(no subject)
Mar. 26th, 2008 02:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
altarflameI came out here this morning to see a document open on the computer. It went:
Aaron's B day list
stilts
pogo stick
"He typed that himself," Grant told me. ! He made Grant an Easter card. Before I ever even knew what he was working on at the dining table, it said "Happy Easter" on the front and "Easter Bunny" on the back, in really incredible handwriting. He wrote "I love you Dad" and "Rainbowed Egg" with a rainbow-colored egg drawing, on the inside. He got the gg backwards, but other than that the whole thing was perfect.
I was telling Grant earlier, that because of his sensory issues, we've never really seen Aaron as "smart"...and I think that's wrong of us. We never thought he was dumb or anything, don't get me wrong, but he's seemed very oblivious. Just a year and a half ago you could point to something three feet away to show him, and he'd be looking in the other direction shading his eyes with one hand, to stare into the distance for what you were describing...in the living room. He was a very late talker who still shook his head no, for yes, and nodded for no at like almost 3. He has always looked right past the obvious, had a VERY hard time grasping sequence, taken figures of speech literally to ridiculous results, and been unable to "act normal" if there is a lot going on. I've sometimes wondered with alarm if he will be able to function in the world, like when halfway through a reading of Curious George, when he was 4, he suddenly exclaimed, "HEY! A monkey!" Around the same time he would constantly ask if it was morning throughout the day, or if it was raining while we were outside in the sun. The combination is that he seems like what Laura would call a Wackadoodle, and I refer to as a Flibberdigibbit :p
He's got major physical dexterity, EXTRAORDINARY determination, and very above average intuition - that has sort of been Aaron's "skill set" in my view for a long time. That he's unusually empathetic and insightful about people and feelings, that he sets his mind to things and displays nearly adult-level perserverance, and that he could ride a skateboard and climb a tree when he'd just turned 2. Now he comes to us thoughtfully, though, and asks things like, "If something is not symmetrical, but you cut it right down the middle, will the two pieces be symmetrical?", and "I wonder if centrifical force would work if you..." He's always thinking. He's constantly READING everything, too, in a way I think is normal for a lot of kids his age but has not been the case with Annie, who avoids reading whenever possible. And he is a boy, which usually is a disadvantage there, and has been worked with SO little in comparison to her that he really takes me off guard with his independant leaps. He's expanding my view of him every day. He's also taken on this whole responsibility for his own health thing that's caught me off guard - he refuses treats the others are getting sometimes even though he's obviously kind of sad about it, "because it's not healthy for him", and has started trying to think of vegetables he can eat all the time - raw carrots in salad dressing and honey glazed roasted carrots have been added to his usual sparse repertoire of corn, peas, potatoes, tomatoes only on subs or tacos, brocoli but only in terriyaki stir fry, whatever comes in salsa, and peppers but only in fajitas. He's definitely the pickiest vegetable eater around here.
I took banana bread across the street to Aracelia this afternoon; it's funny, she has a 20 year old grandson living with her for awhile now, and he's pale, redhaired and freckled! He speaks fluent Spanish, but with NO accent, total gringo sounding spanish...We talked about him and Isaac and laughed, today, and he said he just got a job at Chili's and everyone there is calling him Irish. He keeps trying to tell them he's Cuban and lives in a house where he's the only English-speaker, but they think it's a joke he won't let go of.
I told them about the settlement today. Aracelia cried for us - we were both in the hospital at the same time last Fall, having abdominal surgeries. I'm taking her more food lately because she's actually able to eat solids for the first time in YEARS, after having to only do pureed stuff from the blender...I'm going to miss them a lot.
After we got the check, yesterday, this went down:
Me: I know this is crazy, but when I first saw that thing my first STRONG impulse, was to just rip it up and throw it away. Without opening it at all.
Grant: I tell you what - how about we go cash it, I buy a jet ski, and then you can rip up the rest of the money.
Hahaha.
The financial advisor came back today. It was better. I told him about our much-lower-than-his-suggestion (but still very significant) retirement investment plans, and we outlined the monthly budget we had written out for once we're living mortgage, car payment and debt free, how writing might or might not factor into that, etc. He was reasonable and thought we were being realistic - I mean I'm accounting for birthdays, for illnesses, for outgrown shoes, for trips I know we'll take to restaurants even if we planned not to. He'd come because he had more forms about the life insurance, and official quotes. We have somebody from the company coming by tomorrow for health screenings. And he'll be back in a week or two to talk about where we want to stick the money for retirement, exactly, and help us do it...For the record, for those of you suggesting we go with someone else - this guy is REALLY renowed throughout the richer parts of Miami, and is seeing us totally for free as a favor to my sister because he was her finance professor and she did great in his classes, cracked him up and brought him a lot of good homemade food while she was still there. I think he's also interested in our unusual circumstances. No charge for any of it, which I think is pretty great for multiple home visits based around our schedule, you know? And, we are TOTALLY off his beaten path - he is used to people with "help" - like cleaning help, landscaping help, child-raising help, poolboys and things like that. So while that is part of why we clash, it's also great to have someone I feel I can trust, motivation-wise, who really is just trying to be honest with us and acting out of concern, or at the very least kindness towards my sister.
