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I can't *really* update 4 days worth at the moment, but I'm not forgetting about the challenge, either. My life will be really different after Thursday, when I have my big scary Stats II final exam. Neuropsychology has been hard in a good way, like "I can do this!" and "Man, I love this material, challenging though it may be!" I'm fairly confident in my A, there. Stats II has been a lot of FORCING myself to study, realizing my mind has wandered, bringing it back, getting really upset, calming myself down, realizing I'm distracted, taking a deep breath... I have to google dozens of foundational knowledge bits to solve any given problem, partially because my math education thus far has been really lacking and partially because I just don't retain math related things. At all. I do not understand this, I've forgotten things from the beginning of this course already (things that I felt I'd mastered a month ago look brand new again). It's so discouraging and overwhelming.
Before I can tackle a 6 part problem that needs two pages of scrap paper, I have to google embarrassing shit like, "What is the little squiggly line, in math?" and "Which is the y axis and which is the x axis?" But like, heaps and heaps of those sorts of things... I'm constantly referencing back to a guide to basic stats symbol meanings and searching YouTube for how to make my calculator do this or that, both of which I should clearly not need anymore. Then, I watch 3 Kahn Academy videos, just to get to the Stats II part of it and actually begin the problem at hand. And there are hundreds of such recommended problems I'm supposed to work through, to prepare for the final. I actually feel I'm beyond the help of a tutor, or at least the sort of free tutors the school employs. I am going to take advantage of some of my professors extra hours today and tomorrow but obviously he can't spend the ENTIRE TIME coddling me alone - he generally responds to the sort of things I'm needing to ask with answers like, "you shouldn't be in this class."
Most people in this class took Stats I last semester, with the first half of this book we're currently using the 2nd half of. I took Stats I 3 years ago at the community college, with an adjunct teacher who was fired at the end of our semester (we all took our final in the math department, proctored by an administrator).
I've had a painfully upset stomach for like a week straight, and even nightmares. I think it's just a lot of pressure, as I know this is the one real hurdle in the way of me achieving a lot of stuff I want to achieve that impacts the course of my life. And, I apparently viciously loathe actual mental struggle. Enough to hopefully check the National Hurricane Center to see if maybe, just maybe, the university will be CLOSED when I'm scheduled to take my final, so I'll have extra study time?! I actually asked myself if I'm somehow self sabotaging my own ability to get it, or if I have a real mental problem here, or I'm just a damned idiot. Is this lingering brain fog from pernicious anemia? Am I already getting old? Good lord!
So yeah, that and gallivanting around the state is where I've been. The gallivanting has involved a lot of this same sort of cyclical study shit as described above, but in random Starbucks locations in far flung cities, and with additional stress because it's too much to add to a roadtrip I should have just declined to be a part of.
Because Tumblr makes posting pics directly from my phone SO EASY, I do that a lot.
This is me after staying up most of the night, last week, before Stats II Exam 3:
http://altarflame.tumblr.com/post/121279377012
This is a brief synopsis of our trip up to the greater Tampa area, this past weekend:
http://altarflame.tumblr.com/post/121623492042/some-highlights-from-our-weekend-thats-my-mama
While we were there, I got to spend an evening with an old friend:
http://altarflame.tumblr.com/post/121676806787/this-is-one-of-my-oldest-friends-who-i-met-when
And, A&A were part of a (roller derby) banked track boot camp that was pretty sweet. My mother stayed with them:
http://altarflame.tumblr.com/post/121602413147/my-oldest-children-at-the-slayground-for-a-banked
Before I can tackle a 6 part problem that needs two pages of scrap paper, I have to google embarrassing shit like, "What is the little squiggly line, in math?" and "Which is the y axis and which is the x axis?" But like, heaps and heaps of those sorts of things... I'm constantly referencing back to a guide to basic stats symbol meanings and searching YouTube for how to make my calculator do this or that, both of which I should clearly not need anymore. Then, I watch 3 Kahn Academy videos, just to get to the Stats II part of it and actually begin the problem at hand. And there are hundreds of such recommended problems I'm supposed to work through, to prepare for the final. I actually feel I'm beyond the help of a tutor, or at least the sort of free tutors the school employs. I am going to take advantage of some of my professors extra hours today and tomorrow but obviously he can't spend the ENTIRE TIME coddling me alone - he generally responds to the sort of things I'm needing to ask with answers like, "you shouldn't be in this class."
Most people in this class took Stats I last semester, with the first half of this book we're currently using the 2nd half of. I took Stats I 3 years ago at the community college, with an adjunct teacher who was fired at the end of our semester (we all took our final in the math department, proctored by an administrator).
I've had a painfully upset stomach for like a week straight, and even nightmares. I think it's just a lot of pressure, as I know this is the one real hurdle in the way of me achieving a lot of stuff I want to achieve that impacts the course of my life. And, I apparently viciously loathe actual mental struggle. Enough to hopefully check the National Hurricane Center to see if maybe, just maybe, the university will be CLOSED when I'm scheduled to take my final, so I'll have extra study time?! I actually asked myself if I'm somehow self sabotaging my own ability to get it, or if I have a real mental problem here, or I'm just a damned idiot. Is this lingering brain fog from pernicious anemia? Am I already getting old? Good lord!
So yeah, that and gallivanting around the state is where I've been. The gallivanting has involved a lot of this same sort of cyclical study shit as described above, but in random Starbucks locations in far flung cities, and with additional stress because it's too much to add to a roadtrip I should have just declined to be a part of.
Because Tumblr makes posting pics directly from my phone SO EASY, I do that a lot.
This is me after staying up most of the night, last week, before Stats II Exam 3:
http://altarflame.tumblr.com/post/121279377012
This is a brief synopsis of our trip up to the greater Tampa area, this past weekend:
http://altarflame.tumblr.com/post/121623492042/some-highlights-from-our-weekend-thats-my-mama
While we were there, I got to spend an evening with an old friend:
http://altarflame.tumblr.com/post/121676806787/this-is-one-of-my-oldest-friends-who-i-met-when
And, A&A were part of a (roller derby) banked track boot camp that was pretty sweet. My mother stayed with them:
http://altarflame.tumblr.com/post/121602413147/my-oldest-children-at-the-slayground-for-a-banked
