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Jul. 11th, 2009 12:06 amI've had Anne Rice's Called Out of Darkness sitting on one of my bookshelves for months. I never started it before because, I am ashamed to say, I just assumed that her non-fiction account of her faith in God couldn't possibly be as riveting as her stories of vampires and sex slave islands.
I was totally wrong. This is rich and spellbinding and I had to TEAR myself away after two chapters. It's personal for me, granted, because she's recalling memories of early faith and her mother, and I am a mother to young kids who will one day look back, and because I was a child a lot like her, from the description she gives... but I want to beg Grant to read it because there's just no way he could read it, and not also be spellbound. Not suddenly understand what pulls me towards Catholic churches so strongly.
It does not hurt that I've lived all my life in hot, humid tropical places bursting with flowers and vines, and so I can really picture everything she describes in an informed and familiar way. New Orleans and Key West are so parallel, right down to being gutwrenchingly fragile in their below-sea-level, on-the-hurricane-path ways.
I had taken that and The Theology of the Body Explained out to the tv room with me, in the quiet sleeping house, because I want to understand and have peace about The Church, and sex. So badly. Tonight my husband pulled my "Well, my husband doesn't want to go to Catholic Church or Orthodox Church and so I'm supporting him by remaining in the Protestant place" rug out from under me by urging me to go to Mass again because he can tell I need it, what with my Nana post-stroke and possibly near death.
I miss the time when I had my own Pastor to talk to about anything and everything spiritual and personal, all the time in the flesh, and two other Pastors I called and wrote to when I wasn't seeing them at some denominational event. I miss moving through the Christian year. I NEED Lent, and Advent, and fasting. There was a time when I just panicked and mourned over how the Diciples of Christ are falling by the wayside as time passes and aren't available to me anymore; now I wonder if they weren't just an echo of something else that is still there, just like it always has been.
I even miss my amazingly intuitive and over qualified high school guidance counselor (an agnostic Jew-by-birth) who helped me so much, for years, as a teen. I hate this place that I've been in where if I am seeking guidance - not talking to friends and venting to sisters or dumping in a journal online but seeking guidance and wanting direction and clarity - I have to pay someone by the hour.
City Church is a thought provoking worship experience, it's sometimes been a place I felt the Spirit, it's fun and the kids absolutely love it. But there is no support for established Christians. It's another one of these "get people converted to Christianity" churches where every Sunday is about why you should believe in Jesus, and/or why you are absolutely right to already believe in Jesus. That has it's place, but I haven't doubted Jesus for, oh... 12 years now?
Here it is after 1 am and I'm glad I stayed up, because of the book and also responding to a "15 Poems That Have Stuck With You" tagging I got on facebook with my own answers - that was good, and just...peace and quiet. But I have to get up early tomorrow. It's gonna go like this:
8:00 - out of bed, waking children, starting to delegate chores as I make blueberry pancakes and cheesy scrambled eggs; then we have breakfast
8:45 - finding shoes, doing Ananda's bun, packing a bag full of pineapples and blueberries and crackers and water, grabbing my book and my iPod, making sure the cats are fed, etc.
9:10ish - leave to take Ananda to dance. This is a half hour drive, probably featuring lots of conversation and some song requests.
9:45 - drop Ananda off at dance, take other four kids to the zoo (only 3 miles from there, and we have an annual membership). Look at exhibits for awhile, but mostly play in the splash pads and have snacks. At least one bathroom trip.
12:45 - pick up Ananda, head to Grant's work to take him to lunch. This is a 15 minute drive that will mostly be me finding out all about how Annie's classes went and her brothers telling her how the zoo was
1:00 - get Grant, go to the subshop, which is a cool little place who's owner is always there and knows us. Very low key and empty on Saturdays, too, since it's in a business district.
2:00 - drop Grant back off at work, head back down to Homestead, to the bookstore. 35 minutes in the van, most likely I will put in an educational dvd and tune them out for it. Elise and Jake will nap the whole time while the other 3 act like zombies.
