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Jul. 5th, 2014 05:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
altarflameWritten The Evening of July 3:
I feel good. I'm happy and excited about a lot of things to come. Because this is real life, there is also some sad stuff, but it's compartmentalized about as well as it can be. In the interest of needing to attend to guests that will soon arrive and not wanting this blog to fall COMPLETELY by the wayside....lists!
Great stuff:
-We loved season 2 of Orange Is The New Black, and then I read the actual book. I think the show is more entertaining, but the book is more interesting. I wanted more when it ended. Jenji Kohan has really went off on her own personal-drama tangents within relationships, for the show, but I was still impressed with how much of the PRISON part, and the characters themselves, are taken exactly from Piper Kerman's story.
-I'm reading Anna Karenina now. Albeit at a snail's pace of a couple of pages per day.
-After about 9 months of on-again, off-again C25K'ing that took me through various points in the program (involving lots of redoing weeks or not making it through whole days of later weeks), I restarted the whole thing after a bit of research. Now, I'm doing it at a higher running speed, with the treadmill on an incline, and way more dedication to actually going three times, every week. It's been EXTREMELY DIFFICULT but I feel like a fucking rockstar when I pant and huff my red faced ass through the entire thing. And apparently the shit they say about periods being easier if you exercise may be true, which is kinda horrible because wah, but also great because, well, that gives me a way to make my periods easier! IF ONLY THE Y WOULD FIX THEIR AIR CONDITIONING.
-I'm doing yoga "for real," albeit in baby steps - I've had a mat and periodically went back to a couple of prenatal poses off and on for years, if I got stiff, but now I'm actually using instructional video and doing it every morning, and challenging myself to do the poses, you know, CORRECTLY? Also, my YouTube guru explained how to double up a section of my mat to make a cushion under my knees and, wow, that is a serious game changer. It seems so silly now, that I didn't think of that on my own. Note: Downward Facing Dog is a lot harder when your muscles are trying to adapt to running. Ow.
-There's also some swimming and more walking on Grant's and my "Saturdates," along with plenty of gardening work...I basically hurt all over, all the time, in a way that I feel good about.
-I'm really excited about my Fall semester at school - really, really excited. I got a full schedule of teachers with top reviews on ratemyprofessor, and everything I'm signed up for is actively progressing some part of my life that I want to progress. Next-level Statistics and Psych of Parenting get me closer to my core degree requirements, french and Botany (AT FAIRCHILD TROPICAL GARDENS) help me learn things I want to know and care about (they also provide credits I need, just not the major-specific ones). I have hours scheduled on campus without classes 3 days per week, that feature available math tutoring, and I have hours at home before the kids get home 2 days a week that I can use for homework. It's pretty ideal, and I even ended up randomly scoring a bunch of grants I didn't expect to - that's something you either do or don't get at the last minute based on factors I honestly don't understand. So, we will have a pretty fat student aid refund, for Fall and for Spring. It's good to feel back on track in school, after falling so off of this wagon with the whole pernicious anemia deal. My medical appeals were approved, though, and at this rate after the new year I can take 3 things in the Spring and have my bachelors, and start applying to grad schools.
-I've also leveled out a bit from the bizarre almost-mania I seemed to have when my B-12 levels first shot back up. The first couple of months I was taking shots were months of fidgeting, insomnia, and hyper productivity. Now I can chill out AND ALSO STAY AWAKE - balance is key and all that...
-My plants are thriving, and thrill me. My front planter is a wonder to behold, and I'm about to have tomatoes up to my eyeballs. My kitchen window makes me happy every time I look at it. There are pictures of this on my tumblr, and in case anyone doesn't know this you can click "personal posts only" and see only my personal stuff without all the reblogs, over there. The only problem is that the GOD FORSAKEN CHICKENS tore up my squash and pumpkin vines yesterday. I'm not sure any of it can be salvaged. Also I have a lot of work cut out for me clearing space to get my jasmine into the ground, and they really have to get in the ground.
-Counseling is going very well. I feel so much better about surgery. My big worries to tackle have gone from completely ridiculous nightmare stuff about getting cut in half to manageable concerns like, "I want to feel listened to this next time around." Likewise I've moved from the vision of Grant being approached by a surgeon who is telling him I've died on the table, to a desire to have Grant finish working through his own stuff about my previous surgeries before I go back in for more. <--He agrees so that part's just down to scheduling.
