Bells Ringing, part 3
Apr. 23rd, 2006 11:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
altarflameI keep thinking of things I've left out, and I'm really trying to record EVERYTHING. I forgot to say how much I loved all of our reception food - Todd and my Pa grilled hot dogs and hamburgers, and my Aunt Deana had brought pasta salad and AMAZING BEANS. I know it sounds silly, but seriously...the beans!! I've been eating the leftovers for 2 of my three meals a day ever since. They're baked beans but so seasoned and sweet and tasty, with crushed tomatoes and ground beef blended in, and topped with A LOT of bacon. Mmmm. She even made a special no-meat version for Ananda :) And she brought all kinds of hamburger toppings, including a crockpot of sauteed mushrooms and onions. My mother brought potato salad and cheese ball and crackers, and my Nana brought a couple of those big carved out watermelons full of fruit salad. There were salsa and chips and pretzels and just generally a huge table of abundance. Perhaps best of all, Beverly volunteered to package up all the leftovers and take them down to the Salvation Army for homeless people.
Also, I completely warped my dress. The boning in the torso still looks as if I'm wearing it :x I think my chest is just way too massive for formalwear, particularly of the strapless variety. When I bought the thing, I wasn't nursing anyone afterall. I mean...the two bra sizes up were more than enough to compensate for the 30 pounds lost.
And I love our rings. They're white gold bands with engraving inside (Everlasting love and a life less ordinary). I love taking it off and looking at it and thinking about the symbolism of an unbroken circle. I love that it doesn't catch on things or spin and bother my other fingers, like my engagement ring (which has a ruby sticking out of it) always has. I've even given the kids big raised scratches with that one. But this goes with everything, and blends right into my hand, and...I don't know I just love it. There's no way you can look at it and think it's anything but what it is. It's just the right weight and width and already feels like a part of my body. I've planned to move my engagement ring to my right hand, but it's driving me bonkers since I'm not used to anything over there and I think I might just bring it out for special occassions.
So...after the reception and the goodbyes, we retired to the conference room in the back of the cabin Grant and I were staying in - we being me and my mom and Todd, all of my kids, my Nana, my sister and brother, Shaun, Grant and Bobby. Bob (bro) taught Annie had to play Checkers, and she beat him, and I was nursing Isaac...I had some great conversations with Bobby J. I feel like I know how to be his friend now. He got Jake to sleep for us, and seemed to really enjoy holding him as he slept for a long time.
Then the "situation" I referred to in the last entry happened. I spotted something on the back of Isaac's neck. I thought it was a spider at first, then I realized it was some other kind of bug - and it wouldn't brush off. It wouldn't PULL off, and Isaac cried when I tried to pull it. It turned out to be a tick with it's head embedded in him. EWW! So I nursed him and promised him the applause of everyone in the room, while my sister dictated what her husband, Frank, was reading to her over the phone about tick removal from him EMT textbook. A safety pin, a lighter and some tugging later, with three different people holding him down on me, Grant managed to get the whole thing out of him and we put it in a bottle just in case Isaac develops symptoms of lime disease (!). He was startlingly good for all this, partially I'm sure because he was nursing the whole time, and recovered pretty much instantly.
I changed out of my dress and into jeans and a long sleeved tshirt. And...whoa :P The inside of my dress was stained with communion juice, full of crumbs, and I kid you not there was even a dead cricket in there! I told everyone that and we laughed uproarously.
Everybody cleared out, then, and took all but (sleeping in the adjacent room) Jake with them. Grant and I sat on the floor in front of the minifridge with a picnic of straight from the bottle red grape juice and the cake that had mousse for filling, which we were eating out of a pan with a single plastic knife (all we could find). I told him how nothing was how I had pictured it, but it was all good, and I felt I'd been searching for him or wishing he was there throughout the whole reception, but also had a great time catching up with so many people. We put our foreheads together and prayed, and I felt like I was going to burst from being happy and thankful. We talked about abundance, because sparkling red grape juice is ridiculously expensive and we normally never buy it, but right then we had a bunch of extra bottles to spare, and food is something we budget out and plan ahead, but we had this big feast - enough to send HUGE containers to homeless people via Beverly. And of course that so many people cared enough to come from cities all over Florida.
We decided to go to bed and I felt so shy and silly, because I had bought lingerie and I don't ever wear lingerie and we, like, know each other too well to put on some kind of show or something...I ended up kneeling on the bathroom floor to pray, to get it through my head that we were actually married and sex could really be something God ordained and totally right. So I was just really honest and shy, with the whole lingerie bit, and we were laughing and he thought I was beautiful and everything...worked out really well? When I first came out of the bathroom he kissed me and said, "You're my wife." And I don't know why, but it had a really profound effect on me. I just wanted to close my eyes and hear him say it a million times.
