Family Planning, it is frustrating.

[altarflame]

So I was not able to get my IUD as planned today because when I called in to say I started my period (they insert it during your period), I was told they've been trying to reach me because my pap was abnormal and I have to come in to talk about it.

First of all I ran over my caller ID and they've called twice in the last month? Not exactly beating down the door, and no voicemails either O_o I tried to get them to tell me something over the phone, but stupid HIPPA laws (privacy laws) are in the way. I hate hippa, they are the reason I can't do volunteer chaplaincy anymore.

I basically did my numb dissociation thing as I packed all my kids up and took them to my sister's house and then drove over there to see what the heck is going on in my body NOW.

Luckily, it is the most minor of abnormal results - "abnormal squamus cells, unspecified type", which basically means, could be tampon fibers or maybe I had sex the day before the test, or anything. The protocol is to get another pap in 5 months and then a 3rd 5 months after that, to make sure it doesn't turn into some precancerous thing that would have to be removed. Even if it DOES turn into some precancerous thing, with these regular paps it's caught so early that it's not the kind of thing that requires chemo or is life threatening. They basically just scrape it off your cervix and then monitor to make sure it stays gone.

I was really relieved...but this means I can't get the IUD for AT LEAST 8 more months! (second and third pap from first one in February, plus waiting for results and then to start my period again...)

A small part of me is relieved about that, because I am still a little bit nervous about the IUD.

But a lot of me is worried, because this whole "condoms, 'anything but' and NFP" thing we're doing for bc now gives me a sort of "can only hold for so long" impression. And the truth is that the thought of getting pregnant right now really frightens me badly. I can't even begin to imagine the complications that could arise from starting a pregnancy with such a large, intense hernia that involves a partially trapped bowel. I have such a hugely protruding stomach and so much back pain, RIGHT NOW. I can't even take iron anymore because it's constipating (even like my ultra natural plant derived organic food grade yada yada iron).

Also, and this is partially due to things like out of town baby showers, death in the family, Grant's getting sick and weird test results, but I've been feeling as though it's all I can do to give these five kids what they deserve, lately. I definitely would not be doing things like planting a big garden and getting cats, rabbits and chickens if I was anticipating another baby anytime soon.

Additionally, it's important to me to nurse Elise as long and often as she wants to, because of her continuing to be in crucial periods of rapid brain development...my pediatrician's info on stem cells in breastmilk and brain injury (he specializes in neuro stuff because of his own special needs daughter), the NICU care coordinator's anecdotal talk of how much better the brain injured ones who nurse seem to do, and (of all things) a 60 Minutes my Dad saw when she was born all tell me the same thing - let her have it as long as she wants. This is important. Like, Jake is 3.5 now and I only really "let" him nurse like every other day for a few minutes before bed or when he first wakes up. Four times a week or something. It's tandem and he's big and I am kind of tired of it, he is just as happy to read a book half the time. He's the oldest nursling I've ever had, too, and big for his age so at some point it just starts to seem like, you know. Let's just snuggle, big guy. But it's different with her, there is an actual indication to continue. And it seems right that she's "last" and doesn't have to compete and can just self wean. The points are; 1. I don't want to get pregnant again and have a new baby be first at the breast while she's pushed to the side, and 2. I am still limited to nursing-friendly bc options that don't interfere with supply, even though she is almost two. This aside from how I just don't tolerate hormones in general and balloon in weight when it's crucial right now for me to LOSE weight so my reparative surgery is effective, yada yada yada...maybe I'll buy a Lady Comp or something.

So. Not dying, yay! But...hmm.

*In other news, day 3 back on Weight Watchers and it's working out really well so far. I am sure this has a lot to do with me being close to God and really prayerful throughout the day.

Comments

[ann-d.livejournal.com]

Isn't IUD abortifacient? I've always been sure its one of them...

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

I've written about this at length in the previous months, because that was one of my concerns before a friend of mine got one from a very pro-life doctor and showed me various links. The short answer is: No, or at least not any more than the pill is.

It's definitely not something I take lightly.

[ann-d.livejournal.com]

Sorry, I missed that. Thats good, because I was really sure they are.

You've got a wonderful family, I do so much envy you in a positive way )

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

It's ok.

There are a lot of specifically religious and pro-life sites out there, still, that do go on and on about the IUD being an abortifacent. But if you look up the actual studies and medical info, it goes about like this:

-primary method of (copper paragard, not mirena) preventing pregnancy is by creating an environment hostile to sperm with copper ions keeping fertilization from ever taking place
-secondary method can be preventing implantation of a fertilized embryo (just like the pill, shot, patch and ring does as a secondary measure after preventing ovulation)

That sucks. And is probably part of why all birth control can be viewed as sinful by some, or as "not right for me", at least. But if you look at the numbers, there are actually less disguarded (unimplanted) fertilized embryos in the tubes of women with IUDs, than there are in women without any kind of birth control.

