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Mar. 1st, 2007 01:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
altarflameFirst of all, I am madly in love with Jake. I don't know how to convey how incredibly affectionate he is...long squeezing hugs galore. I pick him up and he wraps his arms and legs around me and lays his head on my shoulder and squeezes, and if I'm standing or walking he'll stay that way indefinitely. I drink it in. There's also no real way to describe how EXPRESSIVE he is...his huge grins of surprised joy, his squeaky squeals of playfulness, his coy smiles of about-to-give-chase, and all those furrowed brow scowls. He says ma, da, uh-oh, hi, bye, pee, Annie, yeah, apple, cracker, Opa and there, and signs milk and water regularly, but he also shakes his head or nods, points and understands pointing, waves, groans at things he doesn't like, and if I say his name while he's nursing, he looks up at me and makes this very distinct "Hmm?" sound that just slays me. He crawls into bed between Grant and I, lays there and drifts off to sleep. I'm not kidding. We don't have to do anything, he doesn't have to nurse, he just lays down with us and goes to sleep. If I'm out here and Grant is in there already sleeping, he'll get sleepy and just go in there and lay down and drift off. He folds his hands together to pray when we sit down to eat, and yells at us, looking down at his hands, until we get the picture to do it. Then he invariably tears up whatever I've set in front of him with great gusto and no complaints. Tonight we had tacos and he's happy to chow down on ripped up spinach leaves, ground turkey with seasonings, raw tomato chunks, avocado chunks and shredded cheddar cheese. He's getting good with a spoon.
We tell him sometimes that he really needn't be so insanely cute, because we really wouldn't kill HIM even if he wasn't ;) The survival tactic of toddler cuteness is just unnecessary....though it does help when he's in the garbage, on the table or unfolding a pile of laundry for the 5th time O_o
Secondly, I'm 34 1/2 weeks pregnant. This baby is big and moving constantly - she's been acting like she's on some sort of upside down treadmill in there all day. My belly is huge and taut and I've been spending a lot of time running my hands over it in awe, today. It feels so very palpably full of baby all of a sudden, as if she had a growth spurt overnight. Though I still feel like it's Feb 28, my LJ date thingy says March 1, which makes me think...damn. I'm DUE NEXT MONTH. I'm due next month! The beginning of the month, even (well the 8th). And believe it or not, we think we have a place lined up in Boston. A 2 bedroom apartment, furnished, utilities included, laundry in the basement of the building - the landlord is FINE with us being there for one month and giving birth in the place while we're at it! How can this be? She sent us pictures tonight, it seems very clean and has hardwood floors throughout. It's practically across the street from a big nature reservation, as well, from what we can see on google maps, so how sweet is that?! The illustrious![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
julierocket is going to check it out and meet the landlord for us on Monday, because she rocks that way. We've spent the past few days in a total flurry of trying to (gulp..wethinkwecan wethinkwecan wethinkwecan) budget for this; trying to make a (HUMONGOUS, VERY INTIMIDATING) list of things to pack; coming up with a travel plan with mapquest, friends and relatives' houses and hotels involved; and realizing we have so much to do before we can leave. Like clean this place spotless, get an oil change, line up a temporary PATH leader, inform a dozen customers of Grant's that we'll be out of town, get a hitch installed on the van so we can rent a U-Haul tow-behind...and so on. It's starting to (dareIsay) seem really really real. Not like some pipe dream. And I'm excited. About the adventure of going to another state and having Grant with us and a little utopia for a month, about GIVING BIRTH in a safe environment with a trusted attendant who believes in me, about meeting Elise (!), about all of it. I admit I'm also starting to think how it will be mighty fine to NOT BE PREGNANT ANYMORE. Alright...I've been thinking it hourly at times. It's just getting very hard to sleep comfortably, or bend over 5 million times to pick up kid clutter throughout the day. Today it seems ok, though, largely due to my fascination with how time is flying and a really cool dress I still feel guilty for splurging on at Target (I was living in one pair of gouchos and 3 shirts that barely covered my belly...it was $20 and is just one thing, but $20 is kind of a big deal right now as we struggle to scrape together about SIX GRAND for next month :x ...)
