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Apr. 18th, 2012 01:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
altarflameIt's just after noon. Today I've:
-gotten Elise and I ready and fed breakfast, filled out more financial aid crap online for college
-taken her to preschool...her new preferred mode of getting there is for me to bike so she can run the entire way. I'm kind of amazed at how fast she is, I don't ever stop pedaling.
-went to my spanish class, took final exam, consulted with teacher about remaining assignments
-biked home enjoying good weather, and spent some good time with Jakey - he's building cool things with K'Nex every day and we've started taking pictures of all of them to build a K'Nex album
-"morning hug"ed and medicated Aaron, and had a stupid (<---to me, so over the repetition) talk with him about his chores for the day getting done
-been completely confused by Isaac having an insane meltdown about my not making oatmeal today...it was totally irrational and involved things like him going back to bed, screaming at people to get out of his room. I was sitting there rubbing his back trying to get some info out of him and the best he could do is that sometimes he knows things aren't that sad but he can't stop being really sad anyway, which is something I guess.
-consulted with Grant by phone about how crazy he was acting, and left a message with the psychologist about when we get the evaluation results
-baked up 3 dozen strawberry chocolate chip muffins for us to have for tea a couple of days in a row and send with Grant to work, and fried a bunch of eggs, sauteed mushrooms, sliced tomatoes and toasted bread, for lunch - had all the kids make Get Well cards for Pa from the kitchen
-went on the bike, with Ananda on the longboard, and picked Elise up
I keep wanting to do a real update because I have a lot to say. But there is just not a lot of time. I have a MOUNTAIN of online coursework to do today, that is due today, because I've left it for the last minute....I mean damn, this last weekend I spent 4 hours studying and 2.5 hours actually IN algebra, and did a take home spanish test, and watched a play and wrote an essay about it for humanities. The end of the semester is hitting hard I guess. I mostly feel good about it. But I have two local friends I'm blowing off constantly, a publisher that just warned me to prepare for a blitz of calls and emails and we've really been getting good homeschool time in.
Rest of today:
-making a big pitcher of tea, and have Elise make a card too, and demanding that everyone do various schoolwork while Elise lays down for a nap
-package, address and mail the cards
-"Reading Hour" with Isaac, where we read to each other, because he is really having a hard time and very behind in reading and I can't figure out what's going on with that (his vocabulary is advanced, his math is way ahead, he's motivated because he needs things read to him constantly...)
-tea, outside
-By this time it'll be 3 or 3:30...Isaac and everyone else doing some other schoolwork while I start doing my school crap, right up until I need to start making dinner (which really isn't until like 7 for us, so we can eat at 8ish when Grant gets home)
And undoubtedly I'll be doing more of it in a panic after we're done eating (it's usually all due by either 11 or midnight).
In my last entry, in the thread of ridiculously tl;dr comments, I realized that what's been going on with me is OBVIOUSLY that I went to the hospital and have been all messed up ever since...once I realized it was "just" (haha) triggered PTSD - after the HELLO *headdesk* hour - I had some initial adjusting that involved about a dozen bouts of crying, telling Grant a bunch of stuff he already knew, and some insomnia. But since then, I feel so much better...scared as hell sometimes, but also PRESENT and myself. I was dissociating really really bad to not let the ER trips and surgical consults bother me at all, and to try to plan my needed surgery asap, like dissociating to the point that I was basically a zombie. I was also doing this crazy russian roulette style "blame everything" thing, like just ready to pin the misery on ANYTHING (diet, Grant, thyroid, anything) rather than actually process having had tests done and going back into the OR sometime soon. I was seriously more ready to cope with the idea that I might be bipolar, than start facing Real Medical Shit.
The more you know, I guess.
I am so ready to just have this shit DONE. I don't know if it's possible to imagine the degree to which that sounds like heaven to me - to just be like 6 weeks out and healed up and have it be fucking over. If you go to the dentist, or know you have to, the worst part is always the anticipation, right? Well, this is like YEAR FIVE of anticipating O_O. Over it.
