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Jul. 31st, 2015 02:57 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
altarflameToday I took Elise to Girl Scout camp, and had a totally unsatisfying date with Ananda that involved everything being closed and sweating too much in the early morning humidity.
I made plans with Shaun, to see his and Cristy's new apartment tomorrow night, and ordered flowers to be delivered to my Nana for her birthday.
I washed dishes, made a big brunch, and sat with 4 of my kids to eat it.
I snuggled with Grant, and with Jake. Grant's off today and tomorrow, because he just got back into town from working for 7 days straight in another state. This left him free to do things like bring me more pina colada popsicles, and acquire pizzas for the kids to eat for dinner.
I huffed around about being tired, took a short nap, and then buckled down and did 12 quizzes, 2 message board posts, and 4 responses - because my non-stats class has no deadlines but the end of the semester, and that is nearly upon me. With all the requisite reading, it was about 6 hours straight at the desk.
So then I obviously had to stretch extensively.
I drank tea with Aaron.
I ate brie on riceworks chips, with Ananda.
I talked with Isaac.
I held Elise in my lap at one point, attended her dance party at another, and read her a chapter of her Clementine book, before bed.
I kicked Grant in the stomach perhaps too hard, when he had the audacity to tickle me in retaliation for me tickling him.
I found a great new song, sent Jess a facebook message, broke open the Soul Cards Nancy gave me 2 years ago, and then sent her an email about them.
I think a lot about how I don't really crave external novelty, or at least not the same kinds other people seem to. Partially because Grant really, constantly does LONG for novelty, and so I'll get this sort of "sameness guilt" because he's restless about stuff I have a hard time empathizing with or even prolong for him - and other times because I realize I am irritated by how much everyone else seems to want "change" and "variety" and I wonder if I'm really that weird in this.
It makes me happy to find a song that I like and play it 15 times a day for a few weeks, or just turn it on repeat for a whole evening. I usually have 2-4 songs I'm over saturating everyone with at any given time.
I'm very satisfied when I figure out a meal I can make regularly that's always delicious.
I find the idea of mixing up the Thanksgiving menu to be ridiculous - how can anyone possibly get sick of foods you only eat once per year?
I am ok with having 6 months of visiting coffee shops and botanical gardens on the weekends, and 6 months of staying home doing crafts and taking walks. Then, we can just switch back.
I have, basically, the same hair I've had my entire life, and I still look at it with happiness and pride or total exasperation daily, depending on what sort of mood it's in. I think about it and photograph it pretty often, and touch it constantly, but I almost can't imagine thinking, "Man I need a change."
I've changed, bigtime, I've let go of tons of old baggage and I've got different politics than I used to, and new questions. Ideologically, I've come a long way. Growth and change are really important to me. Somehow, they cause me to experience my old friends in new ways, and my marriage as though it's new, and my city as though I never even saw it before. All of that just leads me to want to experience those old friends, and Grant, and south Florida, more fully and deeply, and to keep feeling and working and aging and see what it does to me. Kinda like how I'm still mothering these same 5 kids, but they're completely different and require totally different things of me vs 5 or more years ago.
Life is so rich and heady, even the simplest things are nuanced.
I'm in a phase this month where I make frittatas with lots of chopped baby greens, fresh basil, irish butter and parmesan cheese. I serve it with salted tomatoes and avocado. I do this 3-4 times per week, and I savor it and just marvel (that's right, dammit, marvel) at how good it is, every time. Since there are so many of us I have to plan for this by buying several dozen eggs and large containers of greens, weekly. For a couple of years, though, I've been doing breakfasts several times per week that are variations on eggs (mushroom and brie omelettes for awhile; fried eggs on toast, or on mushrooms and chard, came next) with cut up, salted tomato and avocados. For a few years before that, we had pots of steel cut oatmeal (usually strawberry or apple cinnamon) and moosewood muffins (peach-blueberry, triple berry, or strawberry-chocolate chip) all the time.
I feel like I cannot bear to move away from south Florida because I can't live without royal poinciana trees, live oaks, bouganvillea, climbing pothos, and banyans. I realize they have other trees and bushes up north, but I haven't looked at these enough. I notice tropical flora everywhere I go every day. I talk about it literally anytime we're in the car. I park just to get out and be near it. I drink it in, and don't know if I'll ever be able to get "enough."
