Wild eyed and wound up.

[altarflame]

My ear is really getting to me. It's effecting my emotions and my whole state of mind.

I'm tired of my right ear being sore from the phone only being able to be over there.
Tired of my neck being sore from the weird positions I sleep in to avoid putting pressure on it or keeping it from draining.
Tired of saying, "What?"
Tired of CONSTANT low level pain for weeks.

There is this confusion that results from only hearing out of one side, because your brain can't triangulate locations anymore. I run around like a maniac, for instance, trying to find a phone that's ringing - spinning in circles half the time, squinting and concentrating. I think that all on it's own is giving me a headache sometimes. My kids' normal noise seems echoing and overwhelming.

I'm on a second round of a different type of antibiotics, after a couple of days of corticosteroids, and into my second bottle of prescription ear drops. I've had a wick and doctor administered antibiotic powder and What. The. HELL. is this going to take?

I'm also extremely irritated about the $500+ in Usborne orders I need to enter in that the website is not allowing me to authorize peoples' credit cards for...for some reason I can't figure out. I just feel like screaming in general.

ACTUALLY I feel like acting like a teenager.

This whole week of not sleeping, cleaning, business calls, insurance calls, doctors' appointments, money problems, never seeing Grant, putting on Real Shoes and general grownup bullshit has had me remembering high school for the first time in forever with this ridiculous longing.

My own bedroom where I could shut the door. Books, music, cat; check, check, check.
Total freedom to roam around all weekend doing whatever I wanted - Memo and I panhandling bus fare, taking the jitney to Dadeland Mall, having lunch and parking lot food fights.

I want those spiritual highs back, that I had when I was traveling with my denomination, flying into cities alone and speaking in front of huge crowds about faith. Crying on my knees in an empty cathedral I'd never seen before. Helping strangers. Swimming through a natural spring - hot, cold, hot, cold and just trees and sky overhead. Washing my hair in the lake.

I feel like ripping my skin off and screaming. Running through the rain. Stomping in puddles in the middle of the street. I used to do that during thunderstorms. You can scream really loud while long thunder is happening.

And I'm ovulating. Whoooooooooooooaaaa am I ovulating. I keep remembering Chrysanthemum dropping low, prowling all over, trying to slink out doors, howling and yowling and darting at any chance with this wild look in her eye.

I know where that gets you - she's in there now staring at the wall for the 5th straight day with seven clawing kittens piled up against her and an inability to even relax her legs without crushing any of them.

O_O

Comments

[theneolistickid.livejournal.com]

I feel the same way. Let's run away together.

Anyone can see the roads that they walk on are made of gold..

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

"the children woke up...and they couldn't find 'em....they'd left before the sun came up that day...they just went off and left it all behind them...but where were they going without ever knowing the way?"

This isn't what you want to hear...

[http://users.livejournal.com/_delphiki_/]

But this is completely and totally normal after being on prednisone. It can last up to six weeks but likely won't since you just had 2 days. I think a week or two would be right about how long it will take you to feel better.

[mommydama.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry, Tina.