Lastly: I have a real love/hate thing going on with Linkin Park. They are more mainstream and angry than most anything else I've listened to for years, and yet I really think they sound GOOD. I love the hard rock/smooth rap/piano thing they have going on and, as such, think "Hybrid Theory" was an INGENIUS album name. But WHY do they have to spell the band name wrong? WHY? Mostly though the love and hate is because they have really captured just how I feel a couple of times, in the past year, and it is awesome to crank it up loud and let myself be pissed off and raw...and yet I can't help but think I'm happier and a better person when I can NOT languish in my anger and think in terms of being a victim...it happened after Elise was born, I kept hearing them on the radio - "I tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end it doesn't even matter - I put my trust in you, pushed as far as I could go - for all this, there's only one thing you should know - I PUT MY TRUST IN YOU"...I was close to God, but also ready to scream at Him. The song would kind of topple me off the fence I was straddling and leave me with a barrier between us, in a way that was almost delicious. *sigh*
Now "Crawling" is always on the radio. Every day I spend 10 minutes getting my unnaturally lumpy, partially numb, scar crossed abdomen into this crazy garment designed to keep me from needing more surgery for herniation, every time I see myself in the mirror in the bathroom it's a long row of metal hook and eyes down my middle, and
crawling in my skin
these wounds they will not heal
fear is how I fall
confusing what is real
there's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
consuming/confusing
this lack of self-control I fear is never ending
controlling/I can't seem
to find myself again
my walls are closing in
(without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
so insecure
crawling in my skin
these wounds they will not heal
fear is how I fall
confusing what is real
discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
distracting/reacting
against my will I stand beside my own reflection
it's haunting how I can't seem...
to find myself again
my walls are closing in
(without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
so insecure
crawling in my skin
these wounds they will not heal
fear is how I fall
confusing what is real
crawling in my skin
these wounds they will not heal
fear is how I fall
confusing confusing what is real
there's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
consuming/confusing what is real
this lack of self-control I fear is never ending
controlling/confusing what is real
Aaron's B day list
stilts
pogo stick
"He typed that himself," Grant told me. ! He made Grant an Easter card. Before I ever even knew what he was working on at the dining table, it said "Happy Easter" on the front and "Easter Bunny" on the back, in really incredible handwriting. He wrote "I love you Dad" and "Rainbowed Egg" with a rainbow-colored egg drawing, on the inside. He got the gg backwards, but other than that the whole thing was perfect.
I was telling Grant earlier, that because of his sensory issues, we've never really seen Aaron as "smart"...and I think that's wrong of us. We never thought he was dumb or anything, don't get me wrong, but he's seemed very oblivious. Just a year and a half ago you could point to something three feet away to show him, and he'd be looking in the other direction shading his eyes with one hand, to stare into the distance for what you were describing...in the living room. He was a very late talker who still shook his head no, for yes, and nodded for no at like almost 3. He has always looked right past the obvious, had a VERY hard time grasping sequence, taken figures of speech literally to ridiculous results, and been unable to "act normal" if there is a lot going on. I've sometimes wondered with alarm if he will be able to function in the world, like when halfway through a reading of Curious George, when he was 4, he suddenly exclaimed, "HEY! A monkey!" Around the same time he would constantly ask if it was morning throughout the day, or if it was raining while we were outside in the sun. The combination is that he seems like what Laura would call a Wackadoodle, and I refer to as a Flibberdigibbit :p
He's got major physical dexterity, EXTRAORDINARY determination, and very above average intuition - that has sort of been Aaron's "skill set" in my view for a long time. That he's unusually empathetic and insightful about people and feelings, that he sets his mind to things and displays nearly adult-level perserverance, and that he could ride a skateboard and climb a tree when he'd just turned 2. Now he comes to us thoughtfully, though, and asks things like, "If something is not symmetrical, but you cut it right down the middle, will the two pieces be symmetrical?", and "I wonder if centrifical force would work if you..." He's always thinking. He's constantly READING everything, too, in a way I think is normal for a lot of kids his age but has not been the case with Annie, who avoids reading whenever possible. And he is a boy, which usually is a disadvantage there, and has been worked with SO little in comparison to her that he really takes me off guard with his independant leaps. He's expanding my view of him every day. He's also taken on this whole responsibility for his own health thing that's caught me off guard - he refuses treats the others are getting sometimes even though he's obviously kind of sad about it, "because it's not healthy for him", and has started trying to think of vegetables he can eat all the time - raw carrots in salad dressing and honey glazed roasted carrots have been added to his usual sparse repertoire of corn, peas, potatoes, tomatoes only on subs or tacos, brocoli but only in terriyaki stir fry, whatever comes in salsa, and peppers but only in fajitas. He's definitely the pickiest vegetable eater around here.