2:40 - walk into our local bookstore. Ananda wants the next Spiderwick Chronicles book, she's ready for #5. It's mostly social, though, the owner and her kids are friends, and then at 4:00 free karate starts in the back room and Aaron and possibly Ananda/Isaac are going to be doing that. Some amount of time will be devoted to reading to Elise and Jake, trying to get Isaac to stop whining, and taking people to the bathroom, but mostly they like it there and amuse themselves with coloring and games in the children's area, or the big saltwater fish tank with step stool. I'll read at least some.
5:00 or so - get home. Make everyone put their shoes away and do a couple of very minor chores. Free time for awhile. Annie will devour half of her book while Aaron unicycles and the little kids play pretend games, I will veg on the computer or talk to my mother on the phone. If I'm really with it and there is not a need for conversation from Lakeland, I may use the Wii Fit for awhile.
6:30 - Quiet Time. We do it for half an hour every day now, but not at a set time. Ananda works on book reports for all of her voluntary reading, since she needs more spelling, handwriting and grammar practice, and Aaron reads, since he loves it when I tell him it's time but never instigates it otherwise. I try to encourage Isaac and Jake to play games or color, but often end up shooing all three of the youngest outside for the duration
7:00 - it will be cool by then, so I'll practice bike riding with Annie again. She is finally getting it, but she may be hesitant at first since she SCRAPED HER FACE ON THE STREET today. We just do about 15 minutes at a time because that's all the falling repeatedly she can handle. She's almost there, though, she got half a block done at once today, twice.
7:20 - start quick cheating dinner of frozen things that go in the oven or pots since it's a hectic day - fish, peas, onion rings.
8:00 - Grant gets home, we eat dinner.
9:30 - start brushing kids' teeth, reading them books - The Mysterious Benedict Society for Ananda and Aaron, The BFG or classic Pooh for Isaac, Amelia Bedelia for Jake and who knows what for Elise. Off to bed with all of them at 10 or so.
10 or so - Grant and I watch newest episode of Kings and since he doesn't have to work for the next four days, actually get to go to bed together, like at the same time.
See? I've basically already done it :p
I was totally wrong. This is rich and spellbinding and I had to TEAR myself away after two chapters. It's personal for me, granted, because she's recalling memories of early faith and her mother, and I am a mother to young kids who will one day look back, and because I was a child a lot like her, from the description she gives... but I want to beg Grant to read it because there's just no way he could read it, and not also be spellbound. Not suddenly understand what pulls me towards Catholic churches so strongly.
It does not hurt that I've lived all my life in hot, humid tropical places bursting with flowers and vines, and so I can really picture everything she describes in an informed and familiar way. New Orleans and Key West are so parallel, right down to being gutwrenchingly fragile in their below-sea-level, on-the-hurricane-path ways.
I had taken that and The Theology of the Body Explained out to the tv room with me, in the quiet sleeping house, because I want to understand and have peace about The Church, and sex. So badly. Tonight my husband pulled my "Well, my husband doesn't want to go to Catholic Church or Orthodox Church and so I'm supporting him by remaining in the Protestant place" rug out from under me by urging me to go to Mass again because he can tell I need it, what with my Nana post-stroke and possibly near death.
I miss the time when I had my own Pastor to talk to about anything and everything spiritual and personal, all the time in the flesh, and two other Pastors I called and wrote to when I wasn't seeing them at some denominational event. I miss moving through the Christian year. I NEED Lent, and Advent, and fasting. There was a time when I just panicked and mourned over how the Diciples of Christ are falling by the wayside as time passes and aren't available to me anymore; now I wonder if they weren't just an echo of something else that is still there, just like it always has been.
I even miss my amazingly intuitive and over qualified high school guidance counselor (an agnostic Jew-by-birth) who helped me so much, for years, as a teen. I hate this place that I've been in where if I am seeking guidance - not talking to friends and venting to sisters or dumping in a journal online but seeking guidance and wanting direction and clarity - I have to pay someone by the hour.
