(no subject)
Nov. 19th, 2013 01:40 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
altarflameAs a blogger, it can be hard to know when to explain yourself, or defend yourself against criticisms, and when you just shouldn't have to/refuse to/don't have the energy for it. This is not of any particular relevance to my life right now, which is why it's easy to write about it - when I'm actually struggling with it, I generally just don't blog at all. Someone else that I follow appalled a lot of people earlier and has been answering the "But why"s, this evening, so it's on my mind as a philosophical subject.
There are, usually, people who just seem to have missed some information...or, might be trying to stir up trouble by spreading lies on purpose, troll-style. That can be hard to separate! There are the commenters who contradict each other, saying opposing things at the same time. There are the ones who really were happy and supportive readers, but then misinterpreted something. And finally, there are people who understand you perfectly and just disagree because you're wrong and/or everybody's different - that is something that just has to be accepted.
For instance, plugging these types into an example that's on my mind today because I was at the doctor today: there are the people who seem to skip over my many doctors' visits and all my talk of my therapist, and act as though I've "self diagnosed" my arthritis and/or PTSD. Then, there are also the times I'm simultaneously hearing them and the people who are very aware of all the visits and describe them as a kind of hypochondria or drama-seeking behavior. AND THEN, there are the people who think I've self-diagnosed the kids with anything I say they "have," so they are genuinely horrified that I'm short changing my poor poor children. OR, the people who think my kids are less-than or I'm a bad mom if they "have" anything. And, last, there are people who just don't take mental illness seriously or believe in autoimmune disorders (LAME), or who "get it" but don't have the energy or desire to follow complicated stories that involve people who have problems (totally understandable).
Do I owe any of them explanations? Not really, no. Trying to engage some of them in conversation is clearly just pointless arguing. Can it be helpful and ok to dole out explanations, when I have the energy for that? Sometimes... I think. Ultimately, if you have enough readers, you have to ignore most of it or all available blogging time will start to go towards trying to placate everyone, without any more actual substantive posts being possible.
Speaking of which!
Things I'm Thankful For, 11/13-19
11/13. The bursts of cooler weather we keep having. It's hard to explain to someone who HASN'T existed in sweltering heat and heavy humidity year round, but for us, it's almost impossible to NOT feel happy and light and wonderful when you step outside and it's unexpectedly 20 degrees cooler with a breeze :) And once that happens a couple of times, you get to placate yourself when it IS in the 90s again, that you will get be getting breaks from that now and then for MONTHS!
11/14. Roller derby, and what it's done for Annie. Fitness, confidence, coming out of her social anxiety shell, positive role models (in the adult team members who coach the juniors) - it's just a really good thing.
11/15. Her amazing (non-derby) friends, and their parents, who I trust with her <--a big deal!
11/16. That Grant is always warm, and never minds my freezing hands (or entire ice block of a self) pressed against him.
11/17. Elise's positive energy. Watching her bound out of a Girl Scout meeting bursting to tell me all about it, or RUN up the stairs to violin class, or sing and dance because she gets to be my helper...is awesome. She is just fucking awesome, and I think about it every single day.
11/18. That Grant and I are so good at giving each other space, and support, when one of us is having a hard time. He gets terrible headaches, and has mood swings sometimes, and I don't hold those things against him. He eats it up, if I encourage a nap or make him tea or even just turn his fan on and kiss his forehead. He responds to my irritability with humoring me and extra affection. I can walk into the kitchen and punch Grant in the arm as he's cooking, and he will turn to me and pull me into a hug and say, "What's wrong?" It's really priceless.
11/19. Our hammock. Like our gorgeous garden tub, 6 months can pass without me getting in it, and then there are weeks when I use it every day. There are times when I'm extremely stressed, and it's just... exactly right. And then, I'm very very grateful, that it's there.
