Birth birth bo birth, banana nana fo furth...

[altarflame]

Oh man, this rollercoaster of a pregnancy I'm on.

I got woken up by the phone ringing - it was the birth center. Shari had someone else call to tell me that, no, I cannot meet Nancy Wainer there, and, no, I cannot have prenatal care there if she knows I've got a labor attendant lined up somewhere. I just don't know about that woman. She really has given me more of a chance than anyone else ever had, really did help make my pregnancy with Jake WONDERFUL, and really did take some major legal risks for her center by having me there. But in retrospect it's SO GLARINGLY OBVIOUS TO ME that if I had had what other women that go to her have - support, that is, and her experience at their disposal - I would not have ended up with a 4th c-section. I saw her with my sister, it was ok your contractions are coming right on top of each other and you're getting exhausted, lay down and let's have a backrub, or ok I can tell this bone is the only thing holding back that head, so let's change position like this and get him under it so he can slide out. I didn't get anything like that, I got "If you show up in transition, we have no choice but to take you", all with her knowing I'd never experienced labor at all and would be driving over an hour by highway to get there. I don't *blame her* perse because, well, I do understand that in a lot of ways her hands were tied...but I think it was BAD for me, looking back, to have that "kind of sort of maybe" as my labor plan. Life is a journey and all that, I guess...

Anyway, I was feeling rather deflated about that. And I have this other call I've been meaning to make - Nancy's friend Valerie, the midwife who "flies all over the world doing vbacs" and does vbacs after 3, 4, and 5 c/s "all the time". I was mostly doing this call to fulfill my obligation to call - as in, I wanted to be able to say "Yes, and she said ___" to Nancy next time she asks if I called her.

Well, the woman is awesome and now I really do feel like I have options. She's attended a vbac after SEVEN and a vbac after EIGHT c/s - and both of those women (gasp) had their babies just fine. We talked for awhile and it was really cool. I am in love with Nancy and her philosophies, because they both are very pro-attended (home)birth in the sense that a non-interventive, experienced midwife can guide a laboring woman along in crucial ways. I don't feel badly about other people choosing to UC, but I also feel like I personally want labor support that I can trust to not screw me over. I want someone there to say, "That amount of blood is totally normal, don't worry" or "This is weird, maybe we can try this to see if it helps". For instance Valerie was talking about how different my labor with Jake might have gone, had I had someone there to remind me to eat and sleep in the beginning, when I had the chance, so that I wouldn't be that much more tired later, or to give me ideas to do this or that thing to alter his positioning so he could descend. She said she's had mothers so enrapt with their newborns, cooing love and adoration, that they don't even realize the kid isn't breathing yet and needs some help. Nancy mentioned someone who transferred for something out of fear, and ended up sectioned, whereas if she'd had a midwife there to reassure her she totally could have had a natural birth. It does not sound fearful to me at all this way, just practical and beneficial. My hat is still off to anyone who has the intuitive inner peace and confidence that make a UC the best thing for them, it's just such a breath of fresh air to talk to these amazing women who believe women's bodies know what to do on their own and hospitals do more harm than good, but also would want support themselves, if they were laboring.

Anyway, we could go to Valerie, or she could come to us, depending on her schedule - she's gonna call me back tomorrow after she checks her calendar (she was out on a cell phone). I realized a little while ago that I don't even know where she is yet :x Generally speaking if we come to her, it's $3k, if she comes to us, it's $3k and a plane ticket, and both with the stipulation that if for any reason a vaginal birth with her does not pan out, it's only $1k because she did still work hard.

So I don't know what's going to happen exactly, only that I now have a choice of two attendants who are both uber qualified and TOTALLY AWESOME. Valerie seems cheaper, a little more friendly and casual, and she's older (65, though she doesn't sound like it at all). Nancy is a little more expensive, still very nice and polite just not quite as layed back. Valerie gets back to me with her schedule tomorrow, Nancy will be in Florida in about a week. The trip to Boston has the great perk of being a Tour Of East Coast LJ'ers ;) - but that can't really be what makes or breaks it for us.

