Juxtaposition
Nov. 8th, 2008 11:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
altarflameA. My weird, warped self image is still continuously morphing and tormenting me. Sound melodramatic? IT IS, believe me. I find myself relating to the words and overall tone of things like Linkin Park's "Crawling". Perfectly fitting, yet over the top bitter and angry. Like me. Except not.
B. Elise and Jake both got sick, I spent all of yesterday pacing with a baby in arms or sitting with a baby in lap; usually whoever I was holding was fussing and whining while whoever I wasn't was screaming and clinging to my leg. About 8 hours in I spent an undetermined period of time just sitting, zombie-like, as they both nursed and rubbed snot all over me (sexy, eh?), trying not to cry with them. Then they squirmed and whimpered their way through a feverish night featuring me being peed on. *sigh* At least it was only a 24 hour bug, that doesn't seem to have spread around the house.
1. Things I LOVE about our house:
-it's our house
-lots and lots of windows and french doors make for tons of natural light
-really luxurious amounts of closet and storage space; Ananda and Aaron's room AND Grant and I's room have his and hers walk-in closets full of oragnizational shelving; our dining room has more; there's a whole giant walk in closet ROOM, with recessed shelves, in the hall, plus two other independant, normal linen closets - and an attic crawl space, and it's just great
-having two different fenced yards the size of what I consider a normal suburban backyard to be, plus the front yard
-having a nice sized front porch, a huge side deck, and a little narrow "alley" that we plan to convert to an adult space (Since the kids get the side yard and the backyard is functional)
-huge kitchen adjacent to large dining room
-two very big, accomadating bathrooms, with things like 2 sinks in each, massive mirrors, and my garden tub
-having more than one "living room", so that we can set up a tv totally separate from the main room you walk into
Sometimes I really just can't get over this house. It is made for us. And yet it's still unbelievable that it all...belongs to us! I love it.
2. This has been an incredible week for Ananda. First, she had a good counseling appointment. Second, she started reading a chapter book rapidly and for pleasure with good comprehension, on her own, for the first time. Third, at her soccer game on Friday night, three different times I saw her intercept the ball from her defense line and kick it OVER THE HEADS of the opposing team and way back down the field towards her own goal. She is a very unmotivated player, usually, she tends to be doing things like biting her nails and scratching her knee on her defense line for most of the game, and these are kicks I've never seen any of the other girls do anything like, so it was pretty awesome. One of them resulted in an almost immediate goal for her team, too :D It happened to be the first game of the season that they won, so she was a bouncy chipper soccer player all night afterwards.
THEN. Today, apparently, in musical theater, she actually got up and did free style dancing to Mamma Mia in front of her class :O If you know anything about Annie...it's a big deal. Ingrid (the teacher) was asking them all to do this but everyone was afraid: Ananda and another girl were talking about how they both have the album at home and dance to it in their rooms throughout the week, so maybe they could. The other girl went first. But, man. This is such a liberating sort of WOW, for her! She said Ingrid loved her moves and that after she went everyone kind of loosened up and all but one girl took a turn. She was glowing.
We also went to Brian's birthday party today, and she picked out the gift he really fell in love with and obsessed over, and wouldn't put down for the rest of the party.
I am very happy for all of this. The past couple of weeks have held a few too many really depressed days for her, so much dragging and laziness and apathy.
Apparently kids at AWANA asked A and A who their family voted for. The askers' families voted for McCain, and when A and A said Obama, the other kids said, "Don't your parents know he is for abortion?" Annie said she answered, "Yeah, that's the only thing we don't like about him."
At soccer, Aaron's best friend (who's name is also Aaron) asked who his parents voted for in an anxious way, and when Aaron said Obama he was like, "Whew! Mine too. I'm glad you're on our side".
W.T.F.
On the way home from dance and lunch with G, today, in addition to the copious normal stickers and signs everywhere, I saw what looked like an individual printing job on a bumper sticker, reading; "Obama WILL destroy us..."
Sometimes I think people need to calm the hell down.