I spent a lot of time that night lying awake, feeling happy with him sleeping there, and thinking about Grace...and forgiveness, and how no matter how much you sin, or screw up...no matter how much you take advantage and do it your own way and all...it's still not too late to get married and enjoy it all on God's terms. It's like the prodigal son coming home, you know, the Father is waiting there for him with open arms - even though he only came home out of desperation. You know?
We went out to lunch the next day - Grant, the kids and I, and Shaun, Bobby, Bob and Laura. We went to a little Italian place and shared pizzas and I couldn't stop thinking how much I loved them all. Laura who had baked our cakes and done Annie's hair and who I can trust implicitly with my children, Laura who grew up with me and knows it all like nobody else can, Laura who's gonna have her OWN baby now. And Shaun who we couldn't have made it through last fall with Jake in the NICU without, Shaun who tells A and A amazing stories and gives them things we could never afford and brought up all kinds of things we wouldn't have had room for. With his wack ass sense of humor, and style, and all his unique ideas. And Bobby, who I've been completely there and back again with and somehow now know how to interact with without mind numbing lust OR cold blooded rage...I felt like he was happy to see the kids and proud of them without resenting us, and without being miserable the whole time that he isn't always there. And, of course, all the kids themselves. Isaac sitting up making faces, Jake asleep on Grant's lap, Ananda sitting by me acting shy, Aaron being silly. And my brother who is turning out so well and used to be my kid before I had kids. I was seriously about to cry to the point that even something as lame as "Lean on me" on the radio was about to push me over the edge. Me and my siblings grown up and a new crop of kids coming on next. *sigh*
I did NOT want to leave, as we packed up. I love the Conference Center, almost all of my highest spiritual points have been there, and I didn't want "getting married" to end so soon, either. We don't have trees like that, here. But we were rushing, because the directors needed us to clear out for the next event and Laura had to get back. All the kids were in the van with her, and everyone else was gone, and Grant and I went to this "prayer labrynth" thing they have.
It's so cool...It's a maze of rocks that you follow. The center is right there and you could easily step over the rocks to get to it, but instead you take this crazily winding and unbelievably long and convoluted path, around and around, twisting and turning. It's designed in a very thoughtful way, with a thirteen pointed star to represent Jesus and the 12 disciples, and trees you have to step around in your path here or there, and benches to stop and rest...it's supposed to represent life, it's all a metaphor. You're never more than like 10 feet from the middle, but you walk 800 and something feet. In not just woods but THOSE woods. For me they're that, anyway...sometimes he led and sometimes I led and sometimes we walked together. When we got to the middle we kneeled together, forehead to forehead, and prayed.
I left my (bouquet) roses at the foot of the altar.
Ideally, next year for our anniversary, I'd like to leave the kids somewhere and spend the weekend there just he and I. I'm not sure if that will be something we're comfortable with or not - Jake will be a year and a half, Isaac will be 3, A and A will be 5 and 6. We'll see. It would be sweet.
The ride home was...terrible. Isaac was whiny, Jake was fussy, Aaron was hyper, and we were stopping a LOT, sometimes to allow Laura to puke and often at reststops crowded with a dozen tour buses worth of middle schoolers teeming everywhere. It took hours longer than the ride up and reaffirmed our normal conviction that you ONLY DRIVE ANYWHERE WITH SMALL CHILDREN IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT. It will be a cold day in hell before I attempt another trip in the light of day.
But then we were home and now we're married, and, oh yeah, I have some pictures to show you guys :)
My sister making the cake.
Aaron and Mindy's kids waiting for things to start.
My mom and Jake.
Me nursing Jake while Beverly whip-stitches my zipper closed.
Bobby and Ananda, before she got her hair done - you see Matt in the background? Isn't it weird how they're like, the same person?
Todd and Isaac. They're good friends.
Laura doing Annie's hair.
Pa and I getting ready to walk down the aisle.
She did a pretty good job.
My aunt Dee Dee holding Jake.
What is UP with those BOOBS?! I seriously had no idea my boobs were that (this?) big, before the wedding.
Look at that fine, fine man I married...hee hee, "I married" :p
This is us getting ready to pour sand into the jar Don's holding...
And afterwards...
Communion bread...
Annie's getting some of the bread, there, though it's hard to tell.
Afterwards...
