrifice self, and times to forgo instant gratification for responsibility, but I can't handle this "I am nothing, God is everything" vibe that gets amplified into daily life as people who never stand up for themselves or for anything, people who don't even seem to have personalities...

I was also raised around a serious lot of cussing and it comes very naturally to me, is included in all my favorite movies and much of my music, etc, and sometimes it feels truly prohibitive to me to be around people who dissaprove of "bad language" (I cannot even relate to this idea of a "potty mouth", I feel like that is just ridiculous)...this isn't (or is it?) Catholic-belief-specific...but it seems to be an automatic thing that happens around Catholics, or Orthodox people.

---

Things that keep me coming back at least sporatically, about Catholic belief:

-the feeling of worshipping - of being in the presence of the sacred

-the meditative and "righting" effect of praying the rosary (or any rote prayer, really), lighting candles for things, and having devotional time

-the larger community of the Church, to belong to (locally and globally), particularly in the areas of social justice and helping the poor

-this niggling surety that I have had an awful lot of "proof", over the course of my life, to be having doubts about all this now

-it's really one of the only ways/places to consistently meet non-sarcastic, warm people who are pro-children and big families


There are more but I'm out.

Comments

[logospilgrim.livejournal.com]

Sometimes, as they say in one of my favorite movies, we must "nut up or shut up," eh? :-)

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

Haha!

[the-leh.livejournal.com]

The internet changed how I parent by so much. Without it, I might not have discovered the world of today's cloth diapers, or been able to breastfeed my first two children (especially Jane), or co slept, or learned about the different slings and carriers you can get for a baby. I would not have known about homeschooling or gentle discipline. I've been given money, clothing, referrals to needed specialists (lactation consultants, therapists, ect) and so much support from my live journal friends. The good parts of being a part of an internet community really are amazing.

p.s. kinky bdsm sex totally made my marriage better too! Are you on fetlife at all? It's basically a kinky version of facebook.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

No, I think I've had the impression that fetlife is for people looking for play parties or trying to find people to swing with?

[mercyorbemoaned.livejournal.com]

First, YOU'VE GOT TO HIDE YOUR LOVE AWAY. HEY! YOU'VE GOT TO HIDE YOUR LOVE AWAY.

Second

-I want my kids to have self esteem and ambition - girls and boys, both, here, people - and not suscribe to this modest humility dynamic....basic consideration for other people? OF COURSE! Generosity? YES!! There are times to sacrifice self, and times to forgo instant gratification for responsibility, but I can't handle this "I am nothing, God is everything" vibe that gets amplified into daily life as people who never stand up for themselves or for anything, people who don't even seem to have personalities...

yeah also, acting like you are more humble than dirt sends out a great big beacon to predators.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

Seriously.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_delphiki_/]

I have PTSD too, it's nasty.

I agree about being too humble. I don't think anyone's religion advocates abuse and becoming so meek that one doesn't stand up for oneself is, like mercyorbemoaned said- a beacon to predators.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

I have witnessed this in many people, irl and online, and it bothers me...a lot.

[mercyorbemoaned.livejournal.com]

It's not real meekness. If you are truly humble your forget yourself and do your duty and don't worry about LOOKING MEEK.

[mamablogess.blogspot.com (from livejournal.com)]

The fish oil was me. I'm glad it's working for her! I did recently find out that there may be an upper intake level - I don't remember if I knew this when I suggested it for Elise. Under 1000 mg should be a safe amount for kids.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

She's just taking the normal recommended dose for kids of what I buy for her, so I doubt we have to worry about that :) But, thank you!!

[sevenmicks.livejournal.com]

I don't think Catholicism advocates the kind of humility you are describing.

I also don't think it prohibits the kind of roleplay you are describing either, although I don't know a lot about BDSM. As long as there aren't any other partners and you're having sex with each other and no one is coerced and intercourse happens/is the eventual intention, all is well.

