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Oct. 21st, 2013 05:15 pmAaron is often the bane of my life, lately. This is historically true, too, but it's intensifying so much :/ I'm taking him back for assessment and possible OT because I can't tell anymore what is puberty, what is "him," and what is "he needs help."
His dance studio does a Halloween solo contest every year. It's today. He knows that. I reminded him a week ago, since they're supposed to go in costume and have music on a CD or MP3 player prepared, along with choreography in place. THEY also reminded him pretty thoroughly, when he was there dancing Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday.
It's light hearted and you can go for funny or inspiring or talented or whatever you want. The winner doesn't have to pass their tool sheet (prove they can do a million different individual skills) to be in the holiday solo show. Tool sheets are a huge pain in the ass, so that's a good incentive.
So yes, a week ago, I reminded him. He really impressed me by already having his music picked out and his choreography mostly done. He knew what he was going to wear. I was like, wow. This is awesome. Good job, Aaron.
Really I almost had a fucking heart attack, because Aaron is the reason he and everyone else (including the other dancer we carpool with) are late constantly, he still does things like tell me when we're already on the highway that he didn't bring shoes, things that even Elise has been past for several years and I don't always think to anticipate. He'll realize when we're almost to the studio, in late afternoon, that he hasn't eaten anything all day and didn't bring snacks, even though I set snacks out on the bar and directed his attention to them 5 times before we left. Or, he'll truly believe he hasn't eaten all day, and I'll remind him that he had two plates of breakfast and a handful of pistachios and a fruit leather, and he'll go, "Oh yeah...well, I'm still hungry." O_O
He has to move the laundry through and start more, daily, as one of his chores, and approximately every other day he's SO UPSET because he didn't put the dryer on high heat or start it and so the stuff in the dryer is still wet.
Anyway, so far so good with the solo show, as of last week, right? I talked to him Thursday and he said he knew how he was going to store and transport the song, and he had the choreography all done. I mentioned it to him again Friday...and Saturday...and yesterday/Sunday, with an emphasis on having all his stuff ready to go before he went to bed so it wouldn't even be a thing. Today it was the first thing I said when I saw him, after our "Good morning hug" - he and I have this good morning hug thing we've been doing since he was a baby, and even if it's dinner time when one of us realizes we didn't do it, we still do it then. We hugged, I mentioned it, he acted totally prepared and uber casual.
I'm sure you see where this is going. Isaac was at cheerleading, I had went and dropped Ananda off somewhere and taken Jake and Elise to Laura's house. Back at the ranch, it was just he and I, with keys jangling in my hand, and it was Time To Go to Dance.
First, he was shocked that there was no time for a shower. I told him that I'd been giving him a countdown to leaving all day and of course there wasn't time. He got grumpy, but moved on.
Except then he had no belt, and no idea where a belt was, and had to take pants to wear that fall down without one. No, he had no idea where the belt we gave him for those particular pants was. We got that crisis navigated (Jake's old karate belt worked in a way that didn't show), and were about 5 minutes past the latest point we really should have left. I was headed out the door, when he let the bomb drop.
He had no idea where his MP3 player was, only that it was dead and would need to charge before he loaded the song on it.
This kind of shit flabbergasts me. I have to stop and take a deep breath. Aaron is the only one of my kids that I ever really yell at, or truly lay into. And I didn't today...I mean in general.
He is also the absolute worst at looking right past shit he's trying to find. The scale of "how good are you at finding things?" at my house runs Isaac (amazing) to Aaron (are you even serious?!).
He did a decent job of improvising, after (miraculously) finding it under his bed - he ended up with his entire laptop in the van with us, since it has the song, with the MP3 player on the car charger, and we left the house 15 minutes before the contest started (it's a 35 minute drive). Because of how they structure it, I suppose all will be well in the end. Which sort of infuriates me, since I want him to learn some sort of lesson so that this behavior isn't reinforced as being alright (he has not went to dance at all because he's not ready on time more than once, in the last month).
Thus, most of the drive was spent talking about how much stress he experienced this afternoon, and how much anxiety he caused me, and how that is the thing to remember the next time he feels he has enough time to put off preparing. How it can be a mistake to learn from so that he gets to have everything turn out fine without the bs scrambling, in the future.
Except what adult has even fully learned that lesson? As far as I can tell University students operate almost completely on last minute cramming of all sorts, and it's the way Grant's entire company functions. Putting out fires. I want to give my kids the ability to be better at this kind of stuff than us - I know I am better than I used to be at planning and time management (I have to be...too many balls in the air, they'd all fall otherwise), and it's a huge source of satisfaction.
Which is why, rather than using this hour at Panera to write a paper due Wednesday, I've spent it ranting about bs O_o
The thing is, this solo contest deal is one example among millions. It's a never ending struggle with him, all day every day. Yet.
He creates and renders animations Grant assigns, in Blender.
He writes amazing piano music that leaves people speechless.
He writes and mixes music in FL Studios.
He seeks out documentaries and comes to me to talk about the content.
He did in fact choreograph a dance that he's doing in front of people and is probably knocking their collective socks off as I type.
It's such a mixed bag to make any sense of. He's got this can all cut up, wrapped around the antennae for our wireless router, and he's convinced it boosts the signal because of some YouTube tutorial that Ananda keeps adamantly declaring "WAS DEBUNKED BY CRASH COURSE!"
Last night Annie was scolding and yelling at someone, in the bathroom behind a closed door while she brushed her teeth, and when I was like, "What the heck is happening in there?!" she said "Aaron is on the roof, playing drums on that metal thing that spins above the bathroom, and it's REALLY annoying. I can hear him laughing at me through the vent!"
Which is...hilarious. We burst out laughing together before I took a deep breath and walked out to call him down.