The neck! Oh, her neck!
I kept this in because, 1. You can see Uncle Mike, who Isaac will one day grow up to be, and 2. You can see me hitching up my pinned-at-the-top dress...but Grant insists all anyone will see is his Nanny's big green bootie.
Mindy holding Jake. She often reminds me of Jenny from Forest Gump, on many levels.
Me and my mom, who's holding one of our programs.
This is from the side, and does not do our cake justice.
Me, Dee Dee, Laura, and someone(s) else. There is a LOT of twin suspicion, due to her level of sickness, advanced size, and our genetic predisposition.
Eddie and Pa bonded and hung out all night. Two peas in a pod, the grumpy old men.
I know, I know, that couch is HORRIBLE. But I love it, because it's there, and that place is all mine.
I'm sure I'll scan in some from the disposable cameras, too, and get stills from Shaun's video and maybe Nana and Pa will send me some, and Bobby, etc. But for now this'll do ;)
Also, I completely warped my dress. The boning in the torso still looks as if I'm wearing it :x I think my chest is just way too massive for formalwear, particularly of the strapless variety. When I bought the thing, I wasn't nursing anyone afterall. I mean...the two bra sizes up were more than enough to compensate for the 30 pounds lost.
And I love our rings. They're white gold bands with engraving inside (Everlasting love and a life less ordinary). I love taking it off and looking at it and thinking about the symbolism of an unbroken circle. I love that it doesn't catch on things or spin and bother my other fingers, like my engagement ring (which has a ruby sticking out of it) always has. I've even given the kids big raised scratches with that one. But this goes with everything, and blends right into my hand, and...I don't know I just love it. There's no way you can look at it and think it's anything but what it is. It's just the right weight and width and already feels like a part of my body. I've planned to move my engagement ring to my right hand, but it's driving me bonkers since I'm not used to anything over there and I think I might just bring it out for special occassions.
So...after the reception and the goodbyes, we retired to the conference room in the back of the cabin Grant and I were staying in - we being me and my mom and Todd, all of my kids, my Nana, my sister and brother, Shaun, Grant and Bobby. Bob (bro) taught Annie had to play Checkers, and she beat him, and I was nursing Isaac...I had some great conversations with Bobby J. I feel like I know how to be his friend now. He got Jake to sleep for us, and seemed to really enjoy holding him as he slept for a long time.
Then the "situation" I referred to in the last entry happened. I spotted something on the back of Isaac's neck. I thought it was a spider at first, then I realized it was some other kind of bug - and it wouldn't brush off. It wouldn't PULL off, and Isaac cried when I tried to pull it. It turned out to be a tick with it's head embedded in him. EWW! So I nursed him and promised him the applause of everyone in the room, while my sister dictated what her husband, Frank, was reading to her over the phone about tick removal from him EMT textbook. A safety pin, a lighter and some tugging later, with three different people holding him down on me, Grant managed to get the whole thing out of him and we put it in a bottle just in case Isaac develops symptoms of lime disease (!). He was startlingly good for all this, partially I'm sure because he was nursing the whole time, and recovered pretty much instantly.
I changed out of my dress and into jeans and a long sleeved tshirt. And...whoa :P The inside of my dress was stained with communion juice, full of crumbs, and I kid you not there was even a dead cricket in there! I told everyone that and we laughed uproarously.
Everybody cleared out, then, and took all but (sleeping in the adjacent room) Jake with them. Grant and I sat on the floor in front of the minifridge with a picnic of straight from the bottle red grape juice and the cake that had mousse for filling, which we were eating out of a pan with a single plastic knife (all we could find). I told him how nothing was how I had pictured it, but it was all good, and I felt I'd been searching for him or wishing he was there throughout the whole reception, but also had a great time catching up with so many people. We put our foreheads together and prayed, and I felt like I was going to burst from being happy and thankful. We talked about abundance, because sparkling red grape juice is ridiculously expensive and we normally never buy it, but right then we had a bunch of extra bottles to spare, and food is something we budget out and plan ahead, but we had this big feast - enough to send HUGE containers to homeless people via Beverly. And of course that so many people cared enough to come from cities all over Florida.
We decided to go to bed and I felt so shy and silly, because I had bought lingerie and I don't ever wear lingerie and we, like, know each other too well to put on some kind of show or something...I ended up kneeling on the bathroom floor to pray, to get it through my head that we were actually married and sex could really be something God ordained and totally right. So I was just really honest and shy, with the whole lingerie bit, and we were laughing and he thought I was beautiful and everything...worked out really well? When I first came out of the bathroom he kissed me and said, "You're my wife." And I don't know why, but it had a really profound effect on me. I just wanted to close my eyes and hear him say it a million times.
