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altarflameI have a horrible deep inner ear infection. It is in the same ear that was infected for months when I was pregnant with Isaac - I went from probiotics and patience to 3 successive courses of progressively stronger antibiotics, and it just kept getting worse. At one point I was so desperate and the surreal, stuffy headed, dizzy feeling and pain from jaw to forehead was so bad, I tried all kinds of ridiculous crap - I bought "Ear candles" from the health food store and tried some random no-brand drops of Grant Sr's for swimmers ear. Eventually, my ear drum ruptured from the pressure. And although I have had permanent, noticeable hearing loss in that ear, the sudden release of all that pressure and end of all that pain, after so long, and being able to lay down on a pillow or hold a phone over there or whatever...it was awesome. I am one of those gross people who want to pop any pimple in sight, too, so that made it extra satisfying in my warped brain ;)
Anyway, it's only been two days so far, this time...but it's getting worse and worse. I don't have the golf ball sized lump on the side of my face (yet?) but I cried earlier when Jake leaned his head on my face in a way he does all the time. I am already fantasizing about forcing pressure on my ear drum from the outside and making it pop just to get all the crap out and stop feeling this way. I won't do it - I'm too afraid of being totally deaf on that side, for one thing (and I would probably be screaming from it hurting so badly) - but the point is just...this sucks. A lot.
And the worst part is, I SHOULD KNOW BETTER BY NOW. Last week I had a bowl of cereal 4 days in a row. I know what milk does to me. It happens every time, so why do I drop my guard if it's been awhile? Damn that Honey Nut Clusters with Chocolate Clusters, DAMN IT TO HELL. Yes, I realize that sounds ridiculous. But honestly, I realized it was behind my non-stop allergy and sinus problems right before my ear started to swell shut inside. So far I've tried breastmilk in the ear (which works for the kids and is pediatrician approved) and drinking heinously sour lemon water (which does the opposite of what milk does and thins all my muccous membrane gunk and usually helps clear my ears, nose and throat).
The last time I had a significant amount of soft dairy was on the way home from Boston last year. I had ice cream at Dama's house, twice, in the same week that I had like 4 frappuccinos "because it's a road trip!!" (usually I get one like once a month). I got home with tonsilitis, kicking myself.
Although chewing hurts on that side, it is a good food day. Laura was over here, she made this incredible warm-or-cold pasta salad...it was that "Healthy Harvest" macaroni that is ultra nutritious, and had a ton of red peppers, artichoke, grape tomatoes, mushrooms, peas, asparagus, olive oil, and...bacon. My sister cannot resist bacon when it comes to vegetables. Ah well. Freaking delicious. She also made my banana bread while she was here, one loaf for her to take home and one loaf to leave here for us. I made 32 bean soup from a dry mix they sell at Wild Oats, in the bulk bins, and bruchetta, for dinner, and brownies for dessert, and it was all super yummy. When I can make a bean soup that Aaron scarfs down a whole bowl of in 2 minutes, I feel good.
It hasn't been easy for me to update lately, because there is a lot of HUGE stuff going on in our lives and I'm not sure how much of it I want to share publically. The gist is, we've accepted a settlement offer from the hospital that left the sponge in me. We are not exactly being lowered into our piles of gold coins via private helicopter, like Scrooge McDuck, but we definitely have a lot of options opening up to us that might not have ever been options, before. So, of course, we're looking at the best ways to spend/save it every waking hour and in our dreams. Some options we've been pouring over tirelessly include:
-An overpriced house down here where we really want to be, vs a bigger and better house for the same price in Jacksonville where we also like it but lose Laura and our larger social network...vs putting money for a house in a CD and waiting for the housing market to drop lower like it's expected to by early next year.
