Who I want to be, where I want to be...

[altarflame]

So confused and frustrated about what to do next.

There is a property that I want so badly. 5 acres, pool with deck and safety fencing and brick, built in barbecue/firepit/smoker and POOL BATHROOM - it has a minibedroom attached to the master suite, for Jake and Elise. It has a breakfast nook and a dining room, off of the HUGE kitchen. It's a 3000+ square foot house, all single floor so we don't have to worry about the kids and stairs. Five acres of our own, cleared but surrounded by forest and across the street from a horse farm.

There is an idea on the table of me writing for a year while Grant takes off work, and takes the kids out and around places for 4 hours a day so I can do it. I have a whole mentally outlined plan for how this would work - the c/s book first, which is mostly planned, already titled, and I have a connection with a publisher for. Then the anecdotal short stories submitted individually to magazines until a couple have been published, so I can submit the collection to the same publisher that did the c/s book. Then 2 or 3 other things depending on how productive I was, I'm not sure I want to get into it but I feel like I can do it. In addition to the property, I also want this so badly.

I don't know how to explain what I mean by "so badly". I was trying to think of when and what I've wanted this badly before. The last three things I can think of were;
-to birth Elise naturally
-to finally be married to Grant
-to be able to go back in time and keep harm from befalling Aaron

It's intense. And to do both simultaneously - the property and the writing - would be so perfect I would be...ecstatic? At peace? Both simultaneously? But the property is more than most of the places we're looking at, though still a fabulous bargain - it would honestly strip us of a lot of other financial options as well as the writing year. There are many very nice, huge houses on small lots, and many other small houses on medium lots, and all sorts of things like that...for a hundred thousand dollars less.

It's selfish to pick me writing over a place like that for our family, I think. Except that Grant is really gung-ho about getting a different, cheaper place sometimes because it would mean we could also travel, and get a jet ski and just have a financial buffer in general - all of which are way up on his priority list. Really it's ridiculous to even entertain the notion of this place, when I look at our budget - we can afford it, and buy it outright with no mortgage, but it strips us of options like a financial buffer or traveling pretty thoroughly. We would have to take out a loan against the property for me to write for a year, which is just ridiculous - to get a large sum of money dropped on you and invest it such that you come out owing? That doesn't even make any sense at all...I've thought several times today that I need to just push this place out of my mind completely and move forward without it as an option.

We could grow all of our own vegetables.
We could have a bunny patch.
We could have chickens and have eggs.
We could even sell vegetables and eggs.
We could host homeschool groups like small farms down here do. For income and/or for fun.
Grant and I could be swimming naked in our pool on our land at night. Ok, with a baby monitor. That's ok.
I mean they listed it as having a 250 foot driveway "Perfect for kids with skates and skateboard and bikes".

*headdesk*
*headdesk*
*headdesk*

All I've ever wanted to do is write. I had a novel mostly done in elementary school. I won ribbons anytime I entered a contest. The paper came out and I was on the front page, when I wrote a play in middle school, and we got 2nd up at the youth fair in Miami. I had a poem published in an anthology when I was in 6th grade. And I have a niche, here, and a real story, and a connection, and it could HAPPEN. I was laying in the hospital bed last year thinking I was dying and I missed THIS so bad, that this never happened, that it came through even in the midst of me worrying about my motherless children. There were three things I was desperate to get a chance at before it was all over - seeing my kids grow up, Writing For Real, and growing old with Grant. I was thinking of how Shaun's A+ term papers and the press releases for my mother in law, under her name to help her out, are not things that will outlive me. They're just scratching that itch, in the moment.

This fire and these inspirations, they aren't going to go away just because we live on a big old farm.

But I think I might regret not getting this place for a long long time if we don't, regardless of what else we're doing. It's not just rural and gorgeous, fancy and country, unique and unregulated - it's also 25 minutes from downtown IN RUSH HOUR. One mile from highway on ramps. I've never seen anything like it, and I have done a lot of combing real estate. You rarely get a really nice house with a pool on a farm, but you basically never get a farm this close to everything.