When Jake was in NICU, we spent A LOT of time on the highway, as he was an hour + away. Much of it was in stop and go traffic near the huge, sprawling Miami International Airport runways, and often with a gaping hole inside of me and a weight on my chest, as I left him further and further behind. Every day was this rollercoaster of "Will he get out on this day? Or that day? Or the day after?" and the date kept getting pushed back and back. I was leaking everywhere, flowing breastmilk and lochia and sweating out IV fluids by the bucket, feeling so trampled and bitter about my "failed vbac attempt" and cursing my stupid hormonal reactions to every damn thing. Wiping tears away with angry hands and making sarcastic remarks. Anyway...my favorite song, Radiohead's "Let Down" was in our van's cd rotation at the time and it changed forever for me. I haven't heard it much since then. But it came on in the van yesterday while I was driving around with the kids;
Transport, what a way to travel,
Starting and then stopping
Taking off and landing,
The emptiest of feelings -
Dissapointed people
Clinging on to hope, and
When it comes it's oh so dissapointing
Let down and hanging around
Crushed like a bug in the ground
Shell smashed, juices flowing
Wings clipped
Don't get sentimental
It always ends up drivel...
A chemical reaction
Hysterical and useless,
Hysterical and let down and hanging around...
I was tearing up already but then the music swells, and I was thinking about how I want this time to be, and he (Thom York) is there singing in a full on, warbling tone...
But one day
I am growing to grow wings
I don't know. I was sobbing. I turned the rearview mirror so the kids wouldn't see me and it gave me goosebumps. I'm ready for some wings. I'm ready to GO. Highways and runways for something totally different.
If anyone wants that song, I can email you the file.
Tomorrow is going to be another busy day...I have to make an agenda for the "planning meeting" PATH is having this coming Tuesday, send out an email about it, A and A are due for recorder lessons and Spanish practice, and I also promised them I'd call Yoli and Melanie (to get them playdates with Kayla and Eli, respectively). I'm also on a "Throwing things away" binge trying to get this cluttered up house in order, and am supposed to see the chiropractor. As well as being scarily behind in my online classwork :x
I will leave you all with this gem from my freakish 6 year old daughter:
Annie: You know I learned today during Animal Planet that people usually swallow up to a quart of snot a day, and sometimes a lot of it ends up in your lungs because it gets in your trachea instead of your esophagus and can make you sick. But someone did a study to prove that you can be healthier if you pick your boogers and eat them, since your intestines have this bacteria that defends itself against the bad germs in the boogers and helps your immune system build up an immunity to whatever bad germs are trying to get into your body. Plus then you aren't swallowing the snot into your lungs. *looks smug*
There goes my 4 years of fighting with her to NOT EAT HER BOOGERS because it's nasty and her body's trying to get rid of that stuff, so she shouldn't put it back in O_o
We tell him sometimes that he really needn't be so insanely cute, because we really wouldn't kill HIM even if he wasn't ;) The survival tactic of toddler cuteness is just unnecessary....though it does help when he's in the garbage, on the table or unfolding a pile of laundry for the 5th time O_o
Secondly, I'm 34 1/2 weeks pregnant. This baby is big and moving constantly - she's been acting like she's on some sort of upside down treadmill in there all day. My belly is huge and taut and I've been spending a lot of time running my hands over it in awe, today. It feels so very palpably full of baby all of a sudden, as if she had a growth spurt overnight. Though I still feel like it's Feb 28, my LJ date thingy says March 1, which makes me think...damn. I'm DUE NEXT MONTH. I'm due next month! The beginning of the month, even (well the 8th). And believe it or not, we think we have a place lined up in Boston. A 2 bedroom apartment, furnished, utilities included, laundry in the basement of the building - the landlord is FINE with us being there for one month and giving birth in the place while we're at it! How can this be? She sent us pictures tonight, it seems very clean and has hardwood floors throughout. It's practically across the street from a big nature reservation, as well, from what we can see on google maps, so how sweet is that?! The illustrious