-Getting a big passenger van like we've wanted to forever, so that we can carry along Laura and Brian, or Annie and Aaron's friends, or Shaun, or whoever, and have more cargo room on trips, vs getting a zippy little car for Grant to just use for the commute, leaving me the minivan, vs getting a hybrid minivan because we'd feel better about that, even though they are in their infancy and there's no variety and bad pricing so far
-how much we want to set ourselves up for the long-long term (savings accounts for the kids, retirement funds, paying off all debt, being mortgage and car payment free), vs how much we want to use this once in a lifetime opportunity for once in a lifetime experiences, like traveling to places we've never been and allowing the kids to have a large fund for extracurriculars during their formative years
-whether it's worthwhile and something we can deal with for Grant to take a year off work to let me Write For Real; it was his idea, and I've been in a near-anxiety state of clenched, goosebumpy anticipation since he mentioned it. What an opportunity, and what an amazing affirmation that he believes in me.
-whether or not he still feels a call to ministry and would like to explore ways to persue going to college, which I'm totally ready to support
-how to spend our small amounts of personally allotted "Money for Whatever We Want"
We're also TREMENDOUSLY excited about tything 10% in various charitable ways we believe in and giving certain predetermined amounts to a few people we really feel we owe a lot to.
Basically we're over the moon grateful to have such an opporunity, but TOTALLY overwhelmed with the pressure to not blow it, or have regrets. Prioritizing seems very complex for us right now. We have a meeting with a financial advisor on Monday that I hope is productive and helps us glean some clarity, along with seeing some properties in person and just generally talking this out. Even though that mainly means emailing things out, or using the phone on his way home...because Grant is ALWAYS at work. He's been doing the 76-hour-with-commute weeks for about 2 months now. Although he has given notice at the part time job, so will "only" be a full time employee for one company soon.
Elise continues to blow my mind. She gives puckered-lip kisses now, and spins in circles in the middle of the floor when someone prompts her to. Her signing is getting better. She is super, crazy playful and all of the kids have fun with her. I cannot BELIEVE that it's just over a month until she is a whole year old. The time was draaaaaaging by, those early weeks after Dr Becker told me, "We'll know more at 6 months; we'll know a lot more at a year". But somewhere in the middle of my month of pain, and time in-patient, and recovery, it started to fly by, and now I feel that gripping-nothing sense of another infancy having slipped right by me.
Isaac is relapsing into tyrant mode hardcore. He tires us all out with (really really) incessant talking, tons of whining, and major high needs on a regular basis, but now there is a return to the wailing fit throwing of yore, and I'm disturbed by how much he still loves bothering other people, at 4. He just LOVES to upset the other kids, and acts so gleeful and giddy about it whenever anyone is mad or crying because of him. It's hard to deal with. I struggle some days with feeling I love him unconditionally, but am not sure I like him, and that blows my mind on a lot of levels - he's my son! He's only 4! But...I don't know. Ananda is not especially empathetic, and never really has been, but she isn't cruel. He is also starting to lie all the time, and even though I know that is developmentally normal, A and A never really did it and Jake is still at that "Blithely confess every misdeed" age that preceeds being ABLE to lie. So I hate it that Isaac lies - to be funny, to trick, to get things he shouldn't, to stay out of trouble - and struggle to think of it as being "no big deal". He is actually cuter than ever, though, which is almost frightening in and of itself.
Aaron has mastered reading and writing sufficiently enough to be able to make impressive cards for people without help and ask me what signs mean by whatever they say, and has such moved on to concetrating on learning the guitar. He has a 3/4 sized model that he strums - I'm not kidding - for an hour solid twice a day. I have a lot of patience for kid racket, but sometimes it gets to where I make him move a couple of rooms over or take it in the yard. He has an ear for it, though, I think. It's not the racket it would be if I was trying to play a guitar, that's for sure. I've only seen him put this kind of concetration into things he's eventually succeeded at, like learning to ride his bike or a skateboard (or reading). And of course Isaac is all the time trying to slap his strings or de-tune his pegs or put something in the hole or whatever, and laughing like a jackel when Aaron gets upset. He's chasing away the lizard Aaron is tiptoeing towards and then laughing his head off when Aaron gets upset. And he is such a whiny little kid, that can't take one tiny bit of what he dishes out, is I think the worst of it.
