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Big Families PSA | Isaac at School | A&A
Aug. 23rd, 2012 10:10 amI've spent a lot of time trumpeting all over the internet how having a big family is awesome and a bunch of closely spaced kids is not nearly as hard as people make it out to be, or as expensive, or whatever. This is EASY! Pregnancy blows, but have a million kids in a couple of years anyway, you'll thank me later, just WAIT!
In the interest of full disclosure, I'd like to qualify some of that.
I was right that BABIES ARE FREE, for the most part, and that closely spaced babies, toddlers and preschoolers are easier (for me) than kids with wider spacing. You may be someone who, like me, is totally happy to lay around reading while babies nurse down for naps, and is fulfilled on some inexplicable level by knitting longies and hanging prefolds in the sun to dry. It may be easy and and natural to you to sit on blankets in the front yard with someone who can't move while small people ride trikes and swing nearby, taking pictures and thinking about the clouds. You may really like baking and the feeling of someone in a sling and the microcosm of the midwifery, La Leche League and Mothering.com world, and manage to never buy baby food, bottles, most baby gear, or damn near anything available through grocery store "baby clubs." You may think all the while about how great it will be for your kids to have each other in adulthood, for the sake of themselves as well as to share the burden of you as you age, and get really emotional really often about how fast they're all changing, and applaud every accomplishment from your spot on the floor of the living room.
IF SO, it is probably gonna be REALLY FREAKING UNNATURAL AND SUCKY a few years later, when you're trying to deal with your kids all wanting to be in a different activity that occurs at a different time and place, for a different amount of money, every one of them potentially valuable and enriching. You're probably gonna think it blows, when your preteens start smelling bad and rolling their eyes at you, at least on some levels - especially when they're clearly judging you (as people who see your shortcomings on an intimate level). It's going to be extremely overwhelming when everyone's ideal education (home, school or otherwise) is something different and some people have certain medical things and other people probably should have various counseling things.
I'm just saying. THIS, this 5-12 year old kids stuff, is way simpler in the sense that I can go out on a date with my husband or have lunch with a friend. I have personal aspirations again, my own life, awesome, right? But I FEEL that I have FIVE KIDS in the way that other people say FIVE KIDS, now. I suddenly understand why people go bug eyed and stutter about how full my hands are, in the grocery store. Because this shit is convoluted, and extensive, and sometimes impossible.
I realize some people who have big families have "family systems," for education, for healthcare, for activities - one size fits all protocol that individuals adhere to for the sake of the whole, sanity, etc - but while I am not judging them, I can't do that. I see my own kids as totally distinct people who need totally distinct things from me and from life.
Which is very different with babies (high needs vs average vs easy) and toddlers (more reading or more running around) and preschoolers (how will we unschool, what type of vegetables will this one consume, what bedtime routine works) than it is at this phase.
VERY.
DIFFERENT.
Isaac and I studied his horrific vocabulary definitions, last night, and he had an easy-peasy time with some math (place value to the hundred thousands). We went over the behavior and the homework contracts together and signed them, and I filled out his other (emergency contact) forms. I put a sketchbook in his backpack since he said he needs one for art. He had his probiotics and his miralax and tons of fiber filled food and drank water and had some meltdowns that involved locking his bedroom door and crying on his bed extensively ("Dot cumein" warning people not to come in, taped on the door...). He read some simple books to me and we talked about how he told his teachers that he just couldn't read, when in fact he can read many things, but he has little confidence.
And then I sat around thinking, about how he is really the fucking PICTURE of the kind of kid I would normally say needs to be homeschooled - ahead in some areas but behind in another, bright and enthusiastic but with some kind of non-neurotypical thing happening. I wonder if his excitement over school will fade with the novelty factor, or not. I think of how he enjoyed the PE classes PATH offered, and the enrichment classes they sometimes do, and how he's staying in GMYS and maybe I should just pull him out of school and stick him in soccer or something. And teach him real grammar that makes sense. But... :/
Pros in favor of his staying in:
-He really wants to go, and LOVES. IT.
-he really seems to light up and thrive in outside structured environments in general, whereas he is not a self-led happy person at home much of the time
-we spent over $300 on his uniforms and supplies, got him into a school with a waiting list after two years of trying, and have been telling him this is what's going down for months
-it is valuable for Isaac to be around adults who don't know all of his history and kids who don't stigmatize him for everything from his historic poop issues to his weird past behaviors; he needs to be able to step outside of all that and just BE, sometimes...
-Jake is like a different kid when Isaac is or is not here, and I feel much better about the latter. He spent all day yesterday while Isaac was at school building or drawing quietly when he wasn't helping me clean or doing BrainQuest sequencing. Right now he's out there on Reading Eggs. While Isaac was home, they fought and ran and yelled and broke things and hurt each other and had weird tense telling on each other, for several hours. Isaac instigates a lot of situations that make Jake and Elise seem complicated, whereas when he's out of the house they're the simplest things in the world.
