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altarflameThe Good:
-I found the most beautiful roses at Wild Oats yesterday. I looked at them and they were just awesome. They made me want to clean my whole house around them just to showcase them on the dining table. So I thought, well hell, $12 is way cheaper than a housekeeper. Worked nicely.
-THEY STARTED WORK ON THE ROOF. FINALLY!!! I haven't really written about it, in detail, but because our warranty deed hasn't been recorded with the county yet, our house is still technically listed in official records as belonging to the bank that sold it to us. This has held up our permitting process in a variety of irritating ways, as we brought document after document to try and prove ownership. The roof was holding everything else up - you can't fix a ceiling with water damage or put down new wood floors or do termite tenting or all manner of things, until the roof is done! This company claims it only takes 3-5 business days so, WOO!
-Two nights in a row, Jake and Elise have went to sleep at a decent hour and left me to have some time to myself that I need quite a lot right now.
-My sister came over today and hung out with the kids so that I was able to go to the bank solo for all kinds of things - it took about an hour, I had to deposit some checks, get a cashier's check for the roofers, talk about the disputed charges from the identity theft thing a while back, and get more details about what a HELOC would really mean for us.
-Elise is so sweet, so independant, so loaded with personality, so SMART, so beautiful, so close to Jake, who is so sweet to me and mischevious and wild, and the two of them kill me with love and nursing and wrestling tickle matches.
-Isaac was so cute tonight, in this long sleeved, orange pinstriped collared shirt, with his freckles and his smiles and his affection. I am ready to explain to him how he could rule not just our family but the entire world, if he would just harness his cuteness for good and try to catch flies with honey.
-A sign I ordered came in the mail. It says, "This is a classy joint. Act respectable." Every time I see it, I chuckle again.
-I cannot emphasize enough how much I love Grant and how grateful I am for him right now.
-Talked to Nancy on the phone last night, and it's INCREDIBLE how validating and safe that is...if anyone can really understand and appreciate what I'm dealing with lately, it's her. I wish I was in Boston just to have her more accessible.
The Bad:
-I'm fairly certain this is PTSD I'm dealing with, and it is present at all times on some level. During the good times I'm just a little more sensitive than usual and deal with knowing it will kick up again sooner or later. The bad times involve me feeling overwhelmingly angry for no rational reason or intensely frightened in a creepy, horror movie way with no rational reason. Ironically enough, it's reminiscent of labor how I can feel it coming on and then relax as it dissipates. Very spaced out labor, with a couple of long contractions per day. I get really deeply ambivalent about most everything.
-Unexpected expenses continue to pile up around our home renovating. For instance today we found out that the roofers need us to get a plumber up there to inspect and possibly repair the gas vent, which will be anywhere from $250-500. How in the world do people without hundreds of thousands of dollars to burn own homes?!
The Thought Provoking:
-I think Ananda needs counseling, too. I've been gradually working up to the idea with her. It would be nice if she could see the same person I start seeing, assuming she is a good one.
-I'm trying to replace some of the eating in my life with yarn, again, and trying to replace some of the computer time with excercise. Creating and activity both have to be good for me, right?
-I was thinking of soliciting a part time nanny to come in for a few hours 2-4 times per week, to do things like: help with cleaning; sit with everyone for an hour so I can run to the chiropractor, swim at the Y or write in another room, or a little longer so I can see the counselor more often; take the little ones outside while I do school with the big kids and make dinner, or take the big ones out to their activities while I get the little ones down for naps, and make phone calls, and so on...the problem with this, aside from the obvious ones of expense and the struggle to find the right person, is that our schedule is going to be so fragmented and crazy...it will be very hard to fit it in just so, for us and probably thusly also for her. I mean, as it is right now I know A and A will be in VBS for one week and music camp for one week, this summer, and our proposed fall schedule is INSANE with PATH, AWANA, half day preschool, evening sports practices, drama club, church, ballet....I feel like I need to sit down with a protractor, a calculator and a sundial just to figure out when the optimal times for "help" would be. If you know of a better place that PATH and Craigslist to search for this sort of person, let me in on it, please.