Re: novelty. I just want to do the same things in different ways. I want to experiment with sex like a spiral you can't reach the bottom of, with endless possibilities. I want to experiment with where we sit to talk. I want to explore what's inside of me, and the people I love. I want to watch movies I've loved for years with friends who haven't seen them yet. I want to invite new people over to taste our specialties. I'd like to find board games to exhaust, that we haven't yet. I want to be thorough and take my time. I want, obviously, to process and write down what's already happened and then read back over it. Maybe it's all ultimately about holding on? I don't know.
Macro Examples - I don't give a shit about space, and even less so the concept of possible aliens. I have some weird kind of nerd guilt like I'm supposed to, or something? But I really just don't. Pluto inspires thoughts of "whatever" from me, that I cannot voice aloud in my own house :p Watching the moon and spotting shooting stars are the limit of my emotional investment in space. I have a small amount of mental intrigue about weather on other planets, but it comes and goes. I care passionately about the ocean, here on this planet. I've thought regularly about the fragility of coral reefs since I was 10. I cry and make myself sick reading about pollution, oil spills, and radiation in the water - and dead zones, DEAD ZONES O_O. I would support criminal prosecution of the people who run Sea World, and those who harm whales while fishing irresponsibly. I worry about sharks being misunderstood. We haven't even explored the entire ocean, on this planet, and we want to go to Mars? It really just makes me feel, "Why?" more than anything else. Quarks, though? Pentaquarks? I eat that up. I want to know more, and more, and more about what's all around us right here. The sentience of plants. The communication between animals. Neurology, forever, bring it. The desire to go where there is no oxygen and rely on technology to view cold things millions of miles away through glass? Ew.
Micro Examples - I like travelling, but I'd rather revisit places I've already been than go to new places. I can't get enough out of short or single visits. They feel unfinished. I talk about things like living in France (and learning french) or NYC for a year at a time, when the kids are grown, but a weekend away seems sort of pointless unless it's for some specific event or just to get away from regular responsibilities. Ultimately I would way rather talk, do it, doze, snuggle, and laugh in a nice hotel bed, with Grant, than go travel around with him out in public. I would rather talk to strangers in coffee shops and subways than just galavant around without making connections. If I'm going to be alone I can do that here, with my bathtub, or with candles and a yoga mat, or washing the dishes and listening to NPR.
I made plans with Shaun, to see his and Cristy's new apartment tomorrow night, and ordered flowers to be delivered to my Nana for her birthday.
I washed dishes, made a big brunch, and sat with 4 of my kids to eat it.
I snuggled with Grant, and with Jake. Grant's off today and tomorrow, because he just got back into town from working for 7 days straight in another state. This left him free to do things like bring me more pina colada popsicles, and acquire pizzas for the kids to eat for dinner.
I huffed around about being tired, took a short nap, and then buckled down and did 12 quizzes, 2 message board posts, and 4 responses - because my non-stats class has no deadlines but the end of the semester, and that is nearly upon me. With all the requisite reading, it was about 6 hours straight at the desk.
So then I obviously had to stretch extensively.
I drank tea with Aaron.
I ate brie on riceworks chips, with Ananda.
I talked with Isaac.
I held Elise in my lap at one point, attended her dance party at another, and read her a chapter of her Clementine book, before bed.
I kicked Grant in the stomach perhaps too hard, when he had the audacity to tickle me in retaliation for me tickling him.
I found a great new song, sent Jess a facebook message, broke open the Soul Cards Nancy gave me 2 years ago, and then sent her an email about them.
I think a lot about how I don't really crave external novelty, or at least not the same kinds other people seem to. Partially because Grant really, constantly does LONG for novelty, and so I'll get this sort of "sameness guilt" because he's restless about stuff I have a hard time empathizing with or even prolong for him - and other times because I realize I am irritated by how much everyone else seems to want "change" and "variety" and I wonder if I'm really that weird in this.
It makes me happy to find a song that I like and play it 15 times a day for a few weeks, or just turn it on repeat for a whole evening. I usually have 2-4 songs I'm over saturating everyone with at any given time.
I'm very satisfied when I figure out a meal I can make regularly that's always delicious.
I find the idea of mixing up the Thanksgiving menu to be ridiculous - how can anyone possibly get sick of foods you only eat once per year?
I am ok with having 6 months of visiting coffee shops and botanical gardens on the weekends, and 6 months of staying home doing crafts and taking walks. Then, we can just switch back.
