(no subject)

[altarflame]

I'm 37w2d pregnant. Not that I'm exactly counting - I still feel very "That far already?!?!" about it.

We leave for Boston in 9 days. And I am definitely counting those. Wading through all these things to be done before we leave is starting to get really tiresome; Grant and I are both eager to just freaking GO already.

Jake is having a bit of a language explosion, I think. He says "Oh, man!" and "tickle tickle tickle tickle" very clearly, all of a sudden, and has distinct syllabic things he says in place of "Thank you" and "Excuse me", at the appropriate times.

He's such a deeply attached toddler...I've never had such an attached toddler, I don't think. I mean I nursed and wore Isaac MORE at this age, than I do Jake (as he demanded it), but it was split half and half between enjoying it (when it meant I got to enjoy HIM, because he was still and happy and not making me nuts) and tolerating it, while he bit me and pulled my hair constantly. It was also hard because he cried anytime I took him out of the Kozy and SCREAMED AND FREAKED OUT anytime I unlatched him from the breast - even if he'd been nursing for 45 minutes, and it was the 5th session that day. With Jake I ask, "Can we say no more now?" and he unlatches himself and climbs down off of my lap. Seriously. Isaac was in his own bed because we were going to go completely insane if he wasn't - and sleeping well for the first time in his life, as a result. Jake is still in our bed, and he falls asleep quietly between us or at our feet every night and sleeps through. I guess what I'm getting as is, I was sort of relieved to have a new baby coming when Isaac was a toddler, because I wanted more of a validating excuse to get him to let me alone a little. There have been many occassions when it's been obvious that he needed to be pushed a little, or cut off or whatever, because his coping skills have improved TREMENDOUSLY once we've pushed/cut off. Whereas with Jake, I'm a bit concerned that he not feel displaced at all, as he's given me no indications whatsoever that he needs to be nudged towards independance. He's happy and thriving as a little attached guy. We talk a lot about how I'm making him a baby, as he LOVES babies and baby dolls, and how she's going to get milk too, and all that sort of thing.

I'm actually having a really hard time keeping a good perspective about Isaac in general, lately...I don't even know where to start with that. But like at church, for instance, Ananda has so much fun, Aaron has a decent time, Jake has fun...Isaac FLIPS OUT when we leave him. We talk it up the whole week beforehand; we let him bring toys; this Sunday was the third Sunday he was there, with the same caregivers/room/us right down the hall. Veggietales that he knows and loves playing on tv, snacks he likes set out, art supplies right there available. He's still wailing and inconsolable. They kind of "Save the day" for us, this was the second time he's had one or two people working only with him the entire time. He gets to go walking around outside, play on the playground and talk with his own personal adult(s) the entire time we're in worship, so that he can have a good time and deal (While the other kids stay in their rooms). By the time we get back to him (only an hour and fifteen minutes later), he's been happy for at least half an hour/45 min. On the one hand, I'm SO GRATEFUL that these amazing people are willing to go out of their way for him and make it a good thing. How awesome that they care about the kids on that level and that they're willing to deal with them as individuals. Every volunteer in the kids' program seems to know just who he is and say goodbye to him by name as we're leaving (these same people were shocked to just now figure out this week that Aaron and he are related at all - and they're in the same "3-5" room). On the other hand...it makes me SO ANGRY that they have to do that. Say there are 20 kids and 5 adults, in a room, it's not fair for one or two of them to have to be "Isaac's adults", even leaving the room, so that all the other kids get less and every grownup is working harder. He's so LIKE THAT all the time. If it's during the day, with Grant out working, he will come out of the bathroom and pull up his own underwear and shorts when he's done peeing. If Grant's home, he demands all this help. He'll walk around the house with his clothes around his ankles, whining and crying for Daddy to pull them up, or just sit down in the hallway and scream for him to come do it. It turned into a half hour long battle of wills last night. It really seems as if he was screaming, whining or crying this entire weekend gone by. It was probably "only" actually a couple of cumulative hours per day. He makes me think of the biblical phrase "weeping and gnashing of teeth". There's just starting to be something very DELIBERATE seeming about the way he chooses to throw a fit. If I am ready to lose my mind and start counting to three, he'll shut off the waterworks and volume COMPLETELY, like hitting an off switch, about 60% of the time. The other 40 it dramatically escalates and I can sort of make it out that he's saying "Don't Count" in and amongst the screams O_o I really don't want to stifle him as a person or give him a complex that it's bad to cry, or that big boys don't cry or whatever...but children in general DON'T CRY about every. single. little. thing. I think about how other kids his age are in preschool, and I just can't even imagine him in that kind of setting. Maybe he would swim if it was sink or swim like that - who knows? I mean, I'm obviously not for putting little kids in school all day anyway, I think 3 year olds belong at home with their families. It's just the point that he is a 3 year old, fully potty trained, very smart kid who speaks in paragraphs at this point. Yet throws himself down on the carpet howling for indefinite periods, if we say "No, we're not going to watch Dora right now". Grant keeps reminding me that he is sucking it up and keeping it together more often lately, and you can see it when he makes those efforts, and I'm trying to remember that. Trying.

