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Mar. 29th, 2015 01:58 pmWithout a doubt, I am going to look back on the "when Ananda was always in the bathroom" phase of our lives and shudder, and then be relieved to be done with THAT horrendous nonsense. I can already tell it will be as much of a burden lifted as grand ol' bs like the days of having someone (like, uh, HER) crying at full volume in the carseat whenever we drove anywhere, getting toddlers to take naps, and struggling with forcing Aaron to do schoolwork. This too shall pass O_O
She spends HOURS per day in there for the last year, primarily because we have large bathrooms (two separate rooms, really, one for the toilet and shower and another for double sinks, shelving, huge mirrors) and it's the only place she's guaranteed privacy and can lock a door. Experimenting with makeup and taking pictures of herself, but also I'm sure just sitting on the floor reading and stuff because there's no way anybody could spend that much time on normal bathroom activity. I've had multiple conversations with her to make sure she doesn't have some kind of medical problem, even though it's obviously not that since anytime I start threatening her she comes out immediately (or if I bust in because she's not responding to me for too long no matter what I do, generally due to earbuds on blast, she's right there in the outer part of the bathroom acting really affronted that I picked the lock).
We've had sit down negotiations GALORE about how she really cannot do this 1. as a disappearing act right after I ask her to do something, 2. when the little kids are supposed to be brushing their teeth before bed at night and need to get in there, or 3. when she knows we're getting ready to leave the house and are waiting on her. All three of those things have happened more than a dozen times each.
I want to respect her burdgeoning need for time to herself, but good grief man - she shares a room with Elise, who never hangs out in their for lengths of time at all, and sleeps in the tv room with Jake and Isaac on the weekends. Annie's things dominate literally all wall and surface space - Elise has a small bedside table and her own closet (there are two in there), but that's IT. We joke that it's really like Elise's "room" is the space under Annie's loft bed - that's where her twin sized mattress on the floor and table are, and I've hung bed curtains from the loft bed so she can close them. The walls in that corner, in her little room-within-the-room under the bed, have her stuff up on them. Then she has the closet for storage. But Annie has a bookcase, dresser, and desk, as well as her own art all the way to the ceiling basically like wallpaper, and shelving loaded with stuff up on her loft bed where nobody else ever goes. So it's a pretty sweet set up for her, as shared rooms go. The door is kept shut as a default and I've elected to knock on it before entering just because - the other kids (besides Elise) know they can't walk in without knocking. She's allowed to lock even Elise out if she's changing, which means that once or twice a day the bedroom door is locked for up to half an hour. Annie knows she has sketchbooks and journals all over her room that I never snoop in. I mean, come on, you know? Adults don't get as much privacy as she wants. I sure as hell don't.
This is one of those parenting things that just wears me down. Little stupid crap that I don't even want to think about, but become huge issues anyway, and then I'm having stupid drawn out talks and nagging someone over and over again, about the most inane minutiae. It's tooooootally typical for me to yell for Annie from the kitchen 3 times over 5 minutes, send someone for her, get told she's in the bathroom, go knock 3 times 30 seconds apart, SCREAM with my face basically against the door, BANG on it, and then get some kind of hassled sounding reply from inside. When I was initially calling her to show her something funny or to have her take the trash out, it starts to seem like it just isn't worth it. But... I'm not going to stop interacting with her altogether. I am damned sick of the shut bathroom door, though. The first couple of times I texted her to come out, it worked well, but then she started telling me (what may be) bs about how she didn't see a text. Honestly I think she's taken steps to avoid seeing my texts, because she doesn't like lying to me but hates being told what to do.
These are the sort of logistical things that make me understand how kids and adults can find ways to cope with it, once it comes time for young adults to move out on their own.
Grant has actually threatened her and talked to me about taking the outer bathroom door off the hinges. He doesn't ever feel comfortable forcing the door when she's locked it, so it's extra frustrating for him when she's either blaring music from my shower speaker or has earbuds in. I think the idea of taking the outer door off kinda makes sense, which makes me think, ok, everyone has gone crazy - why does this bother us so much?
-It's really frequent and ongoing to the degree that it affects everybody - it's been common for awhile for people to be waiting for my bathroom while someone else uses it because Ananda is permanently installed in the other one and it's just off limits.
-There is a huge hassle with having to get her attention from in there SOMEHOW and how difficult that is, at least once or twice per day.
-Her resistance to coming out and bad attitude when made to are beyond annoying.
