(no subject)

[altarflame]

ETA: To everyone up in arms about this post: Please be advised that Oliver has free run of our entire house when we're home, is fed a wide variety of fruits and vegetables, is taken outside regularly, gets his wings and nails clipped every couple of months, and gets carried/pet/talked to A LOT. I did not even wet the damned bird, let alone hit him with anything substantial; as I said, I have no aim whatsoever. Also, I didn't really intend to hurt him. Also also, it was (as stated) REALLY OUT OF CHARACTER ON MY PART, not so different from stories I've read of mothers yelling right back at screaming toddlers and then stepping back to go "Whoa" and laugh at themselves as they realize that is obviously out of line. Seriously. Get a grip everybody. We've had him for nearly a year and he is fully feathered and gorgeous, which everyone who knows about cokatoos knows would not be the case if he were unhappy, abused or neglected. I just spent half an hour on the couch petting him under his wings as he nuzzled my neck and was thinking maybe I should clarify for whatever person is actually concerned and not just trying to be an asshole.

Yesterday Oliver, who I am constantly bringing pasta and peanut butter and vegetables and cereal to and taking out into the sunshine, bit the living fuck out of my finger. Oliver is Aaron's cockatoo. The way his previous owners disciplined him was with a spray bottle, and he hates/understands that, so we typically do the same thing (if he's screaming, or tearing up furniture, for instance). Anyway recently the spray bottle was lost, so there I am trying to be nice to him and see if he'd like to come around town with us when he lays into me. There was blood everywhere, running down my hand and dripping on the floor, and my finger was just throbbing. The kids were already out in the van waiting for me so we could take Isaac to counseling and then go to PATH, and I had my bag on my arm.

I grabbed a mug off the bar, and threw the water in it at him, and he was giving me this super aggressive attitude continuing to lunge at me with an open beak. He is really smart and has a major power struggle thing going on sometimes and I felt so irrationally pissed at him, I went and filled the mug up with water again to come back and throw that on him, too. Something in between how he was hissing and snake-striking in my direction and how I have no aim whatsoever was making me so infuriated (combined with my pulse-throbbing hand), I actually went back a third time, filled it up again, came back (dripping blood everywhere) and threw the whole mug at him. As I said, I have no aim, but at least he startled as it shattered on the floor and then I felt satisfied.

If you know me at all, you know this is extremely out of character. I was actually standing there afterward like, "Uh...." and ended up laughing hysterically about the whole situation. Stupid bird.

I'm still finding blood around!

---

Izzy and Miguel (a couple of Ananda's TLC friends) have organized some kind of "let's go chalk bomb all the sidewalks in this one park on Sunday as an April Fools thing" event, and I have decided to be philanthropic as all get out and offer up my big box of amazing oil based super vibrant chalk to them. I don't really have a sidewalk anymore so they've only come out of my closet like twice in the last 3 years. I'm still having pangs, realizing that I will probably not get anything returned to me once a group of 10 teenagers takes them for an afternoon. I can't really think of a better use, though :)

Other news:

-there are flowers everywhere. I adore it <3

-I'm on antibiotics, an inhaler and some kind of ridiculous narcotic cough medicine, for what turns out to be "acute bronchitis with broncheospasms". Already somewhat improved. Weeks of coughing fits are not hernia-friendly.

-It gets SO OLD navigating the line of keeping Memo working on my stuff but not offending his hyper divo sensibilities. We've always been like this, getting on each others' nerves but it being worth it. Ugh. He lives in this never-ending maelstrom of drama. I'm also starting to hate the line of "you are my illustrator but you're also my friend"....I do love him outside of artistry, after all. We've got a couple of pieces of his in the running to possibly be the cover of my (short stories) book about to come out and he's doing some paintings inspired by it and I love all of that, I love that I can inspire him and he thinks they're so good, but part of me is like WHY DID I SHOW HIM THE PSYCHO SHORT STORIES I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN HE WOULD COMPLETELY LOSE INTEREST IN THE CHILDRENS BOOK...which is what I really want him to work on. Nevermind my tattoo design (that was a whole argument unto itself because I hated what he sent me and he is like ADAMANT that nobody else is tattooing me). I'm layering on a lot of (honest) flattery and offering him cuts and credit but sometimes I think I need to move him into my house and feed him/give him an allowance. Somehow I don't know if that level of proximity would do us any favors.