I normally (obviously) really believe the whole philosophy that even if you do NOTHING with your kids at home, it's better than sending them to school, because they're free to develop into who they are and explore their environments and not get influenced negatively or taught a bunch of bs...I DO do things, with the kids, but I think you know what I mean - I normally take the attitude that school is not just inferior but really kinda harmful in a lot of ways, teaching them to see learning as wearisome work and teaching them a lot of crappy societal attitudes and taking up all their time so they can't just play or go at a natural childhood pace. I realize this is controversial and am not trying to start a debate. I'm just making the point of what a departure it is for me, to be considering all these things as I am. With Elise I'm thinking to myself that Kindergarten is still pretty young and innocent and I can take it one step or year or whatever at a time and pull her whenever I think that's beneficial to her. I have already had her bring some weird attitudes home during preschool (everything from someone made fun of her for eating yogurt so she can't do that anymore to girls shouldn't play with cars because her teacher was giving our Barbies to girls and cars to boys). It's balanced with good stuff, thus far, and we talk about things.
Elise is loving kindergarten, for what it's worth.
I'm currently waiting for a call back from the principal of the school, on when we can meet, and from Isaac's evaluator, to see about getting an academics-only version of his evaluation to give to the school.
Ananda still exists, haha...I write about her less partially because she is very easy for me at the moment, and partially because I am trying to honor her privacy more and more as she gets more of her own social life with web savvy kids. Grant took her out day before yesterday, for hair dye and a guitar string that had broken. I dyed her hair and we worked together to reorganize the library, yesterday. She's happy that we're going back to TLC this afternoon after picking up her siblings, and that she's going to Cybele's with Aaron this weekend, for a water balloon fight and swimming sleepover. The latest horror movie she did with G was Darkness Falls, and I've told her I'm going to try to get her cello (albeit rent to own or layaway) after he gets paid on the first. She is totally caught up in how adorable Elise is in her uniform with her backpack and things, and did Elise's hair in pigtails for her this morning. She's better at hair than I am. She shares her nail polish with Elise, too. "Our" school year is really starting September 1, which is when Virtual School starts.
Aaron is still asleep at 10 am and I'm letting him, because he's so ill with God knows what :/ He had (COPIOUS O_O) blood drawn at MCH on Tuesday and we have a follow-up in about a week and a half to see what all the panels and tests say. He goes for the occasional bike ride with me, and does his chores, and is funny at times, but it's rare for 3 hours to pass without him complaining to me that his glands hurt, his stomach hurts, he's tired, his throat hurts, etc. He definitely lays around WAY more than normal. I'm really worried about him.
I can get myself into a seriously nauseous snit, between him and Isaac, just lately.
In the interest of full disclosure, I'd like to qualify some of that.
I was right that BABIES ARE FREE, for the most part, and that closely spaced babies, toddlers and preschoolers are easier (for me) than kids with wider spacing. You may be someone who, like me, is totally happy to lay around reading while babies nurse down for naps, and is fulfilled on some inexplicable level by knitting longies and hanging prefolds in the sun to dry. It may be easy and and natural to you to sit on blankets in the front yard with someone who can't move while small people ride trikes and swing nearby, taking pictures and thinking about the clouds. You may really like baking and the feeling of someone in a sling and the microcosm of the midwifery, La Leche League and Mothering.com world, and manage to never buy baby food, bottles, most baby gear, or damn near anything available through grocery store "baby clubs." You may think all the while about how great it will be for your kids to have each other in adulthood, for the sake of themselves as well as to share the burden of you as you age, and get really emotional really often about how fast they're all changing, and applaud every accomplishment from your spot on the floor of the living room.
IF SO, it is probably gonna be REALLY FREAKING UNNATURAL AND SUCKY a few years later, when you're trying to deal with your kids all wanting to be in a different activity that occurs at a different time and place, for a different amount of money, every one of them potentially valuable and enriching. You're probably gonna think it blows, when your preteens start smelling bad and rolling their eyes at you, at least on some levels - especially when they're clearly judging you (as people who see your shortcomings on an intimate level). It's going to be extremely overwhelming when everyone's ideal education (home, school or otherwise) is something different and some people have certain medical things and other people probably should have various counseling things.
I'm just saying. THIS, this 5-12 year old kids stuff, is way simpler in the sense that I can go out on a date with my husband or have lunch with a friend. I have personal aspirations again, my own life, awesome, right? But I FEEL that I have FIVE KIDS in the way that other people say FIVE KIDS, now. I suddenly understand why people go bug eyed and stutter about how full my hands are, in the grocery store. Because this shit is convoluted, and extensive, and sometimes impossible.
I realize some people who have big families have "family systems," for education, for healthcare, for activities - one size fits all protocol that individuals adhere to for the sake of the whole, sanity, etc - but while I am not judging them, I can't do that. I see my own kids as totally distinct people who need totally distinct things from me and from life.
