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Mar. 18th, 2015 02:51 pmI took a 15 minute nap, and that was long enough for a whole string of escalating, emotional nightmares. They started with my brand new roses being dead already, proceeded on to my mother walking through my house smoking and ignoring me no matter how I asked her to stop and chased her around (that would never happen), and then finished up with THIS grand finale:
I was standing on my Nana and Pa's old front porch, which is a cage of security bars. This was very detailed - I had a hard time gripping the little turn-y lock part of the exterior doorknob, to turn it to lock it from the inside. I felt vulnerable that I couldn't lock the deadbolt, since I knew I was going to be there on the porch for awhile. When I actually lived there, it was this great fear that you could get locked in the cage - and it happened to me once, to Laura once, even to my Dad once.
I didn't have any keys in the dream. I was actually naked, but that wasn't at all remarkable or embarrassing - just part of how I was totally empty handed. I kept ringing the doorbell and hearing it clang inside (they had a very distinctive and stupidly long doorbell sound), and trying to knock on the barred screen door, and of course that didn't work. But I could hear my Nana talking inside, muffled through the door, the way she used to before her strokes. I started to realize she was standing at the big kitchen island and Elise must have been sitting on a stool there from the way it sounded. Nana was laughing hysterically at things she was saying, and showing her things, and setting out snacks for her from the fridge. Kino flip flops slapping on the tile. I kept ringing the bell and trying to knock and standing there, looking around at the concrete ground of the porch where plants used to be, and the empty driveway, and the shuttered windows, listening and thinking, "yeah, no, that's never going to happen. I'm obviously not getting let in, there's no way that can be real." The outside of the peephole was dark.
I was leaned against the side wall of bars at one point, looking out at this faux wishing well I helped my Pa make as a kid, in their front yard, and hearing Nana yell faintly from maybe the florida room for Pa to come see what Elise was doing now, and I started thinking about how she used to take me through the house to show me every new thing that she'd decorated with, for Christmas, and I was hoping from the porch that she was going to give Elise that tour, even if I couldn't go in. And I was sobbing so hard my stomach hurt.
WTF, you know?
I was standing on my Nana and Pa's old front porch, which is a cage of security bars. This was very detailed - I had a hard time gripping the little turn-y lock part of the exterior doorknob, to turn it to lock it from the inside. I felt vulnerable that I couldn't lock the deadbolt, since I knew I was going to be there on the porch for awhile. When I actually lived there, it was this great fear that you could get locked in the cage - and it happened to me once, to Laura once, even to my Dad once.
I didn't have any keys in the dream. I was actually naked, but that wasn't at all remarkable or embarrassing - just part of how I was totally empty handed. I kept ringing the doorbell and hearing it clang inside (they had a very distinctive and stupidly long doorbell sound), and trying to knock on the barred screen door, and of course that didn't work. But I could hear my Nana talking inside, muffled through the door, the way she used to before her strokes. I started to realize she was standing at the big kitchen island and Elise must have been sitting on a stool there from the way it sounded. Nana was laughing hysterically at things she was saying, and showing her things, and setting out snacks for her from the fridge. Kino flip flops slapping on the tile. I kept ringing the bell and trying to knock and standing there, looking around at the concrete ground of the porch where plants used to be, and the empty driveway, and the shuttered windows, listening and thinking, "yeah, no, that's never going to happen. I'm obviously not getting let in, there's no way that can be real." The outside of the peephole was dark.
I was leaned against the side wall of bars at one point, looking out at this faux wishing well I helped my Pa make as a kid, in their front yard, and hearing Nana yell faintly from maybe the florida room for Pa to come see what Elise was doing now, and I started thinking about how she used to take me through the house to show me every new thing that she'd decorated with, for Christmas, and I was hoping from the porch that she was going to give Elise that tour, even if I couldn't go in. And I was sobbing so hard my stomach hurt.
WTF, you know?