-I am sad to say that I'm starting to think I need to dispense with watching Lost. It is really intensely terribly not good for my state of mind :/ They just wrap new babies, pregnancy, and birth up with horror, mystery and conspiracy waaaaaaaaaay too often, especially for night time viewing (spoilers ahead in this section only). I really thought it would get better once Claire had Aaron and that was all wrapped up, but it just keeps coming in different ways - flashbacks to John's preemie days in the NICU and his horrified mom staring through the isolette after screaming through car accident-induced labor, Sun being pregnant and in mortal peril, all that sort of bunk. That freighter? It is KILLING ME. It's worse than anything else on the show. That's how my nightmares feel, like being stuck on that boat with those people in the middle of the ocean. That blood spattered room Desmond and Sayid are in? My skin crawls. It's worse than any other part of the whole series, although the underground, hidden nursery was not too hot either. Jack watching his own apendectomy can bite my ass, too. I was actually considering that I might not have PTSD at all, I might just be watching a really fucked up show. But then, many many people seem to be addicted to Lost WITHOUT it triggering a whole-life upheaval, so...It's getting to where I actually have a horrible, SKULL SPLITTING headache while it's on, so I guess my body is trying to tell me something.
-I pray a lot lately. A lot a lot. I'm back to checking my devotional. I've went to church for the first time in forever and planning on making that a habit...and church was very, very good for me...and praying helps some, sometimes...but I have a very strangely disconnected feeling, with God, that I don't really understand. My sadness, and anger, and fear - my transient lack of motivation - all of it seems so separate from my faith, and I try to connect it, I try to have enough faith to get through it or use my faith to help ease the journey...sometimes I think God doesn't want to give me any crazy ideas that I don't need help, so He isn't helping.
-I found the most beautiful roses at Wild Oats yesterday. I looked at them and they were just awesome. They made me want to clean my whole house around them just to showcase them on the dining table. So I thought, well hell, $12 is way cheaper than a housekeeper. Worked nicely.
-THEY STARTED WORK ON THE ROOF. FINALLY!!! I haven't really written about it, in detail, but because our warranty deed hasn't been recorded with the county yet, our house is still technically listed in official records as belonging to the bank that sold it to us. This has held up our permitting process in a variety of irritating ways, as we brought document after document to try and prove ownership. The roof was holding everything else up - you can't fix a ceiling with water damage or put down new wood floors or do termite tenting or all manner of things, until the roof is done! This company claims it only takes 3-5 business days so, WOO!
-Two nights in a row, Jake and Elise have went to sleep at a decent hour and left me to have some time to myself that I need quite a lot right now.
-My sister came over today and hung out with the kids so that I was able to go to the bank solo for all kinds of things - it took about an hour, I had to deposit some checks, get a cashier's check for the roofers, talk about the disputed charges from the identity theft thing a while back, and get more details about what a HELOC would really mean for us.
-Elise is so sweet, so independant, so loaded with personality, so SMART, so beautiful, so close to Jake, who is so sweet to me and mischevious and wild, and the two of them kill me with love and nursing and wrestling tickle matches.
-Isaac was so cute tonight, in this long sleeved, orange pinstriped collared shirt, with his freckles and his smiles and his affection. I am ready to explain to him how he could rule not just our family but the entire world, if he would just harness his cuteness for good and try to catch flies with honey.
-A sign I ordered came in the mail. It says, "This is a classy joint. Act respectable." Every time I see it, I chuckle again.
-I cannot emphasize enough how much I love Grant and how grateful I am for him right now.
-Talked to Nancy on the phone last night, and it's INCREDIBLE how validating and safe that is...if anyone can really understand and appreciate what I'm dealing with lately, it's her. I wish I was in Boston just to have her more accessible.
The Bad:
-I'm fairly certain this is PTSD I'm dealing with, and it is present at all times on some level. During the good times I'm just a little more sensitive than usual and deal with knowing it will kick up again sooner or later. The bad times involve me feeling overwhelmingly angry for no rational reason or intensely frightened in a creepy, horror movie way with no rational reason. Ironically enough, it's reminiscent of labor how I can feel it coming on and then relax as it dissipates. Very spaced out labor, with a couple of long contractions per day. I get really deeply ambivalent about most everything.
