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altarflameYesterday was Aaron's 6th birthday. I knew it was coming, and Ananda's birthday was weeks ago...and yet I spent the whole day feeling completely caught off guard by the idea that Ananda and Aaron are 7 and 6. Not babies, or toddlers, or preschoolers - not even kindergardeners...they're just kids. Big old kids. My dynamic duo is going to be grown before I know it. I HAVE A 7 AND A 6 YEAR OLD.
Aaron had a GREAT day. The night before, in bed, he asked me "You know what I want more than anything else?" in a wistful tone. The answer was, "Time alone with Dad, every day." I repeated that to Grant who replied, "Yeah, but no pressure, right?"
He had time with Dad. They went out and had lunch and got his presents and Aaron was freaking thrilled. When he got home we had his cake ready and the dining room decorated. Ananda and Robbie had collaborated on both. Laura was here with Brian, as well.
That's Darth Vader as the biggest candle in the center.
For anyone who hasn't seen Grant's amazing video gift to Aaron, you can see it at his lj -![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
theneolistickid. I think Aaron must like it more than his material gifts, since he wants to sit and watch it ALL DAY LONG. I cap individual sessions watching it at 10 minutes, mostly because I get tired of hearing the sound over and over.
I thought so much about this 7 and 6 thing, that I had to go looking through all my old pictures - and because they're just SO OLD that back when I used to take pictures of them as "little kids" we used film, and got it developed only on hard copy, I had to scan some things in to share.
They're wearing Grant and I's old combat boots and dancing to "These Boots Are Made For Walkin'", which was Annie's favorite song for a long time.
And yes, I was dork enough to buy black and white film. No enhancement or photoshopping required ;)
In the first one here, Ananda has painted Aaron in his 2nd birthday cake (she just turned 3 less than a month before). In the second, she's feeding him orchids. These are both scenes I walked in on spontaneously.
There, they just came out of the rain you can see through the window. They always loved to play in the rain. I am SO GLAD we don't have that couch anymore!
They've moved on to a bigger easel, giant bunkbeds, and man would they be cramped if they tried to camp out in the pantry together now. Before he walked out the door to shop, Annie yelled, "Aaron, wait!!" and they did their standard overly dramatic embrace in the hallway. That has been standard fare anytime I'm separating them for anything as simple as a grocery store trip ever since Annie joined Girl Scouts and started having regular time out of the house alone, at four.
While Aaron was out shopping with Daddy and Annie decorated with Robbie, we had Baby Bonding Time with Elise and Brian.
My sister is beautiful.
My LITTLE SISTER. She looks like such a complete, mature woman there. I guess we're all growing up. When the brother who's diapers I changed now has mutton chops and thick black leg hair - and looks down at Grant - I guess I should just get over it.
Sidenote - last time we were up there I lamented not having the space to bring him down with us, for the summer. He said he would like to come. I said he should take the bus. My mom said no way. I said, I took the bus at his age, and she said, you were with Grant, to which I replied, yeah but you felt ok about that because Grant is a GUY - Bob is also a guy. My brother. MY BROTHER. He says, "Yeah, but back then were there - "
I don't know where he was going with it. I cut him off right there. Back then, he says. "Back then were there". Oh. My. GOSH.
Anyway.
