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Jan. 18th, 2012 01:18 pmOnce upon a time, during the years we were separated, Grant dated this chick who I thought was pretty cool. We never hung out daily, but when we DID talk, we understood each other on what seemed to me to be a pretty deep level. She's told me a lot of stuff I'm fairly certain she wasn't in the habit of sharing with others, at least at the time, over the years. She brought Ananda a great oriental tea set when she was a toddler. I let her read my top-secret ultra-ridiculous first memoir-style novel that almost nobody ever saw, 10 years ago. She was on the filter when I posted some heavily filtered nude pics to get trusted peeps to understand my diastasis, a year and a half or so ago. She was RIGHTEOUSLY pissed about the trolling of this lj in 2007, when our family was in crisis, and really lifted me up a few times with her defense of our lives/parenting.
We would run into each other now and then because this is a small town, and some of her best friends are old friends of mine, too.
She has a sister who I shared way less with, but the sister had a daughter born the same week as Elise. So there was that. We went to some birthday parties of each others' girls and we talked about medical stuff with both of them. I really felt terrible about various super hard things she went through with her girl, and that seemed very mutual, albeit often just virtual. Mostly I just "liked" this sister's kid pics on facebook, thought it was a weird meeting of worlds when her circle crossed over mine and Kristin's in facebook group shots, and congratulated her on some very hard-earned weight loss and how badass she was looking semi-regularly.
This sister's daughter and Elise go to the same preschool. They're in the same classroom.
So. Several weeks back a pic went up on facebook of both of these two ladies together. The first, the one I felt like was a real friend of mine and like we could cash that in and start hanging out any year we wanted to, was making a wack face. The other one, with the daughter, looked awesome (and had posted the pic). We (all 3 of us, and others) joked and argued in the comment thread about how sister #2 had thrown sister #1 under the bus. I said something lighthearted about revenge.
Then my husband, who does not understand women's feelings about pictures and never seems to know where the damned line is, with humor, posted a sort of "retaliation" shot of sister #2 from way back in the day when he and sister #1 were dating. He did it with a caption kind of high-fiving sister #1 like he was helping her out, but. It was EXTREMELY terrible, in the worst expression, worst lighting, oh my God burn that sort of way. I was 100% sure nobody was gonna think it was a good idea except him and basically begged him to take it down, which started an argument and a shitty evening for us, since it's an old sore spot for both of us that I hate it when he shares things online that I wouldn't want him to and he feels like it's his right to share what he wants and blah blah blah.
Well. Within a few hours of waking up the next morning, sure enough, sister #2 had not just gotten pissed but said GRANT AND I BOTH (like I had thing fucking one to do with it????) were assholes and that "they" (meaning both sisters) had been meaning to un-friend both of us for a long time anyway and this just gave them a good excuse.
(at this point Grant and my morning/day together was also doomed)
I have NO IDEA what this ("assholes anyway"?) was about overall. Like...my Occupy entries, if they even read my lj? Or, what I thought was a minor disagreement about politics in a thread the month previous...? Seriously, this is baffling to me. That is grasping at straws. I had just been talking with sister #2 on fb about how she lost all the weight literally the week before and it seemed like it was all good. I had been joking with sister #1 about fb pictures on chat like a week before that. Last summer it was reaffirmed over and over by sister #2 that Elise and her daughter were gonna be the coolest kids at the preschool and instant bffs.
I decided I may have actually unintentionally offended someone, and I know that both of them are sensitive about high school pictures, and I imagine that it seemed like G and I were in it together? So I totally disregarded the unwaranted bitchiness towards me to send them each apology messages on fb, assuring them I had NOTHING to do with the bad pic being posted, that I warned him and then said I told you so, that my defense of their side in this issue had actually ruined my weekend with my husband, etc.
No response.
Both of them unfriended me.
I was honestly shocked. I mean...what?
So now when Elise has a preschool function or, you know, I HAVE TO PICK HER UP AND DROP HER OFF EVERY SINGLE DAY, or whatever, there's often an Encounter with Sister #2, who does this really mature stone-stiff-back-to-me silent treatment thing. Like today when I literally had to SQUEEZE PAST THIS WOMAN to get to Elise's classroom, and told her that her gas door on her car was open - you know, to be courteous? - and she squared her shoulders and angled herself away from me more in front of other adults, like I don't exist.
Because...my husband posted an unflattering picture of her on facebook weeks ago...against my will...that I eventually forced him to take down? Or because of the mysterious assholery I'm not privileged enough to know about? I'm a pretty direct person, I don't expect my friends to be yes-men - I hang out with a huge spectrum of different kinds of folks and it is TOTALLY A-OK to me to be be "engaged", you know? I'm alright with disagreeing or learning from people. Nobody needs to tiptoe around me, I am chill as chill can be and do not fear verbal confrontation.
