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May. 8th, 2008 01:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
altarflameWe've been making and receiving dozens of phone calls because we were supposed to close on the house on TUESDAY, which turned into Wednesday, and is now "Hopefully Thursday? Or...Friday?" because - I'm not kidding - the title company this bank that owns our house uses lost our deposit. Our $22,000 deposit. There is plenty of proof that we gave it to them and nobody is trying to say we didn't, but for now...it's missing. So our real estate attorney is going all livid and flipping out about how ridiculous this is, and - hopefully tomorrow? Or Friday? Either way it has to be at night or during a long lunch or something, because Grant's going back to work tomorrow.
Once we knew, on Tuesday, that nothing was going to happen, we spent the day down at the beach. It was wonderful. Elise was KILLING ME DEAD walking around with her poochy belly and her fat butt, in her little one piece bathingsuit, with her curls and, just, I was dying. The tide was way, way out when we got there so we were able to walk really far on the sandbars, and we had brought this little inflatable mini-boat thing that Jake and Isaac could both sit in, with rope for pulling, and Elise had her little baby boat thing (one of those rings with a seat and a back). We were out for a long time in the ocean, stopping sometimes to sit and nurse and splash and find shells and run around, Aaron was hilarious, it was a great day, great ride in the van, great food. The kids tried to outdo each other picking up litter before we left.
I got a bunch of errands done today, with A and A, and then had some time out just Aaron and I for the first time in a long time. We had lunch at Casita Tejas and then went to Speed Demons and played air hockey and ski ball and galaga and things for awhile, it was fun. I gave him all of my tickets and he traded them in for parachute men.
There was a big thing earlier when Grant stepped on a bee that Isaac seemed scared of. Aaron's been stung twice in the past couple of months. But he (Aaron) was SO upset that Grant killed this bee - "It just seems like if a bee isn't stinging you or threatening you or going to sting you or anything, and you just step on it, that just seems so, so, so mean to me. He would still be living." It dominated the afternoon's conversation, and then long after AWANA as we were eating dinner there was a lightning bug in the dining room. I called him out to see it, and he was so excited, and carefully moved it to the back porch...where it flew up into Grant Sr's new bug zapper we'd forgotten all about :/ Poor Aaron. I care not one fig for bugs, but I am so moved by his love and respect for life in general and how much he cares about everything. He makes me feel as though I'm wrong for not caring about bugs and can learn something from him.
Isaac did not go to AWANA. He started throwing a big screaming fit we could see from the van where we secretly watched, with Ms Jessy, his Cubbies leader, because he didn't want to go (all of a sudden, when he'd been eager all day and week and loves it every Wednesday and had just hopped eagerly out of the van to meet up with them and go inside...) It went on for a minute while G and I debated whether we should intercede (he used to do this every dropoff, and then be fine within 5 minutes), until Ms Jessy led the group a little ways away and left another volunteer assistant there to "Reason" with Isaac (ha). Within 30 seconds she saw it was futile - he was making bird motions with his hands and hopping around, and red faced by then - and she tried to pick him up and carry him towards the group, when he started flailing and howling and kicking the hell out of her, which is when Grant jumped out of the van and ran over there. Volunteer Assistant bolted as soon as Daddy arrived, let me tell you. Isaac came grocery shopping with us (and Jake, and Elise) in a sniffly but mostly calm way, and then got a "talk" and a lack of the sparkling strawberry water everyone else had with dinner...
I really don't know what to do with him sometimes. If Ananda or Aaron had acted that way, I would have been LIVID. I might have smacked to get attention. There would have been immediate loud talking - which actually got their attention - and they would have been standing in a corner (because they would stand in a corner) or laying in bed for a nap (because they were acting like they needed a nap). My dissapointment would have hurt their feelings.