Things are up and down with me. Isaac is behaving better than he ever has in his life, and I'm starting to stop being suspicious about it. Pray for me, everyone ;) Really though it's cool. He is very, very whiny and I think on some level that just might be who he is going to be...but he's also really articulate and cute and generally a nice kid, albeit in a very wimpy and easily upset way. The same way he surprised me by knowing how to count and say his ABCs with no help from me, over 6 months ago, he's now shocked me by being able to recognize written numbers reliably (single digit, of course). He came to my sister to "read her this book, Curious George". He sat down and opened it up and made sure she was paying full attention, and said, "This is a monkey..his name is George............Maaa-AAN, can you help me with these words?!" As if he forgot he can't actually read, and was super dissapointed by it O_o
Ananda is manifesting some moodiness that is easily remedied whenever it comes up, so long as I address it. I'm glad she's finally showing something. She's acted all this time as if nothing - waking up to find me gone and in hospital for 6 days, seeing her baby sister covered in tubes and wires and unconscious, me crying in front of them and explaining brain damage and then the ER last week - has effected her, when I KNOW it does, and A LOT, probably more than any of the others. It's scary to walk in on your dad stuffing gauze into an open wound in your mom's belly, especially when you faint at the sight of a drizzle of your own blood. It's totally her style to not let on that she's phased by anything until it's safe again. So, it is a very good thing to me that she is starting to feel safe enough to express some negativity and let on that this has been hard. Now I'll find her, tall as my armpits, draped over the computer chair in the office wearing jeans and a tie dye tshirt and looking distant. I wonder when she got that old. She's always been that complex, but traditionally it looks very out of place because you aren't used to seeing an introspective 3 year old or a brooding, contemplating toddler or whatever. Now it's like...I can see the teenager coming. I am afraid for the woman she'll be, because if I were her, after everything she's seen me go through...I'd be TERRIFIED of ever getting pregnant :/ As it is, being me, I am TERRIFIED of ever getting pregnant again. I HOOOOOOIIIST her up into my lap (she is so freakin heavy now) and if I talk long enough, she'll start to talk back, and then in under half an hour she's back to her old self. By which I mean, her pre-Elise self, not the quieter and almost freakishly obedient kid she's been for the past few weeks. It's funny, she wanted a sister so badly, but the boys are all much more taken with Elise than she is. Annie doesn't have the energy to care about a baby right now. She says dutiful things about her clothes being adorable or smiles back at her in the van, when Elise is cooing at her, but there is this heaviness. Like she's weary of all this baby hooplaw and just wants to get on with life. I suppose I would be too, and hope that I can manifest that for her as a mom (getting on with life, now). Not to spoil the surprise, as I assume the Mommy in question won't spill the beans, but tomorrow we're making a half-birthday card for her new penpal.
Kristin called earlier, it's the first time I've talked to her since my blessingway. She'd heard and then read what was going on, though, from Laura. It was a great conversation, and I'm going to a triple Blessingway at her house for three of my favorite LLL members, this Saturday. Kristin throws THE BEST parties, she's just the perfect balance of funky, hilarious, unique, genuinely fun but still kid friendly and health conscious...she just rocks. I have a ton of adorable already-outgrown newborn diapers and clothes and so on, to give the expectant mamas, and some new stuff we never even got the chance to use. I'm trying to think of the perfect thing to make (food). That will be just Elise and I, and then on Tuesday she's going to come over and pick up A and A and take them back to her place. Ananda LOVES her, and Aaron loves her son, and she has a pool, so I hope they have a blast. I'm planning on getting them a playdate a couple of doors down this weekend, and we're going back to the church with the great kids' program on Sunday.
Tomorrow a PATH mama is bringing us dinner, since it's Friday. And let me tell you, when I saw who it is, I felt like a total LOSER! I mean, ok, not really because I understand that I'm in that transitional new baby period, and that I'll find my groove and that Elise has had special needs...but this woman who's cooking for US, and bringing our food from a town half an hour away, and all joyously and as her own voluntary idea...has 9 kids. Seriously. She's also slender and consistently dresses fashionably. And when they show up, all of them, at PATH events, those kids are SO GOOD, and polite, and so happy and healthy and gorgeous looking, and clean and neat - Laura told me when she walks in the door, I need to lock it behind her and demand she be my personal life coach. I may do just that. It was our old babysitter and her mom who brought us our last PATH dinner, and she volunteered to help me out anytime this summer while she was here, so maybe I'm going to end up getting a lot more than just food out of these dinners ;)
Huge plus - Jake and I are back to running through metaphorical meadows arm and arm again. Slow motion and dandelion fluff all the way. Just getting his nap routine back in place, with that afternoon nursing and sleep time, has been HUGE. And then making the ten minutes when he firsts wakes up strictly for cuddling with him or carrying him around. That is enough to carry him through the rest of the day as he runs around barely taking notice of me. The morning nursing and cuddling has worked out for awhile, since he wakes up earlier than Elise, and that helped, but the afternoons are the pivotal thing.
It's occuring to me that this particular entry might be innapropriately long. I apologize, if so. The "sleeplessness" side effect of phenobarbital withdrawal is starting to manifest in Elise, and I've been walking back and forth between two computers on our network and writing this in between rockings, pattings, talking, trying to lay her down, getting back up, nursing and typing with one hand, for...uh...a long time.