As far as "serious cussing," that's another thing that is cultural, and not having to do with the church. People who are Catholic may not approve of foul language-- I want my kids to use more careful words because it's important to me that they present themselves in a way that makes people take them seriously. But it's not a sin to use foul language unless you're doing it to be cruel to others, or unless you're using God's name in vain.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

I think it is such a gray area, with so many teachings of so many saints and so many scriptures able to be interpreted so many ways, and so many people out there who seem to have a deep pathological need to bend over backwards for others and think it's wrong to ever address their own needs as a priority....I think this is a real problem. I became Christian with/through a denomination that was deeply enmeshed with modern psychology and healing for victims and things like that, and I'm sometimes shocked by the attitudes in Catholic and Orthodox circles that are really down on "The self esteem movement" (which I get...and don't get)...I don't know, this is all very subjective.

We are definitely still monogamous and everything is consensual, but it's not always about or involving vaginal intercourse. I have read Good News About Sex and Marriage and even talked to a priest about this stuff. Which was really weird and confusing when he was like, just do what makes you happy, you're trying to save your marriage. I dunno, man.

I totally agree that the cussing is cultural, and really, I don't let my kids cuss either, mainly because I don't want others to perceive them as bad kids. We absolutely don't use the Lord's name in vain, adults or kids...my brother kind of can't wrap his head around how I am totally ok with hopping around saying "SHITFUCKASSBITCHFUCK" but think "God!" is not ok :p

[ariellejuliana.livejournal.com]

There was an awesome person on the internet that sent me an entire stash of cloth diapers, including really awesome wool covers, when I was poor and stressed about how to buy my own stash :) Miriam is wearing one of the Ruskovilla covers (my favorites) right now.

I think I agree with sevenmicks above about cussing as to whether it's a "sin", although I will say that I really, really hate foul language, and hate having it around me or my kids. It's one of my complaints about West Philly - we can't go anywhere without loud, foul language that just seriously makes me wince every time. I especially am offended by the f word. But it honestly doesn't bother me when you right, I think only when I hear it.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

:)

I think that a lot of how cussing is perceived is about how people are raised (I grew up hearing "fuck" used like "the"...it really doesn't cause the flinchy, stand out notice it sort of reaction most people seem to have for me, at all). And I think some of it is intent...for instance, cussing AT people is (in my mind) a far different thing than just cussing in conversation. At least for me, cussing in laughing conversations is just fine but yelling or anger make me tense and stressed.

I say a LOT more cussing than I use in writing :p Without that humorous or casual tone it can come off sounding FAR different than intended...

[traumerin.livejournal.com]

Not particularly informed drive-by comment (though I do study medieval Christianity): I find the BDSM element ironic, as there is something I find very BDSM-y about a lot of Catholic piety....truthfully, I don't mean this in a negative way, but coming from Judaism I find it very different!

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

Believe me, this has crossed my mind roughly a million times. Some of it seems like "Is BDSM some weird twisting blasphemy of religion, like warping our natural inclination to go to God and turning it into kink?" like with how Catholics spend a lot of time on their knees, and Priests put the communion in peoples' mouths....and some of it seems like "to what degree have Catholics through the centuries been fighting their natural BDSM tendencies and calling it religion??!" like with saints whipping themselves and nuns beating kids and this general pecking order of ring kissing and subservience.

From my limited experiences with Jews, I think Christianity on the whole is sometimes a much more EMOTIONAL faith than Judaism seems to be?

[traumerin.livejournal.com]

Hehe, glad it's not just me and my dirty medievalist mind then. ;)

I think it's a fair generalization to make. There are definitely exceptions, like Hasidism which emphasize emotions and an ecstatic relationship with God. Part of it is also a response to enlightenment and modernity, I think. But overall, Judaism is oriented more toward intellect and praxis, and how you "feel" about God is not so relevant.

[traumerin.livejournal.com]

As a follow-up, I would point to this famous story from the Talmud as an example of how Christianity and Judaism tend to differ in their conception of the human-divine relationship:

http://www.jhom.com/topics/voice/bat_kol_bab.htm