-Unexpected expenses continue to pile up around our home renovating. For instance today we found out that the roofers need us to get a plumber up there to inspect and possibly repair the gas vent, which will be anywhere from $250-500. How in the world do people without hundreds of thousands of dollars to burn own homes?!
The Thought Provoking:
-I think Ananda needs counseling, too. I've been gradually working up to the idea with her. It would be nice if she could see the same person I start seeing, assuming she is a good one.
-I'm trying to replace some of the eating in my life with yarn, again, and trying to replace some of the computer time with excercise. Creating and activity both have to be good for me, right?
-I was thinking of soliciting a part time nanny to come in for a few hours 2-4 times per week, to do things like: help with cleaning; sit with everyone for an hour so I can run to the chiropractor, swim at the Y or write in another room, or a little longer so I can see the counselor more often; take the little ones outside while I do school with the big kids and make dinner, or take the big ones out to their activities while I get the little ones down for naps, and make phone calls, and so on...the problem with this, aside from the obvious ones of expense and the struggle to find the right person, is that our schedule is going to be so fragmented and crazy...it will be very hard to fit it in just so, for us and probably thusly also for her. I mean, as it is right now I know A and A will be in VBS for one week and music camp for one week, this summer, and our proposed fall schedule is INSANE with PATH, AWANA, half day preschool, evening sports practices, drama club, church, ballet....I feel like I need to sit down with a protractor, a calculator and a sundial just to figure out when the optimal times for "help" would be. If you know of a better place that PATH and Craigslist to search for this sort of person, let me in on it, please.
-I am sad to say that I'm starting to think I need to dispense with watching Lost. It is really intensely terribly not good for my state of mind :/ They just wrap new babies, pregnancy, and birth up with horror, mystery and conspiracy waaaaaaaaaay too often, especially for night time viewing (spoilers ahead in this section only). I really thought it would get better once Claire had Aaron and that was all wrapped up, but it just keeps coming in different ways - flashbacks to John's preemie days in the NICU and his horrified mom staring through the isolette after screaming through car accident-induced labor, Sun being pregnant and in mortal peril, all that sort of bunk. That freighter? It is KILLING ME. It's worse than anything else on the show. That's how my nightmares feel, like being stuck on that boat with those people in the middle of the ocean. That blood spattered room Desmond and Sayid are in? My skin crawls. It's worse than any other part of the whole series, although the underground, hidden nursery was not too hot either. Jack watching his own apendectomy can bite my ass, too. I was actually considering that I might not have PTSD at all, I might just be watching a really fucked up show. But then, many many people seem to be addicted to Lost WITHOUT it triggering a whole-life upheaval, so...It's getting to where I actually have a horrible, SKULL SPLITTING headache while it's on, so I guess my body is trying to tell me something.
-I pray a lot lately. A lot a lot. I'm back to checking my devotional. I've went to church for the first time in forever and planning on making that a habit...and church was very, very good for me...and praying helps some, sometimes...but I have a very strangely disconnected feeling, with God, that I don't really understand. My sadness, and anger, and fear - my transient lack of motivation - all of it seems so separate from my faith, and I try to connect it, I try to have enough faith to get through it or use my faith to help ease the journey...sometimes I think God doesn't want to give me any crazy ideas that I don't need help, so He isn't helping.
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no subject
Date: 2008-06-14 08:29 am (UTC)and after reading your spoilers i am not fully convinced that i wouldn't like it, despite it being the talk of many LJ and forum entries. i've been addicted to law and order reruns, myself, but tonight i saw one of the sickest ones yet, and think i have to step away from violent/suspenseful nighttime TV, as well.
no subject
Date: 2008-06-14 07:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-14 12:36 pm (UTC)Also, THAT is what Lost is all about? Why the HELL does Mark want me to watch it so badly????? !!
I want to be your nanny :(
no subject
Date: 2008-06-14 03:59 pm (UTC)Also, I want you to be my nanny. I thought of it a lot last night. I was like, ok, combing sittercity.com for another julierocket....
no subject
Date: 2008-06-14 07:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-14 04:08 pm (UTC)Thank heaven for finally starting that new roof! YAY!!!