The only other things I'd like to say, to any interested parties, are that, 1. Grant's newest contract is working out REALLY well so far - it's easily fit in between and around other obligations, is well within his skill set, and pays very well for the time required, and 2. I was having some major mother stress, but it is resolved. She had medical tests that came back just fine, and emotional stuff that I think we've mostly resolved. I am ready to get back to daily phone check ins that hopefully continue for the next half century...or so ;)
Aaron had a GREAT day. The night before, in bed, he asked me "You know what I want more than anything else?" in a wistful tone. The answer was, "Time alone with Dad, every day." I repeated that to Grant who replied, "Yeah, but no pressure, right?"
He had time with Dad. They went out and had lunch and got his presents and Aaron was freaking thrilled. When he got home we had his cake ready and the dining room decorated. Ananda and Robbie had collaborated on both. Laura was here with Brian, as well.
That's Darth Vader as the biggest candle in the center.
For anyone who hasn't seen Grant's amazing video gift to Aaron, you can see it at his lj -
theneolistickid. I think Aaron must like it more than his material gifts, since he wants to sit and watch it ALL DAY LONG. I cap individual sessions watching it at 10 minutes, mostly because I get tired of hearing the sound over and over.I thought so much about this 7 and 6 thing, that I had to go looking through all my old pictures - and because they're just SO OLD that back when I used to take pictures of them as "little kids" we used film, and got it developed only on hard copy, I had to scan some things in to share.
They're wearing Grant and I's old combat boots and dancing to "These Boots Are Made For Walkin'", which was Annie's favorite song for a long time.
And yes, I was dork enough to buy black and white film. No enhancement or photoshopping required ;)
In the first one here, Ananda has painted Aaron in his 2nd birthday cake (she just turned 3 less than a month before). In the second, she's feeding him orchids. These are both scenes I walked in on spontaneously.
There, they just came out of the rain you can see through the window. They always loved to play in the rain. I am SO GLAD we don't have that couch anymore!
They've moved on to a bigger easel, giant bunkbeds, and man would they be cramped if they tried to camp out in the pantry together now. Before he walked out the door to shop, Annie yelled, "Aaron, wait!!" and they did their standard overly dramatic embrace in the hallway. That has been standard fare anytime I'm separating them for anything as simple as a grocery store trip ever since Annie joined Girl Scouts and started having regular time out of the house alone, at four.
While Aaron was out shopping with Daddy and Annie decorated with Robbie, we had Baby Bonding Time with Elise and Brian.
My sister is beautiful.
My LITTLE SISTER. She looks like such a complete, mature woman there. I guess we're all growing up. When the brother who's diapers I changed now has mutton chops and thick black leg hair - and looks down at Grant - I guess I should just get over it.
Sidenote - last time we were up there I lamented not having the space to bring him down with us, for the summer. He said he would like to come. I said he should take the bus. My mom said no way. I said, I took the bus at his age, and she said, you were with Grant, to which I replied, yeah but you felt ok about that because Grant is a GUY - Bob is also a guy. My brother. MY BROTHER. He says, "Yeah, but back then were there - "
I don't know where he was going with it. I cut him off right there. Back then, he says. "Back then were there". Oh. My. GOSH.
Anyway.
Things are up and down with me. Isaac is behaving better than he ever has in his life, and I'm starting to stop being suspicious about it. Pray for me, everyone ;) Really though it's cool. He is very, very whiny and I think on some level that just might be who he is going to be...but he's also really articulate and cute and generally a nice kid, albeit in a very wimpy and easily upset way. The same way he surprised me by knowing how to count and say his ABCs with no help from me, over 6 months ago, he's now shocked me by being able to recognize written numbers reliably (single digit, of course). He came to my sister to "read her this book, Curious George". He sat down and opened it up and made sure she was paying full attention, and said, "This is a monkey..his name is George............Maaa-AAN, can you help me with these words?!" As if he forgot he can't actually read, and was super dissapointed by it O_o