It doesn't help that in Florida, here or in Jacksonville, our other options are almost surely going to be closely-spaced, near identical homes in subdivisions where you have to ask permission to plant a garden or build a tree house, and they can tell you no. After the 60 day waiting period from when you submit your request in writing. I mean, no thank you, you know? There are 3000+ square foot homes with lofts and dens and garden tubs and cathedral ceilings, kitchen islands and hardwood floors, for BARELY over $200,000...if we're willing to not even have windows on the sides of our house because it's so close to the one next door, and write a letter 2 months in advance if we'd like to hang a plant on the porch.

Grant tells me we can get a big, nice house on a smaller lot for now, and I can write, and then when I hit it big we'll get whatever we want. I chuckle and change the subject because, for whatever reason, I don't even feel like I can entertain the possibility that I'll "hit it big" like that. It just makes me too vulnerable to failure; I freak out and panic, which for me means immediately going in a different route with the conversation. I know how profitable writing usually is...and I'm ok with that. I think I'm good enough to get published, to be available in some book stores and libraries and on amazon. I can imagine getting a couple of $10,000 advances, selling some stories for 3k apiece, maybe some $500 royalty checks, all over the next few years - and peppered amidst dozens of rejection letters, which are par for the course. That is what I "expect" - it's actually what I dream of and long for, to tell the truth. I think I might be able to supplement our income and make things like vacations or savings accounts possible that might not be otherwise - I don't know about supporting us all, especially when I don't feel I can do anything FULL full time, with Jake and Elise as young as they are and Ananda and Aaron's homeschool competing with so many other children for time and attention...

Anyway, we meet with the financial advisor tomorrow afternoon, who perhaps can shed some light on this in a new way. Then, almost immediately after he leaves, we're hitting the highway to Jacksonville to check some places out on Tuesday and maybe Wednesday, after spending tomorrow night in a hotel. We've discovered "Custom Built Homes" by companies like KB Homes, that let you pick a floor plan and then customize your options, at various communities...it's still subdivisions, but some of the lots are a LITTLE bigger, the prices are amazing, the houses are incredible, and I'm trying to think of the good in a subdivision: pool we can use, safe walking paths, playground for everyone, more friends around...blah. It also seems really fun to pick out what options we'd want and have them build it for us, and go with the kids to see it in progress and all.

The main reason we're going is because Grant and I have both come to think that this dream home we've only seen pictures of, read descriptions of, and talked about over the phone with the owner needs to be dealt with in person...it's going to be either "You know...this really ISN'T so great (location, condition of house, who knows)" or "THIS IS OUR HOUSE WE MUST HAVE IT". I've compared going to see it to taking a pregnancy test: it's really, really hard to wonder every day until that test whether you are or you aren't. Part of me is hoping the place sucks so I can just freaking forget about it.

But I really don't see how that's possible, with all the pictures, descriptions and conversations factored in...

We're still holding onto the possibility of putting our money in a cd or money market account for 6 months to a year while the housing market continues to drop: it would earn us a little more buying power, and gain us tens of thousands of dollars in interest, depending on the rate we got and amount of time we left it there for. But, it is hard to not feel impatient when we've so obviously and completely outgrown our living arrangements...then again, we've been happy and content here when we WEREN'T comparing it to other options, so... Comparing has changed a lot. I'm suddenly wondering if it might be a lot easier to keep things clean if we actually had enough room for all of our stuff, for instance, and whether or not more sleeping area might make bedtime a lot simpler and get me increased rest, and thinking of nobody ever having an accident because someone else was in the one bathroom we share when they had to go...it's alluring, let me tell you.