City Church is a thought provoking worship experience, it's sometimes been a place I felt the Spirit, it's fun and the kids absolutely love it. But there is no support for established Christians. It's another one of these "get people converted to Christianity" churches where every Sunday is about why you should believe in Jesus, and/or why you are absolutely right to already believe in Jesus. That has it's place, but I haven't doubted Jesus for, oh... 12 years now?
Here it is after 1 am and I'm glad I stayed up, because of the book and also responding to a "15 Poems That Have Stuck With You" tagging I got on facebook with my own answers - that was good, and just...peace and quiet. But I have to get up early tomorrow. It's gonna go like this:
8:00 - out of bed, waking children, starting to delegate chores as I make blueberry pancakes and cheesy scrambled eggs; then we have breakfast
8:45 - finding shoes, doing Ananda's bun, packing a bag full of pineapples and blueberries and crackers and water, grabbing my book and my iPod, making sure the cats are fed, etc.
9:10ish - leave to take Ananda to dance. This is a half hour drive, probably featuring lots of conversation and some song requests.
9:45 - drop Ananda off at dance, take other four kids to the zoo (only 3 miles from there, and we have an annual membership). Look at exhibits for awhile, but mostly play in the splash pads and have snacks. At least one bathroom trip.
12:45 - pick up Ananda, head to Grant's work to take him to lunch. This is a 15 minute drive that will mostly be me finding out all about how Annie's classes went and her brothers telling her how the zoo was
1:00 - get Grant, go to the subshop, which is a cool little place who's owner is always there and knows us. Very low key and empty on Saturdays, too, since it's in a business district.
2:00 - drop Grant back off at work, head back down to Homestead, to the bookstore. 35 minutes in the van, most likely I will put in an educational dvd and tune them out for it. Elise and Jake will nap the whole time while the other 3 act like zombies.
2:40 - walk into our local bookstore. Ananda wants the next Spiderwick Chronicles book, she's ready for #5. It's mostly social, though, the owner and her kids are friends, and then at 4:00 free karate starts in the back room and Aaron and possibly Ananda/Isaac are going to be doing that. Some amount of time will be devoted to reading to Elise and Jake, trying to get Isaac to stop whining, and taking people to the bathroom, but mostly they like it there and amuse themselves with coloring and games in the children's area, or the big saltwater fish tank with step stool. I'll read at least some.
5:00 or so - get home. Make everyone put their shoes away and do a couple of very minor chores. Free time for awhile. Annie will devour half of her book while Aaron unicycles and the little kids play pretend games, I will veg on the computer or talk to my mother on the phone. If I'm really with it and there is not a need for conversation from Lakeland, I may use the Wii Fit for awhile.
6:30 - Quiet Time. We do it for half an hour every day now, but not at a set time. Ananda works on book reports for all of her voluntary reading, since she needs more spelling, handwriting and grammar practice, and Aaron reads, since he loves it when I tell him it's time but never instigates it otherwise. I try to encourage Isaac and Jake to play games or color, but often end up shooing all three of the youngest outside for the duration
7:00 - it will be cool by then, so I'll practice bike riding with Annie again. She is finally getting it, but she may be hesitant at first since she SCRAPED HER FACE ON THE STREET today. We just do about 15 minutes at a time because that's all the falling repeatedly she can handle. She's almost there, though, she got half a block done at once today, twice.
7:20 - start quick cheating dinner of frozen things that go in the oven or pots since it's a hectic day - fish, peas, onion rings.
8:00 - Grant gets home, we eat dinner.
9:30 - start brushing kids' teeth, reading them books - The Mysterious Benedict Society for Ananda and Aaron, The BFG or classic Pooh for Isaac, Amelia Bedelia for Jake and who knows what for Elise. Off to bed with all of them at 10 or so.
10 or so - Grant and I watch newest episode of Kings and since he doesn't have to work for the next four days, actually get to go to bed together, like at the same time.
See? I've basically already done it :p