I spent a lot of time that night lying awake, feeling happy with him sleeping there, and thinking about Grace...and forgiveness, and how no matter how much you sin, or screw up...no matter how much you take advantage and do it your own way and all...it's still not too late to get married and enjoy it all on God's terms. It's like the prodigal son coming home, you know, the Father is waiting there for him with open arms - even though he only came home out of desperation. You know?
We went out to lunch the next day - Grant, the kids and I, and Shaun, Bobby, Bob and Laura. We went to a little Italian place and shared pizzas and I couldn't stop thinking how much I loved them all. Laura who had baked our cakes and done Annie's hair and who I can trust implicitly with my children, Laura who grew up with me and knows it all like nobody else can, Laura who's gonna have her OWN baby now. And Shaun who we couldn't have made it through last fall with Jake in the NICU without, Shaun who tells A and A amazing stories and gives them things we could never afford and brought up all kinds of things we wouldn't have had room for. With his wack ass sense of humor, and style, and all his unique ideas. And Bobby, who I've been completely there and back again with and somehow now know how to interact with without mind numbing lust OR cold blooded rage...I felt like he was happy to see the kids and proud of them without resenting us, and without being miserable the whole time that he isn't always there. And, of course, all the kids themselves. Isaac sitting up making faces, Jake asleep on Grant's lap, Ananda sitting by me acting shy, Aaron being silly. And my brother who is turning out so well and used to be my kid before I had kids. I was seriously about to cry to the point that even something as lame as "Lean on me" on the radio was about to push me over the edge. Me and my siblings grown up and a new crop of kids coming on next. *sigh*
I did NOT want to leave, as we packed up. I love the Conference Center, almost all of my highest spiritual points have been there, and I didn't want "getting married" to end so soon, either. We don't have trees like that, here. But we were rushing, because the directors needed us to clear out for the next event and Laura had to get back. All the kids were in the van with her, and everyone else was gone, and Grant and I went to this "prayer labrynth" thing they have.
It's so cool...It's a maze of rocks that you follow. The center is right there and you could easily step over the rocks to get to it, but instead you take this crazily winding and unbelievably long and convoluted path, around and around, twisting and turning. It's designed in a very thoughtful way, with a thirteen pointed star to represent Jesus and the 12 disciples, and trees you have to step around in your path here or there, and benches to stop and rest...it's supposed to represent life, it's all a metaphor. You're never more than like 10 feet from the middle, but you walk 800 and something feet. In not just woods but THOSE woods. For me they're that, anyway...sometimes he led and sometimes I led and sometimes we walked together. When we got to the middle we kneeled together, forehead to forehead, and prayed.
I left my (bouquet) roses at the foot of the altar.
Ideally, next year for our anniversary, I'd like to leave the kids somewhere and spend the weekend there just he and I. I'm not sure if that will be something we're comfortable with or not - Jake will be a year and a half, Isaac will be 3, A and A will be 5 and 6. We'll see. It would be sweet.
The ride home was...terrible. Isaac was whiny, Jake was fussy, Aaron was hyper, and we were stopping a LOT, sometimes to allow Laura to puke and often at reststops crowded with a dozen tour buses worth of middle schoolers teeming everywhere. It took hours longer than the ride up and reaffirmed our normal conviction that you ONLY DRIVE ANYWHERE WITH SMALL CHILDREN IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT. It will be a cold day in hell before I attempt another trip in the light of day.
But then we were home and now we're married, and, oh yeah, I have some pictures to show you guys :)
My sister making the cake.
Aaron and Mindy's kids waiting for things to start.
My mom and Jake.
Me nursing Jake while Beverly whip-stitches my zipper closed.
Bobby and Ananda, before she got her hair done - you see Matt in the background? Isn't it weird how they're like, the same person?
Todd and Isaac. They're good friends.
Laura doing Annie's hair.
Pa and I getting ready to walk down the aisle.
She did a pretty good job.
My aunt Dee Dee holding Jake.
What is UP with those BOOBS?! I seriously had no idea my boobs were that (this?) big, before the wedding.
Look at that fine, fine man I married...hee hee, "I married" :p
This is us getting ready to pour sand into the jar Don's holding...
And afterwards...
Communion bread...
Annie's getting some of the bread, there, though it's hard to tell.
Afterwards...
The neck! Oh, her neck!