-It's fucking weird, and I'm legitimately worried at times that she's got some kind of real problem.
She says she's just an introvert that wants her own room and needs time to recharge. She says those things are more pronounced since she's been in school full time this year - and she does have a fairly full schedule, with derby practice twice a week, GMYS/cello once, Orthodontist appointments, homework, and social things that happen outside of school hours. She still spends hours per day loafing around though. And, in the interest of not misrepresenting her, she does still sit on the kitchen counter while I cook, fall asleep in the living room periodically, have a snack on the deck once a week or so, etc. We have good conversations anytime she's in the front seat or we're the last ones up together.
But do you see how nuts this is, that I'm hashing out the details of her day to day life because I am driven mad by something so asinine? So much of parenting is like this. When I found out I was pregnant initially, I thought, "wow, I'm going to have a baby! I'll have to keep someone safe all the time. I am creating another human being. I'm going to be 'mom' to someone?! Whoa..." I never thought, "man, I am about to embark on a journey that involves saying, 'Shut the laundry room door!' SEVEN. HUNDRED. MILLION. TIMES." It never occurred to me to worry that I might not have the stamina to weather reffing 98590843908490850982349824092834 petty arguments, or that I might come to greet yet another trip to the grocery store with squinty-eyed weariness.
This rant notwithstanding, I am actually having a fabulous weekend. Grant got back into town from a week long trip Friday afternoon, and his mom and her husband were here for dinner last night. We've been cuddling, doing it, watching a movie, or out for a walk together a lot. The temperature has unexpectedly lightened up, which is wonderful (from high 80s for a couple of weeks to low 70s), and since he's back, I've had some time to myself - a good counseling session yesterday, and even just driving to and from it which meant I was actually in the car alone for the first time in a week. Spring Break was a little intense by myself with the kids, which I didn't anticipate. We had a good beach trip and some fun times with their cousins, and I had a friend over with her baby one day, but...I dunno. It was an awful lot of reffing petty arguments and Annie locked in the bathroom, too. Being solely responsible for driving them to everything and cooking every meal that anyone eats for several days in a row is enough to make me really newly appreciative of my husband all over again. It also overlapped with the day before I started my period, and I have somewhat intense PMS for the two days before I start for the last few years.
There's just something totally different about having another adult around to look at when things get ridiculous with children, and shake your heads together. Or having another adult taking a nap at home, so I can go off with just one kid (like I did with Aaron Friday evening) and have a great low key, chill time with him that doesn't involve any preoccupation with needing to get back asap.
She spends HOURS per day in there for the last year, primarily because we have large bathrooms (two separate rooms, really, one for the toilet and shower and another for double sinks, shelving, huge mirrors) and it's the only place she's guaranteed privacy and can lock a door. Experimenting with makeup and taking pictures of herself, but also I'm sure just sitting on the floor reading and stuff because there's no way anybody could spend that much time on normal bathroom activity. I've had multiple conversations with her to make sure she doesn't have some kind of medical problem, even though it's obviously not that since anytime I start threatening her she comes out immediately (or if I bust in because she's not responding to me for too long no matter what I do, generally due to earbuds on blast, she's right there in the outer part of the bathroom acting really affronted that I picked the lock).
We've had sit down negotiations GALORE about how she really cannot do this 1. as a disappearing act right after I ask her to do something, 2. when the little kids are supposed to be brushing their teeth before bed at night and need to get in there, or 3. when she knows we're getting ready to leave the house and are waiting on her. All three of those things have happened more than a dozen times each.
I want to respect her burdgeoning need for time to herself, but good grief man - she shares a room with Elise, who never hangs out in their for lengths of time at all, and sleeps in the tv room with Jake and Isaac on the weekends. Annie's things dominate literally all wall and surface space - Elise has a small bedside table and her own closet (there are two in there), but that's IT. We joke that it's really like Elise's "room" is the space under Annie's loft bed - that's where her twin sized mattress on the floor and table are, and I've hung bed curtains from the loft bed so she can close them. The walls in that corner, in her little room-within-the-room under the bed, have her stuff up on them. Then she has the closet for storage. But Annie has a bookcase, dresser, and desk, as well as her own art all the way to the ceiling basically like wallpaper, and shelving loaded with stuff up on her loft bed where nobody else ever goes. So it's a pretty sweet set up for her, as shared rooms go. The door is kept shut as a default and I've elected to knock on it before entering just because - the other kids (besides Elise) know they can't walk in without knocking. She's allowed to lock even Elise out if she's changing, which means that once or twice a day the bedroom door is locked for up to half an hour. Annie knows she has sketchbooks and journals all over her room that I never snoop in. I mean, come on, you know? Adults don't get as much privacy as she wants. I sure as hell don't.
