Depressed Preteens, despite playing on the roof.

[altarflame]

Something about the sounds AIM makes always makes me feel like I'm in 11th grade again.

This house is getting to me tonight. There's a lot of oppressive heaviness in the evenings lately. Breaking it down:

-Ananda is depressed. We've talked about it extensively, and I'm pretty sure it's an age/stage thing. At least, it's when I suggest that as a possibility that she goes from teary eyed to crying uncontrollably and when I make jokes about that, that she laughs through the tears and seems lighter. It's hard to tell with Annie; she doesn't talk (like actual diagnosed by therapist "selective mutism" doesn't talk). I can tell it helps her, a lot, when we have the "talks" where I do all the talking and don't demand anything of her...*sigh* The thing with Annie is I have to MAKE her do anything other than read books, listen to her iPod or go to Starbucks. Also certain schoolwork. I mean seriously, she will get visibly excited about like...a proposed outing with the family to one of a few select places she likes, or the new Harry Potter movie coming out in a few months. But I have to drag her out of bed. Force her off of me as she stands there crying to drop her off at Girl Scout Camp.

And she really likes Girl Scout Camp! She comes home with stories of specific friends and the games they played everyday. She likes the lunches we pack her and she's happy that the field trip this week is to see Beezus and Ramona, which she's read. She's greeted happily by name by adults and kids as soon as they see her.

But when the sign-in time actually comes, she freezes up and physically clings to me and cries until I realize that all the back rubbing and there there'ing in the world isn't ever going to be enough, and detach her arms, and tell her I'll pick her up later, feeling like the meanest meanie ever...then she kind of takes a deep breath and I sit outside the building praying for her and spying from the car as she goes with her group to their activities. And then later I pick her up and she's happy. And smug to Aaron about how she gets to go to camp and he doesn't, because he really wishes he did.

She moans and clicks her teeth and actually shuffles her feet around, when I say to do her VERY CONSISTENLY ENFORCED chores...every single day.

She spent 35 minutes tonight, wandering in depressed circles and muttering and frowning because when I told her to brush her teeth and get ready for bed, she said she was hungry. But she didn't like any of the (plentiful) options for a before-bed snack, all of which she's eaten just fine before.

Everything is just like this with her...so I spend half an hour in my bed alone with her, talking for us both, trying to leave long silent spaces for her to just be quiet...or maybe even talk to me. And then I read her a couple of chapters and finally she seems ok-ish and goes to bed.

We did establish that she's terrified of adulthood as some looming doom on the horizon, scared of her period coming, does not see the use in boobs, and really, really wishes she hadn't shaved off half of one of her eyebrows while I was in New York. I've tried to offer to help her fill it in with an eyeliner pencil but she just changes the subject immediately. I think this is a really impossibly hard phase for her, it's PAINFUL to see the awkwardness. And she has style! She has pizazz! The other girls at camp, and the friends who want her to come over from PATH, and the bookstore girls, they all LOVE her and act like she's so awesome with her two tone hair and her wild colors and her height and she's just like...so freaked out by how she doesn't want to want a social life outside of the house, but DOES want it. Yikes man!

I wonder how much dance has to do with this. A lack of dance. I don't have to force her to dance, it's something her and Aaron do outside of the house together and most of all, it's about 6 hours per week of real high energy excercise that she just doesn't get otherwise...

I do wonder at what point I can definitely say, "this is way beyond hormonal issues or transitional states, she has inherited some serious depression and might need some help".

-AARON is depressed, which is a brand new, cast-related thing. He does not know how to deal with not being able to flip and do hand stands and climb things all day long. It's driving him crazy. He doesn't know how to not take a bath when he's itchy (SID thing) or play in the rain when he sees it start (every day). He does a lot of pacing and a lot of flopping down with big loud sighs and he can't fall asleep at night because he isn't burning off the ten million calories he usually does in a day. Instead, he spends HOURS wandering back out to me saying, "I'm sad, Mom." and "Mom, I'm depressed" and "I just don't think I can deal with this." in an Eeyore voice.

The first night, I read him extra, hung out with him extra, sent him back to bed extra.

The second night I let him have top secret (fresh baked chocoloate chip) cookies and milk with Grant and I, and then research caterpillars with him.

But it's never enough. Both of those nights I still eventually had to say GO TO BED, NOW. DO NOT GET UP AGAIN NO MATTER HOW SAD YOU FEEL. Tonight I've said that like 6 times. I'm not used to having to like, force Aaron to deal with his misery and just get and give me some space.

At least Peter infallibly follows after him, purring and rubbing.

