![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Dec. 6th, 2009 05:35 pmI have been hoarse and sleepy for over a week now.
Within the last 2 days we've made Pandora stations and CDs for the van, of Christmas music, and gotten a tree, and put it up and strung lights on it, and gotten things from the attic, and hung the stockings, and went driving around to look at lights, and been to Mass. All of a sudden it feels like we are in the middle of Advent. I really love it. I also drove by my Nana and Pa's old house on the way back from lights and burst into tears.
...
It's getting "cold" again.
Last night I made a ton of my chocolate banana cake. My recipe. A loaf for Robby, a loaf for Shaun, a loaf for us that dissapeared within MINUTES of being out of the oven, and a big bundt cake that is still in my kitchen waiting for a tea time.
I was laying in bed with Isaac last night, forehead to forehead, for a long time. We talked about so many things. I realized the perfect Christmas present for him would be a St Nicholas picture to hang on the wall by his bed - his medal gets lost all the time and he's always frantic to find it at bedtime.
He came out of the room the other morning, crying, telling me he had this horrible nightmare. He said he dreamed that all the other kids were having treats, and he wanted a treat, too, but he only had pie, and it was good pie but not as good as the treats. O_O That is Isaac for you.
I found out from someone who commented here that there have to be recessive genes for red hair on both sides, for a redheaded child to be born. I was like, "What?" about this at first, because I have no memories at all of any redheaded relatives ever and was just thinking it was from Grant's side. Then I remembered that everyone called my Nana's father "Pappy Red". He was old and gray when I knew him...but not always. We started spiking Isaac's hair up some, and it makes him look EXACTLY like Grant as a kid, coloring aside...it's nuts.
The night before last I was up with Ananda, in her bed. I read her almost all of Sarah, Plain and Tall - she wants the sequels now. But the big thing was...she talked to me. Like, really talked. My close-mouthed, dyslexic, cannot express herself daughter who I've fought and fought and finally given up on ever REALLY talking to me.
She told me about the kinds of things her friends Joanne and Karen were saying at Game Night, and what they're reading now, and what her friend Christina from PATH wanted to do on Thursday, and why it's hard to make friends at Dance Empire because there just isn't unstructured time. She told me what her brothers do that drives her crazy and how she really needs us to go back to being more scheduled like before Thanksgiving and when I got sick because she "just feels a lot happier" when we are. How mad she is at her bunnies for eating part of her wooden owl and then brainstorming how we could fix it. She told me she didn't want me to spend the night because she likes having the bed to herself, and how her strapless bras are the best ones but they're a pain because after one wear they've gotta go through the wash again to fit right.
She never talks to me. She tells on people, answers my questions, asks for stuff, says the prayer at dinner if it's her turn. Sometimes she'll interrupt Aaron to quote a movie or recount something from earlier in the day RIGHT (because he's doing it wrong). That's like...it.
There've been some little things since then. Like she admitted to me this afternoon that she doesn't want to ride bikes together anymore because her seat is hurting her. That's really simple stuff, but not something she would normally tell me. She just quit riding a couple of weeks ago and has refused and gotten silent and tried to leave whenever I bring it up, even though it used to be a favorite activity. I ask why and she makes depressed sounds that add up to "I don't know" or "I just don't".
I really want this to be the dam breaking SO. BAD.
...I heard this accoustic rendition on that XM Radio station "The Coffee House" the other day. Natalie Merchant's "Wonder". I used to hear that all the time when I was a teenager, but not really since. It's Elise all over, I've been singing it with her.
Doctors have come
from distant cities
just to see me
stand over my bed
disbelieving what they're seeing
they say I must be one of the wonders
of god's own creation
and as far as they see they can offer
no explanation
newspapers ask
intimate questions
want confessions
they reach into my head
to steal the glory
of my story
they say I must be one of the wonders
of god's own creation
and as far as they see they can offer
no explanation
I believe
fate smiled and destiny
laughed as she came to my cradle
"know this child will be able"
laughed as my body she lifted
"know this child will be gifted
with love, with patience
and with faith
she'll make her way"
people see me
I'm a challenge
to your balance
I'm over your heads
how I confound you
and astound you
to know I must be one of the wonders
of god's own creation
and as far as you see you can offer me
no explanation
I believe
fate smiled and destiny
laughed as she came to my cradle
"know this child will be able"
laughed as she came to my mother
"know this child will not suffer"
laughed as my body she lifted
"know this child will be gifted
with love, with patience
and with faith
she'll make her way"
I suppose I should be helping my children turn candy canes into reindeer ornaments now.