A and A have had a couple of shocking (to me) milestones. First, Ananda brought a chair out to the kitchen one day to make toast, and I glanced over at how she had to bend over to reach the counter from that height and said, Annie, you don't need a chair anymore, babe. Aaron had a similar story, too :p And then we were at the mall play area, and they got told they're too big to play :/ I can't complain, I hate it when big kids run through unchecked and knock down the little ones, but I am a little sad for them because they are SO careful of tiny kids because they live with younger siblings (and a cousin) every day. I think that's why they went this long without being told to sit out. It was just unreal to have them sitting on the outer seating watching as Isaac, Jake and Elise climbed and ran. Wasn't that just them?
Jakey is just him. Talking more and more, sweet and affectionate with me, giving Laura hope that there's hope for Brian since Jake went through a caveman phase, too. I'm really proud of him. He almost never hits Brian back no matter how bad it gets, he always tells him that's mean, or to stop, or goes where Brian can't get to him, or comes and tells us - even though he could easily knock Brian down, as he's not as steady on his feet, and smaller. He (Jake) understands that Elise isn't trying to be mean when she pulls his hair and pokes his eyes while they both nurse - he squints, and pushes her hands away, and strokes her face. He tears up brocoli and asks for more. Strangers and relatives are always impressed that he's so polite (he always says Excuse me to get through, thank you when you hand him something, you're welcome when thanked). Don't get me wrong, he's wild and tough in an Aaron way and jumps all over my bed and stands in the windowsill anytime I'm not looking, and wants to be naked all the time and gets filthy fast, but...he's my heart, too <3
I had a CRAZY "Dyslexia in Action" moment with Annie the other day - she was matching up "fact families" of subtraction problems by solving them, and then drawing lines between ones that were in the same fact families. She had all of the matched up except for the last two, which matched each other. She just hadn't drawn the line. And she couldn't see where the match was. In one column, the only one unmatched was 12-7=5. In the other column, the only one unmatched was 12-5=7. I tried hinting around at her to look at what was left and all kinds of stuff, until finally I asked, "What are the two remaining problems?" She said 12-7=5, and 12-2=7. "Two?" "Yes, right there!" (pointing at the five). I realized what was going on and said, Annie, that's a five. She started to argue and then leaned close to the book, squinted, and said, "THAT'S why it looks funny! It's a backwards 5, not a real 2!!!" It was a printed, front facing 5, but she was seeing it backwards.
My cheat sheet of correct numerals has helped her a lot though - she studies it before she starts working and thus, before she has a chance to get confused and disorient, and then starts the actual math. She is writing numbers correctly about 95% of the time now, when before it was more like 30% :D
Anyway, it's only been two days so far, this time...but it's getting worse and worse. I don't have the golf ball sized lump on the side of my face (yet?) but I cried earlier when Jake leaned his head on my face in a way he does all the time. I am already fantasizing about forcing pressure on my ear drum from the outside and making it pop just to get all the crap out and stop feeling this way. I won't do it - I'm too afraid of being totally deaf on that side, for one thing (and I would probably be screaming from it hurting so badly) - but the point is just...this sucks. A lot.
And the worst part is, I SHOULD KNOW BETTER BY NOW. Last week I had a bowl of cereal 4 days in a row. I know what milk does to me. It happens every time, so why do I drop my guard if it's been awhile? Damn that Honey Nut Clusters with Chocolate Clusters, DAMN IT TO HELL. Yes, I realize that sounds ridiculous. But honestly, I realized it was behind my non-stop allergy and sinus problems right before my ear started to swell shut inside. So far I've tried breastmilk in the ear (which works for the kids and is pediatrician approved) and drinking heinously sour lemon water (which does the opposite of what milk does and thins all my muccous membrane gunk and usually helps clear my ears, nose and throat).
The last time I had a significant amount of soft dairy was on the way home from Boston last year. I had ice cream at Dama's house, twice, in the same week that I had like 4 frappuccinos "because it's a road trip!!" (usually I get one like once a month). I got home with tonsilitis, kicking myself.