BIG HEAVING SIGH ABOUT MY ULTRA DRAMATIC AND GENUINELY COMPLEX PRE TEENS
It is a whole different world than little kids who cry for a reason you can figure out, and then fix. That cast is stuck, and I can't magically make Ananda short enough for the mall play area again.

---

All the time...




Butternut squash soup - so much better than it looks <3


Soon to be 2 dozen muffins.


Playground by Isaac :D


Aaron's friend - it has a name. It will walk off of it's web to come get on his hand, which should not even surprise me by now...


Don't know if you can tell, but that is TWO bunches of bananas on one tree now - that new one in the front, and much more mature, almost ready ones in the back...plus almost ready ones on the other tree in the backyard...we're going to have a LOT of bananas.


I call this, "I think it's time to do the weed wacking...especially before we have another fire o_O"






On the roof. They all want turns.


Pet sitting.








This is where we discover that people on the roof can talk to people in the kitchen very easily through the (unfinished) vent.


And the bathroom exhaust fan.

---

So...my lj has over 4000 pageloads for the last recorded week. That's kind of insane. I don't usually keep track of these things, but Grant has a hit counter on it and he forwarded me his latest email about it because it was a new record. I get the suggestion on a somewhat regular basis to move it and put ads on it. I feel like it isn't a "real" blog, though - it isn't thematic and I don't update in a consistent/regular way. It's very much my online journal. My archive when I can't remember what we did for Mother's Day last year or when such and such happened or I want to review a year. Monetizing hobbies doesn't tend to work out for me (see: http://textile_junkie.livejournal.com ).

But I'm thinking about various things anyway. Like making it available for Kindles and Nooks since apparently a lot of people who read here have or want one of those, and that is an easy thing to do without changing anything (like the url). I found the way to do that by accident while browsing Kindle features and pricing with Ananda this morning over breakfast.

And...I don't know. Maybe it makes sense to put ads on it. I'm going to do this all the time whether it's making money or not, so why not make money? YOU TELL ME.

[Poll #1601068]

Comments

[ecosopher.livejournal.com]

I just wanted to add that I have no idea how easy it would be to move your journal, which is why I voted on Grant making you one, and the reason that I would probably mean to read your journal but end up falling behind with that is that I'm lazy, and I tend to stick to reading my friends'list, so if you weren't on it, I'd probably visit a whole lot less often (man, is that even proper grammar?!) Just thoughts.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

That is me, too, and a huge part of why I've traditionally stuck with LJ. I hate when people leave LJ and I can't see them all on my friends' page. But, in a nod to the other side, you can get it all on a google reader or even on lj with an RSS feed, I don't know man I am not very tech savvy.

It seems to me from the numbers that the vast majority of people reading are NOT seeing me on their friends' pages. I only have like 219 people who list me as a friend but like 1200 unique visitors per week as an average (and showing up in friends pages doesn't even get logged in a hit counter at all, unless they click to see a cut or comment). But the people who ARE, are a lot of my favorites, because it's people I've gotten to know to some greater or lesser degree.

I wonder if there's any point to something like cross-posting and having ads on the other site but still keeping this...

[(Anonymous)]

I imported all my old lj posts into my website with ease - as it was automated... the comments were imported too... attackedbyalion.com

-Scrotie McBoogerBalls

[sandramort.livejournal.com]

ALL of them? Really? With all of the comments? So cool.

[sandramort.livejournal.com]

I would faithfully add you to my google reader list and then ignore it like I ignore everybody else. :)

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

Right. I get this.

[its-jemma.livejournal.com]

elise is actually a miniature version of you, right down to the big hair!

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

I KNOW!! She is my slightly paler clone.

[daveandmonika.livejournal.com]

If you posted a link in your LJ to your new site every time it was updated I would definitely go read it (I have comics on my FL who do that) but if you totally leave LJ I will likely only remember to check it every once in a while, if it has an easy to remember name or is easily googleable.

[sandramort.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'd click on a link on lj if you posted one.

[noelove.livejournal.com]

1. Annie sounds like a completely normal pre-hormonal pre-teenager. I was TOTALLY like that. Completely. To a T. It was like you were describing me at that age dude.

2. Poor Aaron. I totally get it. But if he's heard you talking about Annie being 'sad' and 'depressed' he also might be using those words to get attention. Yah it fucking sucks to have a cast on his arm, but there are other things he can do, he just needs to figure out what they are.

Website.
1. Get a wordpress because you can hook up to more blogs that way. They also have more customization that other places, more support and just is all around awesome. You can set private, filtered posts on Wordpress too. Your comment settings can be the same as eljay. The backend looks REALLY similar to LJ's Rich Text Edit. Its all super user friendly. They also have built in areas for RSS feeds, Feed burner, google analyitics, google adwords and other fun tracking goodies.