Comments

[corin13.livejournal.com]

I feel a lot better with support. I don't have any objections to UC, but I wonder how people with exceptionally low pain tolerance handle it.
When I am in labor/birthing I find the pain to be really mind blowing, like the kind of pain where you just don't care about ANYTHING other than ending it, and you can't at all form a rational thought. That is what I experiance in that last half hour of labor, every single time I have birthed. When the baby was ready to crown last time I asked them to go get a vacuum, or forcep, or ANYTHING to get that baby out. Of course I wasn't thinking of the consequences of that, and thankfully they didn't listen to me because they saw that I was progressing...but that is my point. I had LOST MY MIND from the pain and it is good for me to have someone else around capable of rational thought during that moment. This idea of someone gliding their baby out with their hands or reaching in to unwrap a cord from the neck is beyond me.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

I DO think there is something to the idea that if you have people to depend on, you will. Whereas if they aren't there at all, you find new depths of strength in yourself. For instance after 3 days and 2 nights of hard labor with Jake, I couldn't even hold my head up or my eyes open very well between contractions, and I was starting to transition from breathing through them, to whimpering and yelling through them. I was just all around cracking up when we said I had to go to the hospital. But once I was AT the hospital, and Grant and the midwife I'd been sent with were point blank, absolutely NOT allowed in with me, period, and I found myself in a big room full of (very ghetto) strangers waiting in plastic chairs with a rude lady behind a computer entering information for one at a time...well, I got my shit together. What else could I do? I was breathing through them again, and I was staying not just awake but alert, and when my time came I talked to the lady like I would have any other day (in between contractions). All options were removed.

I've thought about all of that a lot. I ended up staying awake steadily for 15 more hours after that - 8 waiting for surgery in a bed hooked up to a monitor, one during surgery and meeting Jake, and then a couple in recovery, until I finally got to have my baby. Then awhile with him, and there in our room with it all done I found that I just couldn't sleep.

I don't know, everyone is different, and I suppose that as long as we all know we have that "escape hatch" that is the hospital there is the chance you'll jump down it without need, in your worst points during labor by yourself. But if you remove that option - either through enough of a "white coat syndrome" or being out in the boonies or just a certain level of committment...I think self-managing your pain becomes something more hardwired into us and instinctual, without anyone to lean on. You just have a different mindset from the very beginning of labor. The same way you would act way whinier and more miserable when sick, it if was just you sick. But you as a MOM sick, is a different story,a nd you have to drag your ass around the house cooking and helping and nursing others - because there is no other option. *shrug*

But again, everyone is different. That could be totally off for you or many people.

[corin13.livejournal.com]

I tend to think there is just something really wrong with me. I have heard so many people describe birthing as a painless moment of exhileration and relief. I have never experianced it as anything other than torture and hysteria. I am guessing my vagina is just not very stretchy.
(I have read hypnobirthing, and I found it great for dealing with contractions, but it all went out the window at crowning.)

[starfish11.livejournal.com]

I just had to come out of lurkdom to say that all my hopes and prayers are with you for this...I am so glad you are finding options! You've been screwed over so badly by the medical establishment, it is absolutely inspiring to me to watch you taking all your power back.
I think it would be awesome finding someone to come to you. Because while you will be absolutely flying after birthing this baby vaginally, your vagina and perineum might well be a bit tender. A really long sitting down car trip might not be the most fun you've ever had.
ANyway, I hope you didn't mind me jumping in to comment, I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you and I really, really hope it works out.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

I don't mind at all - thank you for your thoughts :)

I've thought about that with the sitting, but at the same time it sounds soooooooo much better to be away from Florida's legal environment, out of my normal patterns (which have included failure in this very house) and somewhere where it's JUST our family and labor support (here, we have a weird, semi-tense father in law and a highly annoying nephew to consider as people walking around on any given day). I mean I think we could find a way to make it work, here, and it would probably be a bit easier financially as well (depending on how much air travel and lodging would cost for Valerie...) but GOING really appeals to me on an emotional level, if that makes any sense.

[starfish11.livejournal.com]

Oh, it does make sense. And feeling emotionally and spiritually strong is just immeasurably important for birth, so wherever you feel best is the way to go.
And the sitting...well, extra pillows, or you can sit kind of rolled onto your hip which takes the pressure off...you'll be so happy not to have staples in your belly that a little bruising will feel like nothing anyway!

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

I've actually never had staples, and for whatever reason the idea of staples sounds INCREDIBLY barbaric to me...dissoliving stitches is the only way to go.

But, yeah, point taken nonetheless ;)

[corin13.livejournal.com]

I just wanted to come back and express just how warm and fuzzy I think of all these new developments in your birth saga. Here you and all of us religious types were telling you to just wait for the answer and praying and praying that the answer would come and then behold.... answers, ideas, options! It is incredible... I just want to cry.