I have, basically, the same hair I've had my entire life, and I still look at it with happiness and pride or total exasperation daily, depending on what sort of mood it's in. I think about it and photograph it pretty often, and touch it constantly, but I almost can't imagine thinking, "Man I need a change."
I've changed, bigtime, I've let go of tons of old baggage and I've got different politics than I used to, and new questions. Ideologically, I've come a long way. Growth and change are really important to me. Somehow, they cause me to experience my old friends in new ways, and my marriage as though it's new, and my city as though I never even saw it before. All of that just leads me to want to experience those old friends, and Grant, and south Florida, more fully and deeply, and to keep feeling and working and aging and see what it does to me. Kinda like how I'm still mothering these same 5 kids, but they're completely different and require totally different things of me vs 5 or more years ago.
Life is so rich and heady, even the simplest things are nuanced.
I'm in a phase this month where I make frittatas with lots of chopped baby greens, fresh basil, irish butter and parmesan cheese. I serve it with salted tomatoes and avocado. I do this 3-4 times per week, and I savor it and just marvel (that's right, dammit, marvel) at how good it is, every time. Since there are so many of us I have to plan for this by buying several dozen eggs and large containers of greens, weekly. For a couple of years, though, I've been doing breakfasts several times per week that are variations on eggs (mushroom and brie omelettes for awhile; fried eggs on toast, or on mushrooms and chard, came next) with cut up, salted tomato and avocados. For a few years before that, we had pots of steel cut oatmeal (usually strawberry or apple cinnamon) and moosewood muffins (peach-blueberry, triple berry, or strawberry-chocolate chip) all the time.
I feel like I cannot bear to move away from south Florida because I can't live without royal poinciana trees, live oaks, bouganvillea, climbing pothos, and banyans. I realize they have other trees and bushes up north, but I haven't looked at these enough. I notice tropical flora everywhere I go every day. I talk about it literally anytime we're in the car. I park just to get out and be near it. I drink it in, and don't know if I'll ever be able to get "enough."
Re: novelty. I just want to do the same things in different ways. I want to experiment with sex like a spiral you can't reach the bottom of, with endless possibilities. I want to experiment with where we sit to talk. I want to explore what's inside of me, and the people I love. I want to watch movies I've loved for years with friends who haven't seen them yet. I want to invite new people over to taste our specialties. I'd like to find board games to exhaust, that we haven't yet. I want to be thorough and take my time. I want, obviously, to process and write down what's already happened and then read back over it. Maybe it's all ultimately about holding on? I don't know.
Macro Examples - I don't give a shit about space, and even less so the concept of possible aliens. I have some weird kind of nerd guilt like I'm supposed to, or something? But I really just don't. Pluto inspires thoughts of "whatever" from me, that I cannot voice aloud in my own house :p Watching the moon and spotting shooting stars are the limit of my emotional investment in space. I have a small amount of mental intrigue about weather on other planets, but it comes and goes. I care passionately about the ocean, here on this planet. I've thought regularly about the fragility of coral reefs since I was 10. I cry and make myself sick reading about pollution, oil spills, and radiation in the water - and dead zones, DEAD ZONES O_O. I would support criminal prosecution of the people who run Sea World, and those who harm whales while fishing irresponsibly. I worry about sharks being misunderstood. We haven't even explored the entire ocean, on this planet, and we want to go to Mars? It really just makes me feel, "Why?" more than anything else. Quarks, though? Pentaquarks? I eat that up. I want to know more, and more, and more about what's all around us right here. The sentience of plants. The communication between animals. Neurology, forever, bring it. The desire to go where there is no oxygen and rely on technology to view cold things millions of miles away through glass? Ew.
Micro Examples - I like travelling, but I'd rather revisit places I've already been than go to new places. I can't get enough out of short or single visits. They feel unfinished. I talk about things like living in France (and learning french) or NYC for a year at a time, when the kids are grown, but a weekend away seems sort of pointless unless it's for some specific event or just to get away from regular responsibilities. Ultimately I would way rather talk, do it, doze, snuggle, and laugh in a nice hotel bed, with Grant, than go travel around with him out in public. I would rather talk to strangers in coffee shops and subways than just galavant around without making connections. If I'm going to be alone I can do that here, with my bathtub, or with candles and a yoga mat, or washing the dishes and listening to NPR.
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Date: 2015-08-02 04:27 pm (UTC)I've forgotten how to "friend" someone........care to?
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Date: 2015-08-31 04:32 am (UTC)