(no subject)

Yesterday during tea I sat under the trampoline on our blanket helping Ananda with math. It was a concept she has a lot of trouble with and has some mental blocks up against from past frustration, and I really put in every extra effort to stay super patient and nice with all of her attitude and whining, until finally she had figured it all out and was proud of herself for completing the page. I turned around happy, and saw Isaac...with his hair, arms and shirt covered in honey. From the tea tray. He was rubbing a handful of it into his neck at that moment...and there was poop from his diaper on his thighs.

I called my mother and told her to expect a very large package soon.

Speaking of my mother, I sent her a postcard last week. It said, "It's better to have loved and lost, than to live with a psycho for the rest of your life."


We went to P.A.T.H. today. It was pretty cool, they were having a science fair so Ananda and Aaron got to have a race pushing little cars ahead of magnets and hold earthworms and look at geodes and all that sort of thing. We found out that if we register in the next couple of days, they can have exhibits at the Youth Fair. Ananda wants to do a science project and a painting, I believe. They actually have cash prizes and all, but she's mostly into the idea of hundreds of people seeing her stuff. I think I'll use the opportunity to teach her the scientific method.

My books came from Amazon today. I think I'm saving them both for Lent, because I'm going to need every good resource I can get my hands on. I've been struggling like mad today. I've been picking myself up and kicking myself in the ass a lot. It seems much easier to fight and kick on my own than pray about anything, and so everything is impossibly heavy because I'm trying to carry it myself...blah. I've managed to not fall off of any wagons, but I've felt frustrated and disgruntled a lot early this morning and late tonight.

The day in between was good, though. We played tag and had singalongs this afternoon. I'm completely in love with all of these kids - Annie doing acrobatics at the park and helping me SO much, Aaron learning to play well with other kids and warming up to new people, Isaac being SO DAMN CUTE AND CUDDLY and funny, all the time, and Jake just getting so big and feeling so small and mmm. All of them laughing when I tickle them, listening to stories, giving my kisses. And Kathy came over all evening; Grant made us incredible food. I made a date with that babysitter girl from P.A.T.H., she's coming on Thursday afternoon to make Valentines with us and for us all to get to know each other better. She was playing with them all on the playground today and the kids seem to really like her. And I got the dirty diaper bag and the lunch leavings in from the van when we got back, and the tea tray in from the backyard when we were done, and after this whole long day of everyone cooking the kitchen is sparkling.

I can't believe it's the time it is. No wonder I can't even keep my freakin' thoughts straight.

One thing...Laura and I are going to the Orthodox Church on Sunday :o It's prearranged and set.

(no subject)

Today has been such a weird day. I've washed, dried and put away diapers, and I cleaned up the kids' room a bit this morning. I cleared off my desk, which was a COLOSSAL undertaking, and framed and set out a bunch of pictures I've been meaning to. We walked to the grocery store to get dinner stuff and then I cooked (red beans and rice with cornbread, for any interested parties). Ananda and I registered her for a painting, a photography and a science project at the Youth Fair, online.

Saying it all like this, it sounds like so much. But really I feel guilty for being a slovenly layabout all day long. We missed tea for the first time and Isaac's nap was late. I spent most of the day discussing theology in my previous entry's comment thread and wandering around the house with a low grade headache. It's been like "Wha - oh, a diaper, mmkay, c'mon...."

I suppose I just didn't get enough sleep last night. And I'm supposed to start my period soon, if I'm going to be on anything like my old cycle.

Wouldn't that be a great cosmic joke if I were pregnant?

I'm so not laughing.

I really don't think that's even a possibility, anyway.

ANYWAY. Isaac is in bed, Jake is right here asleep about to be moved to his bed, and A and A are having their nightjump with Grant in the backyard. I can hear Alton Brown talking about chocolate from the living room. He's going to be here, for the Food and Wine Festival up in Miami. We're so going to meet him - Annie is psyched.

Grant is so stressed out about work. About money. PRESSURE, he says, stress, he talks about, and...well...When are you going to ask God for help? What is He going to have to do to get your attention? How bad will it have to get before you swallow your pride? These are questions we discuss all the time. I love you no matter what. Which is why it hurts to see you try to do this all alone. He'll be ready soon. He's getting around to it. He knows it would help. Let's watch Conan. Let's go to bed (separate comforters). He took the ice cream carton out of my hand this morning and I wanted to snatch it back and yell at him, but I quietly fumed until I could be grateful, instead. He had a dream that I was trying to seduce him and he was stopping me, telling me "What are you doing?" and then he woke up and felt all pissed at his subconscious for not taking advantage of perfectly allowable dream sex.

Tomorrow morning Laura is going to come and help me clean the house before the babysitter shows up to make Valentines with us in the afternoon. And then Kathy may be coming for dinner and cookies in the evening. Kathy's coming with us, to the Orthodox Church this Sunday. Laura and I talked on the phone for half an hour about what to wear. I don't have any shoes at all except kinos and sneakers, which I literally NEVER use - they're years old and look brand new. Technically my kinos wore out and I'm using Grant's now, but I've sort of comandeered them...really, though, am I suppose to go spend money on shoes? Am I supposed to cover my hair? I don't think I'll do that. The latter, I mean.

That's a wrap.