I'm having a trickier time belly mapping with this pregnancy, I don't know if it's because I had more belly fat when I got pregnant, or because she's so high, or both, but it's a little disconcerting. I have full confidence that I can get a breech baby to turn, IF I KNOW SHE IS BREECH. I don't want to do all the breech turning techniques on a baby that isn't, though, and make her breech - or wait until I'm 39 weeks and Nancy palpates me, to know for sure. Blah.

Anyway, I'm having some sort of unmotivated hormonal time wherein it's easy to rant about Isaac and complain about positioning. I guess I need to get off the computer and study for a test I'm taking this evening, and get the big kids doing some school things.

Comments

[babyslime.livejournal.com]

I know I say this a lot but... Isaac = Tempest. Seriously. Everything you say here I relate to in such a big way.
Sometimes I wonder absently about putting her in daycare or a preschool a few hours a week wondering if she'd "sink or swim" and then freak out because I wonder if she'd need a "Tempest adult". Actually, right now I'd be 100% positive Xan would need a "Xan Adult" because he screams so freaking much.

[julierocket.livejournal.com]

This calls a familiar story to mind...

I used to work in the daycare room at my uncle's gym, for about five years off and on. There was this one little girl who came in who was an absolute SWEETHEART. When she hit five months or so, she started getting really excited when other kids were near her... like, RIDICULOUS excited, making sounds and bouncing and arms waving all over and all that. We sat her on the floor one day with another kid her age, and she leaned in towards him, grabbed his head, and basically tried to eat him.

Fast forward about eight months, when she was walking and allowed to be on the floor the whole time she was in the room. She would be playing nicely, and then another small child would waddle past and in a second she would knock the kid over and start biting his/her face. She did this for MONTHS, for apparently no reason and was in a perfectly happy mood the whole time. There was one little boy her age who was smaller than her (she's a big girl, even now at 5) who she always went for. She'd see him across the room and bolt for him.

I used to follow her around when she came in. Her poor mother, who is a LOVELY woman who I actually need to call and say hi to, was mortified. She took her to the doctor's all the time to see what was "wrong" with her daughter. She was afraid she had all these problems, etc... but by about 2 1/2, she outgrew it. I think it was her trying to hug too hard/kiss too much that lead to her biting kids all the time, because it was NEVER an angry reaction to something being taken away.

I guess the moral of the story is it's okay for someone to spend a little extra time with him, unless they tell you they can't do it anymore. I mean, it's just what he needs, and it's in their best interest to keep all the kids happy and calm so they don't set off a chain reaction of crying around the room or something. If it's a problem for them, I'm sure they'll let you know. Don't feel bad! I know I didn't mind following Lexie around at all because she was a sweet kid and just needed an extra watchful eye.

Not the same thing, but there it is.

Also, I just ordered a book online called Raising Resilient Kids. I read it once before but I don't remember all of what the authors said, so I'm going to re-read it. It should be here by Wednesday and you can borrow it once you get up here. It might have some tips for helping young kids cope with being told "no" (which I could always use advice on myself, for Aidan-- he has some facets of Isaac's personality/needs).

One thing I DO do with Aidan sometimes is tell him, "Well, I'm going to tell you something, but you might not like it" first. I don't know if that would work for Isaac or not.