Which is very different with babies (high needs vs average vs easy) and toddlers (more reading or more running around) and preschoolers (how will we unschool, what type of vegetables will this one consume, what bedtime routine works) than it is at this phase.
VERY.
DIFFERENT.
Isaac and I studied his horrific vocabulary definitions, last night, and he had an easy-peasy time with some math (place value to the hundred thousands). We went over the behavior and the homework contracts together and signed them, and I filled out his other (emergency contact) forms. I put a sketchbook in his backpack since he said he needs one for art. He had his probiotics and his miralax and tons of fiber filled food and drank water and had some meltdowns that involved locking his bedroom door and crying on his bed extensively ("Dot cumein" warning people not to come in, taped on the door...). He read some simple books to me and we talked about how he told his teachers that he just couldn't read, when in fact he can read many things, but he has little confidence.
And then I sat around thinking, about how he is really the fucking PICTURE of the kind of kid I would normally say needs to be homeschooled - ahead in some areas but behind in another, bright and enthusiastic but with some kind of non-neurotypical thing happening. I wonder if his excitement over school will fade with the novelty factor, or not. I think of how he enjoyed the PE classes PATH offered, and the enrichment classes they sometimes do, and how he's staying in GMYS and maybe I should just pull him out of school and stick him in soccer or something. And teach him real grammar that makes sense. But... :/
Pros in favor of his staying in:
-He really wants to go, and LOVES. IT.
-he really seems to light up and thrive in outside structured environments in general, whereas he is not a self-led happy person at home much of the time
-we spent over $300 on his uniforms and supplies, got him into a school with a waiting list after two years of trying, and have been telling him this is what's going down for months
-it is valuable for Isaac to be around adults who don't know all of his history and kids who don't stigmatize him for everything from his historic poop issues to his weird past behaviors; he needs to be able to step outside of all that and just BE, sometimes...
-Jake is like a different kid when Isaac is or is not here, and I feel much better about the latter. He spent all day yesterday while Isaac was at school building or drawing quietly when he wasn't helping me clean or doing BrainQuest sequencing. Right now he's out there on Reading Eggs. While Isaac was home, they fought and ran and yelled and broke things and hurt each other and had weird tense telling on each other, for several hours. Isaac instigates a lot of situations that make Jake and Elise seem complicated, whereas when he's out of the house they're the simplest things in the world.
I normally (obviously) really believe the whole philosophy that even if you do NOTHING with your kids at home, it's better than sending them to school, because they're free to develop into who they are and explore their environments and not get influenced negatively or taught a bunch of bs...I DO do things, with the kids, but I think you know what I mean - I normally take the attitude that school is not just inferior but really kinda harmful in a lot of ways, teaching them to see learning as wearisome work and teaching them a lot of crappy societal attitudes and taking up all their time so they can't just play or go at a natural childhood pace. I realize this is controversial and am not trying to start a debate. I'm just making the point of what a departure it is for me, to be considering all these things as I am. With Elise I'm thinking to myself that Kindergarten is still pretty young and innocent and I can take it one step or year or whatever at a time and pull her whenever I think that's beneficial to her. I have already had her bring some weird attitudes home during preschool (everything from someone made fun of her for eating yogurt so she can't do that anymore to girls shouldn't play with cars because her teacher was giving our Barbies to girls and cars to boys). It's balanced with good stuff, thus far, and we talk about things.
Elise is loving kindergarten, for what it's worth.
I'm currently waiting for a call back from the principal of the school, on when we can meet, and from Isaac's evaluator, to see about getting an academics-only version of his evaluation to give to the school.
Ananda still exists, haha...I write about her less partially because she is very easy for me at the moment, and partially because I am trying to honor her privacy more and more as she gets more of her own social life with web savvy kids. Grant took her out day before yesterday, for hair dye and a guitar string that had broken. I dyed her hair and we worked together to reorganize the library, yesterday. She's happy that we're going back to TLC this afternoon after picking up her siblings, and that she's going to Cybele's with Aaron this weekend, for a water balloon fight and swimming sleepover. The latest horror movie she did with G was Darkness Falls, and I've told her I'm going to try to get her cello (albeit rent to own or layaway) after he gets paid on the first. She is totally caught up in how adorable Elise is in her uniform with her backpack and things, and did Elise's hair in pigtails for her this morning. She's better at hair than I am. She shares her nail polish with Elise, too. "Our" school year is really starting September 1, which is when Virtual School starts.
Aaron is still asleep at 10 am and I'm letting him, because he's so ill with God knows what :/ He had (COPIOUS O_O) blood drawn at MCH on Tuesday and we have a follow-up in about a week and a half to see what all the panels and tests say. He goes for the occasional bike ride with me, and does his chores, and is funny at times, but it's rare for 3 hours to pass without him complaining to me that his glands hurt, his stomach hurts, he's tired, his throat hurts, etc. He definitely lays around WAY more than normal. I'm really worried about him.
I can get myself into a seriously nauseous snit, between him and Isaac, just lately.
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