With him, this sort of thing is routine, though. There is no shock in me, just a weary sigh. When I've snapped and smacked Isaac in the past - VERY rarely because I don't generally believe in smacking - he's either laughed right in my face or smacked himself harder and THEN laughed. I really think we could only get in a smacking contest that ended in a beating. He cares not about my dissapointment. He SEEMED upset when I told him that poor girl who was helping Ms Jessy probably has bruises from him, and he hurt her, but you can't really tell. He was really uspet about not getting sparkling strawberry water, and it was only the "you won't be at the dinner table with the rest of us if you melt down again, either" that kept us from another tirade. There was a tirade I've ommitted from here in between those two, about goldfish crackers, that he rode out in his room where Grant sent him.
I would have been far more shocked at Jake acting that way, and would have probably come down on him harder, too, and Jake...is two. I worry that Isaac is bipolar and we'll find out down the road, or that he'll just always be a miserable adult, all sorts of things. He's so intense, it's totally different. I was telling G earlier that I worry a lot about wanting to hold him to the same standards I hold the other kids, but not feeling as though he can be in "big trouble" every hour of every day...it isn't fair to him or possible for me, and though I hate to admit it, there ARE times that I do something differently than I would have with the others, with him, just to avoid a fit. I try not to make it obvious. But he makes me freaking tired.
He at least came out into the ocean with us at the beach. Every other trip we've had to leave someone on the shore with him (Laura or Shaun if not G or I), but this time he did well and was proud of himself.
Sidenote: I saw a commercial for bipolar meds earlier, one of those laughing on the beach things with the voiceover, and the voiceover after talk of hope and help and living life again went into the side effects. She actually said things like, "if you experience ________, contact a doctor immediately because these could be signs of serious and potentially fatal side effects. If you have trouble using your muscles, discontinue medicine immediately because this can be permanent."
Do people really call for more info after these sorts of warnings? I guess if it gets bad enough you take what you can get? I mean damn, I'm afraid of the hormones in birth control pills and won't take sinus medicine while I'm nursing, how do you leap hurdles like that?
One of the errands I had to run was following up with a police report because of our fraudulent bank charges.
Police Woman: How old are you?
Ananda: Seven about to turn 8.
PW: And how old are you?
Aaron: Six about to turn 7.
PW: Why aren't you kids in school?
Ananda: We're homeschooled.
PW: Oh, I see. I'll be back in just one minute.
(PW walks off with our paperwork)
Aaron: She has a gun.
Ananda: It's just a stun gun or something.
Me: No it isn't, it's a real gun.
Aaron: Hey, Mom, I read "Closed Weekends" off the window.
Me: Wow, you can read backwards now, that's cool Aaron.
Ananda: (smug) If I wanted to, I could just make the words spin around in my mind and then I could see them the right way. Or I could just read the reflection over there in that glass, that isn't backwards.
Aaron: It says "Copps Unit" and "Monday Thru Friday" too.
Me: Very good.
Ananda: (note of hysteria) I could read that if I wanted to!
Me: Do you know why police carry guns?
That last line is momspeak for, please let's change the subject this is ridiculous.
The thing with Annie is, she CAN READ. She just has to try. And she's not used to having to try, and she hates trying. The only thing she's ever really dug in her heals about with me and fought tooth and nail about, is reading - reading aloud to me especially but also reading work in workbooks. And I don't usually push much, I take it at her pace, I work it in naturally. After looking into prices and availablity for all the school things we are planning for next year, I decided to go ahead and order some A beka stuff for her now - I think we're going to go seriously intensive with what is really review of basic phonics and grammar rules and spelling and things - meaning not a lot of TRYing - because I'm hoping and believing that by the end of it, she'll have some more confidence and this won't be AS big of a "thing" as it is now.
Moving is a big catalyst for change in a lot of ways, for us. Grant has wanted to do woodworking for years now, and has done little things, but now he can have a shed full of supplies and make it happen. And now that he has a "regular" job with actual days off, I can write like I've wanted to for years. He came home with a fire safe for important documents. That's something we always could have had, but never thought of before. Like how I could have cleaned out old stuff, but didn't. Lots of things like this. We're "saving" the new linens we bought for the new house, and I'm not even sure why. And we're changing our schedules. Starting now, though, in the midst of all this changing. I'm actually taking the plunge beyond my normal "We need to get back to waking up between 9 and 10, not at 11" and saying "We're waking up at 7:30 every day from now on", for the first time. We're planning zoo camp and VBS for A and A this summer and preschool for Isaac in the fall, and I'd really rather none of those things were a family-wide masochistic burden to accomplish each morning. Church would be nice, too.