[mommydama.livejournal.com]

Sheesh, that all sounds so freaking familiar! It seemed to get super bad with Luci around the 3.5 mark and then settle down again shortly after she turned four. She seems to be entering a "difficult" time again right now though. We had a rip roaring good time at church yesterday. Luci and I spent about 25 minutes in the car during Liturgy. She threw herself around the car screaming and I sat in the front seat (to protect myself, she had already kicked me in the shins) and calmly repeated the mantra "When you calm down and sit in your seat, I'll talk to you about it" while using every ounce of self control I had not to scream back at her. I sorta made it. I didn't scream, but I did get pretty mad at one point.

Did you get my e-mail? I sent it last night. Don't want to push, it is just unusual for you not answer really quickly and I was afraid I sent it to the wrong address or something.

[the-leh.livejournal.com]

I know just what you mean about high needs children zapping you, and Jane has grown out of her tantruming phase. But I remember how awful it was before she started to calm down. I wonder if Isaac is just one of those children who inherently *needs* more attention than others. He may be a child who needs constant one-on-one attention, which is an impossiblity in your house, of course.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

He gets SO MUCH one on one attention, though, seriously...I mean at BARE minimum, every day when he wakes up I spend 5-10 minutes with just him (they all wake up one by one at different times), then he gets a naptime routine of stories and talking with me by himself, that can last upwards of half an hour, and then Grant brushes his teeth before bed and I sit with him and read him a little book, each day. Plus 2-4 times a week one of us takes him somewhere with us all by himself, like the grocery store, and my father in law plays cars with him on the floor or a ball game in the backyard a couple of times a week (an hour is not unusual). And I really mean that is bare, bare minimum...and doesn't include, like, all of us sitting down together for praying and dinner each night, or all the time that he and I talk in the van as I'm driving while A and A play in the third row and Jake is asleep, and how A and A are off with their friends while Jake explores or sits in the stroller, during PATH, but Isaac is in my lap or at my leg the entire time....I don't know. I just get defensive I guess, about the whole one on one attention in a big family thing, because we really go out of our way for him - I'm sure that there are plenty of 1-2 kid families where he'd be getting less. He was still nursing on demand, being worn daily and co-sleeping at like 15 months old, and still nursing occasionally and being worn here and there at 2.5. How can it be practical or possible or anything, to NEED one on one attention CONSTANTLY?!

I'm frustrated with him, not you ;)

[the-leh.livejournal.com]

It's NOT practical OR possible -in nearly any family- for a child to get constant one-on-one attention. I was just saying he is one of those kids who just needs extra work, not that you were unable to give that to him. You having a big family had nothing to do with my comment. *I* plan on having a big family too, remember? I don't recall ever being one of those who told you to stop havin' teh behbies.

Shoot I'd be frusterated too! He sounds nothing short of exhausting.

[the-leh.livejournal.com]

I guess better wording would have been "he seems to be one of those kids who needs constant one on one attention which is an impossiblity, of course" and left out your house, because it's impossible in any house. I never thought you didn't go out of your way for him. It's pretty clear you go above and beyond what 99.99999 percent of parents do, not just for him for for all your kids.

[bicrim.livejournal.com]

I hear you on the high needs kid thing. Elliot has about 10-20 tantrums a day lately, and they are quite deliberate. And he is only 19 months! The other day we were at a place that had stone flooring, and when he went to go fling himself onto the floor for a tantrum, he saw the floor and ever so gently lowered himself onto it, put his little head down very carefully, then let loose with the screaming. I mean, come on! I started laughing, it was so well thought out! Anyway, I can't imagine having to deal with that while pregnant and with 3 other kids around. Let's just hope that they grow out of it eventually.

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

Ha! That story is hilarious. He looks so innocent in the picture :p

breech baby

[(Anonymous)]

if you're worried that she might be breech- try doing pelvic rocks, and tilts. as i told you earlier i went to the chiropractor three days a week, took sephia 6x twice a day, laid inverted on an ironing board and did the pelvic rocks.
i dont think the pelvic exercises will make her turn into breech position if you're worried about that- it will more than likely strengthen your pelvic floor muscles and your lower back.
try the cat pose, or just get on all fours and roll your hips, and gently pull your pelvis up and down, but dont over strain as that can adversly affect your back.