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altarflameTopics:
-the color of brains
-the concept of short term memory
-why so many cats look so similar
-how we manage to stop bleeding, once we've started
-what the deal is with absorbing some food and pooping out other food, and what goes where
Among countless other things I can't remember because I'm too tired and was just totally sidetracked by the GIANT FREAKY-CREEPY POSSUM on our deck. Gah.
The point was, she is asking these things so thoughtfully, and the major differences between answering her questions now vs any other time in her verbal life are, 1.) she actually listens carefully to my answers without interrupting, and 2.) she is remembering when we've already discussed something and not needing me to repetitively explain the same concepts (or plans we have, or things I've said she's allowed to do, and so on) again and again. One subject just naturally leads to (and ties in with) another, and I can watch her mentally connecting everything new to things she already knew.
It's pretty awesome. She's definitely in a huge cognitive leap, it is a wonder to behold :)
It also makes me nostalgic for the days when Ananda and Aaron did this, I guess because they were my first highly inquisitive children that wanted to constantly engage in grown up conversation...and also because Isaac has asked me a fraction what any of the other kids have, and Jake is much more of a quiet observer than a talker in general. I watched him from outside the kitchen today, as he got leftovers out of the fridge, found a metal pan under the oven, and then got his plate and fork ready after he got his stuff heating. Then he ate it all (rice and beans) while sitting behind Isaac, watching him play Mario on the computer. That is the sort of kid Jake often is. Both of them want us to "look" and to "come see" pretty often, usually things they built or tricks they can do, but they rarely ask us for information. If Jake does ask, it's usually for me to read to him or to cook something together. With Isaac, it's usually to go to the store (the quarter machines at Winn Dixie, or Party City where they have bins of things that cost under $1, are his favorites - it's a source of contention for us because Grant got him into those sorts of things and I would really rather he learned to save money at least for something that isn't sugar/going to be broken within the HOUR, but Isaac totally obsesses/begs/loses his damn mind if he's got so much as a dime to his name...whenever he does get to go, the requests to go again start within 24 hours).
Last week, Elise asked if there was really such a thing as an octopus, because D.W. and Arthur had been arguing about it, on PBSKids. We ended up watching hours of octopi, cuttlefish and squid (cephalopods) changing their colors, shapes, and textures, in the ocean and also in labs with scientists "testing" them and putting their skin under microscopes to try to explain what's going on as they change. She was amused by the serendipity that the next letter page in her Brainquest workbook's alphabet section was O, and she had to do a color by number that turned out to be an octopus, and write the word "octopus" a couple of times :)
Yesterday I showed her close up pictures of cat tongues when we were talking about how they bathe, and today she was lying on the floor inches from Tom, watching him clean himself, and excitedly yelling to me that she could actually see the little spikes on his tongue.
I have the same thoughts with her that I did with A&A; that homeschooling her very well is almost effortless and that I totally understand how complete (proactive, parent-facilitated) unschooling can work for a lot of kids out there. Isaac has learning and anxiety disorders that make it a little harder for me to teach him at all (along, unfortunately, with a personality clash that basically amounts to him hating my desire to talk to him for long periods, about anything, and almost always getting very distracted and interrupting me to ask questions about other stuff... I have to do things totally different with Isaac). Jake is easy to teach and relatively compliant about learning in general, but I have to have a plan and implement it, or it won't happen; it isn't like the way Elise follows me around the house nonstop, demanding to learn regardless of what I'm doing.
She literally has a notebook and pencil in her hands MOST hours of the day, for some whole weeks at a time - when she's in that phase, she just asks how to spell things one word at a time nonstop until she's spelled out messages for people, sentences she thought up, signs she can hang, etc. The best part of this for me is that by the end of every day that goes by like that, she knows new words by heart. Months ago it was only her name, then it was her name and simple things like "I," "a," "the," and "see." Now, she's starting to have an actual (small) working vocabulary of things she can write on her own :)
A lot of things have contributed to my being emotionally FRAZZLED, in recent months. The marriage problems are a big factor; the constant husband travelling, which leaves me here alone with all the kids, is another. I am definitely still always learning how to deal with life in general, without "leaning on God," although that alternates between being hard and being simple. And these past months, I've had double whammy health issues - constant pain and inflammation-exhaustion being one major challenge, and having to go through a lot of medical tests and visits for it triggering the shit out of my PTSD being another. That last one has been intense, and I don't think I realized how heavily it was playing in. I never do, at least right away, because the whole thing with PTSD is that you block everything related to it out as much as you can, with and without trying to. I actually wonder to what degree I've been blowing up any and every other issue in my life to explain the levels of anxiety and dissociation I've been dealing with, due to PTSD alone*.