This honestly blows my mind. This town is too small to stubbornly hold grudges over bullshit. We're there to pick up our four year olds, who play together on the playground like rational human beings every day O_O
Still and all, with the frequent contact, it still actually HURTS in a completely different way that is way worse, that sister #1 would just cut me out like it was nothing over something I still can't even identify. I sort of cling to the hope that it's just familial solidarity with somebody who was feeling publicly humiliated, which I can sort of understand. Ish. Because I actually love her.
We would run into each other now and then because this is a small town, and some of her best friends are old friends of mine, too.
She has a sister who I shared way less with, but the sister had a daughter born the same week as Elise. So there was that. We went to some birthday parties of each others' girls and we talked about medical stuff with both of them. I really felt terrible about various super hard things she went through with her girl, and that seemed very mutual, albeit often just virtual. Mostly I just "liked" this sister's kid pics on facebook, thought it was a weird meeting of worlds when her circle crossed over mine and Kristin's in facebook group shots, and congratulated her on some very hard-earned weight loss and how badass she was looking semi-regularly.
This sister's daughter and Elise go to the same preschool. They're in the same classroom.
So. Several weeks back a pic went up on facebook of both of these two ladies together. The first, the one I felt like was a real friend of mine and like we could cash that in and start hanging out any year we wanted to, was making a wack face. The other one, with the daughter, looked awesome (and had posted the pic). We (all 3 of us, and others) joked and argued in the comment thread about how sister #2 had thrown sister #1 under the bus. I said something lighthearted about revenge.
Then my husband, who does not understand women's feelings about pictures and never seems to know where the damned line is, with humor, posted a sort of "retaliation" shot of sister #2 from way back in the day when he and sister #1 were dating. He did it with a caption kind of high-fiving sister #1 like he was helping her out, but. It was EXTREMELY terrible, in the worst expression, worst lighting, oh my God burn that sort of way. I was 100% sure nobody was gonna think it was a good idea except him and basically begged him to take it down, which started an argument and a shitty evening for us, since it's an old sore spot for both of us that I hate it when he shares things online that I wouldn't want him to and he feels like it's his right to share what he wants and blah blah blah.
Well. Within a few hours of waking up the next morning, sure enough, sister #2 had not just gotten pissed but said GRANT AND I BOTH (like I had thing fucking one to do with it????) were assholes and that "they" (meaning both sisters) had been meaning to un-friend both of us for a long time anyway and this just gave them a good excuse.
(at this point Grant and my morning/day together was also doomed)
I have NO IDEA what this ("assholes anyway"?) was about overall. Like...my Occupy entries, if they even read my lj? Or, what I thought was a minor disagreement about politics in a thread the month previous...? Seriously, this is baffling to me. That is grasping at straws. I had just been talking with sister #2 on fb about how she lost all the weight literally the week before and it seemed like it was all good. I had been joking with sister #1 about fb pictures on chat like a week before that. Last summer it was reaffirmed over and over by sister #2 that Elise and her daughter were gonna be the coolest kids at the preschool and instant bffs.
I decided I may have actually unintentionally offended someone, and I know that both of them are sensitive about high school pictures, and I imagine that it seemed like G and I were in it together? So I totally disregarded the unwaranted bitchiness towards me to send them each apology messages on fb, assuring them I had NOTHING to do with the bad pic being posted, that I warned him and then said I told you so, that my defense of their side in this issue had actually ruined my weekend with my husband, etc.
No response.
Both of them unfriended me.
I was honestly shocked. I mean...what?
So now when Elise has a preschool function or, you know, I HAVE TO PICK HER UP AND DROP HER OFF EVERY SINGLE DAY, or whatever, there's often an Encounter with Sister #2, who does this really mature stone-stiff-back-to-me silent treatment thing. Like today when I literally had to SQUEEZE PAST THIS WOMAN to get to Elise's classroom, and told her that her gas door on her car was open - you know, to be courteous? - and she squared her shoulders and angled herself away from me more in front of other adults, like I don't exist.
Because...my husband posted an unflattering picture of her on facebook weeks ago...against my will...that I eventually forced him to take down? Or because of the mysterious assholery I'm not privileged enough to know about? I'm a pretty direct person, I don't expect my friends to be yes-men - I hang out with a huge spectrum of different kinds of folks and it is TOTALLY A-OK to me to be be "engaged", you know? I'm alright with disagreeing or learning from people. Nobody needs to tiptoe around me, I am chill as chill can be and do not fear verbal confrontation.
This honestly blows my mind. This town is too small to stubbornly hold grudges over bullshit. We're there to pick up our four year olds, who play together on the playground like rational human beings every day O_O
Still and all, with the frequent contact, it still actually HURTS in a completely different way that is way worse, that sister #1 would just cut me out like it was nothing over something I still can't even identify. I sort of cling to the hope that it's just familial solidarity with somebody who was feeling publicly humiliated, which I can sort of understand. Ish. Because I actually love her.