My biggest new committment, and our biggest challenge as a family right now...is staying home. There are mountains of clean laundry not being put away, mountains of dirty laundry not being done, grit not getting swept off the floor, renovations unfinished, crafts with materials purchased but left unstarted...because we are simply never here. In our beautiful, OWN house.
Today it was dance classes and lunch with Daddy like usual, but also cousin Brian's birthday party.
Yesterday, the kids were sick so they and I were here but helpless to accomplish anything, and then soccer games.
Thursday, Ananda had counseling up in Kendall, then Laura asked us to come over for the afternoon, and then soccer practice.
Wednesday Grant and I took the gang up to Whole Foods for a couple of specialty things, and there's AWANA in the evening.
Tuesday I had two appts - the chiro and for bloodwork - and they have soccer practice in the evening, and we needed to go to the grocery store.
Everyone wants to plan a camping trip, we just got back from a vacation, tomorrow we'll be going to church and then, since the nanny will be here for the first time in over a week, G and I will have lunch and a movie or something.
When are we supposed to knit? Sew? Cook good things that aren't apples and cheese or chinese takeout? When are we supposed to have the alarm guys come fix their thing that needs fixing or plant a garden, or tend it? I hate this, but I feel like everything we're doing is important or at least beneficial and nice.
So far the only things I've been able to think of to help us stay HERE more are:
-turn Laura down on principle for the next couple of weeks (even though we're isolated stay at home moms and enjoy each others' company?)
-postpone playdates with an AWANA family I just realized is around the corner when we trick or treated, the mom of 7 who goes to the bookstore, Kristin and Michelle-mom-of-6...even though my kids are homeschooled and we'd all love it?
-use the nanny time when G IS home for double teaming home projects...instead of enjoying our shot at couples time?
This isn't working at all. I don't want one of those stereotypical always-running suburban soccer mom lives, but, well. I dunno.
I did order groceries to be delivered. I guess that is something.
EXTREME CHANGE: I, (1) figured out what was keeping me from sleeping. It's all wrapped up in my brain with the fight to stay alive last Fall, and general anesthesia knocking me out, and trying to maintain my semi-conscious haze in the ICU. I'm afraid of dying and sleep started feeling too vulnerable. Months have passed with me sleeping from, like, 5 am to 8:30 am daily. It was causing major problems. Knowing was half the battle. Then I (2) had a catalyst for change. My ear infection was so painful and so draining, and three nights in a row I went to bed on Vicodin, WAY earlier than normal (like midnight) and slept all the way through with no nightmares (!!). Since then, for A WEEK, I've been going to bed between midnight and 3 and sleeping through. Something got knocked back into place, in my head, and now I can get sleepy and get comfortable and enjoy it and lay down like a normal person again, without any anxiousness or panic or flashbacks or other hoohaw.
THE PROBLEM is that this means I'm not even up at night doing cleaning, crafting, planning, or commenting. So time has just sort of...dissapeared, for me O_o
B. Elise and Jake both got sick, I spent all of yesterday pacing with a baby in arms or sitting with a baby in lap; usually whoever I was holding was fussing and whining while whoever I wasn't was screaming and clinging to my leg. About 8 hours in I spent an undetermined period of time just sitting, zombie-like, as they both nursed and rubbed snot all over me (sexy, eh?), trying not to cry with them. Then they squirmed and whimpered their way through a feverish night featuring me being peed on. *sigh* At least it was only a 24 hour bug, that doesn't seem to have spread around the house.
1. Things I LOVE about our house:
-it's our house
-lots and lots of windows and french doors make for tons of natural light
-really luxurious amounts of closet and storage space; Ananda and Aaron's room AND Grant and I's room have his and hers walk-in closets full of oragnizational shelving; our dining room has more; there's a whole giant walk in closet ROOM, with recessed shelves, in the hall, plus two other independant, normal linen closets - and an attic crawl space, and it's just great
-having two different fenced yards the size of what I consider a normal suburban backyard to be, plus the front yard
-having a nice sized front porch, a huge side deck, and a little narrow "alley" that we plan to convert to an adult space (Since the kids get the side yard and the backyard is functional)
-huge kitchen adjacent to large dining room
-two very big, accomadating bathrooms, with things like 2 sinks in each, massive mirrors, and my garden tub
-having more than one "living room", so that we can set up a tv totally separate from the main room you walk into
Sometimes I really just can't get over this house. It is made for us. And yet it's still unbelievable that it all...belongs to us! I love it.