I really appreciate who he is, even as I hope nobody calls the cops and struggle not to throttle him.
I'm also out of time.
His dance studio does a Halloween solo contest every year. It's today. He knows that. I reminded him a week ago, since they're supposed to go in costume and have music on a CD or MP3 player prepared, along with choreography in place. THEY also reminded him pretty thoroughly, when he was there dancing Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday.
It's light hearted and you can go for funny or inspiring or talented or whatever you want. The winner doesn't have to pass their tool sheet (prove they can do a million different individual skills) to be in the holiday solo show. Tool sheets are a huge pain in the ass, so that's a good incentive.
So yes, a week ago, I reminded him. He really impressed me by already having his music picked out and his choreography mostly done. He knew what he was going to wear. I was like, wow. This is awesome. Good job, Aaron.
Really I almost had a fucking heart attack, because Aaron is the reason he and everyone else (including the other dancer we carpool with) are late constantly, he still does things like tell me when we're already on the highway that he didn't bring shoes, things that even Elise has been past for several years and I don't always think to anticipate. He'll realize when we're almost to the studio, in late afternoon, that he hasn't eaten anything all day and didn't bring snacks, even though I set snacks out on the bar and directed his attention to them 5 times before we left. Or, he'll truly believe he hasn't eaten all day, and I'll remind him that he had two plates of breakfast and a handful of pistachios and a fruit leather, and he'll go, "Oh yeah...well, I'm still hungry." O_O
He has to move the laundry through and start more, daily, as one of his chores, and approximately every other day he's SO UPSET because he didn't put the dryer on high heat or start it and so the stuff in the dryer is still wet.
Anyway, so far so good with the solo show, as of last week, right? I talked to him Thursday and he said he knew how he was going to store and transport the song, and he had the choreography all done. I mentioned it to him again Friday...and Saturday...and yesterday/Sunday, with an emphasis on having all his stuff ready to go before he went to bed so it wouldn't even be a thing. Today it was the first thing I said when I saw him, after our "Good morning hug" - he and I have this good morning hug thing we've been doing since he was a baby, and even if it's dinner time when one of us realizes we didn't do it, we still do it then. We hugged, I mentioned it, he acted totally prepared and uber casual.
I'm sure you see where this is going. Isaac was at cheerleading, I had went and dropped Ananda off somewhere and taken Jake and Elise to Laura's house. Back at the ranch, it was just he and I, with keys jangling in my hand, and it was Time To Go to Dance.
First, he was shocked that there was no time for a shower. I told him that I'd been giving him a countdown to leaving all day and of course there wasn't time. He got grumpy, but moved on.
Except then he had no belt, and no idea where a belt was, and had to take pants to wear that fall down without one. No, he had no idea where the belt we gave him for those particular pants was. We got that crisis navigated (Jake's old karate belt worked in a way that didn't show), and were about 5 minutes past the latest point we really should have left. I was headed out the door, when he let the bomb drop.
He had no idea where his MP3 player was, only that it was dead and would need to charge before he loaded the song on it.
This kind of shit flabbergasts me. I have to stop and take a deep breath. Aaron is the only one of my kids that I ever really yell at, or truly lay into. And I didn't today...I mean in general.
He is also the absolute worst at looking right past shit he's trying to find. The scale of "how good are you at finding things?" at my house runs Isaac (amazing) to Aaron (are you even serious?!).
He did a decent job of improvising, after (miraculously) finding it under his bed - he ended up with his entire laptop in the van with us, since it has the song, with the MP3 player on the car charger, and we left the house 15 minutes before the contest started (it's a 35 minute drive). Because of how they structure it, I suppose all will be well in the end. Which sort of infuriates me, since I want him to learn some sort of lesson so that this behavior isn't reinforced as being alright (he has not went to dance at all because he's not ready on time more than once, in the last month).
Thus, most of the drive was spent talking about how much stress he experienced this afternoon, and how much anxiety he caused me, and how that is the thing to remember the next time he feels he has enough time to put off preparing. How it can be a mistake to learn from so that he gets to have everything turn out fine without the bs scrambling, in the future.
Except what adult has even fully learned that lesson? As far as I can tell University students operate almost completely on last minute cramming of all sorts, and it's the way Grant's entire company functions. Putting out fires. I want to give my kids the ability to be better at this kind of stuff than us - I know I am better than I used to be at planning and time management (I have to be...too many balls in the air, they'd all fall otherwise), and it's a huge source of satisfaction.
Which is why, rather than using this hour at Panera to write a paper due Wednesday, I've spent it ranting about bs O_o
The thing is, this solo contest deal is one example among millions. It's a never ending struggle with him, all day every day. Yet.
He creates and renders animations Grant assigns, in Blender.
He writes amazing piano music that leaves people speechless.
He writes and mixes music in FL Studios.
He seeks out documentaries and comes to me to talk about the content.
He did in fact choreograph a dance that he's doing in front of people and is probably knocking their collective socks off as I type.
It's such a mixed bag to make any sense of. He's got this can all cut up, wrapped around the antennae for our wireless router, and he's convinced it boosts the signal because of some YouTube tutorial that Ananda keeps adamantly declaring "WAS DEBUNKED BY CRASH COURSE!"
Last night Annie was scolding and yelling at someone, in the bathroom behind a closed door while she brushed her teeth, and when I was like, "What the heck is happening in there?!" she said "Aaron is on the roof, playing drums on that metal thing that spins above the bathroom, and it's REALLY annoying. I can hear him laughing at me through the vent!"
Which is...hilarious. We burst out laughing together before I took a deep breath and walked out to call him down.
I really appreciate who he is, even as I hope nobody calls the cops and struggle not to throttle him.
I'm also out of time.