2. Anyone who says they won't follow you is stupid because you can easily set up a RSS feed here on eljay. It would just be up to YOU to come back over here and answer comments on the rss feed, OR ask people to pop over to your blog to comment there. Its not hard.

3. I use AdblockPlus, so I rarely see ads on people's websites so it doesn't bother me in the least. However, I would be willing to turn it off on your site to click some links and make you some money.

4. You do realize you'd have to get a twitter to announce you have a new blog post up right? More traffic = more money. That is something I cannot wait to see. haha

5. I offer my design services to you if Grant wants to do the ugly backend stuff or if he's busy, I can help you set up a wordpress.

6. I *THINK* you can archive LJ and upload it to wordpress, I'll have to look. here's one and I'm sure there are others Grant can look up.

From a financial stand point I think its a good idea. Sure you might lose some readers, but you'll also gain a fuckton more. However, it will also split your time between your blog, and actually reading and commenting on your friends journals over here at eljay. Oh wait. You don't do that already. :P

You'll be able to sell ad space to companies and WAHM's you like, and or gift them to start up WAHMs. its really a great idea.

[sandramort.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've been playing with wordpress and it's not hard at all. Dh wants to pimp me out by fall, so I have to learn fast once school starts and the house is a bit quieter!

[(Anonymous)]

Oh, you been playing with wordpress, you're so cool.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

1. Thinking about it...
2. RSS feed is good.
3. :)
4. EWW!! Eww eww eww!!!
5. Aww :)
6. Thank you.

Shush you - I do to read and I comment!

I didn't even consider things like selling adspace to specific people I was just thinking of, like, google adwords.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

That makes me wonder if I should just consider like a sticky postdated ad for someone at the top of my freakin lj. I can think outside the box, damnitt! :p

[theneolistickid.livejournal.com]

It's against LJ terms of service. :(

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

Stupid. "ONLY WE CAN PROFIT FROM THIS SITE off of your content!"

[noelove.livejournal.com]

Seriously. Once you get google analytics in place, you can show people your hits, and thus charge accordingly. You can run specials for WAHPs, small business, etc. It will take a little time to get out there, but can really pick up once you do.

YES TWITTER. MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

[breathbox.livejournal.com]

marin did the same thing w/ her eyebrow! pencil helped.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

My mom shaved both completely off, the second after she was desperate for a way to make the first being gone look less obvious o_O Perhaps this is a rite of passage...

[breathbox.livejournal.com]

maybe! all i know is that the look on marin's face when i came home and discovered she'd done that was so sad/sick. i kept asking her 'what'd you break?' and finally she yelped 'MY FACE'! it was very traumatic worrying about school/what the kids would think...but after awhile she and her friends had a good laugh about it...

[sandramort.livejournal.com]

The shoemaker's children are always barefoot. I wouldn't count on dh making you a site. My dh promised to do mine at least a year ago and the only thing that's happened is that this summer he decided that I need to learn to do it myself, so once the kids are back in school, he's teaching be php and goodness knows what else.

I would mean to follow you, but I never remember anything outside of fb and lj. I have close RL friends whose blogs I never check, too. I'd he sad if you left.

I ignore ads.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

The shoemaker's children are always barefoot.

You would not BELIEVE how often we use this phrase around here!!! Yeah, I'd be quicker to go to wordpress or something with a cross post or RSS feed I think...

And I know what you mean about meaning to get to peoples' sites but just not managing :/ I would have to maintain this lj at least as a way to read. *sigh*

[(Anonymous)]

i would also like to say that i feel for annie!

i remember telling my mom about a month or two after i turned 10 (may 1995!) that i did not want to grow up and i wanted to be a baby forever. and crying hysterically about it.

it's such a tough age/stage.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

Aww...I never had those talks with my mom. I was all eagerness to be older all the time. I had a weird family dynamic though, wherein I didn't really get to be a kid...

Maybe I should try to view it that way, like at least she's in a healthy enough environment to be doing this the normal way!

[keilababe.livejournal.com]

I'm all for you making money, but please just make it easy for me to read you. lol

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

haha, I will try!

[emeraldrabbit.livejournal.com]

I'm just going to put it all here because the poll doesn't feel like I could say it properly.

I would be totally fine with you having ads. Rephrased, you can do whatever you want and it's none of my business. I really hate pop ups (but I'd deal with them if I had to to read your blog) and don't mind sidebar and top/bottom ads at all because I mentally screen them out.

