(no subject)
May. 4th, 2010 04:15 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
altarflameSo tonight I was sitting out here at the computer in the dining room, facebook chatting with Grant (who is at work). Then after awhile I went in my bedroom, and Ananda and Aaron are in my freaking computer chair, where facebook had been left open, watching me and Daddy's conversation unfold.
This is one of many situations lately where they are testing their boundaries in a major way and I'm not quite sure how to respond to it. They laughed a lot when I came in and it was clear they thought they were hilarious, not "caught" at something terrible. And in some ways that's all it is. But I'd been talking to G about how Aaron really seems so ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM sometimes lately that I want to tear my hair out, and then other times I think, no, he's just trying to be funny/he's still in control of himself as he acts like a loon - yet then again, he has no sense of tact or appropriateness with humor because of SID. It's just not a conversation I would have typed out for Aaron to read, especially laced with cursing and with things thrown out flippantly. He didn't seem phased. BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT.
I tried to level with them (because sometimes I see them sitting down at my formspring or friends' page and have to shoo them away and close things but we haven't really talked about it); "Sometimes me and Dad talk about sex and you probably wouldn't want to see it. Sometimes people I know on the internet talk about all kinds of innapropriate things. What if I'd been telling him what we want to get Annie for her birthday? Ya'll cannot be peeping my shit." That is paraphrased. They got moderately abashed. So now we have CONSEQUENCES (echo) pending should they go snooping around in my e-life anymore.
One thing I'd been telling Grant about was this Regretsy post - http://www.regretsy.com/2010/05/03/thats-nacho-ipod/ I've lol'd several times tonight about this. It keeps hitting me anew. Oh man Regretsy, how I love you.
On Sunday evening we went to the Dance Empire company party. It's held at the studio owner's parents' house, which is...insane. I walked through the middle of the house to get to the backyard without going inside. Think about that.
They had 3 different massive jumbo bounce house things set up in the backyard - like one had an inflatable obstacle course in it and one sprayed water from all sorts of hoses inside - along with a BIG rock climbing wall and this other thing kids could strap themselves into and spin all over the place, and still - the owners' pet cemetary, a gazebo, a BASKETBALL COURT they were doing dance performances on with big groups, a freaking pool, enough patio to have many tables of catered food set up, an outdoor (but indoor, if that makes sense) bathroom, a butterfly garden - I'm talking about a backyard here. The backyard of a house with multiple large balconies. We almost ran over a fucking peacock on the way there, as it ran out into the road o_O
I was really irritated with Ananda and Aaron for two reasons at this event:
1. It had been going on all day and we were very late, missing the part where Aaron's group performed as well as the chance to have a ton of free family recreating when we were wanted there - because I WASN'T TOLD IT WAS HAPPENING. Or given the papers that were sent home to inform me of it. I spent the first half of the day confused and trying to text people back and forth who were at a loud and crowded place where they frequently couldn't hear their phones. Google Maps sent me 20 minutes north of the correct location. A lot of argh.
2. A and A had the nerve to be mad and whiney that we were late and they missed performing and swimming and stuff as though it were my fault I didn't magically divine that a massive party was happening in the swankiest part of Pinecrest.
Upon arriving someone took this picture of us, which I was linked to on facebook tonight.
What a bunch of ragamuffins. Also, is it me or am I seeming shorter and shorter amongst my children?
We were leaving the party in perfect weather with every one of them carrying a juice box and A and A in brand new company tshirts that had been passed out, with both of them huffing and adding "-uh" to the end of everything (I wanted to swim-uh, I didn't get to do the good stuff-uh...say it in a really whiny voice and it makes sense). And I gave them this speech about perspective - how they could choose to feel two different ways about the day because both were reality:
1. They could think how they missed swimming and spinning around in a cool thing and didn't get to perform and we showed up late and it was a massive celebration they should have been at.
2. They could think how we got to see a peacock and a really amazing house, say hi to a lot of people they like, eat big plates of yummy free food including a ton of cake, get cool new DE shirts for free, drink juice boxes and now the weather was perfect.