Grant Sr was out of town for two weeks, came home for 4 days, left for a week, came home for the weekend, and is gone for another week...I think he's only here to do his laundry, lately. Still and all that doesn't exactly gain us the bedroom and bathroom he occupies, or full on decorating privileges. Especially when I want to hang intentionally grotesque belly casts and things like that ;) Not to mention, that means he is still competing for laundry time :p He seems truly sad to be "losing all of his grandkids"...Teresa is moving to Lake City with Mindy's 3 kids, at the same time we're contemplating going North and at least definitely moving out of here. I really think it might be hard for him...he hasn't been "alone" since the divorce, at all. We moved in here right after his mother died in what has since been the kids' room. Grant is actually rather worried about him no longer having a sense of purpose and being needed in his life :/ I mean Robbie will go with Teresa and he is there whenever Sr is traveling, but he's been HERE whenever Sr is here, for years now with only short breaks...I don't know. This house will seem very, very empty though, I'm sure, with it going from him, his wife and kids, for a decade, to him, his son and his mom and his friend Cary, for 3-4 years, to him and all of us and Robbie for about 5.5 years...and then...just him. Especially considering that a LOT of what is here, is ours - the couches, the dining table and chairs, the beds in our rooms, a ton of the dishes and cookware and countertop appliances, everything in the hallway linen closet...I am actually kind of worried about him. He has one really good friend he sees like 3-4 times a year, and one casual friend he sees like a couple of times a month, has went on a single date since that divorce went down - and the woman DIED within the next year or two of cancer, can you believe that? He doesn't keep in touch with his brothers at all, and his sister only rarely.

Talk about a tangent, I'm sure Sr will find his way...

I think my ear is really healing, because it's popping open again today - 500 TIMES A MINUTE, which is driving me insane...along with the maddening deep itch that seems almost to be in the center of my freaking brain. Still and all, popping open and an itch is better than debilitating pain and the constant sound of my own pulse in swollen tissue - I was really over the heartbeat-in-my-ear thing. Grant is growing weary of me reeking of garlic, which is interesting for me as I can't smell it at all anymore.

Comments

[marliah.livejournal.com]

just an FYI make sure you call the towns and get city ordinance info before you make any offers.

I have a third of an acre and I thought for sure I could have chickens here (in fact I had a dozen when we bought this house) it was only after the realtor told me to call the town that I found out there is an ordinance against that :/ also I have heard some subdivisions have gone so far as to ban big gardens. So just make sure you check into that stuff before you move.

I'm in the middle of a big debate with my city to try to get the chickens ordinance changed and its so not worth it. If we had realized this before we had made an offer on the house I don't think we would have moved here lol.

[superflippy.livejournal.com]

Good luck with the financial adviser and the house!

There was a house that, in pictures, we thought was absolutely perfect. It was at the top of our price range, but it seemed worth it. And then we saw it: the layout was wacky, it actually needed a lot of work, the backyard wasn't all that great and I didn't like the neighborhood. But the very same day we also saw the house we ended up buying. I was ambivalent about it until I saw it in person, and then we both knew that this was the perfect house for us: a huge back yard, doors between every room, a big attic, a fishing lake across the street.

I hope seeing this place in person will help you make up your mind. And maybe the financial guy will have some brilliant idea about how you can have your cake and eat it too!

[monkeyscience.livejournal.com]

I can't even pretend to know what you're going through, or to have really wise advice, but I do have one little bit of personal experience to offer:

When I was 10, my family moved from a very modest 4-bedroom, 2-bathroom home to a 5-bedroom, 3.5-bath behemoth. (It was ~4000 sq. ft.) While there are many things I disliked about the house, one of the most objective was that it took for.freaking.ever. to clean (like scrub/vacuum/etc, not just pick up) every Saturday, not to mention lawn care. (Ironically, we had a HUGE front yard, but a small backyard.) There were seven of us working on it (2 parents + 5 kids ranging from 4.5 to 12 when we first moved in), and it took up most of our Saturdays. I hated that. Maybe you're a far more efficient cleaner than we were, I don't know. But it is something to stop and think about IMHO. Especially if you'll also have a pool and large amount of land to care for.

Other than that, thanks for letting us in on your process, and good luck figuring out what God wants for you and your family!

[eternamariposa.livejournal.com]

I was thinking of the up keep too. 5 acres is a lot of mowin', how many ants/snakes/rodents would make themselves at home there? I know Texas is bug country but Frank's family has to deal with all of that kind of stuff regularly. Maybe having a pool that is maintained by an association rather than you is a good idea. Plus maybe one of the smaller places would tidy up more quickly leaving you more time to write/be with family.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

Hmm. I don't know what to think about the cleaning situation. I think it will be somewhat easier to clean after we've thrown out or donated a ton of our stuff and then moved into a place we actually fit into...on the other hand, of course that's more space to clean.

