I'll just write til I run out of time.
Sep. 15th, 2008 11:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
altarflameMy kids are being so funny, just cracking me up. Today for instance Jake (who will be THREE in a couple of weeks, of all the insanity) told me he had to go outside to get his "journal out of the van". I thought I heard him wrong; "Your journal, out of the van?" "Yes!". We let him go look, he found nothing. I thought he might be going after a spiral notebook or something? Then a little while later we figured it out - their Diego megablocks have a tiny little laptop computer that you can stick on a megablock, and the sticker portion that used to show nonsense text on the itty bitty monitor had come off of it. That (the sticker representing words on a computer) is what he was calling his journal O_o I had no idea he was even aware I blogged :p
During homeschool today Aaron asked me, "What did the phonics workbook say to the math workbook? ...It said, 'You've got problems!'"
And as we finished up with dinner, Isaac cleared his space and then started running back and forth across the entire house, waving his hands around over his head yelling "I'm the cops! I'm the cops! I'm the cops!"
I can only imagine the state we'd be in if there was more tv around here ;)
My latest health worry is my heart. I've had chest pains probably...I don't know...5 or 6 times, maybe more, since last Fall. And, when I first got out of the hospital, I would get really freaked out sometimes because it seemed as though anytime I was laying down, I could feel my heart just pounding and racing in my back. It was very similar to how it feels in late pregnancy when you have all that extra blood, for those of you who know how that is, but you know...I wasn't pregnant, so it was weird. I've had two instances of numb and tingling arm and hand. This all sounds very alarming but spread out over 11 months, feeling otherwise ok, and in and amongst being only 26 and recently really feeling as though I was dying - because I WAS - I don't know, it just seemed easy to let go. It still does, really. But.
-For the past few weeks I've been having increasing shortness of breath. I feel sometimes like I did after I got out of that last bout of general anesthesia, when I couldn't pass the breath test and it was a struggle to talk. It's not usually that bad, but it IS usually something I'm aware of. At first I attributed it to gaining weight and still having to wear this sausage casing-like girdle thing for my ab muscles as it gets EVEN TIGHTER...but I've admitted in the past 10 days or so that I still feel like that even when I don't have the thing on. Then today I found out at my therapist's office reading WebMD magazine that unexplained shortness of breath is one of several symptom of impending heart attack. Along with...
-indigestion. Now, I have been attributing the really weird indigestion I always seem to have since I was released, and never had before, to having an NG tube shoved down because I know that can mess up your stomach lining and at least once it really was forceably shoved down...I woke up flipping out fighting with a nurse from some weird drugged out dream :x Anyway, now I wonder if it is another heart thing, because...
-my heart had to deal with being at 120-150bpm (with me laying semi-conscious no less) for, like...3 solid days. I am only 26, but that complication can make it a whole other ballgame, you know, and...
-I've heard some horrendous shit in the past couple of years around ye olde internet about back to back pregnancies messing up peoples' hearts. There's actually an initiative called "Three to Five Saves Lives" that talks about how women develop blood clots and swollen hearts and all kinds of junk from the rapid, extreme fluctuations in blood volume. I thought this was a lot of bull hockey when I initially heard it but now it's conveniently chiming in with the rest of this cheerful little list.
-And I have and have always had very poor circulation, which is another risk factor.
-And a weird irrational feeling that maybe I don't end up going through labor because God is saving me from certain death as my heart couldn't handle it due to some unknown factor. Eh.
Anyway, yeah, this isn't, like, consuming me, but I am going to make an appointment just to lay it to rest one way or the other. In the meantime I am determinedly NOT googling one damn thing about any of it because, frankly, I'm not up for that kind of anxiety. It's not good for my heart ;)
Sarah Palin has gone, in my personal perspective, from absentee mother, to great AP'ing-in-office mother, to intriguing cadidate, to HOLY SHIT THIS WOMAN CANNOT BE IN OFFICE.
She is beautiful, and charismatic, and it's great that she has a big family and is not afraid to be honest about her extreme beliefs, as so many politicians are. But...she is so ignorant, so naive, so anti-environment, so ready to set off a nuclear holocaust...I am just really not about it. She is also, the more I dig for information, very small-town politics in the sense of favoritism, leaning her weight on people under her, negative consequences for anyone who tries to get in her way...it's scary. The anti-Palin protests going on in Alaska are really something. The library censorship and book junk? Over the freaking top.