I took banana bread across the street to Aracelia this afternoon; it's funny, she has a 20 year old grandson living with her for awhile now, and he's pale, redhaired and freckled! He speaks fluent Spanish, but with NO accent, total gringo sounding spanish...We talked about him and Isaac and laughed, today, and he said he just got a job at Chili's and everyone there is calling him Irish. He keeps trying to tell them he's Cuban and lives in a house where he's the only English-speaker, but they think it's a joke he won't let go of.
I told them about the settlement today. Aracelia cried for us - we were both in the hospital at the same time last Fall, having abdominal surgeries. I'm taking her more food lately because she's actually able to eat solids for the first time in YEARS, after having to only do pureed stuff from the blender...I'm going to miss them a lot.
After we got the check, yesterday, this went down:
Me: I know this is crazy, but when I first saw that thing my first STRONG impulse, was to just rip it up and throw it away. Without opening it at all.
Grant: I tell you what - how about we go cash it, I buy a jet ski, and then you can rip up the rest of the money.
Hahaha.
The financial advisor came back today. It was better. I told him about our much-lower-than-his-suggestion (but still very significant) retirement investment plans, and we outlined the monthly budget we had written out for once we're living mortgage, car payment and debt free, how writing might or might not factor into that, etc. He was reasonable and thought we were being realistic - I mean I'm accounting for birthdays, for illnesses, for outgrown shoes, for trips I know we'll take to restaurants even if we planned not to. He'd come because he had more forms about the life insurance, and official quotes. We have somebody from the company coming by tomorrow for health screenings. And he'll be back in a week or two to talk about where we want to stick the money for retirement, exactly, and help us do it...For the record, for those of you suggesting we go with someone else - this guy is REALLY renowed throughout the richer parts of Miami, and is seeing us totally for free as a favor to my sister because he was her finance professor and she did great in his classes, cracked him up and brought him a lot of good homemade food while she was still there. I think he's also interested in our unusual circumstances. No charge for any of it, which I think is pretty great for multiple home visits based around our schedule, you know? And, we are TOTALLY off his beaten path - he is used to people with "help" - like cleaning help, landscaping help, child-raising help, poolboys and things like that. So while that is part of why we clash, it's also great to have someone I feel I can trust, motivation-wise, who really is just trying to be honest with us and acting out of concern, or at the very least kindness towards my sister.
Lastly: I have a real love/hate thing going on with Linkin Park. They are more mainstream and angry than most anything else I've listened to for years, and yet I really think they sound GOOD. I love the hard rock/smooth rap/piano thing they have going on and, as such, think "Hybrid Theory" was an INGENIUS album name. But WHY do they have to spell the band name wrong? WHY? Mostly though the love and hate is because they have really captured just how I feel a couple of times, in the past year, and it is awesome to crank it up loud and let myself be pissed off and raw...and yet I can't help but think I'm happier and a better person when I can NOT languish in my anger and think in terms of being a victim...it happened after Elise was born, I kept hearing them on the radio - "I tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end it doesn't even matter - I put my trust in you, pushed as far as I could go - for all this, there's only one thing you should know - I PUT MY TRUST IN YOU"...I was close to God, but also ready to scream at Him. The song would kind of topple me off the fence I was straddling and leave me with a barrier between us, in a way that was almost delicious. *sigh*
Now "Crawling" is always on the radio. Every day I spend 10 minutes getting my unnaturally lumpy, partially numb, scar crossed abdomen into this crazy garment designed to keep me from needing more surgery for herniation, every time I see myself in the mirror in the bathroom it's a long row of metal hook and eyes down my middle, and
crawling in my skin
these wounds they will not heal
fear is how I fall
confusing what is real
there's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
consuming/confusing
this lack of self-control I fear is never ending
controlling/I can't seem
to find myself again
my walls are closing in
(without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
so insecure
crawling in my skin
these wounds they will not heal
fear is how I fall
confusing what is real
discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
distracting/reacting
against my will I stand beside my own reflection
it's haunting how I can't seem...
to find myself again
my walls are closing in
(without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
so insecure
crawling in my skin
these wounds they will not heal
fear is how I fall
confusing what is real
crawling in my skin
these wounds they will not heal
fear is how I fall
confusing confusing what is real
there's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
consuming/confusing what is real
this lack of self-control I fear is never ending
controlling/confusing what is real
