This Week, With my Oldest Child

[altarflame]

Ananda: I really really really want to go on this overnight field trip, and they're gonna let ME design the shirts everyone wears, if I am going! It's $115.
Ananda: I'm going to need water color paint for school really soon. Like by this weekend.
Ananda: Don't forget, nobody has found my elbow pads at the track - I still need them, and the bout is just a couple of days away.
Ananda: Can I have one of the long sleeved school shirts? They sell them at the office, they're $15.
Ananda: *goes with me to oral surgery consult that is not included in her orthondontic financing, and we get quoted $1440 out of pocket*

Comments

[tikizeekbaby.livejournal.com]

Does she have any time open where she might advertise babysitting or mothers helper service? At least then she'd have some cash that didn't come from you guys for the school shirt and "fashion and fun stuff".... Maybe even some of the derby replacement stuff. It's hard when it's all coming from you in general but especially when your having to mitigate big expenses like the dental work.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

1. We can get all her stuff, I just like to complain and to record things. I mean she might have to wait for the shirt and she borrowed some knee pads out of the derby shed for a week, but that's ok. Honestly, the scary thing is that we're spending the most on Isaac these days...he's going out of town with school too, and had a science project last week, and needed bearings for his skates - but the vast majority of that is going to weekly counseling sessions, pediatrician visits, his new psychiatrist, etc...It's just an expensive time and hers seems less heavy to tally up like this entry did. Plus I'd just gotten back from the oral surgeon ;) I guess the good news is that soon we'll hit our family deductible and insurance will start covering a lot more...like Aaron's allergy shots, and some stuff Elise needs... We have a ton of extra expenses lately, between Christmas and home maintenance it's been fucking crazy. The cool serendipitous thing is, we have also had a lot of supplemental income (unexpected escrow refund from mortgage company because rates went down, Grant's job gave them a surprise bonus in December, I got student refunds this month, and our tax return will be coming soon - that all adds up to about $12k over less than 3 months) so it's coming fast and furious but it's also working out much easier than it would have in the middle of summer.

2. She really doesn't have the time or personal resources to work. Annie's always needed downtime to recharge, as an introvert, and being in school full time for the first time in her life, this year, while still playing cello and being on a roller derby team, has really felt like a LOT to her. We've had to sit down and have some peptalks and reorganization around things like daily chores and her homework. When she has homeschooled friends over on the weekends, even though she has a great time, Mondays are really hard for her. She babysits her little cousins for my sister about once a month, usually for a whole evening that yields about $60, and is scrupulously saving that up for a trip to Harry Potter World. We told her when she gets enough together, I'll match it, and the two of us will go together (Aaron doesn't want in enough to save for it when he gets money, and younger kids haven't read all the books/seen all the movies yet so there'd be spoilers everywhere).

[(Anonymous)]

Are you kidding? A 14 year old child should not have to work to afford school uniforms or school supplies. She should be able to focus on school and being a child. Also, Tina doesn't have a job. Don't get me wrong, I think she's a great mom and of course there's nothing wrong with being a SAHM or going back to school. But generally adults should get jobs before children.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

There are such divergent opinions on this kind of thing, and I really can see both sides... I got a special work experience thing so I could have a job-job, with taxes and all, all summer when I was 14, and I made like $3k in my menial, $4.25 an hour minimum wage way, and blew every bit of it on absolute bs like school clothes, taking my whole family out to dinner and other events - it was an eye opening experience for me that helped me understand money, since at the beginning of the summer the idea of THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS loomed large as this huuuuuge amount of money but come fall - I was broke. I guess in that situation it's like, if I could have been doing something enriching or of value, that would have been better, but as it was I really would not have so working was probably better. I would feel obligated to counsel my own kids, if they were earning hundreds of their own dollars, on saving, and more expensive personal things they'd wanted and possibilities they weren't considering. Basically I would not feel comfortable sitting back and letting them spend it all on things like taking the 7 of us out to dinner over and over...

I worked throughout high school, in the afternoons and on Saturdays - in a warehouse, as a nanny, as a secretary - and saved up and bought my own piece of shit car, and paid my own insurance/gas, and had savings, and things like that. I think the middle school summer job helped set me up for that. I mean my mother was no longer in town and my dad had given up on life, so I was living with grandparents. They were like yeah we'll feed and clothe you and take you to the doctor, and get you birthday and Christmas presents, but if you want regular spending money or a car or something, you have to get a job. And I really liked that, honestly. I had my own bank account even as a sophomore, and a budget I stuck to. I felt very autonomous and capable.

At the same time, one of my best friends was absolutely not allowed to work in high school, was told she had to focus on school, etc. She did do slightly better than I did - she was in the top 10, I was in the top 25, which were separate overlapping distinctions in our graduating class of about 450 people, and I think she actually passed the AP exams at the end of some of our AP classes (I aced the classes but didn't bother to sit the exams for additional college credit). I mean I still had time to teach Sunday School as a volunteer, run around goofing off with friends, travel around the country with the church, fall in love/get knocked up, etc, in senior year :p

I think about this a lot. That same friend wasn't allowed/supposed to work in college, either, had her way paid, etc. Everyone else I knew had to figure fafsa out on their own and make it work. I see pros and cons both ways, I really do.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

(assuming this was meant as a reply to tikizeekbaby)