Goodbye 3 am, I'm not sure I'll miss you...
Once we knew, on Tuesday, that nothing was going to happen, we spent the day down at the beach. It was wonderful. Elise was KILLING ME DEAD walking around with her poochy belly and her fat butt, in her little one piece bathingsuit, with her curls and, just, I was dying. The tide was way, way out when we got there so we were able to walk really far on the sandbars, and we had brought this little inflatable mini-boat thing that Jake and Isaac could both sit in, with rope for pulling, and Elise had her little baby boat thing (one of those rings with a seat and a back). We were out for a long time in the ocean, stopping sometimes to sit and nurse and splash and find shells and run around, Aaron was hilarious, it was a great day, great ride in the van, great food. The kids tried to outdo each other picking up litter before we left.
I got a bunch of errands done today, with A and A, and then had some time out just Aaron and I for the first time in a long time. We had lunch at Casita Tejas and then went to Speed Demons and played air hockey and ski ball and galaga and things for awhile, it was fun. I gave him all of my tickets and he traded them in for parachute men.
There was a big thing earlier when Grant stepped on a bee that Isaac seemed scared of. Aaron's been stung twice in the past couple of months. But he (Aaron) was SO upset that Grant killed this bee - "It just seems like if a bee isn't stinging you or threatening you or going to sting you or anything, and you just step on it, that just seems so, so, so mean to me. He would still be living." It dominated the afternoon's conversation, and then long after AWANA as we were eating dinner there was a lightning bug in the dining room. I called him out to see it, and he was so excited, and carefully moved it to the back porch...where it flew up into Grant Sr's new bug zapper we'd forgotten all about :/ Poor Aaron. I care not one fig for bugs, but I am so moved by his love and respect for life in general and how much he cares about everything. He makes me feel as though I'm wrong for not caring about bugs and can learn something from him.
Isaac did not go to AWANA. He started throwing a big screaming fit we could see from the van where we secretly watched, with Ms Jessy, his Cubbies leader, because he didn't want to go (all of a sudden, when he'd been eager all day and week and loves it every Wednesday and had just hopped eagerly out of the van to meet up with them and go inside...) It went on for a minute while G and I debated whether we should intercede (he used to do this every dropoff, and then be fine within 5 minutes), until Ms Jessy led the group a little ways away and left another volunteer assistant there to "Reason" with Isaac (ha). Within 30 seconds she saw it was futile - he was making bird motions with his hands and hopping around, and red faced by then - and she tried to pick him up and carry him towards the group, when he started flailing and howling and kicking the hell out of her, which is when Grant jumped out of the van and ran over there. Volunteer Assistant bolted as soon as Daddy arrived, let me tell you. Isaac came grocery shopping with us (and Jake, and Elise) in a sniffly but mostly calm way, and then got a "talk" and a lack of the sparkling strawberry water everyone else had with dinner...
I really don't know what to do with him sometimes. If Ananda or Aaron had acted that way, I would have been LIVID. I might have smacked to get attention. There would have been immediate loud talking - which actually got their attention - and they would have been standing in a corner (because they would stand in a corner) or laying in bed for a nap (because they were acting like they needed a nap). My dissapointment would have hurt their feelings.
With him, this sort of thing is routine, though. There is no shock in me, just a weary sigh. When I've snapped and smacked Isaac in the past - VERY rarely because I don't generally believe in smacking - he's either laughed right in my face or smacked himself harder and THEN laughed. I really think we could only get in a smacking contest that ended in a beating. He cares not about my dissapointment. He SEEMED upset when I told him that poor girl who was helping Ms Jessy probably has bruises from him, and he hurt her, but you can't really tell. He was really uspet about not getting sparkling strawberry water, and it was only the "you won't be at the dinner table with the rest of us if you melt down again, either" that kept us from another tirade. There was a tirade I've ommitted from here in between those two, about goldfish crackers, that he rode out in his room where Grant sent him.