-I am very, very happy with Grant. It would be it's own entry, or maybe even it's own book, but I'm just really fucking happy with him. Stupid happy. There aren't words. It's good to hold close to myself.
-I've lost 23 pounds now, in about 5 months. I feel like I can sit and stand up straighter more easily, and my back doesn't hurt when I wash dishes. It all feels so realistic and doable, to me. Gradual and livable is definitely the way to go - I had ice cream and pizza and all kinds of things this week, along with my healthier stuff. Weight Watchers is kinda perfect that way. It feels weirdly sustainable, as in, the level to which I can sustain this is surreal. I want a brownie batter doughnut and milk in the middle of the night - fine, green smoothie for breakfast and salad for lunch, the next day, and then I can have steak and root beer in the evening. I guess it helps that I genuinely like smoothies and salads. At this point in my life, I'm ready to be a WW "lifer" and pay to be on the maintenance plan once I reach goal.
-Basically I feel like I will be a much healthier, better educated, more mentally stable and attractive person at 35 and at 40 than I was turning 20 or 30, and that's a cool feeling to have.
Written July 5:
Problems
-Now our car is having an intermittent shifting issue, aaaaaaand as of this morning WON'T START. It's still under a pretty extensive warranty, at least.
-My mother's Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) has apparently yielded Secondary Pulmonary Hypertension (SPH) - SPH is a really big, terrible deal. People sometimes die within months of being diagnosed. You can go on to live another 3-10 years with it with some radical lifestyle changes and aggressive medical care, but my mother isn't even willing to quit smoking or TRY to get enough sleep. She's in some kind of weird denial that makes talking to her beyond frustrating. I'm doing a cyclical thing where I cry about this, talk to my Dad or my sister about it for awhile, feel better for a bit, and then repeat. I can't imagine how I'd feel if I hadn't 1.) put some distance between the two of us, several years back, and 2.) really worked through a lot of my Mom Stuff in counseling, last year. My mother is only (newly) 50 years old. Understanding that she is the same age as my a couple of my children's friends' parents, and seeing that THOSE 50 year old women have interests, hobbies, and hairstyles, that they're aware of current events and plan things that they get excited about, just...I don't know, man. My mother's whole life is a graveyard shift security guard job, binge drinking at her brother's house on the weekends, and helping my Nana and Pa with Nana's care. She periodically re-reads the Twilight books.
It's kind of scary in a selfish way, too, to see that this is my mother at only 50 years old - in and out of the ER unable to breathe, chest swollen and sore from an enlarged heart, taking several intense meds and still having her O2 sats drop into the low 80s from walking down a hallway... Her mother, at 65, has been bedridden for over 5 years from strokes. My mom's grandmother died of cancer at only 42. I am trying to focus on the lifestyle problems and non-repeating flukes involved in these cases, and the Cuban longevity on my Dad's side that I seem to take after in most regards, because good grief.
I'm sitting in a taco shop with Shaun and our laptops, writing this, and it is impossible to overstate the World Cup madness in every venue in Miami. The tvs are just BLARING (in Spanish) and every time someone almost scores all the customers around us ROAR with noise. I'm waiting for Annie, who's around the corner at SuperCon, dressed up with some friends. Last weekend Grant and I were walking around the Gables and we could hear the generalized roar from every tv for a mile radius around us, on the sidewalks. At one point this week we succumbed, and just sat on the ground at a store watching a game on the flat screens there.
According to my text history, since I've been out Aaron's new spiderling arrived at our house - it will grow into a Mexican red knee tarantula. He's been begging for this basically since he could talk. I know entirely too much about varieties, vendors, care, behavior, enclosures, and so forth of tarantulas, since his birthday.
Grant has been using a bunch of boxes he ordered to build all kinds of things with the little kids - walls they can burst through, structures they can sit inside of, pyramids for treasure, all kinds of stuff. It's pretty great.
I guess I'm out for now.