The good thing is that this actually worked, both of them visibly thought about it and noticeably shifted their attitudes. The bad news is this is like the third time in a week I had to give them a similar speech. I actually laid into Aaron bigtime at Publix a couple of Saturdays ago, he was acting all miserable and making this speech about how he'd had to wait in the customer service line and now he was having to wait to eat his sushi while I shopped for stuff I wanted and I was like, DUDE! ARE YOU SERIOUS? You know what I've done today? I've gotten up earlier than I wanted to and left your Dad, who's been working all week, to drive you half an hour to a special rehearsal so you could dance. And now I'm buying you sushi we can barely even afford, because you love it and it's good for you. Do you think I like waiting in the customer service line or living half my life in grocery stores?
And he really does stop and think about it, and apologize in a seemingly sincere way, and that is great, but sometimes I think about how adversity breeds character and these kids can't even conceive of what my childhood was like.
-waiting, bored out of my mind, in the hot and loud laundromat for hours
-waiting, bored and having to be really still and quiet, at the bank
-waiting, bored, FOR MANY MANY HOURS with it smelling bad, at the DCF office
-waiting in the back of a REALLY HOT CAR for someone to come and fix it because we'd broken down and nobody had cell phones then
-standing in lines and sitting in desks, in school, and getting your name written down if you talked
-walking miles along the edge of a highway in the blazing sun to the grocery store
-being woken up at a certain time regardless of whether or not I was done sleeping yet and having to hurry up and get ready all bleary-eyed
All of those things were like, regular activities, for us as kids. Those were familiar scenarios and in some cases daily life. And my kids have no experience at all with any of it. I don't begrudge them their entitlement, but I do think about how, for example, Harry Potter gained a lot of his awesomeness by being orphaned and then being locked in a cupboard under the stairs with the spiders. He didn't have any kind of freaking loft bed with his named wood burned from a little sign that dangled from it.
Then I get in this ridiculous situation where I'm comforting myself with the hardships my kids have had to face, like, ok, dead pets, yes, I can count at least 4 - no, SIX instances of a beloved pet dying in the last 3-4 years that depressed all of them terribly after initial periods of crying. They have a lot more daily chores than most kids their ages, and geez, you want to talk about the "mom being hospitalized" stuff - what am I even worried about?
*sigh* I have really high standards...I fully expect all of them to be able to sit in the van as many hours at a time are necessary without complaints, to sit through Mass and to go to restaurants without causing any sort of disturbance.
This is how it goes in my head, round and round.
Elise's birthday went great. Bob and Robby hung out, me and Laura and Robby hung out (and laughed hysterically), Grant Sr got to be with all the kids for awhile like he always wants to. Annie and Patrice had a great time together. We went as a family with Shaun to eat pizza afterwards.
She loves the doll I made her, and carries her around all day everyday. I am dissapointed in the doll on a lot of levels, but happy that she is happy and so that makes it "enough".
I have more pics I want to post, a ton actually from all sorts of things, but for now...sleeeeep. Grant just finally walked in the door (at 4:15am...)
This is one of many situations lately where they are testing their boundaries in a major way and I'm not quite sure how to respond to it. They laughed a lot when I came in and it was clear they thought they were hilarious, not "caught" at something terrible. And in some ways that's all it is. But I'd been talking to G about how Aaron really seems so ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM sometimes lately that I want to tear my hair out, and then other times I think, no, he's just trying to be funny/he's still in control of himself as he acts like a loon - yet then again, he has no sense of tact or appropriateness with humor because of SID. It's just not a conversation I would have typed out for Aaron to read, especially laced with cursing and with things thrown out flippantly. He didn't seem phased. BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT.
I tried to level with them (because sometimes I see them sitting down at my formspring or friends' page and have to shoo them away and close things but we haven't really talked about it); "Sometimes me and Dad talk about sex and you probably wouldn't want to see it. Sometimes people I know on the internet talk about all kinds of innapropriate things. What if I'd been telling him what we want to get Annie for her birthday? Ya'll cannot be peeping my shit." That is paraphrased. They got moderately abashed. So now we have CONSEQUENCES (echo) pending should they go snooping around in my e-life anymore.
One thing I'd been telling Grant about was this Regretsy post - http://www.regretsy.com/2010/05/03/thats-nacho-ipod/ I've lol'd several times tonight about this. It keeps hitting me anew. Oh man Regretsy, how I love you.
On Sunday evening we went to the Dance Empire company party. It's held at the studio owner's parents' house, which is...insane. I walked through the middle of the house to get to the backyard without going inside. Think about that.