I would have been far more shocked at Jake acting that way, and would have probably come down on him harder, too, and Jake...is two. I worry that Isaac is bipolar and we'll find out down the road, or that he'll just always be a miserable adult, all sorts of things. He's so intense, it's totally different. I was telling G earlier that I worry a lot about wanting to hold him to the same standards I hold the other kids, but not feeling as though he can be in "big trouble" every hour of every day...it isn't fair to him or possible for me, and though I hate to admit it, there ARE times that I do something differently than I would have with the others, with him, just to avoid a fit. I try not to make it obvious. But he makes me freaking tired.
He at least came out into the ocean with us at the beach. Every other trip we've had to leave someone on the shore with him (Laura or Shaun if not G or I), but this time he did well and was proud of himself.
Sidenote: I saw a commercial for bipolar meds earlier, one of those laughing on the beach things with the voiceover, and the voiceover after talk of hope and help and living life again went into the side effects. She actually said things like, "if you experience ________, contact a doctor immediately because these could be signs of serious and potentially fatal side effects. If you have trouble using your muscles, discontinue medicine immediately because this can be permanent."
Do people really call for more info after these sorts of warnings? I guess if it gets bad enough you take what you can get? I mean damn, I'm afraid of the hormones in birth control pills and won't take sinus medicine while I'm nursing, how do you leap hurdles like that?
One of the errands I had to run was following up with a police report because of our fraudulent bank charges.
Police Woman: How old are you?
Ananda: Seven about to turn 8.
PW: And how old are you?
Aaron: Six about to turn 7.
PW: Why aren't you kids in school?
Ananda: We're homeschooled.
PW: Oh, I see. I'll be back in just one minute.
(PW walks off with our paperwork)
Aaron: She has a gun.
Ananda: It's just a stun gun or something.
Me: No it isn't, it's a real gun.
Aaron: Hey, Mom, I read "Closed Weekends" off the window.
Me: Wow, you can read backwards now, that's cool Aaron.
Ananda: (smug) If I wanted to, I could just make the words spin around in my mind and then I could see them the right way. Or I could just read the reflection over there in that glass, that isn't backwards.
Aaron: It says "Copps Unit" and "Monday Thru Friday" too.
Me: Very good.
Ananda: (note of hysteria) I could read that if I wanted to!
Me: Do you know why police carry guns?
That last line is momspeak for, please let's change the subject this is ridiculous.
The thing with Annie is, she CAN READ. She just has to try. And she's not used to having to try, and she hates trying. The only thing she's ever really dug in her heals about with me and fought tooth and nail about, is reading - reading aloud to me especially but also reading work in workbooks. And I don't usually push much, I take it at her pace, I work it in naturally. After looking into prices and availablity for all the school things we are planning for next year, I decided to go ahead and order some A beka stuff for her now - I think we're going to go seriously intensive with what is really review of basic phonics and grammar rules and spelling and things - meaning not a lot of TRYing - because I'm hoping and believing that by the end of it, she'll have some more confidence and this won't be AS big of a "thing" as it is now.
Moving is a big catalyst for change in a lot of ways, for us. Grant has wanted to do woodworking for years now, and has done little things, but now he can have a shed full of supplies and make it happen. And now that he has a "regular" job with actual days off, I can write like I've wanted to for years. He came home with a fire safe for important documents. That's something we always could have had, but never thought of before. Like how I could have cleaned out old stuff, but didn't. Lots of things like this. We're "saving" the new linens we bought for the new house, and I'm not even sure why. And we're changing our schedules. Starting now, though, in the midst of all this changing. I'm actually taking the plunge beyond my normal "We need to get back to waking up between 9 and 10, not at 11" and saying "We're waking up at 7:30 every day from now on", for the first time. We're planning zoo camp and VBS for A and A this summer and preschool for Isaac in the fall, and I'd really rather none of those things were a family-wide masochistic burden to accomplish each morning. Church would be nice, too.
Goodbye 3 am, I'm not sure I'll miss you...
