![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Mar. 17th, 2012 11:31 pmThe other day it struck me that my homeschool group as it existed 5-7 years ago is an uncanny small-scale representation of present day America. I didn't feel like I could talk about PATH problems back when they were happening, here, but now that they're past, I think it's probably fine.
The group was founded, on paper, to be a non-denominational and religiously unaffiliated support group for any and all homeschooling families. That's how all the by-laws were written and it's how the official statement appeared on the website. However, all the actual founders did happen to be Christian women, and all the available free meeting places were usually church spaces, and it seemed like the most natural thing in the world to have someone say a prayer before testing or graduation ceremonies.
As time passed, members seemed to flow in two different ways, with two different mindsets; there were the people who found us online or through phone calls and were drawn in by the lack of religious affiliation, and then there were the people who actually saw us (at a church) or knew us through an existing (Christian) member. The second group had no idea the by-laws/website were the way they were, and the first group was a bit disillusioned and started some tense conversations, as they arrived. The general consensus seemed for awhile to be that we welcomed people of any faith even though we ourselves were mostly Christian, and we didn't consider anyone obligated to participate in the prayers that were said and thus, by-laws were totally being upheld. That's kind of shaky but it sort of worked most of the time, having our cake and eating it too.
I felt awful several times when hopeful other-faithed families visited and then never came back, because it was clearly a group of Christians who seemed oblivious that they were in any way "Acting Christian".
Until we got a practicing Pagan woman who quickly rose to leadership by putting in many volunteer hours and offering up her house and resources for gatherings/chess club/etc. This was during the time I was a park group co-leader, along with a woman who was definitely led in via church sightings and horrified by the idea that a practicing Pagan could still exist at all - let alone in our midst.
By this point in my own life I already had a very good internet friend and 2 RL friends who were Pagan and so the PATH-Pagan was really not a big deal to me in the slightest.
That school year, I spent about 10 hours in early Saturday morning meetings that were TORTUROUS, tedious and exhausting. Basically, we had the (devoutly Mormon, current vocal Tea Party-er) president (who I actually love, don't get me wrong), several "lapsed Protestant" sort of women who were shocked by anything that fell outside of Judeo-Christian values even though they were not really actively religious in any way, a Jewish-born-atheist-minded mom, this Pagan woman I mentioned, and myself. We would go (literally) around and around in circles about how the papers printed in the middle of us clearly stated that we were not in any way a religious group and that we welcomed people of all faiths - and somehow, none of the non-Pagan women present there but me and the Jewish Atheist could understand in the slightest how meeting in churches and praying before testing conflicted with that.
They kept saying "We're not in the church to worship and the prayer is voluntary!" as though that truly meant they were being non-religious and all inclusive? I had to like, shout over everyone and say, "Ok, so if a Muslim family wanted us to meet in a Mosque for testing since the Mosque community room just happened to be available, and to do a voluntary prayer to Allah this year beforehand, that would be ok with you guys, right? Or if (Pagan woman) wanted us to meet in a Goddess temple and invoke the spirit over our heads with a magic wand, that would be ok with you guys since you didn't have to chant along with her?"
(Note: I know a lot of Pagans, and this woman is the only one I've ever heard of who actually had a magic wand...I'm not trying to misrepresent a group here and I'm not sure what sort of overlapping beliefs she had that led to the wand)
That kind of got their attention and shocked them and my own park leader stood up and stared at me aghast and said she wasn't gonna be a part of PATH anymore, and (Pagan woman) thanked me in a very heartfelt way for stating what she'd been trying to state in a way that got the point across. Really I don't think she even necessarily wanted to change the group - she went on to start her own group and it's taken off pretty well really - she just wanted the group to stop sitting on this fence that it was and turning a blind eye to reality. You either are or are not a Christian organization, and either can be ok, but to be one and say you're not one is just ridiculous and will always lead to fallout.
And this is the thing. Our nation was built on religious freedom, as an all-inclusive place for people of all faiths...by Christian men who put God on the money, the Bible in the courtroom and prayer in every ceremony.
We've SAID that inclusiveness and unaffiliation is what we're about so loud and so long but when there is a movement to do anything that directly contradicts Judeo-Christian values it's this massive scandal and people get really hateful and really ugly about it fast, like everyone was supposed to go on honoring some unspoken honor code that really we're Christian at heart regardless of all that rhetoric.