Although chewing hurts on that side, it is a good food day. Laura was over here, she made this incredible warm-or-cold pasta salad...it was that "Healthy Harvest" macaroni that is ultra nutritious, and had a ton of red peppers, artichoke, grape tomatoes, mushrooms, peas, asparagus, olive oil, and...bacon. My sister cannot resist bacon when it comes to vegetables. Ah well. Freaking delicious. She also made my banana bread while she was here, one loaf for her to take home and one loaf to leave here for us. I made 32 bean soup from a dry mix they sell at Wild Oats, in the bulk bins, and bruchetta, for dinner, and brownies for dessert, and it was all super yummy. When I can make a bean soup that Aaron scarfs down a whole bowl of in 2 minutes, I feel good.
It hasn't been easy for me to update lately, because there is a lot of HUGE stuff going on in our lives and I'm not sure how much of it I want to share publically. The gist is, we've accepted a settlement offer from the hospital that left the sponge in me. We are not exactly being lowered into our piles of gold coins via private helicopter, like Scrooge McDuck, but we definitely have a lot of options opening up to us that might not have ever been options, before. So, of course, we're looking at the best ways to spend/save it every waking hour and in our dreams. Some options we've been pouring over tirelessly include:
-An overpriced house down here where we really want to be, vs a bigger and better house for the same price in Jacksonville where we also like it but lose Laura and our larger social network...vs putting money for a house in a CD and waiting for the housing market to drop lower like it's expected to by early next year.
-Getting a big passenger van like we've wanted to forever, so that we can carry along Laura and Brian, or Annie and Aaron's friends, or Shaun, or whoever, and have more cargo room on trips, vs getting a zippy little car for Grant to just use for the commute, leaving me the minivan, vs getting a hybrid minivan because we'd feel better about that, even though they are in their infancy and there's no variety and bad pricing so far
-how much we want to set ourselves up for the long-long term (savings accounts for the kids, retirement funds, paying off all debt, being mortgage and car payment free), vs how much we want to use this once in a lifetime opportunity for once in a lifetime experiences, like traveling to places we've never been and allowing the kids to have a large fund for extracurriculars during their formative years
-whether it's worthwhile and something we can deal with for Grant to take a year off work to let me Write For Real; it was his idea, and I've been in a near-anxiety state of clenched, goosebumpy anticipation since he mentioned it. What an opportunity, and what an amazing affirmation that he believes in me.
-whether or not he still feels a call to ministry and would like to explore ways to persue going to college, which I'm totally ready to support
-how to spend our small amounts of personally allotted "Money for Whatever We Want"
We're also TREMENDOUSLY excited about tything 10% in various charitable ways we believe in and giving certain predetermined amounts to a few people we really feel we owe a lot to.
Basically we're over the moon grateful to have such an opporunity, but TOTALLY overwhelmed with the pressure to not blow it, or have regrets. Prioritizing seems very complex for us right now. We have a meeting with a financial advisor on Monday that I hope is productive and helps us glean some clarity, along with seeing some properties in person and just generally talking this out. Even though that mainly means emailing things out, or using the phone on his way home...because Grant is ALWAYS at work. He's been doing the 76-hour-with-commute weeks for about 2 months now. Although he has given notice at the part time job, so will "only" be a full time employee for one company soon.
Elise continues to blow my mind. She gives puckered-lip kisses now, and spins in circles in the middle of the floor when someone prompts her to. Her signing is getting better. She is super, crazy playful and all of the kids have fun with her. I cannot BELIEVE that it's just over a month until she is a whole year old. The time was draaaaaaging by, those early weeks after Dr Becker told me, "We'll know more at 6 months; we'll know a lot more at a year". But somewhere in the middle of my month of pain, and time in-patient, and recovery, it started to fly by, and now I feel that gripping-nothing sense of another infancy having slipped right by me.