I absolutely LOVE what he's done, though...love-love. Or else I would have fired him a long time ago :p

-I am reminding myself upteen times a day that it is a miracle that Elise talks, because BOY DOES SHE TALK. The talking does not stop. Ever. She's sitting in a chair next to me right now prattling on and on about how I need to get her more probiotics because she just ran out and wondering where I got her some sunglasses because she can't remember and asking about flavors of ice cream and the lecture she gave Sophie (cat) on not eating people food anymore because it's making her REALLY REALLY FAT. It's really like it confuses or even hurts her, to just hush for a little while because I want to concentrate on something or am talking to somebody else. There are a few repetitive things - like counting down to her birthday and how I love her because she's my little Beastie - that she wants to talk about over and over and over. She also tries to dive in and photo bomb every pic I ever take of the other kids.

Yesterday morning she had something stuck in the bottom of her hair. I'd been wanting to trim it for awhile anyway, so I just cut off the bottom inch but she was like 10 minutes late to preschool as a result. She stomped in ahead of me, threw open the door such that it banged into the wall, and Boomed out over Ms Denise reading to everyone on the carpet, "I'm LATE, because I HAD A HAIRCUT!" before plopping down with them. Ms Karla (the aid) was laughing hysterically and Ms Denise was like, well, she isn't shy anymore 0_o

-Ananda and I have finished all 19 episodes of My So-Called Life

-I want to throw out another whole-hearted endorsement of Kumon workbooks - Aaron and Isaac are both burning through the 3rd grade multiplication and Jake is burning through the 4-5-6 "Rhyming Words and Phrases", and Elise is using Upper and Lower Case letters ones as well as the cutting book.

Spectrum spelling is also better than I would have expected for Annie. Sylvan Learning language arts is really valuable but also tedious for Isaac.

-I'm trying to prioritize and figure out what kind of activities we're doing over the coming months...PATH is offering a 5 week mini-semester of enrichment classes that look great (looking at things like creative writing, ceramics, chess, guitar and biology/life science), and Greater Miami Youth Symphony camps are coming up, and those are the main things on the table. Finances, how I loathe them.

Elise is still talking, to my left. Wondering aloud about how the hat for this doll was made and remarking on how it matches the dress and asking my opinion on "fragile" (porcelain) vs Barbie dolls and what my favorite doll clothes are and GOOD GRIEF MY EYES JUST KEEP GETTING BIGGER AS I ANSWER EACH NEW QUESTION! Sheesh.

---

I've already decided I'm going to be listed on this book, and any ensuing also-crazy books, under my maiden name. Because I want to write childrens, young adult and nonfiction under my current name. But I'm being very candid and open, obviously, online about being both and so I'm not sure how much value it has. I mean...you can only achieve a certain level of success before this sort of thing is known, anyway, but..whatever.

I've been collecting poetry and trying to get it all in one place. I know poetry is not something anyone could really hope to successfully market, I just like gathering it up and reliving phrases and playing with words. I've always wanted to publish a bunch of poetry on a small scale such that I could donate copies to libraries and used book stores, just leave them around and give them away because I know there are individuals out there who enjoy it, even though it's not at all a commercial thing.

There is a certain level of deeply shameful trauma involved with sifting through old poetry. I started writing it at like, 8, and everything from then through about 15-16 is painfully terrible. Just humiliatingly melodramatic and twee. I mean...*dead*

Comments

[mama-blogess.livejournal.com]

We had a cockatiel we were told to use a spray bottle on too. It never worked, it only made everything much worse. We later found out that birds don't really respond to discipline. They never chose to be with humans so they aren't really out to please us, so the punishment reward thing just doesn't work with them. From what I learned, misbehavior stems from boredom and it takes a lot to keep a bird that smart from getting bored. I believe it was a minimum of about 4 hours a day they needed to spend out of the cage engaged in activities and play. Then they needed a lot of toys being switched out a lot in their cage to keep them from getting bored. Also, they are prey (at least the smaller ones we had were) so anything over their head that is moving will freak them out (ceiling fans, a ball, hands, etc.). You can never come at them from above, you have to always approach them from below. I don't know if any of that applies to your bird, but those are the things we learned would set ours off. Things like screeching and biting are just natural behaviors and it's hard to get them to not do them. Like I said, they never chose to live with us humans. We just captured them and put them in cages and expected them to conform to our environment and they really just don't do that very well. We stopped keeping birds at all and got a cat, which is far easier to handle.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I don't know, I grew up raising birds and we never disciplined them in any way, but Oliver really does seem to adapt his behavior. THe people we got him from claimed to have trained him to stop tearing up his paper and to quit screaming and he doesn't do any of those things. If he is making a big racket or something, that will make him stop in the moment. Larger parrots are WAY more trainable because they're so intelligent, but also way more irritating when they're not trained.