This is one of those parenting things that just wears me down. Little stupid crap that I don't even want to think about, but become huge issues anyway, and then I'm having stupid drawn out talks and nagging someone over and over again, about the most inane minutiae. It's tooooootally typical for me to yell for Annie from the kitchen 3 times over 5 minutes, send someone for her, get told she's in the bathroom, go knock 3 times 30 seconds apart, SCREAM with my face basically against the door, BANG on it, and then get some kind of hassled sounding reply from inside. When I was initially calling her to show her something funny or to have her take the trash out, it starts to seem like it just isn't worth it. But... I'm not going to stop interacting with her altogether. I am damned sick of the shut bathroom door, though. The first couple of times I texted her to come out, it worked well, but then she started telling me (what may be) bs about how she didn't see a text. Honestly I think she's taken steps to avoid seeing my texts, because she doesn't like lying to me but hates being told what to do.
These are the sort of logistical things that make me understand how kids and adults can find ways to cope with it, once it comes time for young adults to move out on their own.
Grant has actually threatened her and talked to me about taking the outer bathroom door off the hinges. He doesn't ever feel comfortable forcing the door when she's locked it, so it's extra frustrating for him when she's either blaring music from my shower speaker or has earbuds in. I think the idea of taking the outer door off kinda makes sense, which makes me think, ok, everyone has gone crazy - why does this bother us so much?
-It's really frequent and ongoing to the degree that it affects everybody - it's been common for awhile for people to be waiting for my bathroom while someone else uses it because Ananda is permanently installed in the other one and it's just off limits.
-There is a huge hassle with having to get her attention from in there SOMEHOW and how difficult that is, at least once or twice per day.
-Her resistance to coming out and bad attitude when made to are beyond annoying.
-It's fucking weird, and I'm legitimately worried at times that she's got some kind of real problem.
She says she's just an introvert that wants her own room and needs time to recharge. She says those things are more pronounced since she's been in school full time this year - and she does have a fairly full schedule, with derby practice twice a week, GMYS/cello once, Orthodontist appointments, homework, and social things that happen outside of school hours. She still spends hours per day loafing around though. And, in the interest of not misrepresenting her, she does still sit on the kitchen counter while I cook, fall asleep in the living room periodically, have a snack on the deck once a week or so, etc. We have good conversations anytime she's in the front seat or we're the last ones up together.
But do you see how nuts this is, that I'm hashing out the details of her day to day life because I am driven mad by something so asinine? So much of parenting is like this. When I found out I was pregnant initially, I thought, "wow, I'm going to have a baby! I'll have to keep someone safe all the time. I am creating another human being. I'm going to be 'mom' to someone?! Whoa..." I never thought, "man, I am about to embark on a journey that involves saying, 'Shut the laundry room door!' SEVEN. HUNDRED. MILLION. TIMES." It never occurred to me to worry that I might not have the stamina to weather reffing 98590843908490850982349824092834 petty arguments, or that I might come to greet yet another trip to the grocery store with squinty-eyed weariness.
This rant notwithstanding, I am actually having a fabulous weekend. Grant got back into town from a week long trip Friday afternoon, and his mom and her husband were here for dinner last night. We've been cuddling, doing it, watching a movie, or out for a walk together a lot. The temperature has unexpectedly lightened up, which is wonderful (from high 80s for a couple of weeks to low 70s), and since he's back, I've had some time to myself - a good counseling session yesterday, and even just driving to and from it which meant I was actually in the car alone for the first time in a week. Spring Break was a little intense by myself with the kids, which I didn't anticipate. We had a good beach trip and some fun times with their cousins, and I had a friend over with her baby one day, but...I dunno. It was an awful lot of reffing petty arguments and Annie locked in the bathroom, too. Being solely responsible for driving them to everything and cooking every meal that anyone eats for several days in a row is enough to make me really newly appreciative of my husband all over again. It also overlapped with the day before I started my period, and I have somewhat intense PMS for the two days before I start for the last few years.
There's just something totally different about having another adult around to look at when things get ridiculous with children, and shake your heads together. Or having another adult taking a nap at home, so I can go off with just one kid (like I did with Aaron Friday evening) and have a great low key, chill time with him that doesn't involve any preoccupation with needing to get back asap.