I typically sweep, spot-mop and vaccum daily, along with a couple of loads of dishes and laundry and some counter and table scrubbing. We don't usually have a "Cleaning day" - if anything on the weekends we slack off to go places with Grant and then I have to work harder than usual on Monday to have things back to normal maintenance again by Tuesday...

I am not a neat freak and don't really care if there's dust on the ceiling fans or fingerprints all over the french doors, but I still already spend a sick and twisted amount of my life cleaning. Grant and I double teamed this house for over 2 hours this morning before the financial advisor got here, and it was still back to clutter strewn on every floor, dining table and counters piled with stuff and carpets crumb littered by this evening.


Anyway....4000 square feet is crazy! The 3000 square foot houses we've been looking at seem insanely massive to me - there was a 3400 one that would feel like a mansion to me.

Pool care is honestly not something we had factored in until today - we were thinking about the time and money associated with that for the first time.

[superflippy.livejournal.com]

As someone who recently moved from a 1500 sq. ft. house to a 3000 sq. ft. house, let me tell you: 3000 sq. ft. is a lot of house to clean. I don't ever want to live in a bigger house. I can't get this one all picked up and vacuumed in one day unless that's the only cleaning I do that day. (Well, I suppose I could if I didn't have to work or take care of D-Mac, but if I ever have a day at home alone to myself when I don't have to work and am not sick, I'm not going to spend it all vacuuming!)

[charcoalmonroe.livejournal.com]

Hi there... I'm one of your (probably many) readers who doesn't really know you. But, I just had to comment on this with my personal experience growing up. My family moved a few time, and I've lived both out in the country, on a gorgeous piece of land with a garden, and trails, and a river nearby, and also in the suburbs in a cookie cutter house with a small backyard and a regular park with swingsets nearby and manicured lawns an a housing association that hated us because we were a little wild and always trying to push the rules on what we could plant/do in our yard. And I had wonderful and not so wonderful experiences in both these places. There are nice things about being in the suburbs, especially if you have a park nearby - for one, there are always lots of other kids around. Anyway, I don't have much of a point, I just wanted to share my little story :-)

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

Thank you :)

I've been trying to figure out what would be better for the kids. They love spending time outside, and do a LOT, but at the same time, they're already homeschooled - how isolated can it get before it's a bad thing? I would still have them in things like ballet and karate, and we would find a homeschool group to go on trips with and playdates and stuff, but here where we are now, the neighbors do count. A and A go next door by themselves, and the lady there breeds birds and always shows them the latest new hatchlings and eggs and let's them hold pets. Two doors down the other way, the two little girls are friends with them and they spend an afternoon over there every few weeks. Across the street is a sweet old couple we take food and flowers to, who have a huge garden and chickens (yes, in the tiny suburban backyard!) and they take the kids on "tours". It's nice to be a part of a community, even though it would also absolutely rock to have land.

[charcoalmonroe.livejournal.com]

From the teeny tiny bit I know about you from reading your journal, I'd say that the warmth and love and activities you provide for your kids will make sure they have a wonderful and enriching time no matter where you decide to live :-)

[florassecret.livejournal.com]

wow a house that would be wonderful for you to own a house for your family.
I will never own a home...well not here anyways, a starter home starts at 500G

[eternamariposa.livejournal.com]

That icon is fantastic!

[mizzy.livejournal.com]

A house like this comes once in a lifetime. You have your whole life to write. The kids will be older and more self sufficent in a few years. Could you write then? Why not have the best of both worlds, just a bit later in the writing?

[tikizeekbaby.livejournal.com]

OMG, your daughter is adorable. :)

[mizzy.livejournal.com]

*grins* Thank you! :)

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

You have your whole life to write. The kids will be older and more self sufficent in a few years.

This is what I've been telling myself already for 8 years, and got really hard to deal with a few months back when I nearly died having never gotten the chance.