I need to pray more. At least I have been remembering to read my scriptures daily as of late.
no subject
Date: 2008-06-14 05:08 pm (UTC)Mine is in a burgundy frame with a black background, though I ordered it from that link O_o Luckily I like what I received better than what I bought ;)
no subject
Date: 2008-06-14 05:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-14 07:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-14 07:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-15 02:34 pm (UTC)In the second and third season she seems to get into more and bigger trouble every episode. As silly as it's going to sound to put it this way, the first season seems actually plausible but the second and third are there for shock value.
no subject
Date: 2008-06-14 07:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-16 03:00 am (UTC)Points:
-Kate is such a teasing, not-careful, totally leading people on bitch. And I don't think she's that hot, either.
-It's a sick sad situation when I get to thinking Sawyer deserves better than anyone.
-Sayid is second only to Grant in world-wide hotness. I mean, whoa.
-I wished someone would just actually kill Ben awhile back, now I'm starting to think they better not.
-I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY KILLED ROUSSEAU. Danielle, whatever. I can't believe they killed her. And I can't believe they didn't go more into her and Alex being reunited after all that time, either, geez.
-Alex was alternately very beautiful, and very weird looking.
-What the hell was up with that stupid episode about the couple that ended up buried alive? What did that have to do with ANYTHING? Argh.
-The Russian guy, with the eye patch? I don't know if I've ever hated any fictional character that much before. What an asshat, I mean damn.
-Although I wasn't overly attached to him, why isn't CLAIRE mourning Chahlie more? The last episode I saw ended with her in Jacob's cabin with her and Jack's dad - O_o - so don't spoil anything in case I choose to inflict this show on myself more.
Nothing would have made me go down that fucking hatch at the end of season 1. I mean nothing. John Locke is so crazy badass, I mean what the hell.
The other character I was very, very upset to let go was Echo. Stupid Lost writers.
no subject
Date: 2008-06-15 01:45 am (UTC)I think a part-time nanny to help you out around the house and give you a few hours of peace and focus each week could work wonders for your state of mind. Nannies can also help to just bring a sense of peace to chaos. Support of any kind is GREAT.
no subject
Date: 2008-06-15 05:08 am (UTC)i know there is a place called the domestic placement network...that might have a lead?
no subject
Date: 2008-06-15 04:03 pm (UTC)I don't know how you manage all this without help anyway! everyone needs a little time to get things done without 5 kids to keep track of at the same time. :)
no subject
Date: 2008-06-16 01:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-16 02:34 am (UTC)I usually proofread posts before posting, I guess sometimes I miss things. I'm not really in the habit of actually using the lj spellcheck: I'm not sure why, but I am irrationally irritated by spellchecking anything. Probably because so many of the things I regularly say - like Ananda, and hoohaw - come up as wrong when they aren't.
Anyway, there is always the whole "if it's that frustrating to read my journal, I'm not exactly forcing you" ;)
I don't dissaprove at all, though. I've never been against people posting things that are not all sunshine and rainbows. I like honesty. I only start deleting if they're blatant attacking or combative insults, particularly from people who refuse to identify themselves but claim to know us in real life.
no subject
Date: 2008-06-16 09:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-18 10:51 pm (UTC)My journal is, you know - MY JOURNAL. Not a school lesson, or an assignment I'm going to turn in, or a published work people pay money to read. It's just me, writing whatever I feel like, often things that are very emotionally charged and typed through tears and sometimes with copious interruptions. So feel free to read through it, but be aware that sometimes things like typos, or curse words, or even (gasp) repeated mispellings may happen. If your sensibilities are just too fragile, or your taste is just too pretentious, I'm sure this internet is big enough for the both of us.
PS: I'm assuming this is not schleppermom anymore since the IP address is different.
o_O
Date: 2008-06-24 04:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-17 08:01 pm (UTC)We 'moved in' two weeks ago, only to find out that the gas company would not turn on the gas because of various appliances being hooked up wrong, potentially killing us all if we used them, either by explosion or carbon monoxide poisoning.
I'm SOOOO tired and overwhelmed with this house. I just want it all fixed and finished, but wanting that sends my husband into overdrive and I know that he can only so much to it, after working and tending to the kids when they want attention.