I'm tired of trying to figure it out, though. I'm tired of attempting to unravel it all in general. I don't feel qualified to answer my husband's questions about how I feel about "us" - I don't KNOW how I feel, and I don't know WHY I don't know! I've been too checked out and too irritable, throughout March at least, but probably more like mid-January through 3 days ago.
So. I committed to prioritizing getting back into therapy with someone new who actually works, and to not thinking about this shit otherwise - any of it. I'm "saving it" until I'm in the company of a professional who can help me wade through all of it. Until then, my only task re: all that personal crap, is to find a counselor and make an appointment.
I've spent the couple of days since realizing that and reorienting myself feeling WAY more present with (and enjoying of) my kids. I've also done a lot of things like take a detox bath, and meditate with yoga breathing, and thoroughly clean my bedroom and bathroom so they feel better to be in.
A little thing that makes me really happy, is having something like 45 plants at this point, all alive. I think they're ranging from about 2 months to over a year old, at this point :) Mostly more than happy I'm grateful for something like peace, even if it is a "time out! Pause!" sort of interim peace.
*I've also completely changed my eating in a way I hadn't tried before, and almost a month in, feel very in control of some very big, sustainable changes, which causes sugar/grain withdrawal crap AND removes one of my biggest coping mechanisms. The trade off is, my pain is way faded and my exhaustion is almost completely gone, for a couple of weeks now (I've been eating differently and supplementing flax, fish oil and probiotics for about 3 weeks). It could just be a flare ending; or it could be a big ass deal that I've stumbled onto in my physiology. Meaning, a way to help minimize my autoimmune problems and a way to be less of a compulsive eater. It is a good thing that I feel great about, but I haven't wanted to share about it...
-the color of brains
-the concept of short term memory
-why so many cats look so similar
-how we manage to stop bleeding, once we've started
-what the deal is with absorbing some food and pooping out other food, and what goes where
Among countless other things I can't remember because I'm too tired and was just totally sidetracked by the GIANT FREAKY-CREEPY POSSUM on our deck. Gah.
The point was, she is asking these things so thoughtfully, and the major differences between answering her questions now vs any other time in her verbal life are, 1.) she actually listens carefully to my answers without interrupting, and 2.) she is remembering when we've already discussed something and not needing me to repetitively explain the same concepts (or plans we have, or things I've said she's allowed to do, and so on) again and again. One subject just naturally leads to (and ties in with) another, and I can watch her mentally connecting everything new to things she already knew.
It's pretty awesome. She's definitely in a huge cognitive leap, it is a wonder to behold :)
It also makes me nostalgic for the days when Ananda and Aaron did this, I guess because they were my first highly inquisitive children that wanted to constantly engage in grown up conversation...and also because Isaac has asked me a fraction what any of the other kids have, and Jake is much more of a quiet observer than a talker in general. I watched him from outside the kitchen today, as he got leftovers out of the fridge, found a metal pan under the oven, and then got his plate and fork ready after he got his stuff heating. Then he ate it all (rice and beans) while sitting behind Isaac, watching him play Mario on the computer. That is the sort of kid Jake often is. Both of them want us to "look" and to "come see" pretty often, usually things they built or tricks they can do, but they rarely ask us for information. If Jake does ask, it's usually for me to read to him or to cook something together. With Isaac, it's usually to go to the store (the quarter machines at Winn Dixie, or Party City where they have bins of things that cost under $1, are his favorites - it's a source of contention for us because Grant got him into those sorts of things and I would really rather he learned to save money at least for something that isn't sugar/going to be broken within the HOUR, but Isaac totally obsesses/begs/loses his damn mind if he's got so much as a dime to his name...whenever he does get to go, the requests to go again start within 24 hours).