Within the last 2 days we've made Pandora stations and CDs for the van, of Christmas music, and gotten a tree, and put it up and strung lights on it, and gotten things from the attic, and hung the stockings, and went driving around to look at lights, and been to Mass. All of a sudden it feels like we are in the middle of Advent. I really love it. I also drove by my Nana and Pa's old house on the way back from lights and burst into tears.
...
It's getting "cold" again.
Last night I made a ton of my chocolate banana cake. My recipe. A loaf for Robby, a loaf for Shaun, a loaf for us that dissapeared within MINUTES of being out of the oven, and a big bundt cake that is still in my kitchen waiting for a tea time.
I was laying in bed with Isaac last night, forehead to forehead, for a long time. We talked about so many things. I realized the perfect Christmas present for him would be a St Nicholas picture to hang on the wall by his bed - his medal gets lost all the time and he's always frantic to find it at bedtime.
He came out of the room the other morning, crying, telling me he had this horrible nightmare. He said he dreamed that all the other kids were having treats, and he wanted a treat, too, but he only had pie, and it was good pie but not as good as the treats. O_O That is Isaac for you.
I found out from someone who commented here that there have to be recessive genes for red hair on both sides, for a redheaded child to be born. I was like, "What?" about this at first, because I have no memories at all of any redheaded relatives ever and was just thinking it was from Grant's side. Then I remembered that everyone called my Nana's father "Pappy Red". He was old and gray when I knew him...but not always. We started spiking Isaac's hair up some, and it makes him look EXACTLY like Grant as a kid, coloring aside...it's nuts.
The night before last I was up with Ananda, in her bed. I read her almost all of Sarah, Plain and Tall - she wants the sequels now. But the big thing was...she talked to me. Like, really talked. My close-mouthed, dyslexic, cannot express herself daughter who I've fought and fought and finally given up on ever REALLY talking to me.
She told me about the kinds of things her friends Joanne and Karen were saying at Game Night, and what they're reading now, and what her friend Christina from PATH wanted to do on Thursday, and why it's hard to make friends at Dance Empire because there just isn't unstructured time. She told me what her brothers do that drives her crazy and how she really needs us to go back to being more scheduled like before Thanksgiving and when I got sick because she "just feels a lot happier" when we are. How mad she is at her bunnies for eating part of her wooden owl and then brainstorming how we could fix it. She told me she didn't want me to spend the night because she likes having the bed to herself, and how her strapless bras are the best ones but they're a pain because after one wear they've gotta go through the wash again to fit right.
She never talks to me. She tells on people, answers my questions, asks for stuff, says the prayer at dinner if it's her turn. Sometimes she'll interrupt Aaron to quote a movie or recount something from earlier in the day RIGHT (because he's doing it wrong). That's like...it.
There've been some little things since then. Like she admitted to me this afternoon that she doesn't want to ride bikes together anymore because her seat is hurting her. That's really simple stuff, but not something she would normally tell me. She just quit riding a couple of weeks ago and has refused and gotten silent and tried to leave whenever I bring it up, even though it used to be a favorite activity. I ask why and she makes depressed sounds that add up to "I don't know" or "I just don't".
I really want this to be the dam breaking SO. BAD.
...I heard this accoustic rendition on that XM Radio station "The Coffee House" the other day. Natalie Merchant's "Wonder". I used to hear that all the time when I was a teenager, but not really since. It's Elise all over, I've been singing it with her.
Doctors have come
from distant cities
just to see me
stand over my bed
disbelieving what they're seeing
they say I must be one of the wonders
of god's own creation
and as far as they see they can offer
no explanation
newspapers ask
intimate questions
want confessions
they reach into my head
to steal the glory
of my story
they say I must be one of the wonders
of god's own creation
and as far as they see they can offer
no explanation
I believe
fate smiled and destiny
laughed as she came to my cradle
"know this child will be able"
laughed as my body she lifted
"know this child will be gifted
with love, with patience
and with faith
she'll make her way"
people see me
I'm a challenge
to your balance
I'm over your heads
how I confound you
and astound you
to know I must be one of the wonders
of god's own creation
and as far as you see you can offer me
no explanation
I believe
fate smiled and destiny
laughed as she came to my cradle
"know this child will be able"
laughed as she came to my mother
"know this child will not suffer"
laughed as my body she lifted
"know this child will be gifted
with love, with patience
and with faith
she'll make her way"
I suppose I should be helping my children turn candy canes into reindeer ornaments now.