Okay, enough being an emo. Now I am sending up prayers that you get the money you need.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

Emo shmemo. I feel the same way. I mean..it's been frustrating to me at points this time, when I've wanted to just give up or when I've felt like there was no other option, and still anytime I've prayed in a truly repentant and open way, it's been incredibly overwhelming that c/s here is not "God's way", or will, or whatever. But then all of a sudden I have the woman who COINED THE TERM VBAC, the woman who has devoted her entire adult life to helping women vbac, and her mentor, who specializes in all of this as well, at my disposal? It's pretty awesome.

I need to be praying about money as well :x

[heavynleigh.livejournal.com]

I'm really excited for you and I sincerely hope one of those options work out perfectly for you so that you can have the sort of birth experience you've always dreamed of!

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

:)

[maylea-moon.livejournal.com]

So I was on the phone with my mom today talking about my planned homebirth in September and you came up somehow (I hope you don't think that's creepy since we hardly know eachother!) Anyway, I was telling her how you're pregnant with your 5th child and were having a hard time getting someone to take you on as a VBAC patient after 4 cesareans. I told her about the lady that travels all over and my mom asks, "Is she from Boston?" I said, "Yeah I think so" and she tells me, "I KNOW OF HER AND SHE'S AWESOME!" Apparently, she attended one of my mother's friend's births in Washington State. It was the woman's 9th child. Not ALL of her previous births were cesareans but she said she thought that something like the last 4 or 5 were. Anyway, she had a really nice VBAC! Just thought I'd let you know. :)

[ariellejuliana.livejournal.com]

Man, your mom knows a lot of people with a lot of kids :)

I still go back and look at the site you sent me of the woman who had like 9 unassisted births.

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I know a new family at your mom's church that has 5 kids (they JUST became Orthodox), and the last several were born at home. Sonora Fairbanks. There was actually a slideshow of Jude's birth that became internet-famous for a while, but apparently Daniel took it down.

[maylea-moon.livejournal.com]

I think my mom may have talked about her last night too! Is she 25-26ish? She was talking about a lady at her church that had 5 kids and a few were born at home. She didn't mention her name though. My mom I swear, knows EVERYONE. She's quite the little social butterfly. ;)

Then again, my mom is at St. Andrews like 3-4 times a week ;P

[ariellejuliana.livejournal.com]

She's 28. Married at 16 and a mom at 18 :) They're awesome - really, really good parents. I wish I had gotten to know them better before I moved. Her name is Sonora, but she may now go by her saint's name at church - Emmelia (the mother of five saints :))

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

I was recently looking EVERYWHERE for that thing! I mean I had it linked in my favorites from a couple of years ago, but then I went googling too, and every single place I found a link for no longer worked :/ He should put it back up! It's just the kind of thing people like me need ;)

[ariellejuliana.livejournal.com]

I thought about bugging Daniel about it, but it seems like he took it down for a reason. I mean, it was a birth announcement that he made to send to family and friends, and maybe they didn't want something so personal everywhere online? He's also a web designer, and it is no longer on his business site (it was once on there as an example of his "case study" work), so I wonder if he doesn't want his professional work exemplified by that particular piece.

He does still have his Pascha slideshow up, though. Take a look. Most of the cute little blonde children are his :) http://danielfairbanks.com/pascha/ The close up photo of the woman holding the baby is Sonora and her most recent baby, and the photo of the man holding a baby and talking to the priest is Daniel. This is the church that maylea_moon's mom goes to, and I know a lot of the people there.

But if I have a baby, I WILL ask Sonora if she'd give me a copy, because I want to ask my cousin to look at it for photography inspiration. I have a cousin who is a) a very close friend, b) a nurse and soon-midwife and c) an amazing photography. She's eventually going to be a midwife in Tibet, but I've made it quite clear that she can't move until she's photographed (or possibly attended) one of my births :)

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

Trust me, I don't think you're weird. Grant knows the name of everyone on my friends list, and my mother and sister know of at least a couple of people.

The lady who travels all over is actually NOT the one that's from Boston ;) They're separate midwives who live in different parts of the country. But, chances are she was talking about one of them, since they both have Boston ties and are (or so I've found) practically the only options for people in these kinds of situations. I love stories like that.

[methebee.livejournal.com]

i'm happy i finally found this entry because it nows help me to understand why you are in boston! ;p i can't believe your so overdue (this coming from a girl who has never been pregnant and birth is still semi scary. i mean it's cool watching it on tv!).