julierocket is going to check it out and meet the landlord for us on Monday, because she rocks that way. We've spent the past few days in a total flurry of trying to (gulp..wethinkwecan wethinkwecan wethinkwecan) budget for this; trying to make a (HUMONGOUS, VERY INTIMIDATING) list of things to pack; coming up with a travel plan with mapquest, friends and relatives' houses and hotels involved; and realizing we have so much to do before we can leave. Like clean this place spotless, get an oil change, line up a temporary PATH leader, inform a dozen customers of Grant's that we'll be out of town, get a hitch installed on the van so we can rent a U-Haul tow-behind...and so on. It's starting to (dareIsay) seem really really real. Not like some pipe dream. And I'm excited. About the adventure of going to another state and having Grant with us and a little utopia for a month, about GIVING BIRTH in a safe environment with a trusted attendant who believes in me, about meeting Elise (!), about all of it. I admit I'm also starting to think how it will be mighty fine to NOT BE PREGNANT ANYMORE. Alright...I've been thinking it hourly at times. It's just getting very hard to sleep comfortably, or bend over 5 million times to pick up kid clutter throughout the day. Today it seems ok, though, largely due to my fascination with how time is flying and a really cool dress I still feel guilty for splurging on at Target (I was living in one pair of gouchos and 3 shirts that barely covered my belly...it was $20 and is just one thing, but $20 is kind of a big deal right now as we struggle to scrape together about SIX GRAND for next month :x ...)When Jake was in NICU, we spent A LOT of time on the highway, as he was an hour + away. Much of it was in stop and go traffic near the huge, sprawling Miami International Airport runways, and often with a gaping hole inside of me and a weight on my chest, as I left him further and further behind. Every day was this rollercoaster of "Will he get out on this day? Or that day? Or the day after?" and the date kept getting pushed back and back. I was leaking everywhere, flowing breastmilk and lochia and sweating out IV fluids by the bucket, feeling so trampled and bitter about my "failed vbac attempt" and cursing my stupid hormonal reactions to every damn thing. Wiping tears away with angry hands and making sarcastic remarks. Anyway...my favorite song, Radiohead's "Let Down" was in our van's cd rotation at the time and it changed forever for me. I haven't heard it much since then. But it came on in the van yesterday while I was driving around with the kids;
Transport, what a way to travel,
Starting and then stopping
Taking off and landing,
The emptiest of feelings -
Dissapointed people
Clinging on to hope, and
When it comes it's oh so dissapointing
Let down and hanging around
Crushed like a bug in the ground
Shell smashed, juices flowing
Wings clipped
Don't get sentimental
It always ends up drivel...
A chemical reaction
Hysterical and useless,
Hysterical and let down and hanging around...
I was tearing up already but then the music swells, and I was thinking about how I want this time to be, and he (Thom York) is there singing in a full on, warbling tone...
But one day
I am growing to grow wings
I don't know. I was sobbing. I turned the rearview mirror so the kids wouldn't see me and it gave me goosebumps. I'm ready for some wings. I'm ready to GO. Highways and runways for something totally different.
If anyone wants that song, I can email you the file.
Tomorrow is going to be another busy day...I have to make an agenda for the "planning meeting" PATH is having this coming Tuesday, send out an email about it, A and A are due for recorder lessons and Spanish practice, and I also promised them I'd call Yoli and Melanie (to get them playdates with Kayla and Eli, respectively). I'm also on a "Throwing things away" binge trying to get this cluttered up house in order, and am supposed to see the chiropractor. As well as being scarily behind in my online classwork :x
I will leave you all with this gem from my freakish 6 year old daughter:
Annie: You know I learned today during Animal Planet that people usually swallow up to a quart of snot a day, and sometimes a lot of it ends up in your lungs because it gets in your trachea instead of your esophagus and can make you sick. But someone did a study to prove that you can be healthier if you pick your boogers and eat them, since your intestines have this bacteria that defends itself against the bad germs in the boogers and helps your immune system build up an immunity to whatever bad germs are trying to get into your body. Plus then you aren't swallowing the snot into your lungs. *looks smug*
There goes my 4 years of fighting with her to NOT EAT HER BOOGERS because it's nasty and her body's trying to get rid of that stuff, so she shouldn't put it back in O_o
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radiohead
Date: 2007-03-02 03:47 am (UTC)I'm so downloading that.
FWIW, Aidan is NOT a fan of Radiohead. He calls it "sad music." Van Halen, however, is "happy music," so we stick to that. I think he's got a point!
Re: radiohead
Date: 2007-03-02 06:40 am (UTC)I don't normally think of Let Down as sad music, but I can understand that Radiohead in general has a bit of a dragging hum in it...it's pretty, uh, deep? My kids call "Everything in it's Right Place" the bug song, and laugh that they must have used a bunch of mosquitoes in it :p