Family Planning, it is frustrating.
Apr. 15th, 2009 05:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
altarflameSo I was not able to get my IUD as planned today because when I called in to say I started my period (they insert it during your period), I was told they've been trying to reach me because my pap was abnormal and I have to come in to talk about it.
First of all I ran over my caller ID and they've called twice in the last month? Not exactly beating down the door, and no voicemails either O_o I tried to get them to tell me something over the phone, but stupid HIPPA laws (privacy laws) are in the way. I hate hippa, they are the reason I can't do volunteer chaplaincy anymore.
I basically did my numb dissociation thing as I packed all my kids up and took them to my sister's house and then drove over there to see what the heck is going on in my body NOW.
Luckily, it is the most minor of abnormal results - "abnormal squamus cells, unspecified type", which basically means, could be tampon fibers or maybe I had sex the day before the test, or anything. The protocol is to get another pap in 5 months and then a 3rd 5 months after that, to make sure it doesn't turn into some precancerous thing that would have to be removed. Even if it DOES turn into some precancerous thing, with these regular paps it's caught so early that it's not the kind of thing that requires chemo or is life threatening. They basically just scrape it off your cervix and then monitor to make sure it stays gone.
I was really relieved...but this means I can't get the IUD for AT LEAST 8 more months! (second and third pap from first one in February, plus waiting for results and then to start my period again...)
A small part of me is relieved about that, because I am still a little bit nervous about the IUD.
But a lot of me is worried, because this whole "condoms, 'anything but' and NFP" thing we're doing for bc now gives me a sort of "can only hold for so long" impression. And the truth is that the thought of getting pregnant right now really frightens me badly. I can't even begin to imagine the complications that could arise from starting a pregnancy with such a large, intense hernia that involves a partially trapped bowel. I have such a hugely protruding stomach and so much back pain, RIGHT NOW. I can't even take iron anymore because it's constipating (even like my ultra natural plant derived organic food grade yada yada iron).
Also, and this is partially due to things like out of town baby showers, death in the family, Grant's getting sick and weird test results, but I've been feeling as though it's all I can do to give these five kids what they deserve, lately. I definitely would not be doing things like planting a big garden and getting cats, rabbits and chickens if I was anticipating another baby anytime soon.
Additionally, it's important to me to nurse Elise as long and often as she wants to, because of her continuing to be in crucial periods of rapid brain development...my pediatrician's info on stem cells in breastmilk and brain injury (he specializes in neuro stuff because of his own special needs daughter), the NICU care coordinator's anecdotal talk of how much better the brain injured ones who nurse seem to do, and (of all things) a 60 Minutes my Dad saw when she was born all tell me the same thing - let her have it as long as she wants. This is important. Like, Jake is 3.5 now and I only really "let" him nurse like every other day for a few minutes before bed or when he first wakes up. Four times a week or something. It's tandem and he's big and I am kind of tired of it, he is just as happy to read a book half the time. He's the oldest nursling I've ever had, too, and big for his age so at some point it just starts to seem like, you know. Let's just snuggle, big guy. But it's different with her, there is an actual indication to continue. And it seems right that she's "last" and doesn't have to compete and can just self wean. The points are; 1. I don't want to get pregnant again and have a new baby be first at the breast while she's pushed to the side, and 2. I am still limited to nursing-friendly bc options that don't interfere with supply, even though she is almost two. This aside from how I just don't tolerate hormones in general and balloon in weight when it's crucial right now for me to LOSE weight so my reparative surgery is effective, yada yada yada...maybe I'll buy a Lady Comp or something.
So. Not dying, yay! But...hmm.
*In other news, day 3 back on Weight Watchers and it's working out really well so far. I am sure this has a lot to do with me being close to God and really prayerful throughout the day.
First of all I ran over my caller ID and they've called twice in the last month? Not exactly beating down the door, and no voicemails either O_o I tried to get them to tell me something over the phone, but stupid HIPPA laws (privacy laws) are in the way. I hate hippa, they are the reason I can't do volunteer chaplaincy anymore.
I basically did my numb dissociation thing as I packed all my kids up and took them to my sister's house and then drove over there to see what the heck is going on in my body NOW.