Isaac is relapsing into tyrant mode hardcore. He tires us all out with (really really) incessant talking, tons of whining, and major high needs on a regular basis, but now there is a return to the wailing fit throwing of yore, and I'm disturbed by how much he still loves bothering other people, at 4. He just LOVES to upset the other kids, and acts so gleeful and giddy about it whenever anyone is mad or crying because of him. It's hard to deal with. I struggle some days with feeling I love him unconditionally, but am not sure I like him, and that blows my mind on a lot of levels - he's my son! He's only 4! But...I don't know. Ananda is not especially empathetic, and never really has been, but she isn't cruel. He is also starting to lie all the time, and even though I know that is developmentally normal, A and A never really did it and Jake is still at that "Blithely confess every misdeed" age that preceeds being ABLE to lie. So I hate it that Isaac lies - to be funny, to trick, to get things he shouldn't, to stay out of trouble - and struggle to think of it as being "no big deal". He is actually cuter than ever, though, which is almost frightening in and of itself.
Aaron has mastered reading and writing sufficiently enough to be able to make impressive cards for people without help and ask me what signs mean by whatever they say, and has such moved on to concetrating on learning the guitar. He has a 3/4 sized model that he strums - I'm not kidding - for an hour solid twice a day. I have a lot of patience for kid racket, but sometimes it gets to where I make him move a couple of rooms over or take it in the yard. He has an ear for it, though, I think. It's not the racket it would be if I was trying to play a guitar, that's for sure. I've only seen him put this kind of concetration into things he's eventually succeeded at, like learning to ride his bike or a skateboard (or reading). And of course Isaac is all the time trying to slap his strings or de-tune his pegs or put something in the hole or whatever, and laughing like a jackel when Aaron gets upset. He's chasing away the lizard Aaron is tiptoeing towards and then laughing his head off when Aaron gets upset. And he is such a whiny little kid, that can't take one tiny bit of what he dishes out, is I think the worst of it.
A and A have had a couple of shocking (to me) milestones. First, Ananda brought a chair out to the kitchen one day to make toast, and I glanced over at how she had to bend over to reach the counter from that height and said, Annie, you don't need a chair anymore, babe. Aaron had a similar story, too :p And then we were at the mall play area, and they got told they're too big to play :/ I can't complain, I hate it when big kids run through unchecked and knock down the little ones, but I am a little sad for them because they are SO careful of tiny kids because they live with younger siblings (and a cousin) every day. I think that's why they went this long without being told to sit out. It was just unreal to have them sitting on the outer seating watching as Isaac, Jake and Elise climbed and ran. Wasn't that just them?
Jakey is just him. Talking more and more, sweet and affectionate with me, giving Laura hope that there's hope for Brian since Jake went through a caveman phase, too. I'm really proud of him. He almost never hits Brian back no matter how bad it gets, he always tells him that's mean, or to stop, or goes where Brian can't get to him, or comes and tells us - even though he could easily knock Brian down, as he's not as steady on his feet, and smaller. He (Jake) understands that Elise isn't trying to be mean when she pulls his hair and pokes his eyes while they both nurse - he squints, and pushes her hands away, and strokes her face. He tears up brocoli and asks for more. Strangers and relatives are always impressed that he's so polite (he always says Excuse me to get through, thank you when you hand him something, you're welcome when thanked). Don't get me wrong, he's wild and tough in an Aaron way and jumps all over my bed and stands in the windowsill anytime I'm not looking, and wants to be naked all the time and gets filthy fast, but...he's my heart, too <3
I had a CRAZY "Dyslexia in Action" moment with Annie the other day - she was matching up "fact families" of subtraction problems by solving them, and then drawing lines between ones that were in the same fact families. She had all of the matched up except for the last two, which matched each other. She just hadn't drawn the line. And she couldn't see where the match was. In one column, the only one unmatched was 12-7=5. In the other column, the only one unmatched was 12-5=7. I tried hinting around at her to look at what was left and all kinds of stuff, until finally I asked, "What are the two remaining problems?" She said 12-7=5, and 12-2=7. "Two?" "Yes, right there!" (pointing at the five). I realized what was going on and said, Annie, that's a five. She started to argue and then leaned close to the book, squinted, and said, "THAT'S why it looks funny! It's a backwards 5, not a real 2!!!" It was a printed, front facing 5, but she was seeing it backwards.
My cheat sheet of correct numerals has helped her a lot though - she studies it before she starts working and thus, before she has a chance to get confused and disorient, and then starts the actual math. She is writing numbers correctly about 95% of the time now, when before it was more like 30% :D
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