The only real issue for me is the other-site-besides-LJ thing. I read everything you post, even if I don't always comment (and lately life is obviously chaotic and occasionally fine and occasionally terrible, so I've been a pretty spotty LJ friend) because it shows up right on my friends list. Well, I enjoy reading you anyways and I'd add you to my list of blogs I read offsite through Google Reader, but Google Reader doesn't show the ads from the original sites, so that wouldn't help you. And I'd try to go directly to the site sometimes to give you the ad revenue, but honestly, I'd probably forget a lot because life is busy and that sort of detail would register low on my "AHH THINGS THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO DO IMMEDIATELY!!!" scale. Not that YOU do, but you know what I mean.

But you are awesome and wherever you go, I'll definitely be reading.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

Thanks Julie. I would definitely have to do it as an RSS feed here on LJ or whatever. The vast majority of people reading me are NOT reading me on an lj friends' page, if my hit counter is telling the truth...

:)

[emeraldrabbit.livejournal.com]

That actually solves the problem quite a bit, because the majority of your readers would still be going directly to the main page with the ads. Perfect! :)

[wanderinganima.livejournal.com]

I would still read you I AM HOOKED! LOL :)
I hope both A&A feel better soon.
The Pics are beautiful as always ...

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

haha, thank you.

Ananda, I was thinking and talking to someone else and I'm hoping that making sure she gets more sleep during the weeks she goes to camp (as it's a radical departure from our normal schedule) helps.

[theneolistickid.livejournal.com]

My gut feeling is that ad-ifying your blog on another site wouldn't be worth it. 4k page views a month is not that much in web-advertising terms and you can expect way less visitors if you move to a different site.

Here is an interesting read: http://www.problogger.net/archives/2006/02/23/how-much-money-can-a-blog-earn/

That being said, I think you definitely COULD put your writing skills to work and make a really popular thematic blog. But it would require a lot of work.

googly eyes

[theneolistickid.livejournal.com]

 

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

A week, mister.

I was thinking of cross posting as an experiment. I was reading about some ways to get more traffic. I think that people really do FIND you more if you have a wordpress or blogspot blog.

But I'll read that later and tell you what I think.

I definitely do not want to try to WRITE write for a blog. If I can carve out that time it can go to something I'm passionate or at least inspired about.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

Hmm...thank him for his input :)

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

I'm trying to be more open to the idea that a writing career, over the next twenty years, is NOT going to be what a writing career has been over the last twenty years. It's a process for me to accept, as the last twenty years is the time I developed my dreams and ideals over ;)

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

I feel it's very fragmented by my unwillingness to conform to certain facets of each of those genres. In general you're not supposed to post pictures at McDonald's on natural organic living blogs, or go a couple of weeks without mentioning your kids much on a parenting blog - you know? Also my Christianity here is so fragmented - I'm sure that could speak to other people who feel out of place or confused about their beliefs but in general it's not like I can say, "this is a Catholic blog" OR "this is a non-Catholic blog". Also I do a lot of drawing in homeschoolers and the orthodox of all faiths, who are then (I imagine?) horrified when I go on about my period or start cussing.

I dunno.

[noelove.livejournal.com]

AND TWITTER. Im telling you dude. You get hooked up with some of the more popular bitches on twitter and the mommy bloggers. Start commenting on their posts and htey have this commenty thing where it automatically links your latest post in your comment, then they start RTing you and talking about you on their blogs and you can have one of their buttons on yours and vice versa.

Yah, you could get more like 4k hits a day once you got rolling.

NOT THAT YOU DON'T HAVE OTHER THINGS TO DO YOU KNOW.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

I don't know. Maybe-ish :p

There are days when I just do not get anywhere near a computer. That has to be part of "the plan".

[sistersunshine.livejournal.com]

I would add you to my google reader. I think you would get more visitors on another site. I think it definitely doesn't hurt to try it out for a while, as long as you are still posting in LJ as well.

[crustyshoes.livejournal.com]

For people who still wanted to read you without leaving LJ, you could make an RS feed for your blog. Wont help with the ads or page counts, but at least it leaves the LJ option. One of my friends did that for my craft blog, and I have both Postsecret and Dooce feeds on my LJ.

[babyslime.livejournal.com]

I've been asked multiple times to move off LJ and do something from my own site... which I have considered, but I would never move away from LJ completely. I love the site way too much. I'd just cross-post. It's easy enough to just copy paste to a few desktop clients anyway, I've been doing that for 7 years already.

If you moved off LJ I'd continue to read you through an RSS feed, but wouldn't comment as much I don't think.