Luckily, it is the most minor of abnormal results - "abnormal squamus cells, unspecified type", which basically means, could be tampon fibers or maybe I had sex the day before the test, or anything. The protocol is to get another pap in 5 months and then a 3rd 5 months after that, to make sure it doesn't turn into some precancerous thing that would have to be removed. Even if it DOES turn into some precancerous thing, with these regular paps it's caught so early that it's not the kind of thing that requires chemo or is life threatening. They basically just scrape it off your cervix and then monitor to make sure it stays gone.
I was really relieved...but this means I can't get the IUD for AT LEAST 8 more months! (second and third pap from first one in February, plus waiting for results and then to start my period again...)
A small part of me is relieved about that, because I am still a little bit nervous about the IUD.
But a lot of me is worried, because this whole "condoms, 'anything but' and NFP" thing we're doing for bc now gives me a sort of "can only hold for so long" impression. And the truth is that the thought of getting pregnant right now really frightens me badly. I can't even begin to imagine the complications that could arise from starting a pregnancy with such a large, intense hernia that involves a partially trapped bowel. I have such a hugely protruding stomach and so much back pain, RIGHT NOW. I can't even take iron anymore because it's constipating (even like my ultra natural plant derived organic food grade yada yada iron).
Also, and this is partially due to things like out of town baby showers, death in the family, Grant's getting sick and weird test results, but I've been feeling as though it's all I can do to give these five kids what they deserve, lately. I definitely would not be doing things like planting a big garden and getting cats, rabbits and chickens if I was anticipating another baby anytime soon.
Additionally, it's important to me to nurse Elise as long and often as she wants to, because of her continuing to be in crucial periods of rapid brain development...my pediatrician's info on stem cells in breastmilk and brain injury (he specializes in neuro stuff because of his own special needs daughter), the NICU care coordinator's anecdotal talk of how much better the brain injured ones who nurse seem to do, and (of all things) a 60 Minutes my Dad saw when she was born all tell me the same thing - let her have it as long as she wants. This is important. Like, Jake is 3.5 now and I only really "let" him nurse like every other day for a few minutes before bed or when he first wakes up. Four times a week or something. It's tandem and he's big and I am kind of tired of it, he is just as happy to read a book half the time. He's the oldest nursling I've ever had, too, and big for his age so at some point it just starts to seem like, you know. Let's just snuggle, big guy. But it's different with her, there is an actual indication to continue. And it seems right that she's "last" and doesn't have to compete and can just self wean. The points are; 1. I don't want to get pregnant again and have a new baby be first at the breast while she's pushed to the side, and 2. I am still limited to nursing-friendly bc options that don't interfere with supply, even though she is almost two. This aside from how I just don't tolerate hormones in general and balloon in weight when it's crucial right now for me to LOSE weight so my reparative surgery is effective, yada yada yada...maybe I'll buy a Lady Comp or something.
So. Not dying, yay! But...hmm.
*In other news, day 3 back on Weight Watchers and it's working out really well so far. I am sure this has a lot to do with me being close to God and really prayerful throughout the day.
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no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 10:12 pm (UTC)I know thats a big step for him, but so is the risk of you getting pregnant right now too.
Honestly, you should just tell the man to stop being so damn sexy and a wonderful husband, then MAYBE you could resist him a little better? :P
(where's my grant sucks icon when I need it)
no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 10:50 pm (UTC)The truth is almost anything invasive we can do to our bodies with any potential side effects really freaks me out. Including, like, decongestants and silly shit like that. It's not as simple as risk vs benefit in my mind, because the natural order of how things are meant to go down appeals to me so much, and tampering and causing stuff scares the shit out of me.
We're getting to a point where the vasectomy deal might be on the table again, though. I think that is not fully effective for a few months, though? By which point I could get the IUD...I don't know.
Also, the vas is definitely not reliably reversible! You're really supposed to see it as permanent and be ok with it because the chances of the reversal working well enough to conceive are only anywhere from 40 to 65% depending on who you ask.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 10:55 pm (UTC)Thats how I feel about most things too. Its such a tough position to be in especially when your health is at great risk as well.
I wish you clarity in this situation. Its a doosey!