There used to be some kind of misconception among conservative women that the IUD basically works by scraping the sides of your uterus and so it's like one continuous abortion - but that isn't true. The IUD doesn't move at all, first of all, let alone "Scrape", and it's flexible plastic. Most sperm never even make it into the uterus, and those that do almost all die long before they could reach the tube where the egg is waiting.

I am definitely a "leave it all in God's hands excepting serious medical risk" kind of girl in my own life, and this all weighs heavily on me. But I can deal with an IUD more easily that I can with permanently altering my body to be infertile or with putting hormones in my system (and, ergo, my milk supply...) So, it is what it is.

[noelove.livejournal.com]

Have you and Grant talked about him getting a Vas? Its out patient, its easily reversible and the healing time is like NOTHING compared to what a woman goes through getting her tubes tied.

I know thats a big step for him, but so is the risk of you getting pregnant right now too.

Honestly, you should just tell the man to stop being so damn sexy and a wonderful husband, then MAYBE you could resist him a little better? :P

(where's my grant sucks icon when I need it)

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

We've talked about it a lot. It's really me that's more against it, just because in the last couple of years these new studies have come out linking it to prostate cancer more strongly, and it freaks me the hell out...I'm also paranoid about him being one of these post vasectomy pain syndrome guys, which would be horrible.

The truth is almost anything invasive we can do to our bodies with any potential side effects really freaks me out. Including, like, decongestants and silly shit like that. It's not as simple as risk vs benefit in my mind, because the natural order of how things are meant to go down appeals to me so much, and tampering and causing stuff scares the shit out of me.

We're getting to a point where the vasectomy deal might be on the table again, though. I think that is not fully effective for a few months, though? By which point I could get the IUD...I don't know.

Also, the vas is definitely not reliably reversible! You're really supposed to see it as permanent and be ok with it because the chances of the reversal working well enough to conceive are only anywhere from 40 to 65% depending on who you ask.

[noelove.livejournal.com]

the natural order of how things are meant to go down appeals to me so much, and tampering and causing stuff scares the shit out of me.

Thats how I feel about most things too. Its such a tough position to be in especially when your health is at great risk as well.

I wish you clarity in this situation. Its a doosey!

[julierocket.livejournal.com]

As an FYI-- my mom had abnormal pap results once, and it was absolutely nothing <3

Everything else, three hearts <3 <3 <3

[phoebebeast.livejournal.com]

Have you considered getting a diaphragm? I know the failure rate is higher than condoms, but they're non-invasive. I've been using one for 10+ and never got pregnant using it.

[ariellejuliana.livejournal.com]

I'm thinking you may have looked into these so I'm asking you -

Do you know anything about the electronic fertility moniters? I'm curious about them, but don't know anything about them. I never bothered to think about it before, because on one hand I'm totally ok with just letting the babies come as they will, and hoping LAM spaces them something reasonable. But now I'm thinking I'd like to ensure each baby gets to their first birthday without the worry of me losing my milk supply.

[erinmdmd.livejournal.com]

They do work, with a good degree of accuracy. The downside is the "making yourself crazy with testing" part and the "placing trust in something else" part- meaning that it can be difficult to continue to look at the Big Picture and integrate all your fertility signs without placing too much trust in the electronic method.

I've considered purchasing one and probably will if I ever feel that I need a larger spacing between children then I might get naturally (it doesn't take me long to get pregnant again after I am fertile...) or if my milk supply is not low (or I have an oversupply?!) and that causes a bit of premature return to fertility.

the pap

[tubesy.livejournal.com]

FYI, I had the whole abnormal pap shebang - the cells were actually changing faster than normal, etc. etc., I had to have a couple of colposcopies and, eventually, a LEEP. And even though I had to go through all of the crap, it really was not a big deal. Granted, I did not have 5 kids at the time so the inconvenience factor is much higher for you :) But in terms of something to worry about - it's not. Pap smears are wonderful things - and so are the treatments for abnormal cervical cell growth. And my cervix has been good as new for years and years now :)

Hey fool, this is Sarah-

[(Anonymous)]

Before I got my copper IUD I had an abonormal PAP....it turned out I had a little infection I wasn't even aware of having. I took an antibiotic, and used a cream. It wasn't a big deal at all.
P.S.
The IUD is awesome. I was worried about super heavy periods- but my periods have actually almost gone away entirely! I do get light cramping around the time when I would normally get my period though. No pregnancy scares to date (got it in December), and no worries every month.
It's taken a real load off of my sholders, as I am not good with the Pill, or condoms.