2. This has been an incredible week for Ananda. First, she had a good counseling appointment. Second, she started reading a chapter book rapidly and for pleasure with good comprehension, on her own, for the first time. Third, at her soccer game on Friday night, three different times I saw her intercept the ball from her defense line and kick it OVER THE HEADS of the opposing team and way back down the field towards her own goal. She is a very unmotivated player, usually, she tends to be doing things like biting her nails and scratching her knee on her defense line for most of the game, and these are kicks I've never seen any of the other girls do anything like, so it was pretty awesome. One of them resulted in an almost immediate goal for her team, too :D It happened to be the first game of the season that they won, so she was a bouncy chipper soccer player all night afterwards.
THEN. Today, apparently, in musical theater, she actually got up and did free style dancing to Mamma Mia in front of her class :O If you know anything about Annie...it's a big deal. Ingrid (the teacher) was asking them all to do this but everyone was afraid: Ananda and another girl were talking about how they both have the album at home and dance to it in their rooms throughout the week, so maybe they could. The other girl went first. But, man. This is such a liberating sort of WOW, for her! She said Ingrid loved her moves and that after she went everyone kind of loosened up and all but one girl took a turn. She was glowing.
We also went to Brian's birthday party today, and she picked out the gift he really fell in love with and obsessed over, and wouldn't put down for the rest of the party.
I am very happy for all of this. The past couple of weeks have held a few too many really depressed days for her, so much dragging and laziness and apathy.
Apparently kids at AWANA asked A and A who their family voted for. The askers' families voted for McCain, and when A and A said Obama, the other kids said, "Don't your parents know he is for abortion?" Annie said she answered, "Yeah, that's the only thing we don't like about him."
At soccer, Aaron's best friend (who's name is also Aaron) asked who his parents voted for in an anxious way, and when Aaron said Obama he was like, "Whew! Mine too. I'm glad you're on our side".
W.T.F.
On the way home from dance and lunch with G, today, in addition to the copious normal stickers and signs everywhere, I saw what looked like an individual printing job on a bumper sticker, reading; "Obama WILL destroy us..."
Sometimes I think people need to calm the hell down.
My biggest new committment, and our biggest challenge as a family right now...is staying home. There are mountains of clean laundry not being put away, mountains of dirty laundry not being done, grit not getting swept off the floor, renovations unfinished, crafts with materials purchased but left unstarted...because we are simply never here. In our beautiful, OWN house.
Today it was dance classes and lunch with Daddy like usual, but also cousin Brian's birthday party.
Yesterday, the kids were sick so they and I were here but helpless to accomplish anything, and then soccer games.
Thursday, Ananda had counseling up in Kendall, then Laura asked us to come over for the afternoon, and then soccer practice.
Wednesday Grant and I took the gang up to Whole Foods for a couple of specialty things, and there's AWANA in the evening.
Tuesday I had two appts - the chiro and for bloodwork - and they have soccer practice in the evening, and we needed to go to the grocery store.
Everyone wants to plan a camping trip, we just got back from a vacation, tomorrow we'll be going to church and then, since the nanny will be here for the first time in over a week, G and I will have lunch and a movie or something.
When are we supposed to knit? Sew? Cook good things that aren't apples and cheese or chinese takeout? When are we supposed to have the alarm guys come fix their thing that needs fixing or plant a garden, or tend it? I hate this, but I feel like everything we're doing is important or at least beneficial and nice.
So far the only things I've been able to think of to help us stay HERE more are:
-turn Laura down on principle for the next couple of weeks (even though we're isolated stay at home moms and enjoy each others' company?)