They had 3 different massive jumbo bounce house things set up in the backyard - like one had an inflatable obstacle course in it and one sprayed water from all sorts of hoses inside - along with a BIG rock climbing wall and this other thing kids could strap themselves into and spin all over the place, and still - the owners' pet cemetary, a gazebo, a BASKETBALL COURT they were doing dance performances on with big groups, a freaking pool, enough patio to have many tables of catered food set up, an outdoor (but indoor, if that makes sense) bathroom, a butterfly garden - I'm talking about a backyard here. The backyard of a house with multiple large balconies. We almost ran over a fucking peacock on the way there, as it ran out into the road o_O
I was really irritated with Ananda and Aaron for two reasons at this event:
1. It had been going on all day and we were very late, missing the part where Aaron's group performed as well as the chance to have a ton of free family recreating when we were wanted there - because I WASN'T TOLD IT WAS HAPPENING. Or given the papers that were sent home to inform me of it. I spent the first half of the day confused and trying to text people back and forth who were at a loud and crowded place where they frequently couldn't hear their phones. Google Maps sent me 20 minutes north of the correct location. A lot of argh.
2. A and A had the nerve to be mad and whiney that we were late and they missed performing and swimming and stuff as though it were my fault I didn't magically divine that a massive party was happening in the swankiest part of Pinecrest.
Upon arriving someone took this picture of us, which I was linked to on facebook tonight.
What a bunch of ragamuffins. Also, is it me or am I seeming shorter and shorter amongst my children?
We were leaving the party in perfect weather with every one of them carrying a juice box and A and A in brand new company tshirts that had been passed out, with both of them huffing and adding "-uh" to the end of everything (I wanted to swim-uh, I didn't get to do the good stuff-uh...say it in a really whiny voice and it makes sense). And I gave them this speech about perspective - how they could choose to feel two different ways about the day because both were reality:
1. They could think how they missed swimming and spinning around in a cool thing and didn't get to perform and we showed up late and it was a massive celebration they should have been at.
2. They could think how we got to see a peacock and a really amazing house, say hi to a lot of people they like, eat big plates of yummy free food including a ton of cake, get cool new DE shirts for free, drink juice boxes and now the weather was perfect.
The good thing is that this actually worked, both of them visibly thought about it and noticeably shifted their attitudes. The bad news is this is like the third time in a week I had to give them a similar speech. I actually laid into Aaron bigtime at Publix a couple of Saturdays ago, he was acting all miserable and making this speech about how he'd had to wait in the customer service line and now he was having to wait to eat his sushi while I shopped for stuff I wanted and I was like, DUDE! ARE YOU SERIOUS? You know what I've done today? I've gotten up earlier than I wanted to and left your Dad, who's been working all week, to drive you half an hour to a special rehearsal so you could dance. And now I'm buying you sushi we can barely even afford, because you love it and it's good for you. Do you think I like waiting in the customer service line or living half my life in grocery stores?
And he really does stop and think about it, and apologize in a seemingly sincere way, and that is great, but sometimes I think about how adversity breeds character and these kids can't even conceive of what my childhood was like.
-waiting, bored out of my mind, in the hot and loud laundromat for hours
-waiting, bored and having to be really still and quiet, at the bank
-waiting, bored, FOR MANY MANY HOURS with it smelling bad, at the DCF office
-waiting in the back of a REALLY HOT CAR for someone to come and fix it because we'd broken down and nobody had cell phones then
-standing in lines and sitting in desks, in school, and getting your name written down if you talked
-walking miles along the edge of a highway in the blazing sun to the grocery store
-being woken up at a certain time regardless of whether or not I was done sleeping yet and having to hurry up and get ready all bleary-eyed
All of those things were like, regular activities, for us as kids. Those were familiar scenarios and in some cases daily life. And my kids have no experience at all with any of it. I don't begrudge them their entitlement, but I do think about how, for example, Harry Potter gained a lot of his awesomeness by being orphaned and then being locked in a cupboard under the stairs with the spiders. He didn't have any kind of freaking loft bed with his named wood burned from a little sign that dangled from it.