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Date: 2008-05-08 02:21 pm (UTC)You know, five has been SO MUCH easier for me with Luci. I have a hard time even remembering how awful stuff was with her a year ago. Three was horrific and i was convinced she was bipolar, four was bad, but not as bad looking back now, and then five came and she is such a different little person. She still demands twice as much from me as her sisters do or ever did, but she is so much more reasonable and just generally in better spirits most of the time and sleeps (which is a HUGE one for me). She actually takes correction and redirection and discipline now if it is necessary. She seems to actually learn from it and not just melt down totally. i find her fascinating and fun most of the time. She is just always more though. I feel you on that one totally.
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Date: 2008-05-08 03:01 pm (UTC)http://www.beckybailey.com/ Some if it is pretty basic but some of it I'd never tried before. Some makes me roll my eyes: Like she doesn't agree with positive reinforcement but I think that's silly so we still use it.
The medication issue is always hard. I medicate for HIS quality of life, not mine. Simple as that. If he's miserable- that's no way to live. He's on two medications and he requested the second with NO prompting. We then tried a couple and he picked the one he liked best. He knows how he feels and now he's much better. Issac seems like he's happy sometimes, where as, non-medicated, Maddox is rarely happy and he's angry because he "can't feel calm."
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Date: 2008-05-08 03:09 pm (UTC)I believe medication should be a LAST resort because it does carry risks. For my child the risk of medication pales in comparison to the risk of not medicating (he was suffering brain damage and heart damage from lack of sleep. His vocal cords are covered in nodules due to screaming, he has no healthy tissue left.)
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Date: 2008-05-08 04:00 pm (UTC)Oh, Issac and Jane would be great friends. They are so alike. So many times I look over at Jane having a huge fit and screaming and ruining our outing (like when we went for a walk in the park on Saturday night and Jane cried the whole time) while Erica just plugs along happily. I can't help but think that I wish she was more like her sister during those times. She's just so much work. In every possible way.
I have to admit I laughed out loud when I read about the lightening bug hitting the bug zapper. Poor Aaron!
LOL@ your momspeak.
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Date: 2008-05-08 10:01 pm (UTC)I want to answer this because it's quite familiar with it.
I decided to medicate for Maddox's quality of life. Issac is a pain, sure, but he doesn't seem as severe as Maddox and Maddox isn't as severe as some bipolar kids I've seen. I would consider Issac (if he truly had bipolar) mild and Maddox moderate.
Maddox's lack of sleep was an issue (that is getting better) but his violence towards others and himself was going to end him up in the hospital. He was so unhappy, Tina. It broke my heart. I had to think and decide "What's more important? My concern over his meds? or him committing suicide at 8 bcause he couldn't handle it anymore?" My 3 year old was saying he didn't want to wake up anymore. I opted for meds. Not all meds are equally as dangerous either and Maddox's doc adds natural supplements to compliment the pharmaceuticals to keep the amount of meds to a minimum.
So the short answer is: all meds have risks but the thing to look at is if the benefits outweigh those risks. For us they do. I have a happy child now. He's difficult but he hasn't hurt anyone in a year and he's sleeping and he thanks me daily for giving him medication. No kidding. He asks for it when it's time for another dose (because he can feel if he's late.) He recently told me he needed more medicine (and he was RIGHT!) because he was feeling crazy (his words) and we weighed him and he'd gained 5 lbs! His medication is exactly calibrated to his weight so a gain of more than 2 pounds is enough to make it not effective (It also shows how low his dose is.)
We all talked (his psychiatrist, him, and I) and decided to try a couple meds. HE made the final choice. He said one made him feel angry and awful and the other one made him feel calmer. So we went with his choice.
Medication is so complicated. I would recommend Becky Bailey for Issac. She writes books and such about how to deal with kids with emotional needs (like empathy training and such). Some of it is crap, imo, like she doesn't believe in positive reinforcement (good job! or whatever) but she still has awesome ideas. Just an idea.
I'll pass along any other info I come across if I think it'll help with Issac, if you're interested.
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Date: 2008-05-08 10:02 pm (UTC)