I usually avoid facebook memes and games like the plague (/obligatory disclaimer), but I loved this "Things You Might Not Know About Me" one that just went around - people on my feed really put themselves out there, and I learned a lot about some of them that I didn't already know. It makes me want to start a "Confessions" blog feature to get passed around. Anyway, if you'd like to read my possibly-unknown-fb-things, you can
I've been tagged twice, both with 12 somehow...
1. I stole little things a LOT as a middle schooler. Mostly library books and convenience store snacks.
2. I also went along on trips with other people who stole much bigger stuff - a friend who took electronics, a teen relative who took jewelry, and an adult relative who took department store goods.
3. This kind of thing is unfathomable to me now. I just sort of snapped out of it at around 15 and it's seemed ludicrous and awful ever since.
4. I found a ripped up, black slip in a parking lot when I was in high school, took it home and (badly) hand sewed all the tears with different brightly colored thread, and wore it as a dress about 3 times a week, with combat boots, until my Nana couldn't take it anymore and threw it away on a round through the laundry.
5. I worked for that same Nana, all summer when I was 14, at the Key West Aloe warehouse - hot gluing packets of lube onto individually wrapped condoms with pictures of guys in speedos on them. I got burned a lot, and had people calling Nana from headquarters asking about "The Condom Kid's" progress.
6-11. I also spent most of high school deeply enmeshed in the Disciples of Christ, a liberal and ritual-oriented denomination. I taught Sunday School to Kindergarteners for over a year (mostly arts, crafts and snacks) and travelled often with the Fl. Youth Ministry Committee (which involved speaking in front of a gathering of 10,000 people at one point). I worked in a homeless shelter for the HIV+, and helped build a house for a single mother with Habitat For Humanity. I attended DOC camps in the summers (and led weekend events). I ended up naming my first son after a pastor from camp and going back there to get married, years later. It was not like the "Jesus Camp" documentaries at all, we did things like crying in the woods together about our home lives, writing each other anonymous notes called "warm fuzzies," and swimming in the middle of the night. They gave us the Meyers-Briggs test and led us in guided meditations. Talent shows were all Radiohead and Violent Femmes. Note: I still have many of these friends, and can think of almost nobody who attended that is actually Christian as an adult.
12. One Christmas season, after our candlelight caroling, I played the Virgin Mary in a roadside, live nativity scene, visibly (18 &) pregnant. The father was a wise man, and my then-x now-husband was Joseph.
There are, usually, people who just seem to have missed some information...or, might be trying to stir up trouble by spreading lies on purpose, troll-style. That can be hard to separate! There are the commenters who contradict each other, saying opposing things at the same time. There are the ones who really were happy and supportive readers, but then misinterpreted something. And finally, there are people who understand you perfectly and just disagree because you're wrong and/or everybody's different - that is something that just has to be accepted.
For instance, plugging these types into an example that's on my mind today because I was at the doctor today: there are the people who seem to skip over my many doctors' visits and all my talk of my therapist, and act as though I've "self diagnosed" my arthritis and/or PTSD. Then, there are also the times I'm simultaneously hearing them and the people who are very aware of all the visits and describe them as a kind of hypochondria or drama-seeking behavior. AND THEN, there are the people who think I've self-diagnosed the kids with anything I say they "have," so they are genuinely horrified that I'm short changing my poor poor children. OR, the people who think my kids are less-than or I'm a bad mom if they "have" anything. And, last, there are people who just don't take mental illness seriously or believe in autoimmune disorders (LAME), or who "get it" but don't have the energy or desire to follow complicated stories that involve people who have problems (totally understandable).
Do I owe any of them explanations? Not really, no. Trying to engage some of them in conversation is clearly just pointless arguing. Can it be helpful and ok to dole out explanations, when I have the energy for that? Sometimes... I think. Ultimately, if you have enough readers, you have to ignore most of it or all available blogging time will start to go towards trying to placate everyone, without any more actual substantive posts being possible.
Speaking of which!