I guess it sounds melodramatic or something, but laying there in the ICU drifting in and out with the nurses telling my relatives it was touch and go - for DAYS - had a huge effect on the way I see my life...

Like, ok. Let's say 10 years from now, I can write. The youngest will be 10. But... that means I'll have FIVE kids between 10 and 18, needing rides, needing help, needing supervision, needing talks, needing chaperones...will I really be able to do it during that time? Maybe?

The biggest thing with "now" vs later is, I am ON FIRE with ideas and it's absolutely killing me.



A house like this comes once in a lifetime.

Do you think so? I feel like that sometimes but then I think I'm being rash or emotional about it, and that of course we could find another house in a few years, that we love...Your comment caught me off guard because that is my greatest fear here - that we'll never find another place like this that we can afford again.

We've practically crossed it off our list of possibilities at this point, because it's just really hard when you look at the numbers...even without the writing factored in at all, still it's a little overwhelming.

[(Anonymous)]

But you have to be realistic with the writing thing, it's very very unlikely you will get published right away and start earning royalties and everything, IF you ever get published at all. I'm not saying you're a bad writer or anything, but some authors write their whole lives before getting anything published. I think it would make more sense to put money into savings, paying off debt now so you can focus on writing later, even if it is ten years from now, because you won't have debt and money problems hanging over your head.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

I don't expect to get published right away, and whenever that were to happen it would be up to 2 years before any royalties came...I said in the entry, I'm not planning on supporting the family this way. It isn't something we're viewing as a financial investment, like he will take off a year but then I'll rake in the riches - it's for the value and life experience of getting to do what I love, since we have a once in a lifetime opportunity right now that stems directly from me almost dying, which involved me realizing how desperately I wanted to write.

The year would allow me to finally channel some of the creative energy that is constantly frustrating me and making me feel nuts, hopefully leaving me with enough material to send out to people that once it was over, I could do internet research and get submission guidelines and call agents and editors and crap like that during my normal days with the kids. Phone calls and emails and trips to the post office interspersed with normal life, since the material will exist.

My realistic expectation is that if I spent the next year writing, there would be times over the next five years that we would receive checks that could supplement our income (along with a lot of rigamarole, and a lot of rejection letters). It wouldn't be the kind of money that would mean we didn't have to worry about retirement, no - it would be the kind of money that I got paid for my work, which is more than enough for me.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

Re-reading your comment I wanted to reply that tything and paying off all of our debt are our very first priorities. Next, are buying a home and a new-with-warranty second vehicle outright with no payments. So, we are not going to have a whole lot of money problems hanging over our heads. We are basically just deciding whether or not to invest less/get less house/buy a cheaper second car/whatever, so that for the first year we can keep $50k to the side for living off of while I write. It's not like, if we do the writing thing, we're totally screwed, or anything like that. And there are other things that are receiving higher priority by necessity.

[(Anonymous)]

Anon lurker here...if I could give you one piece of advice, it would be to set as much money aside as possible for your retirement. I'm sure any financial advisor would say the same. When I was younger, my father was making $400,000+ a year and they spent it on travelling, bigger houses, etc etc. My mother regrets that now as my dad runs his own business and doesn't make that kind of money anymore, he'll probably be working until he's 70 before he can retire. With Grant's typical income and five kids, you'll never be able to save that much money.

[aranel.livejournal.com]

I'd add to this that you have mentioned savings accounts for the kids a couple of times. I seem to remember your saying that aid for college is not generally need-based in Florida, but it's worth knowing that if any of your kids end up going to college out of state or to private universities, having money in their own names will likely hurt their chances of getting financial aid far more than keeping the money in your and Grant's names will. Financial advisors often don't know this because they are familiar with the investment side but not colleges' financial aid policies.

As for the writing, I can't help but feel there could be a middle-of-the-road solution that doesn't require Grant to give up working or you guys to take on debt. Presumably homeschooling is a non-negotiable for you, and understandably so. If I were you I'd look into finding a trustworthy nanny/babysitter, possibly a college student since they often have flexible schedules and their own cars, who could take your kids out and about for a couple of hours a couple of times a week. If you added that to Grant taking over for an hour or two in the evening some days, and just generally your kids growing up and getting more independent, you might be surprised how much you can accomplish without doing anything drastic.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

Well, yes, we can get a cheaper house and have plenty enough money leftover to pay for a year off work without taking on any extra debt. That's why I was saying it seemed like either the house or the writing. It's actually trickier than that, though, after talking about it today...I don't think the house is going to pan out. Not because of the writing, but just because.

