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Jun. 23rd, 2012 07:57 amThat soup was awesome! I've been eating it here and there for the last couple of days. To everyone who pointed it out or thought it, no, chicken broth is not vegan :p Use vegan broth and it'll be vegan, honestly people you know what I mean ;)
I've been thinking a lot lately about how mom's identify, or don't identify, or feel obligated to identify, primarily as moms. This is another area - like politics and religion and many other things - where I sort of fall through the cracks between most peoples' comfort zones, into a sort of no man's land all my own where nobody really agrees with me. I think? Maybe lots of you agree with me! Perhaps we'll see.
Because I think it's important to at least try to do what is ideal and not just ok for my kids whenever possible, I typically end up hanging out (online and IRL) with a lot of extremely dedicated mothers - attachment parents and homeschoolers, primarily: people who have made parenting a huge dominant part of their life. Most people would say I've made parenting a huge dominant part of my life, some just because I've got five kids. And it is big!
But I really can't imagine feeling like a mom is who I am. It's one of the things that I am, obviously, and it's a large part of what I do, but I know so many people who go around online as "SoAndSo'sMom" or "Mommyofxnumber" and I feel like I could never do that. I drive a minivan because it's practical and that doesn't bother me one bit, I thought people in booju years ago who said they would never put an Honor Roll type bumper sticker on their car were really immature because that's just to show your kids you're proud, it isn't about ruining your stupid IMAGE - but to self-identify as a parent, as your NAME, in contexts that often have nothing to do with the kids...is not something I would naturally do, personally. To me that sort of thing is stepping outside of benefiting the kids and into a vacuum where your own life is over since you attend to other peoples', now.
There are so many women whose facebook bios and blog "about me"s JUST say that they're a parent to whatever kids, with and without agenda (I'm a breastfeeding mama, I'm a natural parent). Some of that is the search for solidarity in a society that doesn't exactly validate those agendas, I get that - but I was disappointed early on by how infrequently things worked out when I sought out relationships with other "crunchy parents" primarily based on them also being crunchy parents. The moms I've stayed friends with are women I love for themselves, who incidentally happen to have or not have kids.
I'm not judging anyone, at least most of the time, but I do feel isolated at times within parenting circles. My friend Karen - who I love! - is really put out that 3 of her 4 (normally homeschooled) kids are gone for most of the day all summer at various activities, and makes a lot of half-serious jokes about crying into her tea alone about it. I hear her out, but I'm so happy for my kids having great things to do and am SO RELIEVED to not have it ALL on me for awhile. I'm "good at them," I didn't even really anticipate that relief - but it's there now, in a big way. It FEELS like summer vacation for me, too, even though I'm actually doing as much or more than usual. Pressure is off.
I do not relate to the terror that kids will one day move out, at all. I'm having a great time with my kids, but I think in my mind part of that might be contingent on how fleeting it all is. Things would feel very differently if they were eternal and kids were not growing and changing.
If I wanted a stranger to know things about me, I'd probably say, "I'm a writer, and a mother to a lot of kids, and a student" or something like that. Because I lived for 17 years before any of this motherhood business started, and I'll only be 43 when Elise is a legal adult. I have a lot of plans for those post-kid decades, and I'm not talking about grandchildren (though that is a really cool concept should it happen).
Anyway, yeah, first world problems for me and all that, but people really tend to either be at one end of this spectrum (making me almost uncomfortable with how UN-engaged they are as parents, talking about how burdened they are by very small kids right in earshot of the kids, doing the bare ass minimum at all times to keep a baby alive) or the other (sad and lonely when kids go on a sleepover, acting like every milestone is a tragedy).
Perhaps because I'm really, sincerely thrilled with how each of my individual kids is turning out, and just so damned proud of every one of them for where they're at right now, in such a giddy and amazed way - I do not think they grow up too fast*.
Isaac, Jake, Elise and I have been doing a lot of fun outings and having adventures while A&A are at camp. That will switch to adventures with A&A, when the littles are at their camp. I'll probably do a big update and pic post about this soon :)
For now, I've been up early on a rainy Saturday morning studying for a Statistics exam I'm about to go take for quite awhile, and I ain't even mad.