Ananda is manifesting some moodiness that is easily remedied whenever it comes up, so long as I address it. I'm glad she's finally showing something. She's acted all this time as if nothing - waking up to find me gone and in hospital for 6 days, seeing her baby sister covered in tubes and wires and unconscious, me crying in front of them and explaining brain damage and then the ER last week - has effected her, when I KNOW it does, and A LOT, probably more than any of the others. It's scary to walk in on your dad stuffing gauze into an open wound in your mom's belly, especially when you faint at the sight of a drizzle of your own blood. It's totally her style to not let on that she's phased by anything until it's safe again. So, it is a very good thing to me that she is starting to feel safe enough to express some negativity and let on that this has been hard. Now I'll find her, tall as my armpits, draped over the computer chair in the office wearing jeans and a tie dye tshirt and looking distant. I wonder when she got that old. She's always been that complex, but traditionally it looks very out of place because you aren't used to seeing an introspective 3 year old or a brooding, contemplating toddler or whatever. Now it's like...I can see the teenager coming. I am afraid for the woman she'll be, because if I were her, after everything she's seen me go through...I'd be TERRIFIED of ever getting pregnant :/ As it is, being me, I am TERRIFIED of ever getting pregnant again. I HOOOOOOIIIST her up into my lap (she is so freakin heavy now) and if I talk long enough, she'll start to talk back, and then in under half an hour she's back to her old self. By which I mean, her pre-Elise self, not the quieter and almost freakishly obedient kid she's been for the past few weeks. It's funny, she wanted a sister so badly, but the boys are all much more taken with Elise than she is. Annie doesn't have the energy to care about a baby right now. She says dutiful things about her clothes being adorable or smiles back at her in the van, when Elise is cooing at her, but there is this heaviness. Like she's weary of all this baby hooplaw and just wants to get on with life. I suppose I would be too, and hope that I can manifest that for her as a mom (getting on with life, now). Not to spoil the surprise, as I assume the Mommy in question won't spill the beans, but tomorrow we're making a half-birthday card for her new penpal.
Kristin called earlier, it's the first time I've talked to her since my blessingway. She'd heard and then read what was going on, though, from Laura. It was a great conversation, and I'm going to a triple Blessingway at her house for three of my favorite LLL members, this Saturday. Kristin throws THE BEST parties, she's just the perfect balance of funky, hilarious, unique, genuinely fun but still kid friendly and health conscious...she just rocks. I have a ton of adorable already-outgrown newborn diapers and clothes and so on, to give the expectant mamas, and some new stuff we never even got the chance to use. I'm trying to think of the perfect thing to make (food). That will be just Elise and I, and then on Tuesday she's going to come over and pick up A and A and take them back to her place. Ananda LOVES her, and Aaron loves her son, and she has a pool, so I hope they have a blast. I'm planning on getting them a playdate a couple of doors down this weekend, and we're going back to the church with the great kids' program on Sunday.
Tomorrow a PATH mama is bringing us dinner, since it's Friday. And let me tell you, when I saw who it is, I felt like a total LOSER! I mean, ok, not really because I understand that I'm in that transitional new baby period, and that I'll find my groove and that Elise has had special needs...but this woman who's cooking for US, and bringing our food from a town half an hour away, and all joyously and as her own voluntary idea...has 9 kids. Seriously. She's also slender and consistently dresses fashionably. And when they show up, all of them, at PATH events, those kids are SO GOOD, and polite, and so happy and healthy and gorgeous looking, and clean and neat - Laura told me when she walks in the door, I need to lock it behind her and demand she be my personal life coach. I may do just that. It was our old babysitter and her mom who brought us our last PATH dinner, and she volunteered to help me out anytime this summer while she was here, so maybe I'm going to end up getting a lot more than just food out of these dinners ;)
Huge plus - Jake and I are back to running through metaphorical meadows arm and arm again. Slow motion and dandelion fluff all the way. Just getting his nap routine back in place, with that afternoon nursing and sleep time, has been HUGE. And then making the ten minutes when he firsts wakes up strictly for cuddling with him or carrying him around. That is enough to carry him through the rest of the day as he runs around barely taking notice of me. The morning nursing and cuddling has worked out for awhile, since he wakes up earlier than Elise, and that helped, but the afternoons are the pivotal thing.
It's occuring to me that this particular entry might be innapropriately long. I apologize, if so. The "sleeplessness" side effect of phenobarbital withdrawal is starting to manifest in Elise, and I've been walking back and forth between two computers on our network and writing this in between rockings, pattings, talking, trying to lay her down, getting back up, nursing and typing with one hand, for...uh...a long time.
The only other things I'd like to say, to any interested parties, are that, 1. Grant's newest contract is working out REALLY well so far - it's easily fit in between and around other obligations, is well within his skill set, and pays very well for the time required, and 2. I was having some major mother stress, but it is resolved. She had medical tests that came back just fine, and emotional stuff that I think we've mostly resolved. I am ready to get back to daily phone check ins that hopefully continue for the next half century...or so ;)
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