I feel good. I'm happy and excited about a lot of things to come. Because this is real life, there is also some sad stuff, but it's compartmentalized about as well as it can be. In the interest of needing to attend to guests that will soon arrive and not wanting this blog to fall COMPLETELY by the wayside....lists!
Great stuff:
-We loved season 2 of Orange Is The New Black, and then I read the actual book. I think the show is more entertaining, but the book is more interesting. I wanted more when it ended. Jenji Kohan has really went off on her own personal-drama tangents within relationships, for the show, but I was still impressed with how much of the PRISON part, and the characters themselves, are taken exactly from Piper Kerman's story.
-I'm reading Anna Karenina now. Albeit at a snail's pace of a couple of pages per day.
-After about 9 months of on-again, off-again C25K'ing that took me through various points in the program (involving lots of redoing weeks or not making it through whole days of later weeks), I restarted the whole thing after a bit of research. Now, I'm doing it at a higher running speed, with the treadmill on an incline, and way more dedication to actually going three times, every week. It's been EXTREMELY DIFFICULT but I feel like a fucking rockstar when I pant and huff my red faced ass through the entire thing. And apparently the shit they say about periods being easier if you exercise may be true, which is kinda horrible because wah, but also great because, well, that gives me a way to make my periods easier! IF ONLY THE Y WOULD FIX THEIR AIR CONDITIONING.
-I'm doing yoga "for real," albeit in baby steps - I've had a mat and periodically went back to a couple of prenatal poses off and on for years, if I got stiff, but now I'm actually using instructional video and doing it every morning, and challenging myself to do the poses, you know, CORRECTLY? Also, my YouTube guru explained how to double up a section of my mat to make a cushion under my knees and, wow, that is a serious game changer. It seems so silly now, that I didn't think of that on my own. Note: Downward Facing Dog is a lot harder when your muscles are trying to adapt to running. Ow.
-There's also some swimming and more walking on Grant's and my "Saturdates," along with plenty of gardening work...I basically hurt all over, all the time, in a way that I feel good about.
-I'm really excited about my Fall semester at school - really, really excited. I got a full schedule of teachers with top reviews on ratemyprofessor, and everything I'm signed up for is actively progressing some part of my life that I want to progress. Next-level Statistics and Psych of Parenting get me closer to my core degree requirements, french and Botany (AT FAIRCHILD TROPICAL GARDENS) help me learn things I want to know and care about (they also provide credits I need, just not the major-specific ones). I have hours scheduled on campus without classes 3 days per week, that feature available math tutoring, and I have hours at home before the kids get home 2 days a week that I can use for homework. It's pretty ideal, and I even ended up randomly scoring a bunch of grants I didn't expect to - that's something you either do or don't get at the last minute based on factors I honestly don't understand. So, we will have a pretty fat student aid refund, for Fall and for Spring. It's good to feel back on track in school, after falling so off of this wagon with the whole pernicious anemia deal. My medical appeals were approved, though, and at this rate after the new year I can take 3 things in the Spring and have my bachelors, and start applying to grad schools.
-I've also leveled out a bit from the bizarre almost-mania I seemed to have when my B-12 levels first shot back up. The first couple of months I was taking shots were months of fidgeting, insomnia, and hyper productivity. Now I can chill out AND ALSO STAY AWAKE - balance is key and all that...
-My plants are thriving, and thrill me. My front planter is a wonder to behold, and I'm about to have tomatoes up to my eyeballs. My kitchen window makes me happy every time I look at it. There are pictures of this on my tumblr, and in case anyone doesn't know this you can click "personal posts only" and see only my personal stuff without all the reblogs, over there. The only problem is that the GOD FORSAKEN CHICKENS tore up my squash and pumpkin vines yesterday. I'm not sure any of it can be salvaged. Also I have a lot of work cut out for me clearing space to get my jasmine into the ground, and they really have to get in the ground.
-Counseling is going very well. I feel so much better about surgery. My big worries to tackle have gone from completely ridiculous nightmare stuff about getting cut in half to manageable concerns like, "I want to feel listened to this next time around." Likewise I've moved from the vision of Grant being approached by a surgeon who is telling him I've died on the table, to a desire to have Grant finish working through his own stuff about my previous surgeries before I go back in for more. <--He agrees so that part's just down to scheduling.