Things I'm Thankful For, 11/13-19
11/13. The bursts of cooler weather we keep having. It's hard to explain to someone who HASN'T existed in sweltering heat and heavy humidity year round, but for us, it's almost impossible to NOT feel happy and light and wonderful when you step outside and it's unexpectedly 20 degrees cooler with a breeze :) And once that happens a couple of times, you get to placate yourself when it IS in the 90s again, that you will get be getting breaks from that now and then for MONTHS!
11/14. Roller derby, and what it's done for Annie. Fitness, confidence, coming out of her social anxiety shell, positive role models (in the adult team members who coach the juniors) - it's just a really good thing.
11/15. Her amazing (non-derby) friends, and their parents, who I trust with her <--a big deal!
11/16. That Grant is always warm, and never minds my freezing hands (or entire ice block of a self) pressed against him.
11/17. Elise's positive energy. Watching her bound out of a Girl Scout meeting bursting to tell me all about it, or RUN up the stairs to violin class, or sing and dance because she gets to be my helper...is awesome. She is just fucking awesome, and I think about it every single day.
11/18. That Grant and I are so good at giving each other space, and support, when one of us is having a hard time. He gets terrible headaches, and has mood swings sometimes, and I don't hold those things against him. He eats it up, if I encourage a nap or make him tea or even just turn his fan on and kiss his forehead. He responds to my irritability with humoring me and extra affection. I can walk into the kitchen and punch Grant in the arm as he's cooking, and he will turn to me and pull me into a hug and say, "What's wrong?" It's really priceless.
11/19. Our hammock. Like our gorgeous garden tub, 6 months can pass without me getting in it, and then there are weeks when I use it every day. There are times when I'm extremely stressed, and it's just... exactly right. And then, I'm very very grateful, that it's there.
I usually avoid facebook memes and games like the plague (/obligatory disclaimer), but I loved this "Things You Might Not Know About Me" one that just went around - people on my feed really put themselves out there, and I learned a lot about some of them that I didn't already know. It makes me want to start a "Confessions" blog feature to get passed around. Anyway, if you'd like to read my possibly-unknown-fb-things, you can
I've been tagged twice, both with 12 somehow...
1. I stole little things a LOT as a middle schooler. Mostly library books and convenience store snacks.
2. I also went along on trips with other people who stole much bigger stuff - a friend who took electronics, a teen relative who took jewelry, and an adult relative who took department store goods.
3. This kind of thing is unfathomable to me now. I just sort of snapped out of it at around 15 and it's seemed ludicrous and awful ever since.
4. I found a ripped up, black slip in a parking lot when I was in high school, took it home and (badly) hand sewed all the tears with different brightly colored thread, and wore it as a dress about 3 times a week, with combat boots, until my Nana couldn't take it anymore and threw it away on a round through the laundry.
5. I worked for that same Nana, all summer when I was 14, at the Key West Aloe warehouse - hot gluing packets of lube onto individually wrapped condoms with pictures of guys in speedos on them. I got burned a lot, and had people calling Nana from headquarters asking about "The Condom Kid's" progress.
6-11. I also spent most of high school deeply enmeshed in the Disciples of Christ, a liberal and ritual-oriented denomination. I taught Sunday School to Kindergarteners for over a year (mostly arts, crafts and snacks) and travelled often with the Fl. Youth Ministry Committee (which involved speaking in front of a gathering of 10,000 people at one point). I worked in a homeless shelter for the HIV+, and helped build a house for a single mother with Habitat For Humanity. I attended DOC camps in the summers (and led weekend events). I ended up naming my first son after a pastor from camp and going back there to get married, years later. It was not like the "Jesus Camp" documentaries at all, we did things like crying in the woods together about our home lives, writing each other anonymous notes called "warm fuzzies," and swimming in the middle of the night. They gave us the Meyers-Briggs test and led us in guided meditations. Talent shows were all Radiohead and Violent Femmes. Note: I still have many of these friends, and can think of almost nobody who attended that is actually Christian as an adult.
12. One Christmas season, after our candlelight caroling, I played the Virgin Mary in a roadside, live nativity scene, visibly (18 &) pregnant. The father was a wise man, and my then-x now-husband was Joseph.
