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ok, so - i really really want another baby. i know i have a soon to be two year old son, and a three year old daughter. i know i am not even twenty two yet, and we haven't gotten married, and i haven't lost the weight. but i want another baby. i want a sister for annie, i want something to bring me and grant closer together, i want to feel a life in my body and nurse a little newborn again. i've known for awhile that i want 4 kids, and i don't want them to be all far apart and for me to be old by the time they are grown, beings how i started young to begin with.
i suppose my perspective is skewed since i am in a better circumstance now than i was when i got pregnant with either of my other two kids. also, i have a lot of faith, and believe that it would work out.
but still, we are living with his parents. it would derail all sorts of things, like the end of diapers, and a honeymoon. sigh.
i need to quit thinking about this, and get on with my life. go back to learning spanish and writing, actively and often, and keep up with this new burst of functionality and cleaning i've stumbled onto. be happy with my bliss of swimming in the baby pool, reading books to attentive curious faces, and watching tricycles get ridden. i think i'm gonna try to do that. translate the spanish "hotel california" (it's by the gypsy kings and awesome), get back to cracked and the excitement of someone to send the book to. damnitt.
and hopefully grant's business will keep taking off, i'll lose some weight, we'll rake in some money, get married in the fall or winter and move out, and then i can actually choose to get pregnant. and maybe annie can go to preschool after the birth of this theoretical person.
i suppose my perspective is skewed since i am in a better circumstance now than i was when i got pregnant with either of my other two kids. also, i have a lot of faith, and believe that it would work out.
but still, we are living with his parents. it would derail all sorts of things, like the end of diapers, and a honeymoon. sigh.
i need to quit thinking about this, and get on with my life. go back to learning spanish and writing, actively and often, and keep up with this new burst of functionality and cleaning i've stumbled onto. be happy with my bliss of swimming in the baby pool, reading books to attentive curious faces, and watching tricycles get ridden. i think i'm gonna try to do that. translate the spanish "hotel california" (it's by the gypsy kings and awesome), get back to cracked and the excitement of someone to send the book to. damnitt.
and hopefully grant's business will keep taking off, i'll lose some weight, we'll rake in some money, get married in the fall or winter and move out, and then i can actually choose to get pregnant. and maybe annie can go to preschool after the birth of this theoretical person.