*I have felt like they grow up too fast as a postpartum mom with rapidly changing babies. And I have cried over old baby clothes several times in my life. Clearly I'm in a different phase of life now, so if you have infants just disregard this entry completely.
I've been thinking a lot lately about how mom's identify, or don't identify, or feel obligated to identify, primarily as moms. This is another area - like politics and religion and many other things - where I sort of fall through the cracks between most peoples' comfort zones, into a sort of no man's land all my own where nobody really agrees with me. I think? Maybe lots of you agree with me! Perhaps we'll see.
Because I think it's important to at least try to do what is ideal and not just ok for my kids whenever possible, I typically end up hanging out (online and IRL) with a lot of extremely dedicated mothers - attachment parents and homeschoolers, primarily: people who have made parenting a huge dominant part of their life. Most people would say I've made parenting a huge dominant part of my life, some just because I've got five kids. And it is big!
But I really can't imagine feeling like a mom is who I am. It's one of the things that I am, obviously, and it's a large part of what I do, but I know so many people who go around online as "SoAndSo'sMom" or "Mommyofxnumber" and I feel like I could never do that. I drive a minivan because it's practical and that doesn't bother me one bit, I thought people in booju years ago who said they would never put an Honor Roll type bumper sticker on their car were really immature because that's just to show your kids you're proud, it isn't about ruining your stupid IMAGE - but to self-identify as a parent, as your NAME, in contexts that often have nothing to do with the kids...is not something I would naturally do, personally. To me that sort of thing is stepping outside of benefiting the kids and into a vacuum where your own life is over since you attend to other peoples', now.
There are so many women whose facebook bios and blog "about me"s JUST say that they're a parent to whatever kids, with and without agenda (I'm a breastfeeding mama, I'm a natural parent). Some of that is the search for solidarity in a society that doesn't exactly validate those agendas, I get that - but I was disappointed early on by how infrequently things worked out when I sought out relationships with other "crunchy parents" primarily based on them also being crunchy parents. The moms I've stayed friends with are women I love for themselves, who incidentally happen to have or not have kids.
I'm not judging anyone, at least most of the time, but I do feel isolated at times within parenting circles. My friend Karen - who I love! - is really put out that 3 of her 4 (normally homeschooled) kids are gone for most of the day all summer at various activities, and makes a lot of half-serious jokes about crying into her tea alone about it. I hear her out, but I'm so happy for my kids having great things to do and am SO RELIEVED to not have it ALL on me for awhile. I'm "good at them," I didn't even really anticipate that relief - but it's there now, in a big way. It FEELS like summer vacation for me, too, even though I'm actually doing as much or more than usual. Pressure is off.
I do not relate to the terror that kids will one day move out, at all. I'm having a great time with my kids, but I think in my mind part of that might be contingent on how fleeting it all is. Things would feel very differently if they were eternal and kids were not growing and changing.
If I wanted a stranger to know things about me, I'd probably say, "I'm a writer, and a mother to a lot of kids, and a student" or something like that. Because I lived for 17 years before any of this motherhood business started, and I'll only be 43 when Elise is a legal adult. I have a lot of plans for those post-kid decades, and I'm not talking about grandchildren (though that is a really cool concept should it happen).
Anyway, yeah, first world problems for me and all that, but people really tend to either be at one end of this spectrum (making me almost uncomfortable with how UN-engaged they are as parents, talking about how burdened they are by very small kids right in earshot of the kids, doing the bare ass minimum at all times to keep a baby alive) or the other (sad and lonely when kids go on a sleepover, acting like every milestone is a tragedy).
Perhaps because I'm really, sincerely thrilled with how each of my individual kids is turning out, and just so damned proud of every one of them for where they're at right now, in such a giddy and amazed way - I do not think they grow up too fast*.
Isaac, Jake, Elise and I have been doing a lot of fun outings and having adventures while A&A are at camp. That will switch to adventures with A&A, when the littles are at their camp. I'll probably do a big update and pic post about this soon :)
For now, I've been up early on a rainy Saturday morning studying for a Statistics exam I'm about to go take for quite awhile, and I ain't even mad.
*I have felt like they grow up too fast as a postpartum mom with rapidly changing babies. And I have cried over old baby clothes several times in my life. Clearly I'm in a different phase of life now, so if you have infants just disregard this entry completely.