It's hard for me to try to explain to other people that we seem to have a really unusually high priority on time together as a couple and as a family - what you're suggesting with the babysitter makes sense, but then when you really break it down that means some of Grant's VERY scant time home is spent off out of the house with the kids, and some of my time alone with the kids is now me time while they are with a sitter...I would really rather move in the direction of all of us being together more, rather than less, at least while Elise is an infant and Jake is a toddler, and he's working 12 hour shifts, you know?

What you're saying about the savings makes a lot of sense! I'll think about that, along with a lot of things I learned about investing wisely today.

[aranel.livejournal.com]

I guess if I were him/you I would be concerned that taking a full year off work would impact his work history/track record/resume in a way that could have longer term consequences, beyond just that year.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

I suppose we have a weird perspective on that anyway, since he's been in business for himself for the past 5 years and hasn't worked "for" anybody since before then...he would probably continue to list himself on OnForce, which sends one-time jobs to IT guys on an as-need basis, based on who is in the area and responds first, just to keep up with technology, and have SOME income, and still be able to say "I was doing this".

I mean, what do women do after they've been raising kids for 10+ years? People go back to work, don't they? I'm not being snippy, I'm just thinking out loud.

[monkeyscience.livejournal.com]

The issue of college savings is a difficult one, but I would say you're better off saving. Yes, it hurts your chance of getting financial aid, in fact, probably demolishes it. However, your chances may already be demolished by having this money in the first place.

Take what I say with a grain of salt, but private universities are giant, soulless, money-sucking leeches of doom. At least mine was. (Northwestern University - I don't recommend it to anyone unless than can afford to pay for it outright or make less than $30,000/year with no assets. I JUST graduated, and owe them amounts of money I'm not willing to post here. I will stop ranting now.) Some very top-tier schools, like Harvard and Stanford, are making great strides in helping students pay, but the current reality is that private schools are out of reach for anyone who is not either very, very poor or ultra-rich. Aid may be "need-based," but believe me - their idea of need is nothing like yours or mine. Also, their idea of aid made be largely loans, not grants.

Your kids are still very young, so maybe this will change by the time they're older, but then again, maybe it won't. It probably won't. Your kids may not chose to go to college, or they may get merit scholarships or they may go to an in-state school. I'm definitely not trying to push the idea of college savings accounts - I don't know what's right for your family. I would say, though, that it makes sense to either do it all the way (enough to pay for an entire private college degree) or not do it at all (which both gives you more money now and ups the chance of getting aid), instead of just saving a little for it. Just two more cents that I'm sure you don't need. ;)

If, for whatever reason, you're not overwhelmed enough with information and choices, and wonder more about college financial aid - my parents are about to put their fifth kid into college, and I could pick their brains. We've combined been to 2 private universities, 3 (soon to be 4) state schools, including 3 as out-of-state students, and 1 junior college.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the financial advisor we had here today was adamant that we immediately put AT LEAST $100,000 in a variable annuity...which is honestly a little hard for me to swallow as a 26 year old, though I would like to invest a smaller but still significant chunk that we could add to over the years. We just have an awful lot of things to think about RIGHT NOW (one vehicle with problems that we owe a lot on for both of us to share, no place of our own, existing debt from student loans and water softener and corporate credit card, extracurricular activities for the kids' formative years as homeschooled kids) to feel like we can justify chucking such a massive amount into a vault for 34 years from now, while still having a lower quality of life in the present...

Just for the record, when I say traveling I mean, like, a trip to Disney World and maybe going back to Boston to see some people or something like that. We aren't going to be getting all the kids passports and updating from the Riviera anytime soon - we'd probably be staying at friends' houses rather than hotels, even.