I kept this in because, 1. You can see Uncle Mike, who Isaac will one day grow up to be, and 2. You can see me hitching up my pinned-at-the-top dress...but Grant insists all anyone will see is his Nanny's big green bootie.
Mindy holding Jake. She often reminds me of Jenny from Forest Gump, on many levels.
Me and my mom, who's holding one of our programs.
This is from the side, and does not do our cake justice.
Me, Dee Dee, Laura, and someone(s) else. There is a LOT of twin suspicion, due to her level of sickness, advanced size, and our genetic predisposition.
Eddie and Pa bonded and hung out all night. Two peas in a pod, the grumpy old men.
I know, I know, that couch is HORRIBLE. But I love it, because it's there, and that place is all mine.
I'm sure I'll scan in some from the disposable cameras, too, and get stills from Shaun's video and maybe Nana and Pa will send me some, and Bobby, etc. But for now this'll do ;)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-04-24 06:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-24 06:51 am (UTC)Re: Found it
Date: 2006-04-24 06:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-24 06:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-24 09:04 am (UTC)Your breasts looked pretty amazing, too - despite all the hub-bub and bralessness. ;) Teehee.
You totally couldn't tell you were sewn into the dress.
:) I've been wandering around singing "Sadie, sadie married lady", thinking about you.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-25 03:27 am (UTC)Nature's implants, I know you know all about it.
:D
Re: haha, big green booty...
Date: 2006-04-25 03:29 am (UTC)I did see. I was squeeing away as she tends to make me do, and marveling that it's already been a year, and kicking myself for not realizing in time to send her something (though I'm sure you know I've been busy this week...)
Mostly I felt glad for you about you and your sister, because that's how it is for me and mine and I always feel bad for you when I hear about how different and unrelating you seem to be with yours. I'm glad the gap is bridging.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-24 01:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-25 03:30 am (UTC)I've been reading all your entries, and feeling bad on some level that you have to see all the newlywed bliss when you're feeling bitter and wounded :x But I suppose maybe there is the silver lining that not all guys are like Jimmy, and there is still hope for you out there somewhere? Anyway you sound better everyday :)
no subject
Date: 2006-04-25 03:43 am (UTC)You guys are definitely a great couple and it's nice to see a wedding where you don't feel cynical about it. :)
no subject
Date: 2006-04-24 01:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-25 03:34 am (UTC)That I'm still managing to feel that way too in between all the massive post-roadtrip cleaning and tantrums seems like a miracle to me...and has me dreaming nonstop of an anniversary trip sans kids :x
no subject
Date: 2006-04-24 02:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-25 03:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-24 04:46 pm (UTC)I love how you and Grant have such a spiritual connection and can pray together like that. You really just blow me away on so many levels and I find myself striving to follow your example in a lot of areas. *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2006-04-25 03:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-24 05:56 pm (UTC)DUDE. Yes, my aunt makes the most amazing ranch beans and it was all I could talk about at our baby shower for Aiden. :)
"Beverly volunteered to package up all the leftovers and take them down to the Salvation Army for homeless people. "
*kry!*
I can't even comment on the tick thing. OW!!!!!!!
Dead crickets TINA????
Holy boobies batman!
the big green booty strikes again!
I love the last pic, that's so how shawn and I are going to be.
You looked amazing tina, fresh and confident, chill and beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing with us.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-25 03:37 am (UTC)Thank you :)
no subject
Date: 2006-04-24 06:20 pm (UTC)you are just STUNNING!!! I cried reading your posts!!!
I'm happy for you and your family!
CONGRATS!
no subject
Date: 2006-04-25 03:38 am (UTC)Re: You made a gorgeous bride.
Date: 2006-04-25 03:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-24 09:49 pm (UTC)to a lovely family and the rest of your lives together.
you are blessed. and i know you know it.
cheers.
becky*
no subject
Date: 2006-04-25 03:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-24 10:00 pm (UTC)You guys looked awesome, seriously. You were (are) beautiful.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-25 03:41 am (UTC)And my mom has a brother who has a wife and two kids, but we've just lost touch with all of them.
Isn't all of that kind of lame? Still and all I was happy. Most of the people I was really upset couldn't come, were friends and not family. It ended up seeming perfect anyway, though.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-26 04:28 pm (UTC)guess i wasn't logged in!
Date: 2006-04-26 04:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-30 12:32 am (UTC)I also love how you are still in your wedding dress in the last pic.
perfection to say the least.
no subject
Date: 2006-05-01 08:43 pm (UTC):) :) :)
no subject
Date: 2006-05-11 10:38 pm (UTC)