-gotten Elise and I ready and fed breakfast, filled out more financial aid crap online for college
-taken her to preschool...her new preferred mode of getting there is for me to bike so she can run the entire way. I'm kind of amazed at how fast she is, I don't ever stop pedaling.
-went to my spanish class, took final exam, consulted with teacher about remaining assignments
-biked home enjoying good weather, and spent some good time with Jakey - he's building cool things with K'Nex every day and we've started taking pictures of all of them to build a K'Nex album
-"morning hug"ed and medicated Aaron, and had a stupid (<---to me, so over the repetition) talk with him about his chores for the day getting done
-been completely confused by Isaac having an insane meltdown about my not making oatmeal today...it was totally irrational and involved things like him going back to bed, screaming at people to get out of his room. I was sitting there rubbing his back trying to get some info out of him and the best he could do is that sometimes he knows things aren't that sad but he can't stop being really sad anyway, which is something I guess.
-consulted with Grant by phone about how crazy he was acting, and left a message with the psychologist about when we get the evaluation results
-baked up 3 dozen strawberry chocolate chip muffins for us to have for tea a couple of days in a row and send with Grant to work, and fried a bunch of eggs, sauteed mushrooms, sliced tomatoes and toasted bread, for lunch - had all the kids make Get Well cards for Pa from the kitchen
-went on the bike, with Ananda on the longboard, and picked Elise up
I keep wanting to do a real update because I have a lot to say. But there is just not a lot of time. I have a MOUNTAIN of online coursework to do today, that is due today, because I've left it for the last minute....I mean damn, this last weekend I spent 4 hours studying and 2.5 hours actually IN algebra, and did a take home spanish test, and watched a play and wrote an essay about it for humanities. The end of the semester is hitting hard I guess. I mostly feel good about it. But I have two local friends I'm blowing off constantly, a publisher that just warned me to prepare for a blitz of calls and emails and we've really been getting good homeschool time in.
Rest of today:
-making a big pitcher of tea, and have Elise make a card too, and demanding that everyone do various schoolwork while Elise lays down for a nap
-package, address and mail the cards
-"Reading Hour" with Isaac, where we read to each other, because he is really having a hard time and very behind in reading and I can't figure out what's going on with that (his vocabulary is advanced, his math is way ahead, he's motivated because he needs things read to him constantly...)
-tea, outside
-By this time it'll be 3 or 3:30...Isaac and everyone else doing some other schoolwork while I start doing my school crap, right up until I need to start making dinner (which really isn't until like 7 for us, so we can eat at 8ish when Grant gets home)
And undoubtedly I'll be doing more of it in a panic after we're done eating (it's usually all due by either 11 or midnight).
In my last entry, in the thread of ridiculously tl;dr comments, I realized that what's been going on with me is OBVIOUSLY that I went to the hospital and have been all messed up ever since...once I realized it was "just" (haha) triggered PTSD - after the HELLO *headdesk* hour - I had some initial adjusting that involved about a dozen bouts of crying, telling Grant a bunch of stuff he already knew, and some insomnia. But since then, I feel so much better...scared as hell sometimes, but also PRESENT and myself. I was dissociating really really bad to not let the ER trips and surgical consults bother me at all, and to try to plan my needed surgery asap, like dissociating to the point that I was basically a zombie. I was also doing this crazy russian roulette style "blame everything" thing, like just ready to pin the misery on ANYTHING (diet, Grant, thyroid, anything) rather than actually process having had tests done and going back into the OR sometime soon. I was seriously more ready to cope with the idea that I might be bipolar, than start facing Real Medical Shit.
The more you know, I guess.
I am so ready to just have this shit DONE. I don't know if it's possible to imagine the degree to which that sounds like heaven to me - to just be like 6 weeks out and healed up and have it be fucking over. If you go to the dentist, or know you have to, the worst part is always the anticipation, right? Well, this is like YEAR FIVE of anticipating O_O. Over it.