I also learned about things with McCain and his first wife that I didn't know. I am trying not to let it interfere with my opinion of him as a candidate, but it is hard.
More and more I feel like Obama is what the whole world wants to see, NEEDS to see, to like and trust our country again. Obama is what a WHOLE lot of minorities and poor people need to see, to be patriotic and love our nation for the first time in their lives. He's what all the jaded-anti Bush peeps need to rally together, crying over speeches like we haven't since Kennedy. There are things about him I don't like. I am not passionately for Obama the way some people are. But I'm starting to see the "greater good" it will do for our place in this world, for the spirits of the downtrodden, as dramatic as that sounds, and for peacekeeping. Because, let's face it, it doesn't really do the unborn babies any good to be carried to term in a world destroyed by bombs :/
Anyway, that is where I'm at with that, and the McCain/Palin signs I see all over town are starting to frighten me more than anything else. I don't think that the conservative people who are so happy to see their values expressed on the campaign trail are stopping to think about the incredible unrest and anger and upheaval that will be felt throughout not just the left behind in this country, but around the world - from terrorists to governments to medias - when they see what they will perceive as Bush 2.0 elected. I just...can't deal with it. I really think there is potential for the end of the world, through either WW3 or complete environmental decimation. Probably both.
I had a 2 hour therapy session today. It helped some. The drive up and back, alone, thinking about what I would talk about and what we did talk about, and then rehashing it all tearfully with Grant, were more helpful, but would somehow not be possible without the therapy itself in between, so there you go. "You" being my $200.
One good perk of being afraid for my heart is the easier time eating better. I'm seriously cutting saturated fats and animal products and it's way simpler than it was just 2 days ago when I was like, "Oh I'm so fat, I have to eat better to lose weight om NOM NOM CHOCOLATE".
I am far past out of time, and need to get with the getting.
During homeschool today Aaron asked me, "What did the phonics workbook say to the math workbook? ...It said, 'You've got problems!'"
And as we finished up with dinner, Isaac cleared his space and then started running back and forth across the entire house, waving his hands around over his head yelling "I'm the cops! I'm the cops! I'm the cops!"
I can only imagine the state we'd be in if there was more tv around here ;)
My latest health worry is my heart. I've had chest pains probably...I don't know...5 or 6 times, maybe more, since last Fall. And, when I first got out of the hospital, I would get really freaked out sometimes because it seemed as though anytime I was laying down, I could feel my heart just pounding and racing in my back. It was very similar to how it feels in late pregnancy when you have all that extra blood, for those of you who know how that is, but you know...I wasn't pregnant, so it was weird. I've had two instances of numb and tingling arm and hand. This all sounds very alarming but spread out over 11 months, feeling otherwise ok, and in and amongst being only 26 and recently really feeling as though I was dying - because I WAS - I don't know, it just seemed easy to let go. It still does, really. But.
-For the past few weeks I've been having increasing shortness of breath. I feel sometimes like I did after I got out of that last bout of general anesthesia, when I couldn't pass the breath test and it was a struggle to talk. It's not usually that bad, but it IS usually something I'm aware of. At first I attributed it to gaining weight and still having to wear this sausage casing-like girdle thing for my ab muscles as it gets EVEN TIGHTER...but I've admitted in the past 10 days or so that I still feel like that even when I don't have the thing on. Then today I found out at my therapist's office reading WebMD magazine that unexplained shortness of breath is one of several symptom of impending heart attack. Along with...
-indigestion. Now, I have been attributing the really weird indigestion I always seem to have since I was released, and never had before, to having an NG tube shoved down because I know that can mess up your stomach lining and at least once it really was forceably shoved down...I woke up flipping out fighting with a nurse from some weird drugged out dream :x Anyway, now I wonder if it is another heart thing, because...
-my heart had to deal with being at 120-150bpm (with me laying semi-conscious no less) for, like...3 solid days. I am only 26, but that complication can make it a whole other ballgame, you know, and...