I do think proactivity is more important by far - for instance if we keep chunks of wood in his cage for him to turn into toothpicks and a cardboard box on top for him to shred into confetti, he doesn't chew up the siding by his cage or turn his wrath on our dining chairs. He has a ball with a bell in it and some hanging rope and a cage-mounted treat and things right now, all of which he plays with. He likes spending supervised time on the deck. Everyone in the house gives him attention and he comes out to the park with us and things.

[(Anonymous)]

You need to re-home the bird with someone who knows about avian behavior and who has the patience to care for him properly. I literally gasped in horror when I read about your throwing cups of water on that poor animal and then scaring him by throwing the mug. Disgusting.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I figured it would horrify at least a few people. The thing is, everyone periodically does something horrifying, most people just aren't willing to cop to it. I'm really not advocating hurled crockery as a pet owning strategy, I'm just being honest about how weird it is that I kind of lost it on this bird.

Anyway I was clipping wings and hand feeding babies at 11, and my kids go to a place called "The Aviary" on a regular basis and have their whole lives, so the problem here is clearly not my lack of knowledge of behavior.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

Also, do you have any idea at all how horrified people get when you rehome a pet? DEAR GOD MAN I had a steady stream of aghast motherfuckers for WEEKS asking tumblr questions when I rehomed a cat through a rescue.

Ultimately these decisions can't be made based on internet opinion, because ultimately there is just no pleasing anyone ;)

[keilababe.livejournal.com]

Why must the trolls always troll anon?

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

I always think the same thing. I address identified people in radically more courteous ways.

[(Anonymous)]

I posted anonymously because I no longer have a LiveJournal account. I am not a troll. I would happily own up to my comment with my real identity if I felt it would matter in any noteworthy way. (Also, why is it that anyone who does not leave fawning comments is considered a troll?). That said, I would rather be a troll than engage in cruel behavior toward innocent animals. I have a hard time seeing how anyone could condone this kind of behavior.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

I do not think anyone who doesn't leave fawning comments is a troll.

Also, you do understand that this bird was standing there dry and unharmed at the end of my episode, while I contemplated whether I'd need stitches and eventually started sweeping, right? I assure you he is happily running all over our house and grant was just snuggling with him in our bed earlier.

[darlinmom.livejournal.com]

Dear Anon, The bird bit her for pete sake! Did you really expect her to reward it? She only threw water at it! That's not really cruel behavior on her part.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

I was thinking, do these people realize birds that live in the wild get rained on? Pet stores also sell suction cupping shower perches because so many birds love that. You know, like a bird bath :p

Anyway thank you for your voice of reason. I swear I do not hurt animals in my spare time.

Also I still can't use that finger to type!

[(Anonymous)]

I appreciate your clarification and am glad to hear that you try to be mindful of your bird's needs. Throwing a cup of water on a bird out of anger/frustration does NOT equal giving a bird a bath or letting the bird play in the water or the rain, though. Your actions were punitive and meant to scare the bird. You admitted that. I'm just glad to hear that this is not regular behavior on your part.

As someone who used to care for abused and neglected birds, this just hit a sore spot with me. I don't mean to "troll"; I've just seen so many birds suffer because of ill-informed bird-owners (which I'm not saying you are) or persons who do not have the patience, resources, or lifestyle necessary to care for a bird properly. I would feel remiss if I did not speak up about it because I know what fragile, intelligent, and precious creatures parrots are.

--Rebecca

[darlinmom.livejournal.com]

You're welcome. It just hit me wrong that she over reacted so drastically. I am an animal lover too, but I have seen real animal abuse and that just didn't strike me as abuse at all. In fact, I had to giggle just a little at the mental image it conjured up of you trying so hard to get the water on him. (Sorry about that.)