[aranel.livejournal.com]

I definitely know what you mean about the retirement thing. I'm pretty interested in financial planning and especially in the way what works on paper doesn't always work out in terms of peoples' actual lives. Like, on paper you should pay off your highest interest debt first, but for a lot of people it makes more sense psychologically to pay off their smallest debt, so they FEEL like they're getting somewhere. Remember, getting out of debt or having a paid off vehicle now means more of your income can go to retirement savings later. At the same time, paying cash for a house almost never makes sense because of the tax benefits of a mortgage. I guess it possibly could for you guys though, since your credit is not the best, you have the assets in hand, and five tax deductions running around the house already.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

Yeah, we definitely do not have the tax bracket most people associate with needing the tax benefits of a mortgage :p

[tikizeekbaby.livejournal.com]

The house sounds amazing, but I'd actually want it taken a look at with a fine tooth comb by inspectors if you do it; if you end up having to put in new pipes or wiring or whatever; that can totally drop you in a hole so fast. Basic upkeep on a place that's "your own" as well as property taxes can really hit as well, so when you talk to the financial advisor, those might be some numbers to have him/her run. right now it's like you are renters, because if there's a problem with the house Grant Sr. is there to help financially, but when it's your own, all of a sudden there's no buffer between you and the plumber/electrician/contractor/repairman. Also, since you're going to check it out, perhaps call the city and find out (as mentioned above) if there are any restrictions on the things you'd want to do (chicken/garden/hosting events for profit), just so you know if the limits they do have would be prohibitive to what you would want to do.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

The taxes and insurance on this place are actually pretty reasonable. Of course, maintenance can suddenly go through the roof.

After thinking about this stuff for a few days and seeing some new places, and talking to a financial advisor...I think we're going to have to nix this house :/ I'll write about it more later.

[(Anonymous)]

Id get an Au Pair instead of having Grant do the sitting.

Au Pairs are relatively cheap (usually just a few hundred a week)

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

1.) There's no way I'd leave my kids in the care of a paid stranger if I had the option of them being with their awesome dad, who actually loves them and knows and understands each of them well, and really enjoys their company - and thinks of great things to do everyday anyway. And who I trust implicitly.

2.) There'd be almost no point in Grant continuing to work, anyway, if we were spending "a few hundred a week" on an au pair.

The whole point of him taking a year off for me to write is that we'd maintain the lifestyle of the two of us raising our kids full time, educating them, etc.

[(Anonymous)]

(this is Paige)

I was planning on getting one not necessarily to outsource my parenting because I would still be a stay-at-home mother, but to have a couple of extra hands around the house so I had the option of spending a few hours here and there doing more intense homeschooling or something else.

In a couple of weeks I will have 5 kids under 7 and a husband who spends half the year out of country. Having nanny help seems like a necessity for me.

I wasn't trying to insult you...I just thought that Grant might rather work LESS than work NONE so he felt like he was still doing the whole "provider" thing...which I know is important to some men.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

I had this weird feeling it might be you!

I totally, TOTALLY understand your need for a nanny, and do not fault you one bit! If I didn't have Grant around here I would NEED that, too. I completely understand your reasoning there and think it will help you, and the kids, and everyone involved immensely.

I didn't feel insulted, at all. I'm sorry if I sounded offended, I was just trying to explain where I'm coming from. Grant likes providing for us, but he also gets what I think is an uncommon-for-a-man-and-wonderful-for-us amount of satisfaction and pride from doing hands on stuff with the kids, cleaning a room spotless in a way I never would, seeing that Elise is in love with him and prefers him to me sometimes, cooking something I'm wolfing down with compliments, etc. I think he will still feel very useful and validated, though he does have more of a need to get away and be alone here and there, than I do. I see him getting really involved with this passion for woodworking he has now, and being able to persue photography more regularly than he can now. *shrug*

[neurotic-orchid.livejournal.com]

It's selfish to pick me writing over a place like that for our family

I just wanted to say that I don't think that would be a selfish decision at ALL. You deserve to follow all of your dreams that you possibly can in life, and I believe your children would benefit greatly from watching you do just that.

The house seems amazing, too. Good luck with all your decision making. :)

[sualkin.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Again. :)