Last week, Elise asked if there was really such a thing as an octopus, because D.W. and Arthur had been arguing about it, on PBSKids. We ended up watching hours of octopi, cuttlefish and squid (cephalopods) changing their colors, shapes, and textures, in the ocean and also in labs with scientists "testing" them and putting their skin under microscopes to try to explain what's going on as they change. She was amused by the serendipity that the next letter page in her Brainquest workbook's alphabet section was O, and she had to do a color by number that turned out to be an octopus, and write the word "octopus" a couple of times :)
Yesterday I showed her close up pictures of cat tongues when we were talking about how they bathe, and today she was lying on the floor inches from Tom, watching him clean himself, and excitedly yelling to me that she could actually see the little spikes on his tongue.
I have the same thoughts with her that I did with A&A; that homeschooling her very well is almost effortless and that I totally understand how complete (proactive, parent-facilitated) unschooling can work for a lot of kids out there. Isaac has learning and anxiety disorders that make it a little harder for me to teach him at all (along, unfortunately, with a personality clash that basically amounts to him hating my desire to talk to him for long periods, about anything, and almost always getting very distracted and interrupting me to ask questions about other stuff... I have to do things totally different with Isaac). Jake is easy to teach and relatively compliant about learning in general, but I have to have a plan and implement it, or it won't happen; it isn't like the way Elise follows me around the house nonstop, demanding to learn regardless of what I'm doing.
She literally has a notebook and pencil in her hands MOST hours of the day, for some whole weeks at a time - when she's in that phase, she just asks how to spell things one word at a time nonstop until she's spelled out messages for people, sentences she thought up, signs she can hang, etc. The best part of this for me is that by the end of every day that goes by like that, she knows new words by heart. Months ago it was only her name, then it was her name and simple things like "I," "a," "the," and "see." Now, she's starting to have an actual (small) working vocabulary of things she can write on her own :)
A lot of things have contributed to my being emotionally FRAZZLED, in recent months. The marriage problems are a big factor; the constant husband travelling, which leaves me here alone with all the kids, is another. I am definitely still always learning how to deal with life in general, without "leaning on God," although that alternates between being hard and being simple. And these past months, I've had double whammy health issues - constant pain and inflammation-exhaustion being one major challenge, and having to go through a lot of medical tests and visits for it triggering the shit out of my PTSD being another. That last one has been intense, and I don't think I realized how heavily it was playing in. I never do, at least right away, because the whole thing with PTSD is that you block everything related to it out as much as you can, with and without trying to. I actually wonder to what degree I've been blowing up any and every other issue in my life to explain the levels of anxiety and dissociation I've been dealing with, due to PTSD alone*.
I'm tired of trying to figure it out, though. I'm tired of attempting to unravel it all in general. I don't feel qualified to answer my husband's questions about how I feel about "us" - I don't KNOW how I feel, and I don't know WHY I don't know! I've been too checked out and too irritable, throughout March at least, but probably more like mid-January through 3 days ago.
So. I committed to prioritizing getting back into therapy with someone new who actually works, and to not thinking about this shit otherwise - any of it. I'm "saving it" until I'm in the company of a professional who can help me wade through all of it. Until then, my only task re: all that personal crap, is to find a counselor and make an appointment.
I've spent the couple of days since realizing that and reorienting myself feeling WAY more present with (and enjoying of) my kids. I've also done a lot of things like take a detox bath, and meditate with yoga breathing, and thoroughly clean my bedroom and bathroom so they feel better to be in.
A little thing that makes me really happy, is having something like 45 plants at this point, all alive. I think they're ranging from about 2 months to over a year old, at this point :) Mostly more than happy I'm grateful for something like peace, even if it is a "time out! Pause!" sort of interim peace.
*I've also completely changed my eating in a way I hadn't tried before, and almost a month in, feel very in control of some very big, sustainable changes, which causes sugar/grain withdrawal crap AND removes one of my biggest coping mechanisms. The trade off is, my pain is way faded and my exhaustion is almost completely gone, for a couple of weeks now (I've been eating differently and supplementing flax, fish oil and probiotics for about 3 weeks). It could just be a flare ending; or it could be a big ass deal that I've stumbled onto in my physiology. Meaning, a way to help minimize my autoimmune problems and a way to be less of a compulsive eater. It is a good thing that I feel great about, but I haven't wanted to share about it...