And, once again, I find myself in this situation where it's glaringly obvious to me that all these non-Christian people really do HAVE A FREAKIN' POINT because if you step outside of your faith-bubble and look at these issues, like gay marriage for instance? Well. It isn't even an issue anymore at all. Basically I'm looking around with an objective viewpoint and thinking well damn, it is kind of screwed up that Jews and Atheists have to swear on a Christian Bible in court and ridiculous that Pagan children are supposed to be saying "one nation under God" in the classroom at a public school and WHY, exactly, if their hospitals and universities are so heavily subsidized with government funds is the Catholic Church a tax exempt entity? What in the hell in a free society with a separation of church and state could possibly prohibit two men in love from having a non-religious, civil marriage?
And I am always fearing that, once again, the Christian people I know are going to stand up aghast and walk out of my life for saying these things.
PATH at this point is truly an unaffilliated group - there was a sort of mass exodus of people who wanted a religious group, and they went on to join LIGHT (Leaders in Godly Home Training, which I continue to think sounds cult-like) or Archangels (the Catholic one) or what have you. Pagan Lady founded a scientific and skeptically minded one that is clearly, even by it's name, not geared towards people of faith. I can think of many church-going families in PATH now, though, including an Orthodox Christian family and some quiverfull people with 11 kids, but there are also plenty of openly atheistic and agnostic ones. There was a Buddhist single mom coming for a long time. The dust has settled, as it were. This isn't a "thing" anymore.
What strikes me is that EVEN THOUGH we don't pray before tests anymore and EVEN THOUGH Pagan Lady is occasionally part of our field trips/activities and EVEN THOUGH my super new age/culturally Jewish friend Michelle feels safe saying she needs a totally non-Christian enrichment option to a group of us... ALL THE CHRISTIANS ARE STILL CHRISTIAN. Practicing, unembarrassed, unpersecuted and members of a group that is serving them well with field trips, activities and friendships for their kids. Orthodox mom reminds atheist mom that her kids can't do Friday nights cuz that's youth group and she goes "Oh that's right!" and their oldest sons debate whether there is a God. One kid is gay and periodically someone tactfully explains that to a newbie when the teenage social circles are getting especially complex. The mom who hosts most of the older-kid get togethers has a talk with each parent about what their comfort zones are for things like media, separation of boys and girls, language and so on to make sure she's not stepping on anybody's toes.
THAT'S IT. It's really not that damned scary or terrible for anybody!
I would like to see a similar outcome in the grand scale, for this country.
I think all the time that we're having the grand scale version of those 10 hours worth of painful, awkward, tear-streaked meetings - all acted out in the news. We had the woman who administered testing walk out when the prayer stop, I had my co-leader quit, like I said there was quite a lot of crappy drama involved in the evolution that took place. But in the end I really think it's ok. I think we can all just be ok.
The group was founded, on paper, to be a non-denominational and religiously unaffiliated support group for any and all homeschooling families. That's how all the by-laws were written and it's how the official statement appeared on the website. However, all the actual founders did happen to be Christian women, and all the available free meeting places were usually church spaces, and it seemed like the most natural thing in the world to have someone say a prayer before testing or graduation ceremonies.
As time passed, members seemed to flow in two different ways, with two different mindsets; there were the people who found us online or through phone calls and were drawn in by the lack of religious affiliation, and then there were the people who actually saw us (at a church) or knew us through an existing (Christian) member. The second group had no idea the by-laws/website were the way they were, and the first group was a bit disillusioned and started some tense conversations, as they arrived. The general consensus seemed for awhile to be that we welcomed people of any faith even though we ourselves were mostly Christian, and we didn't consider anyone obligated to participate in the prayers that were said and thus, by-laws were totally being upheld. That's kind of shaky but it sort of worked most of the time, having our cake and eating it too.
I felt awful several times when hopeful other-faithed families visited and then never came back, because it was clearly a group of Christians who seemed oblivious that they were in any way "Acting Christian".
Until we got a practicing Pagan woman who quickly rose to leadership by putting in many volunteer hours and offering up her house and resources for gatherings/chess club/etc. This was during the time I was a park group co-leader, along with a woman who was definitely led in via church sightings and horrified by the idea that a practicing Pagan could still exist at all - let alone in our midst.
By this point in my own life I already had a very good internet friend and 2 RL friends who were Pagan and so the PATH-Pagan was really not a big deal to me in the slightest.
That school year, I spent about 10 hours in early Saturday morning meetings that were TORTUROUS, tedious and exhausting. Basically, we had the (devoutly Mormon, current vocal Tea Party-er) president (who I actually love, don't get me wrong), several "lapsed Protestant" sort of women who were shocked by anything that fell outside of Judeo-Christian values even though they were not really actively religious in any way, a Jewish-born-atheist-minded mom, this Pagan woman I mentioned, and myself. We would go (literally) around and around in circles about how the papers printed in the middle of us clearly stated that we were not in any way a religious group and that we welcomed people of all faiths - and somehow, none of the non-Pagan women present there but me and the Jewish Atheist could understand in the slightest how meeting in churches and praying before testing conflicted with that.