-I am very, very happy with Grant. It would be it's own entry, or maybe even it's own book, but I'm just really fucking happy with him. Stupid happy. There aren't words. It's good to hold close to myself.
-I've lost 23 pounds now, in about 5 months. I feel like I can sit and stand up straighter more easily, and my back doesn't hurt when I wash dishes. It all feels so realistic and doable, to me. Gradual and livable is definitely the way to go - I had ice cream and pizza and all kinds of things this week, along with my healthier stuff. Weight Watchers is kinda perfect that way. It feels weirdly sustainable, as in, the level to which I can sustain this is surreal. I want a brownie batter doughnut and milk in the middle of the night - fine, green smoothie for breakfast and salad for lunch, the next day, and then I can have steak and root beer in the evening. I guess it helps that I genuinely like smoothies and salads. At this point in my life, I'm ready to be a WW "lifer" and pay to be on the maintenance plan once I reach goal.
-Basically I feel like I will be a much healthier, better educated, more mentally stable and attractive person at 35 and at 40 than I was turning 20 or 30, and that's a cool feeling to have.
Written July 5:
Problems
-Now our car is having an intermittent shifting issue, aaaaaaand as of this morning WON'T START. It's still under a pretty extensive warranty, at least.
-My mother's Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) has apparently yielded Secondary Pulmonary Hypertension (SPH) - SPH is a really big, terrible deal. People sometimes die within months of being diagnosed. You can go on to live another 3-10 years with it with some radical lifestyle changes and aggressive medical care, but my mother isn't even willing to quit smoking or TRY to get enough sleep. She's in some kind of weird denial that makes talking to her beyond frustrating. I'm doing a cyclical thing where I cry about this, talk to my Dad or my sister about it for awhile, feel better for a bit, and then repeat. I can't imagine how I'd feel if I hadn't 1.) put some distance between the two of us, several years back, and 2.) really worked through a lot of my Mom Stuff in counseling, last year. My mother is only (newly) 50 years old. Understanding that she is the same age as my a couple of my children's friends' parents, and seeing that THOSE 50 year old women have interests, hobbies, and hairstyles, that they're aware of current events and plan things that they get excited about, just...I don't know, man. My mother's whole life is a graveyard shift security guard job, binge drinking at her brother's house on the weekends, and helping my Nana and Pa with Nana's care. She periodically re-reads the Twilight books.
It's kind of scary in a selfish way, too, to see that this is my mother at only 50 years old - in and out of the ER unable to breathe, chest swollen and sore from an enlarged heart, taking several intense meds and still having her O2 sats drop into the low 80s from walking down a hallway... Her mother, at 65, has been bedridden for over 5 years from strokes. My mom's grandmother died of cancer at only 42. I am trying to focus on the lifestyle problems and non-repeating flukes involved in these cases, and the Cuban longevity on my Dad's side that I seem to take after in most regards, because good grief.
I'm sitting in a taco shop with Shaun and our laptops, writing this, and it is impossible to overstate the World Cup madness in every venue in Miami. The tvs are just BLARING (in Spanish) and every time someone almost scores all the customers around us ROAR with noise. I'm waiting for Annie, who's around the corner at SuperCon, dressed up with some friends. Last weekend Grant and I were walking around the Gables and we could hear the generalized roar from every tv for a mile radius around us, on the sidewalks. At one point this week we succumbed, and just sat on the ground at a store watching a game on the flat screens there.
According to my text history, since I've been out Aaron's new spiderling arrived at our house - it will grow into a Mexican red knee tarantula. He's been begging for this basically since he could talk. I know entirely too much about varieties, vendors, care, behavior, enclosures, and so forth of tarantulas, since his birthday.
Grant has been using a bunch of boxes he ordered to build all kinds of things with the little kids - walls they can burst through, structures they can sit inside of, pyramids for treasure, all kinds of stuff. It's pretty great.
I guess I'm out for now.
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no subject
Date: 2014-07-06 01:05 am (UTC)I'm all about letting kids explore their interests but GAWD, A TARANTULA?! nopenopenope
no subject
Date: 2014-07-28 02:49 pm (UTC)I'm not really scared of spiders, though.