Then I get in this ridiculous situation where I'm comforting myself with the hardships my kids have had to face, like, ok, dead pets, yes, I can count at least 4 - no, SIX instances of a beloved pet dying in the last 3-4 years that depressed all of them terribly after initial periods of crying. They have a lot more daily chores than most kids their ages, and geez, you want to talk about the "mom being hospitalized" stuff - what am I even worried about?
*sigh* I have really high standards...I fully expect all of them to be able to sit in the van as many hours at a time are necessary without complaints, to sit through Mass and to go to restaurants without causing any sort of disturbance.
This is how it goes in my head, round and round.
Elise's birthday went great. Bob and Robby hung out, me and Laura and Robby hung out (and laughed hysterically), Grant Sr got to be with all the kids for awhile like he always wants to. Annie and Patrice had a great time together. We went as a family with Shaun to eat pizza afterwards.
She loves the doll I made her, and carries her around all day everyday. I am dissapointed in the doll on a lot of levels, but happy that she is happy and so that makes it "enough".
I have more pics I want to post, a ton actually from all sorts of things, but for now...sleeeeep. Grant just finally walked in the door (at 4:15am...)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-05-04 08:58 am (UTC)And happy birthday to Elise!
no subject
Date: 2010-05-05 12:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-04 01:40 pm (UTC)And while it's true that I've seen a lot of people spoil their kids rotten in trying to give them what they didn't have when they were younger, I don't think your kids are spoiled at all. It's not like they snap their fingers and get whatever they want! :)
no subject
Date: 2010-05-05 12:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-04 02:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-05 12:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-04 06:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-05 12:30 am (UTC)Do you just not like HP the character, or the whole HP story?
no subject
Date: 2010-05-05 12:39 am (UTC)I was thinking the other day about how much TV shaped my childhood. I watched lots of sitcoms and stuff like that. I feel like that made me more functional.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-05 01:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-05 01:33 am (UTC)I'm not necessarily unhappy with the way things went down, it made me who I am today.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-05 03:19 am (UTC)Re: Mmmmmm, do me, Alan Rickman.
Date: 2010-05-05 03:47 am (UTC)Re: Mmmmmm, do me, Alan Rickman.
Date: 2010-05-05 03:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-06 07:27 pm (UTC)HOWEVER... he's also more easily stressed out and took longer to 'grow up' due to not having to deal with anything challenging in his life.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-06 05:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-04 02:50 pm (UTC)That cake makes me want to put my face in it. Jump in, so to speak. Get it? Jump in? I'm such a dork. It looks way yummy though.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-05 12:36 am (UTC)That is just part of my crazy thought process here. I think you are probably right. It's almost hard for me to imagine Zoe acting entitled.
You know I was going back in my archives a coupleof days ago for a formspring answer and saw comments of yours where you said Mari and at first I thought it was a typo. Then I remembered that's what you ALWAYS used to call Maria. But it's been so long since I saw you write it that way or heard you say it.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-05 12:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-05 12:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-05 12:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-05 12:29 am (UTC)Glad Elise's birthday went well! I thought the doll was seriously cute and I'm glad she does too :)
About the picture: yes, you're shrinking, and um, who switched Ananda with the supertall teenager? Did you fire the original actress and hire a new girl and hope the audience wouldn't notice? FYI, the new girl is, like, sixteen. Gee whiz. <3
no subject
Date: 2010-05-05 12:33 am (UTC)Thank you, about the doll :)
AND I thought of you all day the other day because I was in a Starbucks and there was this TOTAL Julie doppleganger in there, I mean it was exact...but she had a baby with her and was all glowy-gooey in love with him/her. I kept wanting to take pictures and show you what it would be like when your babylust is realized :)
no subject
Date: 2010-05-05 12:39 am (UTC)I had a dream last night that I was pregnant and going into labor but then this random dog got sick and we spent the rest of the dream taking him to the vet, and then I woke up and was SO BITTER that I missed out on the baby part of the dream. lol. I have baby dreams like, maybe once a week, and then I wake up and my ovaries explode and it sucks. I want to be glowy-gooey in love with a baby :( :( :(
no subject
Date: 2010-05-06 07:24 pm (UTC)Also: I have totally found myself doing the, "There are WORSE THINGS" to Tempest more than once. I think it's the age. The entitlement. The attitude! Good lord. She's like a teenager with her eye rolling and crossed arms and, "whatever"s.