-postpone playdates with an AWANA family I just realized is around the corner when we trick or treated, the mom of 7 who goes to the bookstore, Kristin and Michelle-mom-of-6...even though my kids are homeschooled and we'd all love it?
-use the nanny time when G IS home for double teaming home projects...instead of enjoying our shot at couples time?
This isn't working at all. I don't want one of those stereotypical always-running suburban soccer mom lives, but, well. I dunno.
I did order groceries to be delivered. I guess that is something.
EXTREME CHANGE: I, (1) figured out what was keeping me from sleeping. It's all wrapped up in my brain with the fight to stay alive last Fall, and general anesthesia knocking me out, and trying to maintain my semi-conscious haze in the ICU. I'm afraid of dying and sleep started feeling too vulnerable. Months have passed with me sleeping from, like, 5 am to 8:30 am daily. It was causing major problems. Knowing was half the battle. Then I (2) had a catalyst for change. My ear infection was so painful and so draining, and three nights in a row I went to bed on Vicodin, WAY earlier than normal (like midnight) and slept all the way through with no nightmares (!!). Since then, for A WEEK, I've been going to bed between midnight and 3 and sleeping through. Something got knocked back into place, in my head, and now I can get sleepy and get comfortable and enjoy it and lay down like a normal person again, without any anxiousness or panic or flashbacks or other hoohaw.
THE PROBLEM is that this means I'm not even up at night doing cleaning, crafting, planning, or commenting. So time has just sort of...dissapeared, for me O_o
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no subject
Date: 2008-11-10 03:37 am (UTC)What it came down to for me was, did I really think abortion would stop being legal and widespread either way? I did some research, asked some questions, prayed on it, and really...I don't think so. I don't think McCain could have overturned Roe vs Wade. I'm not sure how much of a difference it would have made if he had, at all, but especially in the long term. We've had a pro-life, anti-stem cell research president for 8 years, and we have 4000 abortions a day. We have activists passionately calling you and I misogynists all over the internet, as if 4000 a day is nowhere near enough, and people crying and wailing and protesting about how much more accepted and accessible abortion needs to be. And, I think that in this society, with our constitution, and the last 30 years - there's just no way. It's not going to be about law, I don't think, not here. Not ever. It's going to be what it comes down to for each individual woman.
When I really saw that and felt it was true, I took that part of it off the ballot for myself, and THEN, I felt like the choice was clear.
I still have misgivings about his policies re: abortion. They ARE extreme. But I don't feel guilty for my vote because I truly believe that him vs McCain vs anyone as president is still going to amount to the same thing: legal, widely available abortion throughout this country. I think I can make more difference walking around young and happy with my 5 beautiful kids and making every waittress, cashier, neighbor, etc stop and say, wow, you're really doing that, huh? And you aren't homeless or miserable? And you still go out places? Huh.
I didn't see the video. I mean...he IS christian, isn't he? He thanked God in his acceptance speech and has belonged to a church for a long long time...
no subject
Date: 2008-11-10 11:51 am (UTC)That is beyond my comprehension of evil.
And then there are the other policies, like he wants a nationwide police force (sounds a bit Hitler like to me).
He wants to overtax the rich who have worked very hard, to give money to the poor or unworking.
And what about his pastor who hate America and everything about it, and Obamas supposed "not knowing" about his hate. I mean give me a break, anyone who goes to a church that long either knows what their pastor is saying, isn't going to church, or isn't listening. Surely it wasnt a surprise when he heard his pastors hateful comments on TV.
Look at the mans friends, he is friends with some of the most American hating people on the planet...
He says he is a Christian but someone saying they are and being one is not the same thing.
Matthew 7
15"Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. 16By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. 19Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.
21"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' 23Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'
I can't say he isn't a Christian, only God knows that, but from what I know of this man his fruit is bad, rotten stuff.....
Just look up some of the antiChristian stuff he has said and the way he has twisted the Bible. It ought to concern any of us.
Anyway. I disagree, I think his election is going to have a huge impact on America and its not for the better...too late to change it now though so I'm done talking about it. :/