They kept saying "We're not in the church to worship and the prayer is voluntary!" as though that truly meant they were being non-religious and all inclusive? I had to like, shout over everyone and say, "Ok, so if a Muslim family wanted us to meet in a Mosque for testing since the Mosque community room just happened to be available, and to do a voluntary prayer to Allah this year beforehand, that would be ok with you guys, right? Or if (Pagan woman) wanted us to meet in a Goddess temple and invoke the spirit over our heads with a magic wand, that would be ok with you guys since you didn't have to chant along with her?"
(Note: I know a lot of Pagans, and this woman is the only one I've ever heard of who actually had a magic wand...I'm not trying to misrepresent a group here and I'm not sure what sort of overlapping beliefs she had that led to the wand)
That kind of got their attention and shocked them and my own park leader stood up and stared at me aghast and said she wasn't gonna be a part of PATH anymore, and (Pagan woman) thanked me in a very heartfelt way for stating what she'd been trying to state in a way that got the point across. Really I don't think she even necessarily wanted to change the group - she went on to start her own group and it's taken off pretty well really - she just wanted the group to stop sitting on this fence that it was and turning a blind eye to reality. You either are or are not a Christian organization, and either can be ok, but to be one and say you're not one is just ridiculous and will always lead to fallout.
And this is the thing. Our nation was built on religious freedom, as an all-inclusive place for people of all faiths...by Christian men who put God on the money, the Bible in the courtroom and prayer in every ceremony.
We've SAID that inclusiveness and unaffiliation is what we're about so loud and so long but when there is a movement to do anything that directly contradicts Judeo-Christian values it's this massive scandal and people get really hateful and really ugly about it fast, like everyone was supposed to go on honoring some unspoken honor code that really we're Christian at heart regardless of all that rhetoric.
And, once again, I find myself in this situation where it's glaringly obvious to me that all these non-Christian people really do HAVE A FREAKIN' POINT because if you step outside of your faith-bubble and look at these issues, like gay marriage for instance? Well. It isn't even an issue anymore at all. Basically I'm looking around with an objective viewpoint and thinking well damn, it is kind of screwed up that Jews and Atheists have to swear on a Christian Bible in court and ridiculous that Pagan children are supposed to be saying "one nation under God" in the classroom at a public school and WHY, exactly, if their hospitals and universities are so heavily subsidized with government funds is the Catholic Church a tax exempt entity? What in the hell in a free society with a separation of church and state could possibly prohibit two men in love from having a non-religious, civil marriage?
And I am always fearing that, once again, the Christian people I know are going to stand up aghast and walk out of my life for saying these things.
PATH at this point is truly an unaffilliated group - there was a sort of mass exodus of people who wanted a religious group, and they went on to join LIGHT (Leaders in Godly Home Training, which I continue to think sounds cult-like) or Archangels (the Catholic one) or what have you. Pagan Lady founded a scientific and skeptically minded one that is clearly, even by it's name, not geared towards people of faith. I can think of many church-going families in PATH now, though, including an Orthodox Christian family and some quiverfull people with 11 kids, but there are also plenty of openly atheistic and agnostic ones. There was a Buddhist single mom coming for a long time. The dust has settled, as it were. This isn't a "thing" anymore.
What strikes me is that EVEN THOUGH we don't pray before tests anymore and EVEN THOUGH Pagan Lady is occasionally part of our field trips/activities and EVEN THOUGH my super new age/culturally Jewish friend Michelle feels safe saying she needs a totally non-Christian enrichment option to a group of us... ALL THE CHRISTIANS ARE STILL CHRISTIAN. Practicing, unembarrassed, unpersecuted and members of a group that is serving them well with field trips, activities and friendships for their kids. Orthodox mom reminds atheist mom that her kids can't do Friday nights cuz that's youth group and she goes "Oh that's right!" and their oldest sons debate whether there is a God. One kid is gay and periodically someone tactfully explains that to a newbie when the teenage social circles are getting especially complex. The mom who hosts most of the older-kid get togethers has a talk with each parent about what their comfort zones are for things like media, separation of boys and girls, language and so on to make sure she's not stepping on anybody's toes.
THAT'S IT. It's really not that damned scary or terrible for anybody!
I would like to see a similar outcome in the grand scale, for this country.
I think all the time that we're having the grand scale version of those 10 hours worth of painful, awkward, tear-streaked meetings - all acted out in the news. We had the woman who administered testing walk out when the prayer stop, I had my co-leader quit, like I said there was quite a lot of crappy drama involved in the evolution that took place. But in the end I really think it's ok. I think we can all just be ok.