-I've heard some horrendous shit in the past couple of years around ye olde internet about back to back pregnancies messing up peoples' hearts. There's actually an initiative called "Three to Five Saves Lives" that talks about how women develop blood clots and swollen hearts and all kinds of junk from the rapid, extreme fluctuations in blood volume. I thought this was a lot of bull hockey when I initially heard it but now it's conveniently chiming in with the rest of this cheerful little list.
-And I have and have always had very poor circulation, which is another risk factor.
-And a weird irrational feeling that maybe I don't end up going through labor because God is saving me from certain death as my heart couldn't handle it due to some unknown factor. Eh.
Anyway, yeah, this isn't, like, consuming me, but I am going to make an appointment just to lay it to rest one way or the other. In the meantime I am determinedly NOT googling one damn thing about any of it because, frankly, I'm not up for that kind of anxiety. It's not good for my heart ;)
Sarah Palin has gone, in my personal perspective, from absentee mother, to great AP'ing-in-office mother, to intriguing cadidate, to HOLY SHIT THIS WOMAN CANNOT BE IN OFFICE.
She is beautiful, and charismatic, and it's great that she has a big family and is not afraid to be honest about her extreme beliefs, as so many politicians are. But...she is so ignorant, so naive, so anti-environment, so ready to set off a nuclear holocaust...I am just really not about it. She is also, the more I dig for information, very small-town politics in the sense of favoritism, leaning her weight on people under her, negative consequences for anyone who tries to get in her way...it's scary. The anti-Palin protests going on in Alaska are really something. The library censorship and book junk? Over the freaking top.
I also learned about things with McCain and his first wife that I didn't know. I am trying not to let it interfere with my opinion of him as a candidate, but it is hard.
More and more I feel like Obama is what the whole world wants to see, NEEDS to see, to like and trust our country again. Obama is what a WHOLE lot of minorities and poor people need to see, to be patriotic and love our nation for the first time in their lives. He's what all the jaded-anti Bush peeps need to rally together, crying over speeches like we haven't since Kennedy. There are things about him I don't like. I am not passionately for Obama the way some people are. But I'm starting to see the "greater good" it will do for our place in this world, for the spirits of the downtrodden, as dramatic as that sounds, and for peacekeeping. Because, let's face it, it doesn't really do the unborn babies any good to be carried to term in a world destroyed by bombs :/
Anyway, that is where I'm at with that, and the McCain/Palin signs I see all over town are starting to frighten me more than anything else. I don't think that the conservative people who are so happy to see their values expressed on the campaign trail are stopping to think about the incredible unrest and anger and upheaval that will be felt throughout not just the left behind in this country, but around the world - from terrorists to governments to medias - when they see what they will perceive as Bush 2.0 elected. I just...can't deal with it. I really think there is potential for the end of the world, through either WW3 or complete environmental decimation. Probably both.
I had a 2 hour therapy session today. It helped some. The drive up and back, alone, thinking about what I would talk about and what we did talk about, and then rehashing it all tearfully with Grant, were more helpful, but would somehow not be possible without the therapy itself in between, so there you go. "You" being my $200.
One good perk of being afraid for my heart is the easier time eating better. I'm seriously cutting saturated fats and animal products and it's way simpler than it was just 2 days ago when I was like, "Oh I'm so fat, I have to eat better to lose weight om NOM NOM CHOCOLATE".
I am far past out of time, and need to get with the getting.
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no subject
Date: 2008-09-16 04:17 am (UTC)tell me again what the condition you have that requires the sausage casing girdle?? I need one too !
no subject
Date: 2008-09-16 02:22 pm (UTC)Basically I look like I'm very pregnant with a mutant, unless I push in the weird protruding ball of muscles, and then I look normal. Not wearing the thing, in addition to being semi-mortifying and causing a lot of back pain, increases my risk of herniation and makes it worse.
no subject
Date: 2008-09-16 06:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-17 01:52 am (UTC)Most minor ones can be checked for on your own - if you google it there are instructions all over the net, and if it isn't too extreme it can be possible to close with special excercises over time.
Minor or severe, you should never do any traditional ab excercises if you have one, because it makes it way, way worse.