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Mar. 12th, 2013 12:21 pmUgh, I don't know what my deal is, but here are some samples of what I'm ugh-ing about:
Yesterday, BARELY got up (it was a near thing) from 8 hours of sleep, dragging. Took B vitamins, choked down water. Forced through motions of cooking breakfast, getting Isaac up and ready, walking him to school, waking other kids. I ate (and it's gluten free steel cut oats with fresh strawberries and coconut milk). Gave everyone schoolwork and hugs, collapsed asleep for a couple of hours. Fought with the snooze button, arms like lead, eyes not wanting to open. Putz out to the kitchen, made myself a salad, talked to kids, made Elise a salad, walked and got Isaac from school (and the salad is like, all organic, no dressing, includes frozen peas and lots of dark green leaves and sauteed shrooms among other things...). Checked on everyone's school progress, fading. Fell asleep for about 45 minutes. Banana snack. Read to Jake in the hammock, took him on the bike ride I had promised him I would, got back with like shaking legs and hands, feeling nauseous. Grant arrived home, took Isaac out like he'd been waiting for. I enlisted Ananda and Aaron's help, spent about 30 minutes cooking (really good) dinner. We ate - mushroom risotto, and chicken with broccoli cooked in lemon juice, olive oil, salt and herbs de provence. Yum. Then I'm in the bedroom full, clicking around on the internet to stay upright, begging Grant to make the kids brush their teeth. He brought Seinfeld episodes on a thumb drive and we watched two episodes and then I fell asleep. At like 11:30.
Today, he's working from home, so he got up and took Isaac to school. He woke me up at 10. I ate some leftover risotto and some chunks of cold pineapple from the fridge, checked in with children, gave Elise lots of affection and talked to Annie about her dreams, caught up on facebook and tumblr, pet a cat. And for the last half hour (not even an hour and a half into BEING AWAKE) I am BATTLING to stay awake. Like it's hard, in this way it's only ever been hard in my whole life if I'm pregnant (I'm not pregnant) or postpartum and on narcotic pain meds. Ugh. I can't stand this shit. These are particularly bad fatigue days, and it's some kind of spectrum I guess, but I'm having really bad fatigue days and/or really bad pain days at least a couple of times a week for awhile now...and then if my sister shows up at my door or someone calls unexpectedly it's this huge effort to PERK UP and deal with them? That's really fucking weird for me.
I have to quantify fun and energy to comfort myself - I had fun spending a day with Nancy up in Delray, and I had fun out at a roller derby match with Gloria and LJ, and one night Grant and I went to see a play Shaun was a part of and that was great. Of course there have been PATH, TLC, blah blah blah, although a lot of that time I spend feeling pretty hazy. One TLC day was great, and Ananda and I walked laps around the track while the little kids rolled around on the grass in the middle. It's definitely easier to stay alert and with it when I'm out places among people - it doesn't always work, though. I was struggling to stay awake in my classes all last semester, even the ones I found very interesting and sat up front in... Now we're down to one vehicle again, we homeschool, and we're not exactly rolling in money at the moment - so it's not always a simple thing to be out among people. Sometimes I can have the right music playing and the doors and windows open and fake it til I make it. Sometimes not.
I get really excited by external things now and then - like my books arriving in the mail, or the research I'm doing for my current writing - and it's really good, and then it fades super fast, and leaves me all slouched and drowsy again. It's really something, for me, that I am actually sleepy at night sometimes these days O_o Historically, I'm energetic at night regardless of how I've felt throughout the day.
Anyway. On my way to get (more) blood work done...
Yesterday, BARELY got up (it was a near thing) from 8 hours of sleep, dragging. Took B vitamins, choked down water. Forced through motions of cooking breakfast, getting Isaac up and ready, walking him to school, waking other kids. I ate (and it's gluten free steel cut oats with fresh strawberries and coconut milk). Gave everyone schoolwork and hugs, collapsed asleep for a couple of hours. Fought with the snooze button, arms like lead, eyes not wanting to open. Putz out to the kitchen, made myself a salad, talked to kids, made Elise a salad, walked and got Isaac from school (and the salad is like, all organic, no dressing, includes frozen peas and lots of dark green leaves and sauteed shrooms among other things...). Checked on everyone's school progress, fading. Fell asleep for about 45 minutes. Banana snack. Read to Jake in the hammock, took him on the bike ride I had promised him I would, got back with like shaking legs and hands, feeling nauseous. Grant arrived home, took Isaac out like he'd been waiting for. I enlisted Ananda and Aaron's help, spent about 30 minutes cooking (really good) dinner. We ate - mushroom risotto, and chicken with broccoli cooked in lemon juice, olive oil, salt and herbs de provence. Yum. Then I'm in the bedroom full, clicking around on the internet to stay upright, begging Grant to make the kids brush their teeth. He brought Seinfeld episodes on a thumb drive and we watched two episodes and then I fell asleep. At like 11:30.
Today, he's working from home, so he got up and took Isaac to school. He woke me up at 10. I ate some leftover risotto and some chunks of cold pineapple from the fridge, checked in with children, gave Elise lots of affection and talked to Annie about her dreams, caught up on facebook and tumblr, pet a cat. And for the last half hour (not even an hour and a half into BEING AWAKE) I am BATTLING to stay awake. Like it's hard, in this way it's only ever been hard in my whole life if I'm pregnant (I'm not pregnant) or postpartum and on narcotic pain meds. Ugh. I can't stand this shit. These are particularly bad fatigue days, and it's some kind of spectrum I guess, but I'm having really bad fatigue days and/or really bad pain days at least a couple of times a week for awhile now...and then if my sister shows up at my door or someone calls unexpectedly it's this huge effort to PERK UP and deal with them? That's really fucking weird for me.
I have to quantify fun and energy to comfort myself - I had fun spending a day with Nancy up in Delray, and I had fun out at a roller derby match with Gloria and LJ, and one night Grant and I went to see a play Shaun was a part of and that was great. Of course there have been PATH, TLC, blah blah blah, although a lot of that time I spend feeling pretty hazy. One TLC day was great, and Ananda and I walked laps around the track while the little kids rolled around on the grass in the middle. It's definitely easier to stay alert and with it when I'm out places among people - it doesn't always work, though. I was struggling to stay awake in my classes all last semester, even the ones I found very interesting and sat up front in... Now we're down to one vehicle again, we homeschool, and we're not exactly rolling in money at the moment - so it's not always a simple thing to be out among people. Sometimes I can have the right music playing and the doors and windows open and fake it til I make it. Sometimes not.
I get really excited by external things now and then - like my books arriving in the mail, or the research I'm doing for my current writing - and it's really good, and then it fades super fast, and leaves me all slouched and drowsy again. It's really something, for me, that I am actually sleepy at night sometimes these days O_o Historically, I'm energetic at night regardless of how I've felt throughout the day.
Anyway. On my way to get (more) blood work done...
